


Deviating from the Norm

by GoatEatingToilet



Category: Freaks and Geeks
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Confusion, Drama, Drug Use, Explicit Language, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Humor, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Sexual Content, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-20
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-02-05 10:04:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 156,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1814572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoatEatingToilet/pseuds/GoatEatingToilet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you asked me a few months ago, I would have told you I'd never be caught dead hanging out with the freaks. Life's full of complications and lots of things can change in a couple of months, though… lots of things. Still, falling for one? No one could have predicted that. (OC POV. Follows show ep by ep, but starts before episode 1. AU. Slow burn. Revised on 1/30/2017).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. “Sticks and stones…”

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I did not create nor do I own any of the characters in this story except Donovan Matsen. No copyright infringement is intended.
> 
> I apologize in advance if I do a horrible job of capturing the personalities of the original characters correctly. I have a somewhat bad habit of reforming predesigned characters to my own style when writing about them. This is also my first real attempt at writing in first person (I’m far more comfortable writing in third person), so forgive the awkwardness if I absentmindedly switch to third person every now and then. Lastly, I tend to make my stories dialogue heavy.  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Freaks and Geeks, as well as any other trademarked, copyrighted TV series/movie/intellectual property mentioned within this story all belong to their respective owners. I did not create nor do I own any of the music referenced or characters used in this story (except the Matsen family & other original characters). No copyright infringement is intended. This work is intended to be an alternative exploration of the original. No profit has been sought or is being made from this work. Furthermore, any similarities to other fanfiction stories are completely coincidental.
> 
> Adding this for the sake of clarity: Chapter 1 takes place *BEFORE* episode 1 of the show. Chapter 2 is where the show starts.

Another day at McKinley High… another abhorred, monotonous school day. I leaned back against the chain-link fence, cracking a few of the weather-worn plastic slats that had been placed in it decades ago as a privacy measure. The courtyard was never supposed to be a hangout for smokers, but that is what it eventually turned into as more and more kids realized that they would not be chastised for smoking on school grounds if they were in that area. It was quite apparent that the staff knew what was going on within the confines of the fenced space, but trying to stop it would be like pulling teeth. I guess they figured they had a better shot of smokers going back to their classes if they were still at school instead of being forced to leave for their nicotine fix.

I stared out in front of me, watching my friends joke around and take a drag off a cigarette every now and then. I use the term 'friends' far more comfortably now than I did when I first encountered them, because if you asked me a few months ago, I would have told you I'd never be caught dead hanging out with the freaks. They simply weren't my kind of clique, and our social standings were at complete opposite ends of the spectrum (jocks and burnouts coexisting? Not a chance). Lots of things can change in a couple of months, though... lots of things.

I wasn't formally welcomed or initiated into the group, not at first, but I guess there is a bit of hesitation in telling the 6'1" former defensive tackle of the McKinley Norsemen to take a hike. I started hanging around the patio just to get away from anyone who would want to talk to me, just so I could be by myself in a group of people who didn't want to know me anyway. I wasn't like any of the people who hung out there at all. I didn't wear band t-shirts, I didn't have long or greasy hair... hell, I didn't even like cigarettes thanks to growing up in a household with two chain-smokers. I was trying to be a recluse, but I had good reason. It wasn't until one of my new friends, Nick Andopolis, sparked up a conversation with me that I actually exited my shell a little. Well, it started out as Kim Kelly's attempt to press my buttons, but it grew into a conversation.

Even though I was a newcomer to the area, it was easy to spot the regulars, like the group of four that Kim and Nick were a part of. At first glance, they were your typical set of burnouts and didn't really stand out from the other packs in any shining way. The one thing I could say about them was that they all liked to talk... loudly. It was actually because of their loud conversations that I had learned all of their names, as well as bits of pieces of their dirty laundry. It wasn't that I attempted to eavesdrop on them... it was just a very open space where sound had a tendency to travel.

Kim had been giving me a judgmental stare for the better part of the week, almost like she had just noticed that I was one of those... things, one of those jocks, and I simply did not belong. She wouldn't have exactly been wrong, either.

"What's with the meathead in the corner?" she said to the rest of the group, but made sure she spoke loud enough for her taunt to be heard by me. "It's like, who the hell invited him back here?"

Her quip was more than enough to gain my attention and make me turn my head towards the group.

"Keep it down, loudmouth," her boyfriend, Daniel, seemingly hissed through a whisper, giving her a look like she was playing with fire.

Aside from that, none of the clique replied to her questions. As far as I could tell, they were all avidly trying to avoid even the temptation of looking my way. All of then, that was, except for Kim. She was staring a hole into me as my gaze shifted between the four clustered freaks. She looked pissed, as if my very presence in the area was an error and she was contemplating being the one to fix it. I decided to test the waters, not at all waiting for that little voice in my head to chirp up and stop me in time.

"I thought I would try hanging out with the cool kids for a change," I called back flatly with a quick, fake smile before turning my gaze back down to the notebook I had been scribbling in. _Shit. I shouldn't have said anything,_ I thought to myself. _Now they'll notice me more than ever._

I just couldn't help myself, it seemed; one snappy attitude deserved another. Honestly though, the girl and I even shared a current class together and she had no idea who I was. I turned my head slightly, trying to catch any reactions in my peripheral vision.

Daniel released a genuine, yet small laugh and turned his head my way. The guy had one hell of a smile and it was hard to tell if he was trying to be nice or just vindictive with it sometimes.

"Whatever," Kim said, rolling her eyes. I found that she did that a lot, both in the burnout patio and in class. "Did your teammates realize you suck or something, and banish you to our little corner?"

_Sticks and stones,_ I told myself. _Sticks and stones..._ It didn't take more than a moment for my snide side to kick in and further my contempt with a misogynistic dig. _I mean, what the hell? Did I mistakenly step on the estrogen button or something? Why is she suddenly targeting me?_

Ken then turned his attention towards me as well. "Uh, Kim, that's... um... Donovan. Donovan Matsen. He's the football jock who put that other player in a co-"

He stopped talking when I abruptly raised my head and gave him a cold, hard stare. His mouth was still ajar and he looked like he was just expecting some sort of retaliation. This was exactly why I quit the team, why I started frequenting this place- to get away from what happened.

Three weeks ago, during the first game of the season when we were unlucky enough to be going up against the Wellington High Jaguars, I tackled Tommy Addler. It might not sound like much when I just put it out there like that, especially considering that that is specifically what I am supposed to do for the team, but when I mention that Tommy is a legend not just in his school but also in almost any other through the region with a football team, it may take on a more significant light. The kid started out as nothing, people couldn't even be bothered to remember his name, let alone give him respect. When he got ahold of the ball for the first time though, all of that changed. During mid-season of his freshman year, he made a wild interception from out of nowhere. He just jumped up high into the air like he was a goddamn grasshopper or something, caught the football as if it was second nature and as soon as his feet hit the ground again, he took off running like a bolt of lightning. He did this two other times before the game year played out. Tommy was pretty much fast-tracked to quarterback during his sophomore year and had led the Jaguars to their first-ever state championship. The kid was a prodigy and a machine all in one and, from all the rumors going around, it sounded like he was bound and determined to take his team to the finals once again during his junior year.

He also had a target on his back; that was for sure. There were plenty of players on other teams that were full of jealousy, or simply wanted to make a name for themselves as the one who stopped Addler. I fell loosely into the second category. The damn kid was so fast that he hardly ever got tackled and, if he did, it was just barely. He got away from me on three separate occasions last year, so my sole objective during the entirety of that game was simply to grab the little shit. It wasn't for recognition or bragging rights, though I would have been sure to take full advantage of those if I pulled it off, but simply because I knew I could do it. It was something that was ingrained in my system. I had been playing a defensive tackle position since I was twelve and I grew to love it and crave the high it provided whenever I smashed into another person, took the wind out of their lungs and made their feet fly into the air.

When the opportunity presented itself and Tommy was left out in the open, I lunged forward, bulldozing my way through Jaguars and hitting him just as the star quarterback caught the football (it was another goddamn interception... and during the same play where we had just intercepted the ball from them!). Before he could even really begin to make pace with it, our bodies collided. I wanted to make it as spectacular of a tackle as any touchdown the Jaguar rival could pull off and I hit him with all of my might as he turned towards me, crashing both of us into the ground. There was a buzz in my head as the rush of adrenaline ran through my body. I laid on my back, listening to half of the crowd cheer and the other half boo. Even though the Jaguars were undoubtedly going to keep their fourteen point lead and win, this would be the highlight of the game for sure. I laughed to myself, my chest heaving up and down vigorously, as players from both teams huddled around us. There was no denying it, I was proud... I was damn proud! My friends helped me to my feet and I even received a few congratulatory pats on the back. I turned around to see how pissed off Tommy was, maybe even shoot him a taunting smile that read 'I got you,' but there was one problem- Tommy Addler was not getting up.

I had broken other player's collarbones and given them various other sprains, pains and bruises with my hard hits, as tackling the shit out of someone was just my thing on the field, but I had never put anyone in a coma... not until that day at least.

Life kinda stopped being the same for me at that moment. I had never realized the impact I could make on someone's life with just a display of brute strength and cockiness, and I certainly didn't want to be the reason why someone never woke up again. It was agonizing from the moment the reality of the whole thing set in, which was around the time he was being loaded into an ambulance to be taken to the hospital. I sat out the rest of the game, I didn't go to practice the following day, and Tommy's parents made sure I wasn't allowed to visit or get any sort of update on his condition while he was in the hospital.

Luckily, Tommy did wake up, just over a week later and the doctors expected him to make a full recovery and rejoin his teammates on the field sometime later. I, however, did not recover so well and decided to drop out altogether. I was never like that before football... I never wanted to hurt someone or win at any cost. The results of what I was becoming scared me enough to realize I needed to distance myself before there was another incident.

My parents were split on the issue, with my mother being very understanding and my father being disappointed in me. He had aspirations of me riding into college on a football scholarship, being spotted at a game and going pro. It was the second time I disappointed him with a big decision. The first one, ironically, was actually being that I joined the football team in the first place. Before that, he wanted me to study business or something so I could master the stock market. He always liked to say it is the smart way to get rich.

Add to all of that the fact that the Addler family was considering filing a lawsuit and it was easy to see why I just wanted the world to forget about me.

Kim's jaw dropped upon the realization of who I actually was. "Oh, shit. You're that guy? Seriously?"

I didn't reply... I was too ashamed to. If her recognition had occurred before the incident had, I likely would have puffed out my chest and boasted like nobody's business, but it felt like those days were long gone and all I could feel when looking back on my time as a player was disgust. I simply looked at my notebook once again and hoped they would just return to their regular routine of ignoring me.

They were mumbling amongst themselves now, undoubtedly about me, but they were at least quiet about it this time. There were only small snippets of dialogue that I did catch floating my way and one in particular at least made me chuckle to myself. Kim was being chastised by Ken for 'poking the coma-inducing bear,' and she countered him, raising her voice nearly to a yell and defending, 'Yeah, well they all look the same under those stupid helmets! How was I supposed to know?!' Suddenly, I noticed a shadow approaching, but did not raise my head up to see who it belonged to.

"Come on, leave him alone, Nick," I heard Daniel command from across the courtyard.

Seemingly ignoring his call, Nick spoke as his shadow nearly consumed me. "Hey man."

I looked up, trying to appear as indifferent as ever. The guy was tall, had to be taller than me, or at least it looked that way from where I was sitting.

"Do you, um- you know, can I?" He pointed to the empty space beside me with his odd stuttering. I raised an eyebrow and nodded after a moment of hesitation. The uncertainty in his voice, in addition to how friendly he was trying to sound overall, made me relax a little, but as he took a seat beside me I couldn't help but speculate on just what was going on. I knew there was bad blood between freaks and jocks, so a target could very well have been on my back and I was being lulled into a false sense of security.

"Hey, I just wanted to say that I heard, ya know, about what happened with you leaving football and stuff. I think- I think I know what you're doing here, too. Just getting away from it all... right?"

After another moment of hesitancy, I simply nodded again, trying to appear indifferent. He certainly seemed to know the drill, that was for sure.

He nodded in return. "Yeah, I kinda thought so." After releasing a somewhat sizable sigh, he clasped his hands together and looked down at them. "I, uh... losing a team sucks, man, right?"

I was puzzled. What did he mean? I didn't remember him being in football at all, or even... and this it hit me- basketball. _That's right! He was one of the up and comers on the basketball team until he was caught with a bag of marijuana in his locker. When was that, anyway? Oh well, it doesn't matter... that kind of thing would nix anyone's future prospects in sports._

"Earth to Nicholas! Come on, man! He ain't interested!" Daniel yelled, trying to peel his friend away from me.

I decided to point out that I wasn't oblivious to his friend's cries. "Your buddy seems like he doesn't want you talking to me."

Nick shrugged his broad shoulders. "Nah, it's not- it's not you, really. He just hasn't had a lot of good memories with the jock crowd, ya know? Anyway, we're not in sports anymore for totally different reasons, but I still know how it feels to have that teammate friendship and lose it all at once."

It was weird- I had known this kid for all just twenty seconds and something about that last thing he said totally got to me. I felt bad for him in that moment, because the guy really looked like he was lamenting what he had lost, or at least those who he had. While his exile came from within the team, mine was self-imposed. I was still friends with most of my former teammates and spoke to them every now and then. They usually wanted to talk sports and, sooner or later, the conversation would turn to me coming back. That was something I simply was not interested in so it was just far easier to avoid talking to most of them for any great length of time.

He looked at me solemnly for a second and then cracked a slight smile. "Do you want to, um... do you want to hang out with us?" His slight smile turned into a full-on goofy grin. "I mean, yeah, why don't you come over and sit with us, man? You seem like a cool guy, you got a sense of humor at least... and it feels good to get in with a new group. Trust me, we don't bite."

"Nah, it's..." My first instinct was just to say thanks but no thanks and ignore him, but he seemed so certain about what he said and, honestly, I was jonesing for some people to just talk to. As it turned out, I made for a pretty pathetic hermit. If I was going to hang around the patio for a while longer, it wouldn't hurt to make a few new acquaintances. I didn't think I would find any friends out there, but maybe some decent people to shoot the shit with during lunch and in-between classes.

"You sure everyone is cool with me hanging out over there?" I asked loudly with a slight smile of my own. "Even Blondie?"

The three guys broke out in laughter, with Ken commenting, "He already knows your nickname, Kim."

She glared at me irritably through squinted eyes, crossing her arms over her chest. If looks could kill I would have been six feet under by that point.

She simply stated 'Screw you,' under her breath before turning and walking away without another word.

"She, uh, really doesn't like me," I stated, scratching the back of my head as Nick and I made our way to the others.

Daniel shook his head, "Nah, don't worry about it. She just gets like that sometimes. It's like, we've been going out for two years, right? But there're still days when I could swear she hates me."

The trio laughed; his two friends actually nodding their heads in agreement. I took a seat and started talking with them. Nick seemed content with my attempt to connect with all of them, Daniel looked somewhat skeptical, but with Nick's comment about his troubled past with those involved in sports I couldn't really blame him. And Ken... well, I couldn't even begin to read his opinion on me, but he did seem to be sizing me up in some way with his eyes.

We discussed a lot of random stuff in just a matter of minutes. Sure, most of it was just about movies and music, but it was nice to talk with some of my peers about anything other than sports. In the time we talked, I could see Daniel ease up and grow more comfortable with my presence. I could also tell they were all just itching to bring up the subject of the Addler tackle, but it seemed as if they gauged my earlier reaction to it with the correct amount of caution and stayed away from the subject entirely.

It didn't take long for the first bell to ring and signal that lunch was over and we had just a few minutes before the start of the next class. We all said our goodbyes, some quieter than others, like Ken with a simple wave of his had before he disappeared, and Daniel asked me something I wasn't expecting him to.

"You got any plans after school today, Donovan?"

My mouth fell agape slightly as I readied myself to just say I was busy, but the words simply wouldn't come out. I honestly had no plans; my abrupt divorce from football had left me with quite the open schedule. Finally, forming my awestruck appearance into a little smile, I replied, "Kinda sounds like I might now, huh?"

He grinned, squinting his eyes in the happy expression, and released a laugh, carefully outstretching his arm and patting my shoulder. The action felt measured, as if he was performing the movement before he thought about what he was doing, froze for a nanosecond once he did, and ultimately decided to go through with it anyway. "Meet back here after class, man. We'll see what kind of trouble we can all get into."

* * *

The group was small, but each of my new friends had their own very distinct personality that shown brighter than most of my old friends. Daniel was kind of like a rebel without a cause (he even had somewhat of a James Dean look about him, complete with jeans and a leather jacket), and liked to think of himself as the 'mature' one of the crowd. He didn't care much for school, but he seemed the type who would be there for his friends in a heartbeat. If you really listened to some of the things he said, you might also get the idea that he held a touch of anarchism in his core. Nick was probably the friendliest of the group, and far kinder than was good for him in most instances. Even though it was the bane of his short-lived sports career, he still loved to smoke weed and have a good time while high. Then again, all of the kids who frequented the smoking patio did. Aside from pot, Nick was also obsessed with music and had aspirations of someday becoming a famous drummer. Last but not least was Ken. If he opened his mouth, you could almost bet that his words would be dripping with sarcasm if they weren't already going to be an outright wise-crack. He was a bit of an oddball in that he seemed to come from a better background than any of us, but he preferred not to talk about it. Daniel's girlfriend, Kim, was somewhat of a firecracker, and everyone felt they had to watch their step around her. On a good day, she was just one of the gang, but on a bad one, she was looking for any reason to put a target on you. Even worse, once her sights were aimed, she never missed. Her short-temper, coupled with Daniel's incessant display of charisma towards other females, created a rather rocky relationship between the two, but they endured... somehow. I was mainly going from the bits of pieces I got from the three guys, because Kim still wanted nothing to do with me even after I had received my invite to join the group.

Things continued to get better and better between the four of us over the next couple of days, even with Kim commenting about how it was 'typical male bonding bullshit,' and that I 'wasn't even going to last a week.'

Low and behold, after only a week of knowing each other, we were all friends, much to Kim's dismay. I was honestly surprised with how well and quickly we all got along, especially considering that I came from a clique that the group absolutely hated. Either I was totally desperate for some human interaction, or I had run into a (mostly) good bunch of people. I was hopeful for the latter.


	2. "And then there were six…"

Shock and awe. That's the best way I could describe the general reaction everyone had when I started to hang out with and befriend the group. The questions and concerns were endless, and they flowed in from all sides. My former teammates, my other friends, my other friends' parents. Hell, even some teachers voiced their concerns... and they all sounded the same. 'Why are you doing this?' they would ask, followed by other irreverent questions and concerns like, 'You know who those people are, right?' 'You're not one of them,' and, my personal favorite to hate, 'They'll change you.'

What pierced me the most though was just how sullen my parents were over the new bonds I had created. Sadly, I had expected as much from my father (as much as I wanted to believe otherwise, I knew in my heart that he would disapprove), but my mother had a veiled appearance of acceptance that stung more than if she would have outright denounced them like my father had. 'Well, if you like them Donny, that's all that matters... I guess,' she finally conceded in a wavering tone. It all felt completely faked, almost as if she was lying to me, playing some sort of game... and I didn't like that. Although, maybe I was looking at it wrong. Maybe my mother's pained look really was actually one of defeat, like she had quickly given up on the battle and was instead hurt by my stubbornness. Sometimes I hated being able to see both sides of every argument.

Accepted or not, I appreciated my new friends and there was no way in hell I was going to let any outside forces sway my opinion of them. They may have been a rough bunch, but they were my rough bunch. We all knew how to click and have a fun time, together or in smaller groups.

While it wasn't always easy for me to hang out with the guys (on account of Kim continuing to consider me as some sort of wolf in sheep's clothing), when we did hang out, it would be almost anywhere- the patio, the park, random parking lots, Nick's house... we would hang out in the basement a lot there, actually. We'd also hang out behind, or even in, the outdoor bleachers at school. Unfortunately, they were right next to the football field and I really hated being there, but that was where the action was sometimes. My hate wasn't exactly irrational; the bleachers legitimately brought on unpleasant feelings when I was around the structure. I would think of myself as being a fan on that night, and watching from the bleachers as one bully tackled a bonafied up-and-comer into a comatose state. Add to that the fact that I could barely fit my large, tall frame in-between the mass mess of woven, zig-zagging metal bars that held the whole contraption together, and it was easy to see why it was my least favorite watering hole. I had no idea how Nick managed to seamlessly navigate the area considering we were basically the same height and I conked my head at least once every time we went near the damn place.

* * *

To the surprise of everyone in the group, myself included, I had even managed to befriend Kim after nearly a two-week stint with my new companions. Ironically, it was all due to a group of my old teammates trying to get me back into the game.

We were all sitting at "our" cafeteria table (a rarity that usually only occurred when it was raining outside) when Brett Sterling (one of my close friends on the football team), Jesse Greenburg and Chester Zellner all approached, looking somewhat malicious in their intentions.

"Donovan, buddy, how ya been?" Brett asked, hands in the pockets of his letterman jacket.

"Good, man. I've been... good," I replied cautiously, unsure of what this was all about. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Ken and Nick looking at the newcomers suspiciously.

Chester snorted at my response. "Then what the hell are you doing sitting with these losers?"

I heard Ken snap back immediately with, 'Excuse me?' and Daniel followed right on his heels with, 'What the hell did you just say, douchebag?'

While Brett and Chester simply wore superior smirks, Jesse finally spoke up, momentarily halting the smacking of his gum to do so.

"Whoa, calm down _girls_ ," he said to the two men, clearly trying to fan the flames even more. "No need to get uppity... unless you want us to invite the rest of the guys over."

I had noticed that Nick staring at the jocks, his gaze growing more and more intense as he clenched his fists so tight that his knuckles turned white, but Kim had been keeping her eyes locked on me since the whole thing started... and I could only imagine she was waiting for me to defect back to the other side like she expected me to.

Once Jesse's threat was out in the open, I was all at once enraged. I stood up in a hurry... too much of a hurry. The sudden shift threw my chair backwards and sent it clanging onto the floor, garnering the attention of most of the kids in the cafeteria.

"I might not be a defensive tackle anymore, but I can still mop the floor with you, Jesse," I warned the linebacker, getting right in his face to do so.

"No, hey, Donovan..." Brett intervened, patting Jesse on the shoulder and working his way in front of him. "We're don't want to start trouble, man. Just wanted to invite you back to your old table. Maybe even convince you to come back to the team. Last two games haven't been good, bud, I'm not gonna lie, and we need you out there with us."

"Yeah, come on, Donovan!" Chester encouraged, almost in a cheer. "We need Matsen the Mangler back!"

I groaned on the inside as I heard both Nick and Kim burst into laughter at the utterance of my football nickname. I couldn't see them, but I had a sneaking suspicion that both Daniel and Ken were wearing goofy smiles because of the name as well. Ken's next comment all but confirmed my hunch.

"Matsen... the _Mangler_?" he questioned in a tone that was completely drenched in sarcasm.

I could just tell by the way he had enunciated 'mangler' like it was the oddest word in the world that I would be nagged into explaining it later. It wasn't a bad nickname, at least not for football, and it perfectly highlighted how I saw my role out on the field. When I was playing, I didn't just want to knock over a member of the opposing team, I wanted to mangle them. I wanted to be known as a force to be reckoned with... and I was.

Brett turned his concentration to the troupe at the table, his eyes narrowing and framing the rest of his face into a look of disgust. After a moment, he guided his attention back to me. "You really gonna stay here and take that, man? Sit with a group of chumps who laugh at you? Make fun of you?"

"They're my friends," I rebutted immediately. "We rag on each other, but it's all in fun. We used to do the same thing, remember?"

I saw the look in Brett's eyes that signaled he wasn't done, that he was working up a reply in his head, but I cut him off at the pass and continued on.

"And I'm not coming back, guys. Not to the table, not to football. No way." I shook my head adamantly.

Brett's face fell; he looked crestfallen and I could tell that whatever response he was cooking up had just evaporated... along with his friendly demeanor. "You think _these_ are your friends?" he asked, hovering a pointed finger between the group of four. "They're nothing!"

"Is it just me, or is everyone else getting tired of getting shit from these jocks, too?" Ken asked, and it was only with the continuation of his sarcastic tone that I breathed a sigh of relief in the fact that he likely wouldn't try to start an altercation.

After taking a moment to give Ken a sinister glare, Brett looked back at me and continued, "What the hell happened to you, Donovan? You used to be one of us."

"I guess I just got tired of being an asshole, Brett."

"You're making a mistake, Donovan; a big one," Brett threatened, giving me the same harsh stare he had just delivered to Ken moments ago.

"A mistake?" I shot back, reflecting how insulted I was with the pitch of my voice. "Have you ever put someone in a coma? Or you? How about you?" With each question I looked at a different teammate, getting the response from each that I was expecting- avoidance. They shifted their eyes to the side or down to the ground when I brought up such a crucial point. "Now _that's_ a mistake. I almost 'mangled' a kid into oblivion, for chrissake, and you think I want to try my luck with that again?! Maybe pummel someone into a case of permanent brain damage, huh? That'd be fun, _right_?" I had practically spat the last word out with a seething hatred of what I had done, the sport that caused it, the 'friends' who wanted me back instead of caring about my own welfare over the matter. Everything. It was at that point that we were interrupted by someone outside of the conversation.

"Is there a problem here, gentlemen?" Mr. Rosso asked, approaching us with deliberately slow, long steps.

It was pure luck that the hippie guidance counselor had picked one of the the short straws in the teachers' lounge and had to take cafeteria monitor duty... or maybe everyone willingly took turns. Hell, I didn't know. Either way, Rosso was one of the more non-confrontational faculty members who preferred to hand out advice over detention slips.

"Everything's just _copacetic_ ," I replied to the guidance counselor, marring a word I had heard him use multiple times. I didn't look at Mr. Rosso as I spoke, instead continuing to hold my gaze on Brett.

After everyone else agreed that there wasn't a problem and my former teammates had just stopped on the way to their table to say 'hi,' to me, Mr. Rosso suggested that they continue on their way before lunch was over. It was, overall, a sobering wake-up call for me. If I was going to continue to hang out with my new friends, I was gonna have to forget about my old teammates... completely. The two cliques were like water and oil, and I was a bit foolish to think I could have a foot on either side without something blowing up in my face like that.

"I didn't think you had it in ya," Kim remarked as I picked up my overturned chair and sat down. "I was sure you were gonna run away with those goons back to your little game. But..." she sighed the last word, but the way her mouth curved into a smile highlighted how tongue-in-cheek the action was. "I guess that means we're stuck with you now."

"What? Kim, did you just kinda-almost-sorta say something nice about Donovan? Are you getting sick or somethin'?" Ken asked with a shit-eating grin spread on his face and we all started to laugh.

"I guess," Nick commented through his laughter, "I guess you finally earned your stripes around Kim."

"Earned his stripes?" Daniel was practically chocking on his enjoyment now, coughing his words out between bouts of cracking up. "Did you and your dad have another talk about you joining the army?"

"Shut- shut up, man!" Nick grinned and shook his head.

Kim kept giggling, the sound elevating with each continued piece of conversation. She calmed herself long enough to join in. "Guys, come on, we're forgetting something really big here." She leaned over the table slightly, shifting her head to look towards me. "Right, Matsen the Mangler?"

"Oh, god," I groaned as everyone howled, not at all able to help being more amused than embarrassed over the resurgence of my nickname. All at once I hated and loved Stephen King, his short story, _The Mangler_ , and the fact that I had been caught in the locker room, reading it in _Cavalier_ magazine instead of drooling over the eye-candy included within the pages.

* * *

It wasn't too long after that, just a little into October and days before Homecoming as a matter of fact, when yet another soul was introduced to the pack. Ken, Nick and I were hanging out at the patio, goofing off and having fun, when I noticed Daniel making his way towards us with a brunette-haired girl in tow. He stopped to ask one of the other kids there if they had the M-80s they had promised him and I watched as the brunette, who was wearing a pale green army jacket that was at least two times too big for her, stopped and stared undecidedly at the surroundings in front of her. It was almost as if she was about to dive off a cliff into the fog below and considered taking a step back. She shook it off a moment later and continued to follow behind Daniel.

"You guys know Lindsay?" Daniel said in a half-introductory, half-questioning tone.

She raised her hand up briefly and said 'Hi' in a barely audible voice. Her face spread into a big smile that looked more nervous than genuine. Nick recognized her right away as a fellow student in his English class last year, referring to her as 'that chick who got an A' and jogged my memory in the process. She was a smart girl, a mathlete or something like that. She was dressed way differently than I had ever seen her before, though. It was odd, but Nick's mention of her high grade seemed to send some sort of vibe through Daniel, as he made a little face and looked down solemnly. Perhaps he was contemplating if he would ever be remembered by anyone for getting an A... for anything.

"Yeah, well... what're ya gonna do?" she replied back, shrugging her shoulders at the end of her awkward answer.

Ken smirked and, pinging on a cue that could only have been of his own making, deadpanned, "I dunno, what _are_ you gonna do?"

We all chuckled at his witticism, even Lindsay. Though, I could quickly see her smile fade a few seconds later when she realized the conversation had stopped dead at that moment. I took the opportunity to break the ice and introduced myself and her face lit up.

"Oh yeah! You're that football player!" she began, but was cut short when Daniel nudged her slightly and shook his head, implying she should stop there. Again I thought of before my incident on the field, and how I would have been beaming that my name was known to even the likes of a smarty-pants like the brunette, but it was likely _because_ of the incident that she knew who I was. There was another awkward silence before Lindsay spoke up again.

"So, are you guys going to the Homecoming dance?"

Her question was met with more laughter and wisecracking.

While Nick merely let out a tenacious, laughing, 'ooooh,' and turned his head to the side, Ken let loose with a dry delivery of, 'I beg your pardon?' that still managed to somehow sound like he was utterly appalled at the question.

"That's funny! It's a joke, right?" Daniel asked.

She rolled her eyes and huffed. "My dad is... kinda makin' me go."

After yet another round of laughter (this time at her dad's expense, at least), she added to her reason for asking. "I just thought maybe, you know, you guys were gonna go- to make fun of people, I mean. That could be kinda funny, right?"

I groaned on the inside a little, as her desperate attempt to connect with us was starting to show. There was a learning curve that she would have to adjust to- and quick -if she really wanted to hang out with these kinds of kids. Dirty jokes, swearing, skipping classes, cheating on tests, insubordination... I had experienced my fair share of it all from the sporty side of things. Lindsay, though? She came from the goody two-shoes camp before her venture to the slightly darker side... which made me wonder- just what was she doing here?

"I would go, but I have a prior _engagement_. My cousin just sent me a bunch of mushrooms and I'm gonna eat them," Ken revealed.

Nick made fun of the fact that they would probably be playing disco music at the dance and, as the conversation continued, things kept getting more and more awkward. As things somewhat spiraled and Nick and Daniel began a little bout of horseplay, I watched another thin brunette cautiously make her way into the patio area and train her sights on our group.

"Lindsay?" she said loudly, trying to beckon the grade-A student's attention. "Linds?"

A thoroughly embarrassed-looking Lindsay rushed over to the girl and I could just tell she was going to shoo her away. And then... I just couldn't take it anymore. It was like when characters in a TV show or movie are involved in something that makes you feel so uncomfortable for them you have to pause it or change the channel for a second until you compose yourself again. Sadly, I couldn't do that in real life, so I just left the patio instead. I saw Ken trailing behind me a ways and I was going to slow down so he could catch up, but he just disappeared into one of the classrooms nearby. I didn't have any idea what he was up to, but knowing the group I was with, it wasn't anything good.

* * *

Lunch was almost over and I wanted to try to find Kim before we ran out of time to swap solutions. We had math together for our next class and neither of us were too fond of it in general. Over the past week, we had compared our incomplete homework assignments and managed to fill them in a bit more by taking answers from one another... even if it was a fifty-fifty shot of them being right. It was the only subject in school that literally made my head hurt. The less I had to think about it, the better.

Since dropping football, I had to actually _study_ to keep my grades up. Things were quite a bit easier when the teachers just gave me a passing grade out of fear of being endlessly harassed by an entire team of overly-aggressive teenagers. We all looked out for one another, and we all exceeded in our grades as a result... even if most of us only had half-a-brain's worth of actual education because of the scheme. But now all of the pressure to obtain and maintain passing grades was back on my shoulders. Thankfully, math was the only class where I was struggling.

I finally found Kim hanging out next to her locker, talking to Karen Scarfolli.

"Goddamnit," I muttered to myself, clenching my hands into fists and listening to (as well as _feeling_ ) a few of my knuckles pop in the process. I had unintentionally gained the attention of Kim's friend. I hated Karen Scarfolli, and that was a pretty strong word to use as a general feeling for someone, but Karen was very deserving of it. She was one of those people who went out of her way to be a complete bitch to anyone who she didn't consider a friend. From all appearances, she was fearless too, not giving two shits whose face she got in or for what reason.

"Oh look, it's a used jockstrap," she said, motioning her head towards me.

I feigned a pained smile. "Oh look, it's a..." Suddenly I went blank in an attempt at a witty response. My eyes shot from side to side rapidly as my brain tried to come up with something, anything! They were just looking at me. This was embarrassing. "Oh, fuck it;" I finally recovered in a nonchalant tone, "you're a bitch."

There must have been something about the way I said it, because Kim burst out into a fit of laughter that served to only further enrage her friend. Karen gave me the same deadly look Kim had weeks earlier. I could see she had trained her well. The two were part of a larger group that consisted of, well, female bullies. It was a chaotic and sporadic assembly of girls who usually came from broken homes and were seeking an unwilling human outlet for their pent up rage. With the constant infighting and bickering, no one ever knew who was really in or out of the club and it just seemed to have a revolving door feel to it. Regardless, Kim considered herself the leader of the girls, even if the self-appointed title was not very near and dear to her heart.

"Laugh it up, Kim," Karen said disgustedly, "'cause what goes around comes around."

Kim shook her head slightly, still laughing, "Oh but Karen, you _really_ _are_ a bitch."

Karen scoffed, giving Kim a wicked side-eye. "What's with you? We make fun of jocks like this. Now you're hanging out with one?"

"Come on," Kim breathed, appearing to quickly grow tired of the back and forth. "He's not like those guys anymore. Right, Matsen?"

I grimaced, slightly irritated that she called me by my last name. I quickly learned that she had an frustrating habit of calling her friends by their last name when she was annoyed with something. I guess I should count myself lucky that she called me by the entirety of my first name instead of just 'Don'... I felt so old when people called me that.

She glanced back at me with a look of expectation about her.

"Uh..." I shrugged my shoulders, "I guess?" I wasn't really sure how to answer, which is why it came out as a question more than anything. I mean, I didn't feel any different than when I was hanging out with my teammates. Was I acting different? I didn't think so, but I honestly didn't know, either. I was just being myself around my new friends, which felt really great and freeing. Maybe something was different. One thing was for sure- Nick's sage advise on how good it felt to get involved with a new group was spot on.

Kim glared at me for a fleeting moment before rolling her eyes and turning her attention back to Karen. Seemingly, my answer was not entirely satisfactory for her. As it turned out, none of it really mattered. Karen let out a huff of disinterest and left almost immediately after my response. Kim didn't even bother to call out to her, instead whipping her head back my way.

"So, I'm cutting math. I didn't do any of the homework last night and I'm really not in the mood for another class that makes me feel stupid. You wanna come?"

I raised an eyebrow to her invitation. "Come where?"

"I dunno!" Her face tensed up in a slight fit of exasperation. "Just anywhere but here."

I thought about it for a moment before agreeing. "Yeah, sure. Let's get the hell outta here for a while. I'm kinda hungry anyway."

She grinned, her features settling back into a relaxed state with my compliance. "Now that you mention it, I'm hungry, too. Lunch sucked. Bleh!" She made a fake motion like she was actually puking just at the thought of eating what the cafeteria was serving and we both started laughing.

* * *

We continued on our way, turning into the main hall as the crowd of students began to swell, each anticipating the bell that would signal the start of the next class. It didn't take much effort to spot our band of misfits in the distance... they were the only ones standing in the middle of the hall and not moving.

"We're cutting," Kim interrupted without concern as she barged into whatever conversation our friends were having without us. "Who's got gum?"

Everyone started digging around, as if they all had some sort of secret stash of gum on-hand that I didn't know we were all supposed to be carrying. Ken pulled a mangled (and somehow still wrapped) piece of Wrigley's Doublemint Chewing Gum from his back pocket and held it up to her like it was the grand finale of a superb magic trick.

'Ta-dah! I just pulled a piece of gum out of my butt!' I imagined him deadpanning and swallowed a laugh before it erupted.

She approached him with a look of ridicule on her face and in her tone. "Oh yeah. That- that's real great, ya know. Why don't you blow your nose in some bread and make me a sandwich, too?"

Lindsay and I both snorted out a laugh. I couldn't help it that time. She had a point. How could a snot sandwich be any worse (or better) than fart-flavored gum? Ken made it a point to break wind whenever he felt like it and I could almost guarantee that piece of gum had been covered in the vicious butt vapor at least once... probably more from the look of it. The really bad thing about Ken's gas? It was unbearable! I would go as far as to say it was just a notch below mustard gas and classify it as an inhalation hazard.

"Why is everyone crawlin' up my butt today?" he asked exasperatedly and judging from his response, this was not the first time someone had lashed out at him recently.

"'Cause you're a moron," Daniel answered happily with a sly smile on his face.

He flapped his gums up and down, chewing on a piece of gum with an open mouth. I momentarily wondered why he didn't offer any to his girlfriend before my attention was diverted. Nick leaned over and whispered that Ken had provided an answer-less chemistry exam to Daniel just moments earlier and received a small verbal browbeating as a result.

_So that explains why he was sneaking into a classroom._

"Hey, Kim," Lindsay suddenly called out, "I got some."

Kim quickly turned around and sized up the newcomer with an up and down glare. There was nothing but disappointment written all over Blondie's face as she realized we had another member and not just some random spectator. "What's she doing here?" She narrowed her cold gaze on Daniel. Somehow she knew he was behind bringing in a new girl.

Daniel's happy smile faltered, and he swallowed hard before answering Kim without making eye contact. "She's our friend."

"What, are you _doing_ her so that she'll help you with your math homework?" Kim sneered, accusing Daniel of infidelity at the drop of a hat.

I was somewhat taken aback by her statement, by her changed tone. It all just seemed to come out of nowhere... and fast! It might have just been me, but I could have sworn the temperature dropped around us in an instant. For Kim, it was as if this was her initiation process and she wanted to test the waters to see just how far and quickly she could push a person, and while I was shocked by it, Daniel seemed completely unfazed.

He put his smile back on and tried his best to counter Kim's venom with his own captivation on the angry girl, placing himself in front of her so he was all she could see. "Hey, lay off." He motioned his head back, gesturing his words were in relation to Lindsay.

"Um, Kim, I-" Lindsay tried to make herself heard, but was quickly interrupted by Blondie.

"I wasn't talking to you, brain," she cracked rather snarkily, moving so that she was looking the shaky newcomer directly in the eyes. "Don't you have a test to take or something?"

"Hey!" Nick interjected himself as Daniel wandered off, and I could only assume he had given up any hope of calming our blonde friend down.

"Could you be cool?" Nick asked, sounding surprisingly timid in his demand. He only further humiliated his own assertion by reluctantly adding, "I mean, please?" to the end when, I gathered, he realized just how heated Kim's eyes had become.

To be fair to my friend, the look was even making me uncomfortable and I wasn't the target either!

Kim scoffed lightly and rolled her eyes in response to Nick.

"Did I do something to you?" Lindsay asked genuinely, innocently, as Kim continued her demeaning badgering.

Kim replied, wide-eyed and in a tone that clearly stated the question was foolish to even ask. "You're here."

"Kim-" Daniel tried to once again interject, but was cut short by Lindsay this time instead of his girlfriend.

"Well, I have as much right to be here as you do." Lindsay's backbone was beginning to show, but that may have been a mistake. She wasn't ready to take on the kind of savagery that Kim so easily knew how to dish out.

Daniel sighed and turned away, seemingly expectant of the storm that would surely ensue.

Kim released a single, spiteful laugh and began to advance on the newcomer. "Hey, brain... I shoplift in your daddy's store. You're just some rich kid who's trying to piss off her parents."

Heartbreakingly, Lindsay's stoic face fell and she glanced over at Nick and I with a look of defeat written all over her. She absolutely had no idea what to do, or what to expect, yet Kim continued.

"You think you can hang with these guys? You think _that's_ gonna make you cool?"

She tore into Lindsay with a passion, almost as if the girl had done her a great injustice in the past and it was time for retribution. There was a strenuous silence as Kim figuratively backed Lindsay into a corner with their words and she had no idea how to reply to her. Then again, when she was on the warpath, Kim had that kind of power. Her sheer determination to just be mean gave her tongue a sharp edge that would slice you in two if you weren't careful.

"I don't know what to tell you," Lindsay finally admitted, sounding somewhat confused as to her current mess. I was facing Lindsay's back, but I wish I could have seen her face. I wish I could have seen exactly how she looked and what vibe she was giving off... because whatever it was, it turned Kim into a shark that was ready to go in for the kill. I _never_ wanted to make that face.

Kim glanced up at me as Nick and I neared the two again, her face reading that she wasn't done yet, and I momentarily considered intervening, but it was already too late.

"You know what, I'm sorry," she said, but showed no signs of sincerity with her words. "Let's be friends."

Kim quickly clutched the bottom of Lindsay's bag and turned it upside down, raining its contents all over the floor. I was starting to reconsider my impromptu outing with Ms. Kelly now, as I didn't want to end up the target of her rage when she was done with Lindsay. It was kind of funny when I thought about it that way- a 6'1" man built like a brick shithouse being scared of a 5'6" woman with attitude.

"There. Now we're friends. See you at the mall," Kim continued to mock.

"What are you... on your period?" Daniel asked, both appearing astonished and slightly embarrassed at how his girlfriend was treating his new friend.

"Hey, if you wanna hang around with your little poser friend here and pretend with her, that's your waste of time."

Daniel tried to divert her attention by lightly tugging on Kim's long, blonde hair, wearing that enigmatic smile of his.

"Just keep her the hell away from me!" Kim finished, pushing passed her boyfriend and latching onto my arm, pulling me away with her. I guess I was cutting after all, whether I wanted to or not.

* * *

I was slightly embarrassed to drive Kim around in my 1972 Dodge Challenger 340 Rallye. It was a beautiful car that I had painstakingly tried to keep in mint condition ever since my cousin sold it to me. When I asked him where he got it, he simply said it was through a friend of a friend of a friend and I knew to stop asking questions after that. Things were gonna get shady if I kept digging deeper. It was a miracle I could keep it as untarnished and rust-free as I had considering there tended to be more salt on the roads than actual snow in Chippewa. I had no doubt that I looked like a spoiled rich kid when I was driving around in it, but nothing could have been further from the truth. I didn't know why I cared. I mean, if Kim was truly my friend, then the fact that I had a nice car wouldn't start to plant seeds of doubt in her mind. She seemed to be distracted and not really in the mood to give a shit anyway.

Since we were both hungry, we went to Stackey's. I didn't know where she was during the majority of lunch, but her disgust at the mention of the food our school was serving was a clear indicator that she had at some point set foot in the cafeteria. The cowboy macaroni they were offering was nothing more than a mash-up of leftovers. The mac and cheese from Monday, ripped up left over hamburger patties from Tuesday, tomato soup from yesterday and a mix of corn and onions from god knows when. All of it made my stomach turn instead of yearn.

Using what little skills of deduction I had, I guessed that Kim's anger had worked up quite the appetite for her when she ordered the same meal I did. A full stack. A classic Stackey's cheeseburger along with a large fry and a large drink.

It was a surprisingly warm and sunny day for being October and we decided to eat at one of the outside tables. The wind played up every now and then and would blow a clump of Kim's hair around until she corralled it back into place. Each time it happened, I couldn't help but think she would make a perfect subject for my photography habit. Each of my new friends would, really. I liked to take pictures of people in their natural state, timing it just right so I could catch their raw emotions in the image with them.

I had not told any of the gang that I had a picture taking obsession. Hell, I hardly told any of my old teammates about it. It was kind of my little secret, but only because I was so unsure of if it was something I was actually interested in or if it was just a passing phase. The constant negativity my father put towards it didn't help matters either.

Nick was so expressive with his face (especially is his cheesy, happy moments) that I was sure he would have made for a wonderful subject. Daniel's goofball grin said a thousand words sometimes, but he had a serious side to him to that was prominently displayed on his face when invoked. It would be a miracle to get any kind of genuine expression out of Ken at all. Kim, though... there was something different about her. She was a very beautiful girl and would undoubtedly photograph well, but the real striking feature about her was her eyes. Her big, baby blue irises simply demanded attention, and it didn't matter if she was happy to see you or aggressively piercing your soul with them; they just pulled you in either way.

In a spaced-out moment I mentioned a passage I remembered from a book that seemed fitting to the situation we were currently in. "And then there were six..."

"What?" Kim questioned, peering at me like I had just spoke a foreign language.

Embarrassingly, I shook my head, explaining I was quoting a line from Agatha Christie's _And Then There Were None_. She continued to look at me blankly and I decided to simply forgo the whole explanation and merely state that I was talking about how our little family of weirdos grew from four to six in a matter of weeks. It was probably better that way seeing as how the song the book was titled after was incredibly racist anyway. Unwittingly, I had sparked a dying ember on the Lindsay fire and the whole thing exploded again.

"God! Who the hell does she think she is, anyway?" Kim spat out, lightly spraying the table with bits of food as she talked with her mouth full. "Oops," she whispered a moment later.

I just decided to keep chewing my food and try to avoid getting into it with her... she was damn determined though.

"I mean everything I said back there was true, y'know? She's just some stupid, rich, brainy kid who wants to piss off her parents in some lame attempt at rebellion and ditch her old friends for cooler ones. She'd only be using us. I mean, if we let her in, she'll just leave us for the next rung on the social ladder as soon as she can."

In the short time I had known her, this was the most articulate I had ever known Kim to be. Too bad she was also pissed... and kinda paranoid.

"She's not like you. If anything, you went down in popularity when you started hanging out with us, and it only got worse when you called your buddies out in the cafeteria. That's how I knew you weren't pulling some stunt or trying to screw us all over. You stuck around even at the cost of your standing."

I didn't think I had much of a 'standing' to begin with (if anything, I was practically unknown until the Tommy Addler incident), so losing it to hang out with my friends was not a big deal.

"And what about the other stuff?" I teased, trying to move on from talk of me. "Do you really shoplift from her dad's store or were you just trying to get under her skin?"

She looked at me and scoffed before swallowing the batch of fries she angrily stuffed in her mouth a few seconds before. "If there was anything worth stealing in that stupid store, I would, believe me. The whole damn place is so overpriced, anyway."

There were a few moments of silence as she focused her attention on her food and flicked a couple of burned fries onto the ground. "Stupid Daniel," she mumbled. "He was right about one thing though... I'm probably being extra bitchy because I'm on my period."

I gulped down the mouthful of Pepsi I had just taken in so hard that my throat burned in pain afterwards. "Did I really need to know that?" I choked out in astonishment. "I don't think I did!"

She laughed and threw another bad fry my way. "Well, get used to it, buddy. No one said being my friend was easy."

We continued to talk and eat our lunch, laughing about ridiculous stuff and trying to steer clear of serious conversation. It was the oddest thing, but I felt like I bonded with her the best out of the four of the original group (which was actually more ironic than odd when you thought about how we started off). Maybe it was because I had never really had a girl who was a friend without being a girlfriend or because our personalities complimented one another and didn't clash (again, surprising considering how we started). Whatever the reason, it was a new and interesting experience for me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: So, in reading the revised version of this chapter I realized that I have jumbled the time-line slightly more than I thought. Lindsay is merging with the freaks slightly later than she had in the show in this tale. The reason I say this is because, during the opening minutes of episode 2, we learn that Nick is still bummed about the passing of John Bonham, which happened the week before. That would likely put the day of the episode's start as Thursday, October 2nd, 1980 (which is, coincidentally, around the same time I bring Linds to the group in this piece). So, while Lindsay has been around the group for a week or two in the show, she is just getting introduced to them in my tale. Not a horribly world-altering time-shift, but one I wanted to point out that I did notice. We sync with the show by chapter 5, anyway.


	3. "I'll be the beauty and you can be my beast…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter goes off of and builds around the alternate ending to episode 1. I remembered reading it on the Freaks and Geeks website (a long, long time ago. Thanks to the archive website I found it again) and thought it would be perfect for this story. As the alternate ending goes, in addition to Millie and Lindsay, Kim Kelly was working the refreshment table at the dance as well, much to her dismay.

The next day at school Nick dropped a bombshell in reveling that he and Lindsay had been caught off school property during school hours by Mr. Rosso, and she was being forced to work the refreshment table at tomorrow night's Homecoming dance as punishment. The hippie guidance counselor had all but completely given up on Nick and decided not to even attempt taking disciplinary action against him.

While Ken, Daniel and I burst into laughter at their misfortune, Kim simply released a large sigh and buried her face in her hands for a moment when she found out. The four of us were hanging out under the stairs (which was the only place we would really frequent while inside school) when Kim burst into a repetitive verse of saying 'shit, shit, shit'.

"What the hell?" I questioned and shot a glance to Daniel, who looked to be just as confused as I was until, it seemed, an imaginary light bulb popped on above his head. Once it did, he grinned toothily.

"Is little miss Kim going to have to work the refreshment table with her favorite person ever?" he quipped.

"Bite me," she groaned while Nick, Ken and I continued to share dumbfounded expressions.

It was soon disclosed that, earlier in the day, Kim had gained the ire of Mr. Rosso when he caught her at the tail end of harassing a little geeky kid. As punishment, she was being forced to work the refreshment table at Homecoming as well. We must have sounded like we were stoned out of our minds with the roar of laughter that followed Kim's confession.

"You all better show up!" she demanded as our amusement subsided. "I'm not spending three hours alone with that brain. I've had a hard enough time trying to avoid running into her today."

Daniel scoffed, loudly. "It's not like you had to put in much effort. Do you really think she's interested in being anywhere near you with how ya treated her yesterday?" He sounded irritated, looking down at his hands and picking at a random finger.

Kim stared at him, a look of anger growing in her eyes.

"I have plans. Magic mushroom plans," Ken responded, still snickering a little.

"Yeah, me too," Nick quickly joined in. "I've got to, uh... practice my drums. For the whole night." He quickly, and nervously, glanced to Daniel, who was still staring down at his hands.

I looked over at Kim, knowing full-well it was my turn. "No excuse, just not going. Hate me all you want. Sorry... kinda." I had no inclination whatsoever to go to the dance. While I was still playing football, I had made plans well in advance for the dance, but they crumbled to dust as soon as I quit the sport and I was not looking forward to any awkward fallout if I did show.

"God! You guys all suck!" she whined, sliding down the wall into a sitting position. She looked up at her boyfriend with hope, and sweetly said his name, "Daniel?"

He was still eyeing his hands. "You made your bed, now you gotta lie in it," he answered somewhat coldly. The answer felt calculated, like he was just waiting for her to ask and he had his response all prepped.

She stood up in a hurry, appearing hurt by his statement. "Oh yeah? I'll remember that the next time you want to do anything in bed, Desario. How about that?" She stormed off without even the interest of waiting for a response.

Daniel pushed himself off the wall and strolled out of the alcove a moment later, seemingly as cool and collected as ever, looking in the direction Kim left but ultimately walking away in the other.

No one said a word, but Ken and Nick had a look about that read that this was not an uncommon event. My face must have been telling the tale of my bewilderment because Ken released another laugh and explained that Kim and Daniel held one of the most dysfunctional relationships since the beginning of time and they usually had weekly break up and make up sessions.

* * *

"So, you're really not going?" I asked Daniel the next day as we worked on his Trans Am. I knew as much about cars as he did about football (it took me longer than I would like to admit to simply explain the difference between a safety position and a safety play in a way he could understand).

I mean, I knew how to keep my car clean and tidy looking, but I didn't know jack about the insides. All it took was a slight show of interest and Daniel took on the role of a friendly father-figure mechanic like it was destiny. I learned more from him in a few days than I had from auto shop class in a year. I had only been over to his house twice, but his mother was nice enough to me both times. I had not met his father during either of my visits and something told me I probably wouldn't. According to Ken and Nick, Mr. Desario had had some kind of accident and was pretty much bed-ridden. On the rare occasions when he did try to move without help, he would usually fall and hurt himself. Not that anyone could tell if it was a new injury or simply an aggravated old one, though, as the man was in constant pain regardless.

Daniel grunted, putting all of his strength into trying to unscrew a stuck lug nut. "Goin' where?"

We had just finished replacing his brakes and he had unintentionally demonstrated why it is imperative to ensure you are not trying to screw the nut back in at an angle, even a slight one.

"To Homecoming tonight. Ya know, for Kim. Jeez, you want me to give it a shot?"

He looked up to me, releasing his bear hug grip on the tire iron. "Yeah, by all means, give it your best."

Daniel grabbed a rag and began cleaning some of the oil and grit off his hands while I knelt down to the tire.

"Anyway, to answer your question- no, I'm not goin'. Maybe spending some time with Lindsay will help Kim get along with her. Besides, she'd probably want to do something girly there anyway... like dance."

I released a small laugh. "Isn't that what people are supposed to do at dances? Ya know- dance?"

"Yeah, well, Desarios don't dance. Except at weddings... when we're really drunk."

A grin formed on my face as I shook my head at his response. From the sound of it, he wasn't even trying to say that with a straight face. With a little bit of effort, I cranked the iron and the lug nut popped out of its socket.

"Phew! I sure worked up a sweat doing that! I can see why it was giving you so much trouble." I was growing more and more comfortable ribbing my new friends. After all, it was an integral part of our dynamic.

"Yeah, yeah," Daniel conceded through his cheesy half-smile. "Just don't strip it when you put it back on, Superman."

* * *

I glanced over at the clock on top of my nightstand. 8:38.

It was 8:38 on a Saturday night and I was lying on my bed, bored out of my skull. At home. Alone. Even my parents were having more fun than I was while they enjoyed their bi-weekly date night. Daniel and Nick drove off somewhere hours ago, Ken was very likely stoned beyond recognition by now and the only other two of the crew were at school, serving up refreshments to sweaty, pimple-faced hormone machines.

I let out a loud groan of displeasure, knowing there was no place to go but back to the hellhole, before bouncing myself off my bed and reaching for my jacket. Someone had to make sure those two were not pulling each other's hair out.

After I arrived, it only took me a moment to spot the table, and as soon as I did it became quite obvious that Kim was royally pissed. She had the usual pose- crossed arms, wicked scowl across her face and that damned look of death. She didn't even dress for the occasion. She was just wearing her regular clothes. Then again, so was I... but I hadn't exactly planned on being there. I made my way towards her, wondering when she would notice, but she seemed lost in some sort of trance. She was staring out into the crowd of our peers, just watching them. I was about to say something when a dorky-looking kid with glasses approached. He did me the favor of breaking her concentration.

"Can I have a cup of punch?" He pointed to the large bowl of orange-ish red liquid on the table in front of him.

Kim fixed her gaze on him from the opposite side of the table, not making a move for the ladle at all. "What, are your stupid arms broken?"

The kid quickly shook his head, poured himself a cup and dropped a quarter on the table before scampering off back to the wall he was resting on previously.

"I didn't know this was self-serve," I joked through a grin, feeling fairly certain that the storm had passed.

She turned suddenly, still appearing angry at first, but her look lightened when she realized it was me.

"Jeez, Donovan, I thought you were Mr. Rosso scolding me again for a second!"

"I sound like Mr. Rosso?"

"Maybe... I dunno! I wasn't really listening. It just sounded like someone didn't like how I handled that."

I looked around for a second. Next to Kim was Millie Kentner, Lindsay's highly religious friend who had tried to beckon her away from the patio a couple days ago, but that was it.

"Where's Lindsay?"

Kim scoffed and rolled her eyes. "The little princess went home. First she moped around, then she went out and danced with that Eli kid who broke his arm and then she started whining about how tired she was to Mr. Rosso, so he told her she could leave. She didn't even really do anything here! At least I sold, like, two-dollars worth of this horrible punch." Without even looking, she flicked the newly-gained quarter towards Millie, who grimaced and raised her hands up, flinching as the coin hit her open hand and bounced off her palm. The quarter rolled back to us and fell over after hitting my shoe. I picked it up and nicely handed it over to Millie.

"Thanks," she muttered.

Kim punched my arm, finally wearing a smile. "I thought you guys weren't coming."

"They didn't. I did." I waited for a moment as she looked away before rubbing my arm where she had smacked me. The area actually stung a little bit.

"Oh." She sounded glum again, and it was obvious she was hoping Daniel would show. "Well, when this is done, we can go find them and you can watch me kick their asses."

As the night continued, all three of us leaned against the wall that was a few feet back from the table, watching couples dance and wallflowers stand around just as awkwardly as we were. Whenever someone came up for something, Millie would quickly cater to them. She was a nice girl, and she could be funny at times... she even made Kim laugh once. Mostly though, she would just close her eyes and dance by herself to whatever song was playing while Kim and I talked. Mr. Rosso passed by us a few times, but he never made a remark about me hanging out with the girls or the fact that Kim had stopped trying altogether.

* * *

It was getting close to eleven, and I knew that Kim would be more than happy once her prison sentence was over, but I couldn't help but give her just a little more crap over the whole thing before it was all said and done. I laughed as I thought of a perfect way to tease her.

She looked over at me, giving me a skeptical look. "What so funny all of the sudden?"

"Nothin'," I shook my head, trying to calm my revelry. "So, Lindsay danced with Eli. Who'd you dance with?"

"I didn't," she snorted out with a laugh.

"Oh, I get it. Daniel already told me that Desarios don't dance, so let me guess- Kellys don't either?"

"What?" She looked at me with an amused expression on her face. "I can dance... I just don't wanna with anyone here."

It was then that someone announced the last dance over the PA system and _Lights_ by Journey started playing. The timing was perfect for the point we were at in our conversation.

"Share the last dance with me, then?" I asked, knowing what the answer would be.

She didn't even bother looking at me. "Oh you're funny."

"Come on. I could have stayed at home and left you here by your lonesome. You kinda owe me, I think. Besides, this could turn out to end like a fairy tale. I'll be the beauty, you can be my beast."

"You're such a shit!" Kim laughed and shoved me lightly.

I simply held out my hand to her. She released a big sigh before taking it, though she did a horrible job of hiding a smile.

She knew to clasp her hands around my neck and wasn't shocked when I placed mine on her hips. Perhaps this Kelly really did dance after all.

"Are you and Lindsay friends now?" I asked as our feet shuffled from side to side and Steve Perry serenaded about his 'ci-tay' in the background.

Kim crinkled up her face slightly. "No, but I can probably stand being around her now at least. Seems like she's not going anywhere."

"Truth be told, I kinda thought I'd hear tales of how you two clawed each other's eyes out when I got here."

Kim grinned and shook her head. "I can be mature, you know?"

We dropped the subject after that. I got an answer, and it was actually a little relieving to hear her acknowledge that she would at least have to put up with Lindsay from here on out, cause it truly did seem like Lindsay had planted roots in our little group.

Much to my surprise, I found that I actually liked dancing with Kim. It wasn't awkward, there were no missteps or anything else to complain about... and I was seeing a whole new side to her. One that I may have only believed to be a myth before that point. She was being sweet and gentle; her hands warm and soft as they wrapped around the back of my neck, and ever since we had started to dance, it was like she was caught in one earnest moment of bliss, a smile spread across her face that simply wouldn't stop (sans Lindsay talk) and made her absolutely beam in the process.

We only continued to dance for another minute before I heard a familiar voice say my name from a short distance.

"Donovan?"

"Aww shit," I muttered under my breath, watching Vicki Appleby briskly make her way towards us. She actually looked really good in the deep v-neck dress she was wearing. It was quite... risqué. I couldn't help but ogle her for a moment, she had a great body! Unfortunately, she was also the 'plan', the 'fallout' I wanted to avoid by not coming to the dance at all...

Kim quickly dropped her arms from around my neck and placed her hands atop mine.

"Are you serious?" Vicki's fists were clenched tight and a scowl was spread across her face. She was all but literally fuming. "You flake out on me even though we planned to go together and now you're here with some..." She eyed Kim with a look of disbelief. "Some skank freak?!"

I felt Kim begin to move and I held her back in fear she would lunge at the head cheerleader for her insult.

"Excuse me?" she roared, pulling at my grip slightly but not with any true force.

Vicki ignored her, keeping her sights set on me as I replied to her.

"After the Addler thing I said I wasn't sure if I wanted to go, but I didn't flake out. Then, less than a week after I quit the team, you dumped me! What were you expecting me to do? Beg you to go with me anyway?"

Kim looked to me in a bit of shock. It would seem that the information of my former, and very short, relationship with Vicki was news to her. I couldn't tell if she was impressed or disgusted, but I was leaning towards disgusted. My suspicions were confirmed when she pushed my hands off her hips and moved a few steps away from me, like I was suddenly diseased or something.

"So you would rather go to homecoming with that instead of me?" Vicki swung again with a putdown.

"Kim. Her name is Kim. And yeah, I would," I answered without thought, becoming rather irritated with my ex. Of course I would rather go to the dance with a friend over a girl who was obviously only with me because of the long-standing cliché that cheerleaders are supposed to date jocks. Kim at least made things fun, which was a hell of a lot more than I could ever say for Vicki.

Kim quickly rebutted, "No!"

"I mean no... wait, what?" I glanced over to her.

_Did Kim just answer for me and I backtracked into it?_

Vicki squinted at us, confused by what just took place. "Are you high or something, Don?"

_Ugh. Fuck that nickname._

Now it was my turn to squint, looking back to Vicki. "No!" I replied back, sounding as astounded as I truly was.

Kim rebutted again, "Yes!"

"I mean yes... what?" Another quick head swivel and I was getting a bit dizzy.

_Goddamnit! What the hell? Why did I do that again?_

"Oh my God, this is ridiculous," Vicki breathed, rolling her eyes so hard I could've sworn she would see her brain... if there was one up there. "I shouldn't be surprised, though. You've been a complete mess ever since you gave up football and everyone knows it. Freaks and drugs, Donovan? That's sad."

I had no idea what to say. People... no, _everyone_ thought I was a complete mess? Well that was interesting. And of course she just couldn't make one last remark without adding in another shot at my new friends.

Suddenly, both girls turned and walked away from me as if it was some sort of rehearsed synchronized ditching routine.

"What the hell?" I called, trotting after Kim. "I'm not high. Are you? What was that?"

She stopped and turned around, looking displeased once again. "Well I had to say something!" She delivered the words in an exasperated tone, giving them an unnecessary sense of urgency. "Do you think I want that bitch starting up some horrible rumor about us? Daniel would kill you!"

_Daniel? The guy who was beat by a lug nut? That guy, killing me?_

My face must have been a canvas for my thoughts as Kim quickly protested again.

"Okay, he might not kill you," she admitted with a roll of her eyes, "but I don't want you guys fighting. You know she's a shit-stirrer!"

I scratched my head, trying to understand the huge shift that just occurred beyond a simple rumor. "We're just friends, Kim. It's not like she caught us making out or anything!"

I had no idea that dancing was so taboo.

Her face changed once again, like she had just reminded herself of something. "And, really, you and Vicki? I knew you were popular but, Jesus, I thought you at least had some class."

She turned back around and flung the gym doors open with so much force that they violently smacked against the wall. If anything, it was quite apparent that we weren't going out to find the guys anymore.

I stood there for a minute in silence, trying to figure out which I truly understood less- cars or women.


	4. Tread carefully

Sunday. Homework crunch time. Unfortunately, it also seemed to be Homecoming fallout time as well. Throughout the entire day I kept receiving calls from friends and, more so, former teammates. Apparently, my fallout with Brett wasn't intriguing enough to warrant any calls from the group, but news from Homecoming certainly was. Vicki had made quick work of spreading the word, evidently. Donovan Matsen was now addicted to pot and was so high at the dance he didn't even know how to talk right... or so I was told, at least. I wasn't sure who to be more pissed with- Vicki for being the predicable gossip girl she was or Kim for feeding the, as she would put it, shit-stirrer. I did my best to pour oil on the troubled waters during every call, but after a while it just felt like I was trying to fight a riptide and losing, badly. If I was hearing about it this much in less than twenty-four hours, it would burn through the school population like a wildfire on Monday.

My dad was somewhat excited by all of the attention I had been getting again. I think he was under the impression that my team was calling because I was going to get back into football, not because I was the subject of some juicy chatter. I didn't want to squelch his mood, as it was a nice change of pace to see him smiling when he answered the phone and handed it off to me. By the same standards though, if he even thought about bringing the matter up, I would really have had no problem turning back into a disappointment for him by continuing to denounce the sport.

My mother, on the other hand, was simply annoyed by the nonstop interruptions to her daily routine. When she started acting like that, behaving oddly or becoming irrationally angry at the drop of a hat, it truly worried me because I was never sure if she was just having a bad day or if she was getting sick again. For as long as she could remember, she had always had periods of time where she felt completely horrible, both physically and mentally. When it happened, she... well, she changed. It was kind of like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. There was really no other way I could think of to explain it. She simply wouldn't act like herself. She would become mean and spiteful, act incoherent in both her words and her actions, and become altogether unpredictable. There was a strong physical reaction as well. Her whole body would swell, as if she had been stung by a bee and it was affecting her all over, especially her arms and legs. Once the changes took over, every movement was pure agony for her. She had been diagnosed with everything under the sun, and when her current doctor became frustrated with the lack of progress on whatever they thought she had, they would drop her. Each new doctor disregarded the previous one's conclusion and came up with one of their own. It was an endless cycle of nothing. Her most recent physician, Dr. Hudson, decided upon a radical prognosis and proclaimed my mother had Lupus. Actually, he said a long, medical name that I was incapable of remembering, but Lupus was the short term for it. It was complicated and, as far as I could tell, fairly mysterious to most medical professionals. Usually a doctor will hand out a little pamphlet for whatever conclusion they had made for their patient's medical condition, containing information on what the condition is, symptoms, how it will affect you, treatments, etc, but when my mother left Dr. Hudson's office after he diagnosed her with Lupus, she walked out with nearly twenty different pamphlets on lupus and the various other ailments it could cause. There would have been more, but the receptionist kindly informed us that there were a number of leaflets that the office simply didn't carry. Dr. Hudson had put my mother on a new plethora of medication, but warned that until we truly knew what was wrong, it may not help matters much. Even with a new doctor and a new diagnosis, we were still left in the dark as to what to expect or how to make it any better.

* * *

The beginning of the school week had, at long last, finally arrived. It wasn't like I was really looking forward to it, but better to get it out of the way than continue to dread the inevitable. I made my way out to the patio before the first bell of the day rang to see who I could spot. I quickly identified Daniel sitting at our normal spot on one of the metal tier benches of the bleachers, getting in a little nicotine fix before the school day started.

As I began to walk to him he lifted his head and nodded to me.

"I heard you caved and dropped by the dance to keep Kim company. Even shared a dance with her."

There was a moment of hesitation (I even stuttered in my steps) as I tried to read Daniel's face, but he was wearing that smile of his and the tone went right alongside it.

"That was pretty nice of you, man. Pretty nice."

I felt a bit of relief wash over me. I never would have pegged Daniel as the jealous type, especially given his laid-back personality, but people did act differently when their significant other was the subject.

"So," he continued, throwing me a quick glance, "you danced with my girl, when do I get to dance with yours?"

I took his question literally and for the life of me I couldn't figure out what he meant. I wasn't dating anyone. Was he talking about Vicki? That would be weird. Besides, I thought he said Desarios don't dance.

"What?" I finally blurted out, sounding just as stumped as I actually was.

Daniel began to laugh. "Your car, ya lamebrain. When do I get to take the Challenger for a spin? You know I'm kind of in love with it, right?"

"Mine?" I asked, quite perplexed. "Your Trans Am is an upgrade in every way possible."

"Nah. My car ain't exactly up to standards anymore. It still needs a lot of help; I just don't have the cash... yet. That Challenger is a beast to look at though, and I really want to see how fast it can go from zero to sixty."

When he was right, he was right... and he was certainly right about the Challenger; it was a gorgeous car. That was part of the appeal of buying it in the first place, just how perfect it still looked after being out and about for all those years. It was undoubtedly the best use of my summer job money (I would never work in the restaurant industry again, though. I promised myself that), that's why I had no problem handing over almost all of it to my cousin when he gave a price to my inquiry. Then again, also knowing that he would never screw me over and sell me a lemon helped a great deal as well.

There was a moment of silence as I contemplated bringing up a question that had been floating around in my head ever since I first witnessed Daniel drive his car into the school parking lot. After taking a seat next to him, I finally decided just to go for it and asked, "How did you get that car anyway?" I took a seat on the first tier of the bleachers as I asked, straddling the seat so I could somewhat face him.

It was a nosy question, and truly none of my business, but his Trans Am was a special tenth anniversary '79 model and it blew my mind how he could afford something like that when it was just two years old. Even though I didn't really know cars before Daniel took me under his wing, I certainly had a fascination with them that far predated my introduction to him.

He snubbed out his cigarette and laced his fingers behind his head, leaning back into the next tier of the metal benches. It looked as if it was uncomfortably poking into the small of his back, but a slight smirk appeared on his face. "You know about Ace Auto up on 9th?"

I simply nodded. It was one of the slicker car dealerships in town. It wasn't overly large, but they always had nice-looking vehicles on display.

"Yeah, well, my brother used to be friends with the owner, whose name isn't Ace by the way. Long story short, I still talk to him from time to time and he showed me the Trans Am sitting behind his place, covered in a tarp and completely neglected. Apparently he was one of the first in line to buy it when they hit the market and the idiot treated it like crap. Rode it hard, never took it in for maintenance or check-ups, let it sit outside in the elements all year round. I tell ya, for a guy who owns a dealership, he sure knows how to treat a car like shit." He paused and stretched slightly, and I could hear a vertebrae or two pop in the process. The smirk that spread across his face led me to believe that that was exactly what he was aiming for. It only took a moment for him to continue. "Only favor he ever did for that car besides sell it to me was wash it damn near religiously, but the moron would use regular old dish soap! That and the weather are why the poor thing looks so bleached out. Anyway, it stopped running and all the local mechanics, includin' his own, wanted to charge him an arm and a leg to fix it. Nobody wanted to buy it off him, neither, not til I came around. I pretty much got it for a steal, but I know he really just wanted to get rid of it. Been workin' on it ever since."

Suddenly, we heard Ken and Nick bickering back and forth about something as they made their way to the patio.

"You're such a liar," Ken remarked, somewhat naggingly.

I caught a glimpse of Nick's face as I peered over at the two, he seemed a little stung and annoyed as he looked over at our friend.

"No, I'm not, man. Look, just ask Daniel when we run into him. He was there, too. He heard the exact same thing I did."

Ken finally veered his head in our direction and pointed towards us. "Better yet, why don't we just ask the man himself?"

Daniel nudged my shoulder with his hand, his face showing the earmarks of a smile his mouth was attempting to hide. "If they're talkin' about what I think they're talkin' about, you got some 'splainin' to do."

I laughed, somewhat nervously, at Daniel's imitation of Ricky Ricardo from _I Love Lucy_. His improvised Cuban accent actually wasn't half-bad.

"Fellas," Ken greeted as he approached us. "So, Donovan, Nick tells me he heard something very interesting about you Saturday night. Is it true that you and Vicki Appleby were, uh... you know, _doin' it..._ " He lewdly made a circle with the thumb and index finger, sticking the forefinger of his left hand through the hole a few times, "...before you started hanging out with degenerates like us?"

Forward and crass are two words I would easily affiliate with Ken, but even his directness with this was a bit shocking to me.

Nick quickly smacked his arm with the back of his hand, causing Ken to wince. "Come on, man, knock it off. That's not what I said at all, anyway. She told us they were going out!"

_I heard that. 'She' told us..._

"OW!" Ken grimaced, far too late after the fact, yet still dropping his sexual innuendo display and rubbing his arm. "Does it matter? What's the point of dating a hot cheerleader if you're not gonna have sex?"

"And how many hot cheerleaders have you had sex with, Ken?" I was trying to divert the question and continue to push us far off course of the matter. Sometimes it worked...

He snorted. "Apparently not as many as you have. Come on, man, level with us here. This is something about you that might actually be interesting. Just a little."

...this time it didn't.

Daniel was cracking up behind me and it must have been contagious because I found myself beginning to laugh as well.

"Okay, okay. Yes, Vicki and I dated for a little while. Less than two weeks, actually. We got together just before school started, but the majority of time we were together, I was obsessing over football and she was bossing around the other cheerleaders. We made out a few times, but that was it. No sex."

Well, that technically _wasn't_ it. I had made it to second base several times while we made out, but Vicki was very reluctant to go any further. She said we should spend more time together and get to know one another better before we took things that far. That was understandable and respectable, the problem was that our 'relationship' was just for show as far as she was concerned. There were ample opportunities where we could have spent time together and got to know each other on a more personal level, but she was never interested and always made some excuse to not be with me. If we went to a party where we would be seen by a lot of friends, she was all over me, but if it was just going to be the two of us hanging out, she wasn't even interested. Remembering our short time together actually left a bad taste in my mouth.

Both Nick and Ken looked utterly disappointed at my answer.

"You could have at least lied to us, man. We wouldn't have known the difference and you would have come off as way cooler," Ken lamented.

"Who's to say that wasn't a lie?"

He stopped and thought about it before finally smirking. "Touché, my friend."

"Wha- what the hell does 'touché' mean?" Nick asked as we all walked back into the school building.

* * *

The week seemed to fly by, thankfully. There were times when I wanted to nag Kim about how she was so eager to spill the beans when it came to my past relationship with Vicki, but she always seemed to be in a bad mood. Her and Daniel were still having their issues, it seemed. By the time Thursday rolled around, Kim near-gleefully admitted that she had 'dumped Daniel's loser ass!' and, in the process of continuing to antagonize Lindsay, she had unintentionally made the girl agree to throwing a keg party at her house the next night. It had been a little while since I last went to a kegger and this one would be a brand new experience as I could only imagine a select few of my former cronies would show up there. As sad as it may have sounded, I was actually a little excited.

An hour into the party and my expectations of 'new' and 'exciting' went swirling down the drain. Not that I should have been surprised, but it was pretty much just more of the same as any jock kegger I had been to, just with different company. Whether jocks or burnouts, we all just wanted to get drunk, have fun and maybe get into a little mischief before the night was over.

I spotted Kim on the couch and took a seat next to her. Millie had arrived at some point and was playing a song on the piano that Nick was singing along to with her. I think it was some Doobie Brothers song about Jesus, which was honestly funny in and of itself considering how religious and anti-drugs Millie was and the band had the word 'Doobie' in their name. Millie was kinda on key, blaring out lyrics with a passion, but Nick was all over the place and simply butchering any resemblance their version had to the original.

"Hey," Kim said as I plopped down. She sounded approachable enough, but her attention seemed to be on the horror show in front of us.

"Hey. So, I don't know if you heard or not, but word around school is that I am a bonafied stoner. You should see the way Coach Fredricks looks at me now," I began to laugh. In reality, the last part really wasn't that funny when I thought about it. Coach was almost like a father figure to me at school, and he was just as disappointed, if not more so, as my actual father when I quit the team. When he looked at me in the hall on Friday, I could just tell that he had heard the rumor about me becoming a stoner. It was almost plain as day on his face, and the expression he wore was nothing less than pure grief. It bummed me out to see how hard he had taken a simple rumor.

When Kim turned to me with that sour look on her face, I could tell I had misjudged her mood. Treading carefully was a talent I was going to have to master around Blondie.

"Did you really come over here just to give me crap about that? So I may have started a rumor about you smoking some pot. Big whoop. You'd have to take a drug test to go back to your precious little sport. Like you've ever done anything more than get drunk anyway."

A smirk crossed my face. _Ohhh, if only you knew..._

"Holy shit! No way!" she said, suddenly sitting up. She was staring at me rather intensely. I don't think I had ever run across anyone who could read my face so quickly... or accurately. It was a tad disturbing just how guarded I had to be around her.

"Is our Donovan really just a huge pothead or something?" she laughed.

My smirk grew wider and I figured that would be answer enough. I wouldn't classify myself as a pothead per se, but I certainly enjoyed a toke every now and then. I always figured that if worse came to worse and I did have to take a drug test, there were more than enough straight kids around the school who would donate a clean sample for my cause... especially with a little monetary encouragement.

We continued to watch the freak-show musical in front of us, looking at one another towards the end and beginning to laugh like mad. After it was over and Nick's attention was grabbed by a passing Mark, the local pot dealer, Kim slapped my knee and loudly announced that she had to go pee before she vanished down the hall.

* * *

Daniel had invited his cousin and a couple of his friends and I was actually taken aback when I saw them. He had told me they were older, but I wasn't expecting a group of thirty-year-old burnouts trotting along with another guy who was at least fifteen years older than them and showing more gray hairs than Quaker's got oats. The geriatric alcoholic even went as far as to try to pick a fight with Ken when the two bumped into one another. It was a bit sad, really. Was that what Daniel, Kim, Ken, Nick and I had to look forward to if we kept along the same path? Spending all of our time looking for teenage keggers to leech off of? Lindsay was too smart to walk into the same pitfall, but could the rest of us see far enough ahead to sidestep it?

"Hey, hey..." I nudged Ken, trying to break the concentrated stare he was giving the old man from across the room. Even though Daniel had quickly interjected himself between the two and broken up any possible fight before it could even begin, Ken probably still wanted to knock the guy's block off. "Is it just me or does this beer really suck? I don't- I don't feel drunk at all!"

"That's because it's non-alcoholic," he replied back dryly, still not breaking his glare.

"It's what?" I looked at the liquid sloshing around the clear, plastic cup in my hand, as if this new-found information would somehow reveal itself to my blind eye. "How do you know?"

"Because I've had non-alcoholic beer before and this is exactly what it tasted like."

I was going to try to engage him more on the matter, but two girls walked by and we instantly turned into a pair of gawking jackals. One of them was a cheerleader or something, as I noticed her hanging out with Vicki quite a bit, but the other girl was a new piece of eye-candy. The fact that she had a rather large bust was more than enough to catch our attention. I heard Ken utter 'Good God' and turned to see he was following her with his gaze. At least he was no longer worried about settling a score with some old guy.

I gave him a pat on the shoulder and took my leave from the Weir house, ready to call it a night and head home. It was an interesting evening, even if the lack of actual alcohol robbed me of at least a pleasant buzz. I took note of Nick standing outside, but he didn't even see me drift by as his eyes studied the dead leaf in his hand like it was one of the most interesting things he had ever discovered in his life. Someone else came out as I unlocked my car door and I heard Lindsay's disappointed voice float down the driveway.

"Daniel and Kim are makin' out on my bed."

_Jesus! Already? They spent more time breaking up than broken up._

I felt somewhat sorry for her as I started the engine and pulled onto the road. She obviously had some sort of attraction to Daniel and was hoping to take advantage of his sudden single status, but she moved too slowly for such a small window of opportunity. I had to wonder if that was the real reason why Kim was so venomous towards the newcomer. Then again, I had to feel bad for Nick too, as it was quite clear to Ken, Daniel and I (I was certain that Kim noticed to, but I doubted she cared) that he was crushing on our newcomer pretty hard. There wasn't an opportunity that came by that he didn't try to talk with her about, well, anything, and we often caught him giving her a quick survey every now and then and smiling like a madman after. With the introduction of Lindsay, our group suddenly became a strange mix of teenage lust and confusion to add to all the other shit we dealt with on a daily basis.

* * *

I reached under my car seat as I slowly made my way home.

_Where is it?_

My fingers finally fumbled across the hard, bulky cartridge and I shakily grasped it between my index and middle fingers. I flipped it over in my hand and popped Marvin Gaye's _What's Going On_ album into my 8-track player (it was my only solo post-buy modification and I was quite pleased with myself for installing it. Then again, I simply memorized how I uninstalled it from the dud at the junkyard and worked backwards). The amount of ridicule I would receive if Kim, Daniel, Ken or Nick found out I enjoyed a bit of soul music would be out of this world, but hey, I couldn't deny who I was (though I could hide it rather well).

 _Mercy Mercy Me_ started playing and I couldn't help but start to tap along on the steering wheel and echo the musician's verses. Even though he was talking about the deterioration of the environment in the song, I could easily apply the repeated chorus, 'Ah, things ain't what they used to be, no, no,' to my current lot in life. Things were different, there was no denying that. My love affair with football was over; dead and buried for all I cared, and I had become an outcast to my former teammates not only by my own actions, but the rumors that had spread as well. I was no longer a jock, just one of the boys, and that took some adjusting to. By the same token though, my life wasn't over... not by a long shot. I was getting by on my own merit without being in the shadow of sports, maintaining acceptable grades (even if we were barely into the school-year) and mostly staying out of trouble. The biggest change though, was that while I may have been viewed as a 'burnout' now, I had a truly amazing core group of friends that I wouldn't trade for the world.

When the song ended, I spun the tape all the way to the end of the last program, just so I could listen to the very first track, the title of the album, and proceeded to once again tap away on and sing into the steering wheel. They were my two favorite tracks from the release and, while I could relate one to myself to a certain degree, I realized I could also hear the similarities between _What's Going On_ and how I now viewed my cluster of merry madmen. Before I hung out with them, there was no love or understanding between us. We judged each other based on looks and social standings, but when it came down to it, we had more in common than we would have ever given each other credit for beforehand. It was amazing to me how music could open your eyes up to the details about your own circumstances, even if they differed greatly from what the song was actually about.

"Talk to me, so you can see, oh, what's going on," I belted out blandly, continuing down the road.


	5. Masks

'Um, hey, what are you doing for Halloween?' I heard Nick ask Lindsay. The word that really triggered me out of my mini-trance was 'Halloween'. It was the following day and I was actually feeling a little excited. If there was any 'holiday' I would claim for myself, Halloween would definitely be it. Decorations had been popping up in stores and around people's homes for the past week and, while some were pretty good and inspired, none could truly compare to what my folks and I had put up for display. I continued to listen to the two talk about plans for the next night.

"Oh, I have to hand out candy with my mom."

Nick let out a little laugh and Lindsay began to look embarrassed.

"I know, it… sounds really dorky. Um, she gets really into it."

In yet another display that she was not too fond of the newcomer, Kim interjected mockingly, "Oh, Lindsay, I don't think that sounds dorky at all." She was barely able to contain a laugh that bubbled over. Under normal circumstances, her joke would be considered friendly ribbing, but there was still bad blood between the two.

I expressed a little smile as Nick hastily jumped in to defend her and the conversation seemed to go off track slightly before Lindsay pulled it back in.

"What are you guys doing?"

"I'm gonna be hanging out with my folks at home, too. Handing out candy, psychologically scarring children for life… you know, the normal stuff," I answered.

"Oh my God! Two dorks!" Kim blurted out and I simply rolled my eyes at her, the smile still hovering on my lips.

"Halloween is more sacred than Christmas in the Matsen household I'll have you know, missy. We enjoy our scary shit."

Daniel spoke up, sitting sideways and holding Kim between his arms. The two seemed very couple-like today. It was actually a bit weird to see them  _so_  all over each other. I was used to them taking advantage of a captive audience for their make-out sessions, but even this was a little more tacky than usual. "Well, Kim, Nick and I are going out, borrowin' my uncle's big-ass caddy, and… thought maybe you'd like to come with us."

I figured he had to be talking to Lindsay, as Daniel and I had already set up plans for them to drop by and pick me up later on in the evening.

After what seemed to be a small inner-struggle, Linds declined the offer of a Halloween outing, the bell rang and we all dispersed.

* * *

Prepping for Halloween was actually a bit of a task for our house. We didn't just want to be another home dressed for the day on our street, we wanted to be  _the_  house everyone stopped and awed at. This year we decided to go with a graveyard theme for the yard and to try to make the house look like a moss & vine covered mausoleum from the outside. We had two maple trees in the front yard that had shed all but a few leaves and they were actually a little spooky when we spread the fallen debris all over the yard and placed our make-shift tombstones everywhere. They were made out of those thick Styrofoam sheets all the stores just threw away. We painted them with a few shades of gray spray-paint and put silly names like 'Ima Gonner' and 'Pearl E. Gates' on them. We even went as far as to create our own little fog machines (which were really just a small aluminum plate with the top half of a two-liter pop bottle taped to it. Mix some pure glycerin and distilled water and pour some onto the plate, put a candle underneath and within a few minutes you will have a nice pillar of fog billowing out) and disguised them to look like lanterns that were spread throughout our cemetery. Add a few tea lights next to some of the headstones and we had some pretty creepy scenery.

We all dressed up as well. My parents went with a tried and true duo-costume of Frankenstein's monster and his bride. Even though I had seen them don the outfits for a few Halloweens, I must admit that they did look good as the couple. My mother's hair, which was very long and curly, stood up rather well with the help of an entire can of hairspray. She highlighted the sides of her hair with some sort of temporary spray-on white color. The monster headpiece my dad wore was a little worse for wear, but he had had it for years. The flaps showed awkwardly around his forehead from up close, but far away it looked quite impressive. My mom would spend a good hour applying the green makeup and making sure the stitched-scars looked as real as she could make them.

When I was younger, I used to love being a skeleton every year. As I grew and my body filled out with muscle, though, being a beefy skeleton just didn't hold the same appeal. I had watched  _Halloween_  last year and Michael Myers scared the living crap out of me. It became a slight obsession to try to put together a costume that looked just like his this year. It was only a three piece outfit, but the mask was damn-near impossible to find. All the ones in our local stores were too big and didn't really look anything like the one in the movie. I had to go to three different towns before I finally found one that was as close to perfect as my small budget could afford. I found an old, navy blue coverall at a thrift shop and used a pair of my dad's boots. Slap them all together and voila: scary, psycho killer ready to hand out candy to the kids.

* * *

The crew didn't drop by until a little after 7:30 at night. I heard them laughing and talking as they walked up the driveway, it sounded like they were enjoying all the effort we put into our decorations. They knocked on the door and rang the bell simultaneously as I took in a deep breath, grinned and pulled my mask back on. I imagined they were expecting some sort of cheap scare, but still hoped to pull it off nonetheless.

I ripped the door open as fast and violently as I could, acting as if I was going to rush them and releasing some sort of weird, guttural roar that even I didn't know I could make before that moment.

Everybody's eyes widened. Daniel yelled "Jesus!" and Nick even turned around and began to bolt down the driveway. Both Kim and Ken screamed.

Ken, of all people, screamed.

I burst into a wild fit of laughter that I literally couldn't control. I ran out of breath and was desperately gasping more in to expel in amusement. Falling to a knee, I must have sounded and looked just as crazy as I felt.

When they realized it was me, they all broke into laughter as well.

"Congratulations on being a big kid, Donovan," Daniel smirked as I welcomed them into my house.

Kim roughed up my Myers mask hair and passed with a smile along with Nick while Ken gave me a sturdy punch to the arm, citing, "If you tell anyone about that scream, you're a dead man. That actually goes for all of you!"

My parents, who were busy getting ready to attend the Maxwell family's annual Halloween Monster Mash party, greeted us as we entered the living room and I did a quick round of introductions and who's who.

I watched as my friends studied my mother and father, trying to decide which features I got from each. It was quite obvious though, or at least it was to me. A lot of my strong facial features came from my mother, surprisingly. Nice, chiseled cheeks, big, daring brown eyes, a very symmetrical nose and my lips had the same slight fullness to them that hers did. There was a tiny dimple in my chin that I hated (thanks, dad), but the pathetic amount of hair I could grow there was too patchy to hide it just yet (thanks again, dad). Better to just shave regularly and wait for it to fill out. My body was entirely from my father. He was built like a football player, too, but I had outgrown him by a full inch over the past year and, with any luck, I would get another inch or two before it stopped. The only two features I would say were an even mix of my parents were my skin color and my hair. I was the product of mixed-race parents. With my mother being African-American and my father Caucasian, I came out with a skin-tone that looked like I had a really good year-round tan. And my hair? Well, I had short, black, wavy curls. It wasn't as coiled as my mother's, or as straight as my father's… just somewhere in the middle.

"You make a really pretty bride of, uh, Frankenstein, Mrs. Matsen," Kim complimented as we all prepared to leave. The night wasn't exactly young anymore, but we certainly were, and knew there was more trouble to be had.

My mother smiled to her, "Well thank you, dear. You kids have fun tonight."

"But not too much fun," my dad chimed in with a laugh.

Ah, parents. Even when they try to be cute, they're embarrassing.

* * *

I had missed a grand spectacle of Lindsay Weir, upstanding student and do-gooder, destroying pumpkins, smashing mailboxes and (unintentionally) egging her own kid brother earlier in the day. Kim found some sort of extreme guilty pleasure in that last bit from the sound of her voice. With the exception of the destruction of a few more jack-o-lanterns and pillaging entire bowls of candy from houses whose owners were not keen to answer the door, the night consisted of a lot of back and forth joking around.

"Hey, Donovan, what time is it?"

I saw Daniel looking back at me through the rearview mirror. Nick, Ken and I must have looked like a tightly packed case of sardines as we all tried to squeeze into the back seat. Glancing at my watch quickly (I seemed to be the only one who wore one), I told him it was about a quarter to ten.

"Lindsay mentioned something about that new  _Friday the 13_ _th_  movie playing again today. Maybe we could all go check that out before we call it a night," he said, granting a crooked smile to Kim. She was opposed to the idea before apparently, but since there really wasn't much else to do she apathetically went along with it.

* * *

The plan was for one of us to buy a ticket and let the others in through the back door of the theater and of course it would be my luck to draw the short straw among us. I was feeling a little goofy and still wanted to enjoy the last bit of Halloween there was left, so I put on the Myers mask as I entered the theater and asked the usher for one ticket to the movie. One of the many nice things about my height and size was that most people assumed I was the appropriate age for whatever I was trying to do. Except bars. They always carded.

The man at the ticket booth laughed when he looked up at me and said anyone who was that big a fan of the horror genre deserved one on the house and let me through. There was a fleeting moment when I felt bad for taking advantage of his generosity basically five times over as I let my friends in, but you only get to be young and rebellious for a little while.

I sat directly in the middle of our five seat line, with Kim and Nick on either side of me. As the movie began, I found myself pondering if this new slasher would be as good as my currently mimicked favorite.

After only about thirty minutes in, I felt Kim tapping on my arm. I looked over, noticing she was holding Daniel's hand with her other and was motioning with her free hand for mine. A slight snicker escaped my lips as I gave in.

_Kim Kelly, the toughest of tough girls, scared by a horror movie? Oh this is good, this is gre- Ow!_

My eyes nearly bulged out of my head and I breathed in sharply through my nose as she squeezed the life out of my hand during a scary music cue.

_Serves me right, I guess._

* * *

A few weeks later things had changed in our circle quite significantly. Somewhere along the way something had happened between Kim and Lindsay and they were actually becoming friends. I couldn't believe it when I first saw it, but the two had finally clicked. I assume it was tied closely with another event, one that I actually wasn't too happy to witness.

Kim had been hanging around regularly with Karen Scarfolli throughout Thursday, trying to make the bitchy girl feel better because her boyfriend dumped her for cheating on him (shocker). Basically that meant I spent a lot of time with the guys that day or simply disappeared whenever Karen was around… she seemed to show up everywhere, though! I couldn't even escape her at the park when Daniel, Nick and I decided to shoot some hoops after school (our former basketball superstar was dominating us, but that is beside the point). That was when it happened – Daniel and Karen started flirting with each other and I watched his mask of loyalty begin to slip.

Now, I'm not claiming to be the best boyfriend ever. I've made my mistakes in relationships and occasionally had a wandering eye, but I certainly never started stroking another girl's cheek or let her suggestively suck on my thumb while I was with someone else.

It looked like he was about a split-second away from kissing her when Kim's rusty Gremlin came roaring across the grass like there were crosshairs on all of us. Nick and I barely made it out of the way as she barreled through the basketball court area. She was screaming, "You are dead! You are SO dead! Do you hear me?! You are dead! Both of you are dead!" and her pitch grew higher and higher with each word. I assumed (hoped) that she was referring to Daniel and Karen in her screech.

I still don't know how, but Daniel explained his way out of it later on in the evening. The whole thing kind of tarnished my image of him a little. Unlike a lot of other jocks, I did not think infidelity was no big deal and, for whatever reason, I expected better of my new friends. As far as I was concerned, the only real positive that came out of the whole thing was that I would likely never have to see or try to avoid hanging out with Karen ever again. Well, that and Kim & Linds' newfound bond.

Speaking of Weir, there was also an incident where Daniel had somehow conned Lindsay into helping him with his math. At first I think she was under the assumption that she was going to tutor him and he was going to learn, but it soon twisted into something where she handed him all the answers he needed to ace a math test. Anyone could have told them that going that far would throw up a big red flag, but what was done was done and sure enough they did end up getting caught. In the same way Daniel's interaction with Karen Scarfolli opened my eyes a little more to him, I think Lindsay began to realize that Daniel knew how to play upon people emotions and manipulate them to justify his own ends. He wasn't exactly doing it to be malicious or difficult; it was just a way he handled situations where he felt there was no easy out. Daniel told some sob story that nearly got them out of it, but he had used the same tactic on Lindsay just hours before and that was when she connected the dots and began to laugh hysterically, ruining any groundwork he had laid down. I wish I could have been there for that, I really do, 'cause the way both of them tell it, it just sounded absolutely hilarious.


	6. Academic Flack and Unwanted Feedback

As it turned out, I wasn't the only one who had my eyes opened to the more smarmy ways of Daniel Desario. Lindsay found out first-hand during the whole Karen Scarfolli incident that Daniel may not have been the flawless hunk she imagined he was. But, it was really hard to gauge how much that really influenced her one way or another because that was just the very beginning of when things turned around for her and Kim. No, I think she truly saw a flash of his deceptive side a few weeks later, when it became quite apparent that he was going to flunk the same math class for the millionth time and be doomed to repeat it, and see the sour puss of Mr. Kowchevski, for another year, and she offered to help him study and pass his test... completely unaware of what she was getting herself into. At first, I really think she was under the assumption that she was going to tutor him and he was going to learn, but it soon twisted into something where she handed him all the answers he needed to ace a math test. Anyone could have told them that going that far would throw up a big red flag, but what was done was done and sure enough they did end up getting caught.

Kim and I were hanging out in the courtyard, making small talk while we were both really just doing our own thing (she was dreading her next class and filing her nails, while I was lying atop the only bird-poop free picnic table in the area, gazing up at the clouds drifting by with my hands intertwined behind my head). I liked the braid she had twisted into her hair, and I was working on simply telling her that, but... that simple compliment was suddenly paralyzing to me. Before I could refresh my ability to talk, Lindsay joined us, sounding somewhat concerned with her question of a greeting.

"Hey, Kim, where's Daniel?"

Blondie let out a slight puff of indifference before answering, "I dunno." She looked back to her nails an instant later. "Beats me."

"We have a disciplinary meeting after school," Lindsay informed, though when I watched her speak the words, she looked almost lost in space, as if she couldn't believe her statement was actually a reality. I guess I could understand her disconnect. Before she started hanging out with us, she was a straight-A, quiet student who had never been in trouble in school, ever. A disciplinary meeting was a harsh turnaround to wake up to when she had likely never even dreamed of being one of those 'bad kids' before.

"Ugh." Even Kim's interjection seemed detached.

"Ouchhhh," I exhaled, elongating the word for no reason. Kim's laissez faire attitude seemed to seep into me immediately. Then again, perhaps neither of us were all too concerned with a disciplinary meeting because we were both well-accustomed to them ourselves. Kim had her issues with school and a majority of the student body overall, and when I was playing football and my cocky side was in full-bloom, I got into my fair share of shoving matches and needless confrontations. While I was used to Coach Fredricks bailing me out of any potential punishment for my actions, I was fairly certain that Kim did not have the same safeguard, and had been issued more than her fair share of detentions and threats of suspension.

Kim stopped her filing again and looked back at Lindsay, seeming to realize that this might actually be a big deal for the girl. "You nervous?"

Lindsay just stared at her for a moment before releasing a huff of her own and looking away for a moment. If that wasn't answer enough that, yes, she was nervous but wanted to keep her cool about it, then I didn't know what was.

Luckily, Kim caught on to her reaction right away and did her best to steer her into a sense of confidence on the issue. "You know what, don't worry about it. Daniel gets outta stuff like this all the time."

"Well, I shouldn't feel bad, right?" Lindsay's asked, appearing to try to pump herself up while she plopped down on the picnic table next to us. "Kowchevski's a jerk. I mean, he'll pass the test and then I'll tutor him, and..."

She looked a little uncertain before she continued on, and when I heard what she said next, I lost it.

"He'll pass the class," she finally continued. "I mean everything's gonna work out, right?"

I loudly snorted out a laugh while Kim was much more elegant in showing her amusement over the absurd statement, releasing a single, quieter laugh of her own before turning her head slightly to look at me, swatting my elbow for good measure with a smile still on her face. A second later, she covered her mouth to stifle any more chuckling and looked back at Lindsay as sincerely as she could.

"I'm sorry," Kim began, and I could see her desperately try not to be mocking in her reply. Needless to say, I think she failed. "You think that you and Daniel are gonna be like, study buddies?"

"Well, he wants to learn... and what about the next test?" Lindsay sounded so sincere, so trusting of her own words and conclusions that it almost hurt.

"He'll just get the answers from somebody else," Kim explained, leaning forward and losing all sense of humor in her voice. "He always does."

"That's what I'd do," I added, watching as Daniel lurked onto the scene, making his movements sly as he prepared to sneak up on Kim.

She squawked in surprise as he wrapped his arms around her.

"Hey," Daniel greeted, and looked over to me as soon as Kim returned his notice. "So what were you talkin' about doin'?"

"Being a goof for the rest of his life!" Kim inserted her answer before I could respond, looking at me with a knowing glare that read I should just keep my mouth shut about what we were really talking about.

As I kept quiet and looked at Lindsay's dismayed expression, I could almost see her coming to the same conclusion I had a few weeks ago. The conclusion that Daniel knew how to play upon people's emotions and manipulate them to justify his own ends. It wasn't as if he was doing it to be malicious or difficult; it was just a way he handled situations where he felt there was no easy out.

That was, for the most part, my last bit of involvement on the issue, but I heard how it turned out from both of them... with slight variations coming from each of them. Apparently, Mr. Kowchevski figured out a fool-proof way to prove that Daniel had cheated on his math test, and that was to have him answer one question, one single question that Lindsay had already talked him through the answer to bit by bit, and if he could do so then the whole matter would be dropped (and Kowchevski would resign from McKinley, answering a few unspoken prayers from students). In the end, Daniel failed to provide the correct answer (or an answer at all, according to Lindsay) and instead he almost got them out of getting into any kind of trouble whatsoever by telling some sob story (with literal sobbing from Daniel, according to Lindsay). Unfortunately, he had used the same tactic on Linds just hours before and that was when she connected the dots and began to laugh hysterically, ruining any groundwork he had laid down. I wish I could have been there for that, I really do, 'cause the way both of them tell it, it just sounded absolutely hilarious.

* * *

Over the past few weeks, when I wasn't hanging out with my friends, I was trying to renew my bonds with a few of my close teammates. If I were being honest with myself (and anyone who asked), I did miss a couple of my old teammates quite a bit; the stigma would just be trying to avoid talk of football with them. Alex Hurley, another of my closest friends while I was a jock, understood where I was coming from and did his damnedest to just be a normal, dumb-ass teenager around me and I did the same for him. Sports rarely came up and, when it did, he would backtrack out of it with ease. It was because of Alex that I was able to somewhat repair my broken bond with Brett and hang out with both of them occasionally. While Brett respected my wishes about sports-talk being off-limits, he spared no opportunity to chide my (as he would jadedly call them) 'burnout' friends, even at my never-ending request that he stop. Even Alex had his terms and limits when we would hang out, as he refused any and all invites extended by me to get to know my new group. There was a clear divide between us now that I did not think would ever mend, and it was a shame too because the three of us used to be thick as thieves. Because of their dislike of my newer friends, my time spent with Alex and Brett was minimal in comparison to that I enjoyed with Ken, Nick, Daniel, Lindsay and Kim. Be that as it may, there were still times when I missed certain goings-on as a result of my attempt to balance friendships in polar opposite cliques. Blondie was more than eager to fill me in on one such event that I had skipped out on, and of course it had to be while I was trying to memorize facts from our textbook for my history test for the next period.

"Hey, Donovan," Kim whispered, kicking at my shoe as I sat and innately tapped my pencil to the desk in study hall. I peered up at her, meeting her eyes with mine. She was glowing and looked as excited as a kid on Christmas morning. It was an expression she made when she said something really snarky that got a lot of laughs or when she knew some sort of secret she just couldn't hold to herself... or when, on that rare occasion, something put her in a good mood. Honestly, it was a lovable look on her and one I wished she displayed more often.

"What's up?"

She leaned in a bit closer, as if the walls had ears and this was some hush-hush info we were about to dive into. "You have a fake ID, right?"

I nodded. It wasn't exactly a well-kept secret that almost the entire football team had banded together and got fake IDs, so I assumed she had heard through word of mouth.

"Good," she grinned, "'cause we're all going to The Rusty Nail tomorrow night to listen to a new band called Feedback."

I groaned in disinterest and looked back down at my textbook. Most bar bands sucked... big time. Hell, I usually drank _more_ just so I wouldn't have to remember them the next day. "Mr. Rosso sounds better than most of those bands, Kim, and that's saying something."

She cringed slightly, undoubtedly recalling our little 'intervention' with the guidance counselor earlier in the day when he sang Alice Cooper's _Eighteen_ to us. I'll likely never be entirely sure what that was all about. All six of us were called into his office first thing in the morning after school started. He began his little speech by telling us there were two ways we could look at anything in life- either with positivity or negativity. Apparently he was concerned we were looking at all of life through a negative aspect because we simply didn't fit in with the norm anymore (or at least his version of it) and wanted us all to consider talking to him individually about stuff going on in our lives, changes to us both physically and mentally or just anything that we may be struggling with and needed guidance on. It felt like a weak attempt at a fishing expedition, but I had no idea what he was hoping to find.

"Then again, it could be worse, I guess. The band playing could be 'Creation' or something," I teased.

We both broke into a wild fit of laughter that we had to quickly reign in. Daniel, Ken and Nick (as well as another friend of theirs, Sean, who I never hung out with) were all together in a band, Creation, and they were... well, they were just bad. I think they all knew it too, aside from Nick, and they just wanted to have fun. I appreciated the fact that they could all play their instruments with some proficiency, but they were a long way off from being bearable. I had gone to one of their 'practice' sessions weeks ago and I vaguely recalled praying for my eardrums to momentarily flat-line. I was sitting on the couch in Nick's basement, in-between Lindsay and Kim, and the cringe on my face must've been quite apparent. Blondie stopped her head-banging, thrashing movements of appreciation and elbowed me (not-so-gently) in the side, whispering 'at least _look_ like you're enjoying this, Matsen, okay? They may suck, but they're having fun!'

I had peered over at Lindsay for reassurance that a fake-happy was the right reaction, but she looked as mortified as I was. It was my first attendance... and my last. Following the status quo with our group, drama soon ensued when Lindsay tried her best to encourage the band to actually try instead of just fool around since it was truly important to Nick. This, of course, was met with criticism, melodrama, pointed fingers, angry exchanges and a whole other collection of turmoil. The band fought, the band broke up, the band blamed Lindsay and finally the band got back together to continue to suck and not really strive for anything. During the whole process though, Nick and Lindsay kinda, sorta hooked up and made-out... or so the in-rumor went at least.

"Oh, come on!" Kim badgered and shoved my shoulder. "Even if the band sucks, it'll still be fun! Besides..." she trailed off, and I could tell she was just waiting for me to look at her again.

Begrudgingly, I lifted my gaze back up into her light blue eyes. I felt like some sort of subservient being that just didn't know how to say no.

"I don't think I've ever seen you drunk before. Even at Lindsay's party you seemed totally fine."

_Guess someone didn't tell her about the beer._

I had gotten quite wasted with the guys a few times, but she was right, I had never been drunk in front of her before. Odd how that worked out.

Kim was excited to go to the bar because it was, as she put it, Nick and Lindsay's 'first real date'.

"Wait, what?" I looked at her awkwardly. "I thought Linds told you they weren't dating."

She snorted out a laugh and rolled her eyes, "Well, she's not gonna admit it! You can totally tell, though. She denies anything is going on between them, but whenever she talks about it she is wearing a smile that says otherwise."

All of the sudden Ken and I were the odd men out in the group. How the hell did that happen? I definitely needed to get in touch with my Casanova side again.

Mr. Bherdalla finally had enough of our conversation, calling out, 'Hey, talkie twins, this is study hall, okay? Unless you're taking a linguistics class, keep quiet and focus on your school work.'

Kim and I shared an 'oops' look and scoffed before doing as we were told.

* * *

While Kim and I had our fake IDs at the ready (hers was actually her cousin's old driver's license), the rest of the group had to go though a few trials and tribulations to get their beer-drinking permits. They first tried to obtain them from a local provider, but I could have told them that Howie Gelfand would disappoint. The guy couldn't get good fakes if his life depended on it... which it might someday if he tried to stay in that shady business. Lindsay knew a 'friend of a friend' or something like that who also dabbled in the fake ID business and, while Ken kept his crappy Gelfand ID, Nick, Daniel and Linds decided to give this other guy a try. I never really got the full story of how it all went down (except that the IDs ended up costing them a hundred dollars a pop), but by the time Friday night arrived, we were all prepped to "legally" get drunk.

Upon our arrival at the Nail we all began prepping our nerves and getting ready to brandish our fake IDs with a confidence only found in those who knew they were not doing anything wrong. I was surprised by how casual Kim was with the bouncers at the door and it made me wonder just how often she had dropped by the establishment before. She was the only one of the six of us who just strolled right in. Well, Lindsay could have too, but she seemed a bit disheartened by the fact that Jimmy, the bouncer, didn't even want to check her ID.

"What it is, what it is, my brother," Jimmy began as I approached the entrance. "Gonna need to see some ID."

I held out the rectangular card for him to examine and he smiled and waved me through, giving me a single pat on the back as I passed. That was one of the interesting things about running into another black person. Somehow, they just knew that I was, in part, one of them. Because of my lighter skin tone, most people assumed I was Hispanic. One guy even thought I was Italian, but whenever I ran into another brother, it was just immediate recognition. It was comforting to a degree, because it was as if an instant bond was generated from out of nowhere and you were just like 'hey, this guy knows what the deal is'. Sometimes it was a nod, sometimes it was a greeting, but there was always some sort of friendly notice.

Ken, Daniel, Kim and I sat at one of the open tables and let Lindsay and Nick have one all to themselves. As we heard the band get started, we all got excited and started clapping and cheering. They began playing the first song and I had an odd feeling of déjà vu.

 _Is this... is this..._ I tried to remember the name of the song we heard the day before from the counselor, but my memory was running a blank. Nobody else seemed to make a connection, but once the lights came on over the band, we all recognized Feedback's lead singer- Mr. Jeff Rosso.

Then, along with the déjà vu, there was a sinking feeling in the pit f my stomach. We all stared at the school faculty member in disbelief, just waiting for him to stop singing at any moment and call the bouncers on us. That was our kind of luck and it only had one name- bad.

Unexpectedly, he seemed to not even notice us. They played through the song and then another and another before our beverages finally arrived. We had all settled back into our comfort zone by that point, certain that the danger had passed and we were going to pull one over right in front of the hippie.

"Alright, alright," Mr. Rosso began, taking a quick breather. "Hey everybody! I have got a great group of hard-workin' rockers behind me right here and I'd like to introduce them all to ya, but first we have some special guests in the audience I'd like to introduce." He locked his eyes dead-center on us and even though his voice was still as friendly as ever, his glare was telling a different story.

_Oh no. Not now... it's beer time..._

"All the way from McKinley High school..." Rosso continued and I knew we were screwed.

Our IDs were confiscated and we had to sit through yet another, albeit short, lecture from Mr. Rosso. It was better than the alternative of him calling the cops on us, though. We all left the bar immediately after that.

"I can't believe this shit!" Kim hissed. Her outrage was understandable, as her ID was the only one out of the bunch that wasn't entirely fake.

Lindsay, always the optimist, looked like she was trying to come up with something to do now. "Hey, maybe we could-"

"Just take me home, Daniel. God, this night sucks," Kim rashly interrupted. She had clearly had enough for the evening.

Our outing simply disbanded after that outburst and I sat in my car for a moment, trying to convince myself that what I was contemplating doing was completely idiotic and tricky. With a sigh, I opened my car door and stepped outside again. Jimmy watched me approach the bar once again and started shaking his head.

"I heard about you and your friends'... unfortunate luck. Sorry, but I can't let you back in."

Now it was my turn to shake my head. "I don't want to go back in, but I was hoping you would help me with something."

He didn't ask what it was because he probably knew it was going to be a bad request anyway. I held a twenty dollar bill in my shaky hand and offered it to him.

"Is there any way you can go in there and snag our IDs back?"

Jimmy released a short, sarcastic laugh and rolled his eyes. "No. No, no, no, no, no."

"My friends spent, like, three-hundred dollars getting those, man."

"Do I look like I care? I see this kind of thing happen every week. Consider it a life lesson learned and walk away."

"Come on, brotha, please," I pleaded. I actually had no problem with appearing to beg for help... I was doing this for my friends. "Twenty bucks for twenty seconds of your time. They're not even going to notice the IDs are gone anyway."

Jimmy moved his lower jaw from side to side a few times, looking to the side and giving me hope he was actually considering what I had asked. A moment later he sighed loudly and snatched the money from my hand before disappearing into the bar. It took him a little longer than twenty seconds (more like two minutes), but when he reemerged he was holding one hand in his jacket pocket. He pulled me over to the side and discretely handed over the batch of plastic cards.

"Don't ever let me catch you trying to use these here again or I will burn them right in front of your ass. You understand me?"

I smiled and shoved them into my back pocket. "Perfectly."

"Stay outta trouble, brother."

"You too, man, you too."

I strolled back to my car with a certain pep to my step, happy to be the unsung hero of the night.


	7. No good deed... (Part 1)

The next day, as I laid on my bed at home in the late afternoon, I tried to figure out exactly how I was going to get the flimsy identification cards back to my friends. My options were fairly limited, and I was being indecisive, so I flipped through each card in the stack to keep myself mindlessly entertained in the meantime.

I couldn't stop laughing at the ID from Howie Gelfand that Ken kept. It absolutely looked nothing like him. It was obvious the bouncers knew it was a fake when they let him in the bar, but I really had no idea just _how bad_ it was until I took a good look at it. It was a Canadian driver's license and, while I had never seen a legit one before, there was one glaring mistake that stuck out like a sore thumb for me. When I was younger, my fourth grade teacher, Mrs. Birling, had set up a twelve week pen-pal exchange between our class and a class of the same grade in Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario. It was actually a lot of fun and, even though we never made any sort of correspondence after the twelve weeks, I will never forget how happy I was when writing to my pen-pal, Noah, or the excitement I felt when Mrs. Birling handed us our reply letters each week. The one thing our teacher was adamant about- to make the experience even more personal and significant to our growing brains, she made sure we addressed the enveloped we put out letters in every week, citing the name of or pen-pal and the address of the school (though now I am almost certain that she shipped them all together in a big envelope). It was the first time I ever learned to write an address that wasn't my own, and I can still remember it to this day. Unlike addresses in the US that end with a zip code, Canadian addresses had a postal code, which was the same idea, but instead of a set of numbers, it was a six-character alphanumeric combination, and that was what stuck out about Gelfand's fake- it had not only a non-existent postal code on it, but one that didn't make any sense if you knew what you were looking at. 'THN 3H5' was simply not alphanumeric.

I thumbed through the rest, quite impressed by the quality of the fakes that Lindsay, Nick and Daniel had bought. They were good. They were damn good... even if the price was over the top. I had briefly considered asking who their guy was, because I would definitely need a new ID when mine expired and these looked completely legitimate, but then I remembered how none of them wanted to talk about the experience at all and I thought better of it.

Kim's was the last in the pile, and I glanced over it for probably longer than I should have, easily spotting the differences in the photo on the ID from my friend's face. The cheeks were flat and not round, the strong chin and big, beautiful eyes were not present, but the hair, nose and lips being near identical spoke to them being related. Simply put, while there was a staggering similarity between them from a quick glance, Kim was much prettier than her cousin, Erica.

I sighed loudly as I came to my conclusion on Kim's fake ID, finally willing to admit to myself that I was growing way, way too interested in my best friend. She was, without a shred of a doubt, completely off-limits. Her boyfriend was one of my close friends, for crying out loud, and we tinkered with our cars together nearly every weekend. I would have to be absolutely mental to even think of pushing my friendship with Kim passed anything platonic.

One thing was for certain- I needed to get my mind off her ASAP. I shot up off my bed and grabbed my car keys from my dresser, readying myself to head out to a friend's house, surprise 'em with their fake ID and maybe just hang out for a while.

* * *

 _Just how much of a mess is my life right now?_ I criticized and mulled in my head as I drove down the road, answering myself just a moment later. _Well, it's such a mess that I chose to drive around to my friends' houses on a Saturday to hand deliver their fake IDs back to them instead of waiting until Monday like any sane person would. Now you're hoping that maybe one of them will want to bum around with you for a while, just so you can set your head straight about your best friend! That's that kind of mess you got yourself into, jackass!_

My first stop was at Nick's house and I almost had my heart explode out of my chest when his dad told me his son was on 'probation' and couldn't have any guests at the time, but insisted that he could give Nick whatever it was I wanted him to have. There was no way in hell I was going to just hand Mr. Andopolis an ID that stated his son was twenty-three years old, but my god, the man had a military temperament about him that made you feel like he knew exactly what you were up to and he could snap your neck with his mind. 'Intimidated' did not even begin to explain how I felt around him.

I stopped by Daniel's place next and caught him just as he was getting ready to leave. I was shocked to see a black eye occupying the right side of his face and when the first thing I did was inquire about it, I was met with an incredulous look and an answer of 'Nothin'- that's what happened.'

After taking a moment to shake the incident off, I presented his fake ID to him, but he seemed less enthusiastic than I assumed he would be to get his it back. It was quite obvious that something was preoccupying his attention, and it likely had to do with the subject we had just touched on or his father, as his mother always had her son running errands for her so she wouldn't have to leave her husband alone at home. I asked if he wanted me to come along with him, keep him company while he was out and about, but he declined.

"Thanks, man. I would bring ya, but..." He looked down, appearing somewhat ashamed of what he admitted next. "Sometimes doin' all this stuff for my folks really takes a toll of me, ya know? Sometimes I just need to be alone when I'm doin' it."

I nodded in understanding, feeling empathy for my friend as he confessed his anger towards having the parental role thrust upon him from time to time.

He looked up again and smiled his cheeky grin. "Maybe someday soon we'll be able to put these to good use again though, huh?"

"Yeah, man," I smiled back, watching him hop into his car. I suddenly realized that I actually had no idea where anyone else in our group lived (I couldn't even remember how to get to Lindsay's house and it dawned upon me that I had never been to the home of either Ken or Kim until that moment), so I tried to pawn Kim's card off on him to give to her, but his pent up resentment towards his parents was starting to boil over at that point, and he waved me off as he started his car with his other hand, telling me to 'just give it to her yourself'.

"I don't even know where she lives, Daniel!" I called out, once again attempting to transfer the card to him.

"2413 West Alumni Avenue or something! Just look for her car!" Daniel yelled, his roaring voice barely noticeable over the deafening sound of his engine as he revved away in his Trans Am. As instant later, he was racing down the road.

"Fuck," I sighed defeatedly. Now I had no choice but to either go to Kim's or take my sorry ass back home.

Alumni Avenue was actually only a few blocks away from my house... I had just always avoided the area because it was one of the more run down parts of town. Actually, 'run down' might have been an understatement, as most of Chippewa viewed the area as our very own Skid Row.

 _Maybe she can tell me where Ken and Lindsay live,_ I reasoned with myself as I slumped back into the driver's seat of my car.

* * *

As I pulled into the driveway and parked behind Kim's Gremlin, I soaked in the sights in front of me. Half of the yard was just gone... nothing but dirt. The other half had piles of two-by-fours all over the place as well as a random, old water heater. An oven that had seen better days and a few rolled up rugs flanked either side of the front entrance. It was an unclassifiable mess and yet it somehow looked nicer than Daniel's yard, which was practically hidden beneath rusted junk.

I hesitantly opened the screen door, which was just barely hanging on by a single hinge, and knocked on the front door. I had heard tales of just how 'psycho' Kim's parents were... well, her mother and her stepfather. She was very insistent that she was in no way, shape or form directly related to the 'slime' married to her mother.

'Who's at the damn door?!' I heard a male voice yell from inside and part of me, a very large part, was not looking forward to either adult answering my call for attention. To my relief, it was Kim who responded to my knocking. She smiled when she saw me, but something was off. Her eyes were red and puffy, not as if she had been smoking, but like she had been crying, and she seemed a little shaky. Upon further inspection, her right cheek looked swollen and sore.

"Hey. What are you doin' here?" she asked through a voice that sounded just as unsteady as she appeared, dipping her head to look down at the floor.

Reaching into my pocket, I replied, "I, uh, I got something for you."

She shifted her attention back up to me, cocking her head to the side and quickly wiping away a tear that began rolling down her cheek. It was, in a word, heartbreaking. I didn't know what was wrong and I had even less idea of what to do.

"I managed to get these back last night after everyone scattered." I handed her back her cousin's old license. "I figured my beer fund better go towards some good purpose since none of us were gonna get drunk."

Kim released a single laugh and covered her mouth as she took the card with her other hand. She seemed to be beaming just to get it back and hastily shoved it into the front pocket of her jeans before looking back up at me. "Thanks, Donovan. I-I really appreciate it."

We stood there in a vexing silence for a moment before I piped up again. "Is everything okay, Kim? You seem... I dunno."

She once again looked down to the ground, this time speaking in a voice that lost all of its Kim-ness. "Yeah, no, everything is... everything is..." There was a slight shuffle of her feet before she peered back up at me and continued, "Donovan, can you stay here, with me, for a little while?"

Something was definitely wrong and I replied 'sure' without a second thought. All of the sudden, my wistful feelings towards the girl took a backseat to me being there for her as a friend. No matter how confused I may have been about what I wanted, there was no way I was just going to leave her to fend for herself when she asked me for help.

As I stepped into the house, I realized that I was walking into the gutted remains of a home. Some walls were finished, some had sheets of plastic over them, waiting for drywall, and others were nothing more than skeletal two-by-four frames with wires crossing through them like the tattered remains of an old cobweb.

"Who the hell is this? One of your other boyfriends?" the same voice from earlier bellowed out and a man staggered into the living room, barely able to balance himself.

Kim didn't look at the man when replying and again set her sights downward, which lead me to believe that he was her stepfather, Arlo, and also the problem she was dealing with that day. "This is my friend. Donovan."

I cleared my throat. "Nice to meet you... sir." I might have grimaced when I said that last word, I wasn't entirely sure. All I knew was that it just felt... painful to say. I didn't even know the man and I could already sense he was not deserving of any respect.

"Save-" Arlo let out with a loud, wet burp and blew it out like some pleasant aroma. "Save it. If you're a friend of hers then you're prol- prol-... you're a bum. Get out of my house!"

Kim shot her head up, a look of terror in her eyes. I had never seen her act so browbeaten... and I never wanted to again. She began to protest. "No, he's-"

"Get out of my house!" he yelled to me again, overriding her without concern.

A scrawny woman (Kim's mother, Cookie, I assumed) suddenly scampered into the room. "Jesus, honey, keep it down, will ya? Chip's tryin' tah sleep. Why ya yellin', anyway?"

Arlo pointed at me with a hand holding a bottle of beer. The contents inside sloshed around violently, some even spitting out of the top and spilling onto the shag carpet beneath. "This little funk... I mean punk. Your daughta brought annudah punk to _my_ house!"

" _Our_ house," Cookie corrected, "and she's allowed to have friends ovah... so long as she isn't _lying_ to us about 'em." She shot an accusatory look to Kim when finishing her sentence.

"I told you I didn't lie about everything I said about Lindsay. She _is_ smart and she _is_ my friend!"

I stood in awe of the dysfunction playing out in front of me.

 _Is this what Kim's normal home-life is like?_ I wondered to myself.

If so, it was no surprise why she lashed out at others so often without hesitation or remorse. She needed an outlet from being her parents' outlet, and anyone who crossed her path at school, be it student or teacher, would make a sufficient target.

"And what about him? Does he live in Benton Harbor in a vacation home, too?" Kim's mother sneered.

"No! I- He-" Kim was stumbling for words.

I looked over to her and realized she was trying to choke back tears and stand up to her two bullying parental figures at the same time.

"I'm Donovan, a friend of your daughter. I live just a few blocks away and dropped by to see if I could hang out with her for a while. We go to school together. I used to be a football player at McKinley until earlier this year... after I put a kid in a coma." I was looking at Arlo when I admitted my reason for quitting sports, hoping he would get the point I was trying to make in an otherwise random and overly informative statement.

Cookie seemed somewhat taken aback by my confession and huffed, "Nice 'friend' you got here, Kim."

Arlo stared at us for a moment before taking another swig of his beer. "Keep it down. One kid's sleepin' and we're going to watch The $50,000 Pyramid marathon." He had dropped his offensive tone and lazily flopped onto the couch. My idle threat seemingly had no impact. "And don't think you're goin' nowhere neither, girly. I still got your car keys. You're lucky we don't sell that thing."

Cookie joined him a moment later without saying another word.

Again I looked over at Kim and she was peering at the couple with a look of hatred in her teary eyes. I was waiting for her to scream or start yelling profanities or simply just go crazy on them... but she didn't. Instead, she stomped off passed them and down the hall. I wasn't entirely sure if I was actually given the okay to stay or not, but I really didn't care. All I wanted to do was make sure my friend was okay.

* * *

She had stormed into a room that merely had a shower curtain in place of a door. Soft sounds of sobbing flowed out as I got closer and I felt all at once lost, completely uncertain of how to console her. I still had my awkward guy moments where dealing with emotions was uncharted territory and that was certainly one of them.

Timidly, I knocked on the chipped molding around the curtain. "Kim... are you- can I-" I winced with irritation.

 _Are you what? Can I what?_ I had no idea what to say.

The crying abruptly stopped and the sound of the faucet running could be heard.

 _Is this the bathroom?_ It must have been. I listened to Dick Clark make small talk with the contestants of the show while waiting for... whatever the hell I was waiting for.

A minute later, Kim shut the tap off and finally lightly called out, "Donovan, are you still out there? You can- you can come in."

"Ummm..." I elongated in reply to the perplexing invitation. I heard her chuckle at my response.

"I'm not using the bathroom or anything. There's just nowhere else to go in this stupid house. We know who's out in the living room, which is right next to the open kitchen, my brother is sleeping in my room and there's no way I'm going in their bedroom. So, please, just come in here."

I pulled the thin sheet of plastic aside and walked in, a pained look spread across my face as I still, for whatever reason, anticipated seeing something I wasn't supposed to. Kim was sitting on the toilet, though not indecently, but simply because it was one of the only surface areas to sit on in the cramped, unfinished room.

"See? Everything's fine, you big baby," she razzed, sniffling a little. There was a damp washcloth in her hands and it looked as if she was attempting to conceal the fact that she had cried by irritating the rest of her face with the harsh fabric. She looked over at the sink in disdain and sighed out, "Except that Goddamn clog."

I peered over my shoulder into the hand basin and saw that it was indeed quite full and draining at an incredibly slow pace. A short survey of the fixture and I could see it had a pop-up plug. A smile crossed my face as I remembered an unfortunate mishap of curiosity I created as a child.

"I think I can actually help you with that," I laughed.

"Oh, what? Now you're a plumber, too?" she mocked.

I told her the tale of how, as a child, I would roam the house with a screwdriver in hand and methodically loosen and re-tighten every little bolt I could find and reach. I eventually moved on to taking other things apart and putting them back together, but that did not always turn out for the best. Sometimes I would put them back together wrong and, occasionally, I would lose interest altogether and not even bother trying. That was the case with our bathroom sink during my adventure in 'what's-this-do?' land. I had somehow managed to take apart a good portion of the pop-up plug while under the sink and, upon the realization that I simply wasn't strong enough to put it all back together, I went to my bedroom and started playing with my plastic dinosaurs. An hour later when my father went to use the bathroom, he nearly jumped out of his slippers when water began gushing out from the cabinet drawers as he washed his hands.

As Kim's laughter generated from my inspiring story of handyman-ness subsided, she looked at me with a hint of curiosity in her eyes. "Do you really think you can fix it?"

I put on the best show of confidence and cockiness I could, eyeing the washbowl again to make sure it had emptied. "Pffft! Of course! ...maybe."

The nice thing about the kind of drain stopper the sink had was that you really didn't need any tools to dismantle or reassemble it, and once you removed it, you had open access to the pipe.

"Oh God," she shook her head and buried her face in her palm, but not before I caught a glimpse of her smile.

I opened the doors below the sink and began to clean out the clutter stored within. "Just get me a metal clothes hanger that I can ruin, Blondie."

* * *

Less than ten minutes later I was fishing the long, flimsy length of wire down the drain. The gunk-covered pop-up part of the sink drain lay next to the sink, garnering looks of repugnance from Kim every few seconds.

"If that's grossing you out," I began to warn, lightly pulling up the wire with my catch on the other end, "you probably don't want to look at what I'm about to haul out of this hole."

She shook her head in defiance. "No, I'll be fin- oh my god! That's disgusting!"

I tugged a clump of muck the length of a snake from the drain. It left a trail of blackish-green slime as it dragged against the porcelain surface of the sink.

"What the hell is that?" Her face was still contorted into a look of revulsion.

"Do you, uh, happen to wash that pretty, long blonde hair of yours in this sink?"

"Sometimes, yeah."

At that moment I could almost see the correlation come to fruition in her head.

"Wait, are you trying to say all of that is _my_ hair? My mom does the same thing, y'know?"

I winked at her and began to crack up. "Then I guess you're both to blame, huh?"

"How much do our lives suck right now?" Kim asked a few minutes later as I pulled another clump of hair out. "I'm hiding out in the bathroom, trying to avoid the assholes in the living room while one of my friends is happily yanking blobs of gunky, gross hair from the bottom of our bathroom pipes."

"Well, when you put it like that..." I shrugged, twisting the length of wire in my hands to catch as much clogging material as I could. "Yeah, our lives really suck right now I guess, but hell, I was so bored earlier today that I decided to drive to each of my friends' houses to hand deliver their IDs back to them. This is an upgrade." I removed the last collection of clog-inducing material I could reach and tossed it into the small bathroom garbage along with its counterparts. "So, what do you say we get out of here once I put this back together?"

She stood up and straightened her shirt. "That's the best idea you've had since you got here." Her small jab was proof that she was feeling better.


	8. ...goes unpunished (Part 2)

"And just whatta you two been doing?" Kim's mother asked. Her scowl was scrutinizing enough, but her tone took it over the top.

"Not what you're thinking," Kim scoffed in return and flowed passed her to grab her coat.

"I knew it!" Cookie suddenly hollered without warning. "I knew I shoulda kept an eye on you two. I swear, if you guys-" She stopped, finally paying attention to what her daughter was doing instead of patronizing her. "Where ya think you're goin'?"

"Out." Kim's voice came out as exasperated and it was obvious that any interaction with her mother was an instant downer to her.

"Out? At seven at night? I'm about to make dinnah!" Cookie crossed her arms and squinted her view at us. "Of course. Time for drugs! You two had sex, now you're gonna get high."

Kim returned her mother's judgmental gaze to her, the words she spoke seething with anger. "Get off my back already! We didn't do anything!"

"You little liar! Now I wanna know just what the hell were you two doing back there?" Arlo's booming voice caused Kim to jump a little.

'I-' was all I managed to get out before the famous Kim Kelly eye roll made an appearance and she groaned out a reply, cutting me off.

"He fixed the bathroom sink, okay? He did something you should have done years ago!"

Arlo began to laugh like he just heard a preposterous lie. "Yeah, right. That thing needs a professional to fix it, or maybe just a monkey wrench and some elbow grease. But not some idiot like your friend here!"

"Go see for yourself!" Kim snapped back with a raised voice. "It drains faster than you can think now. Oh wait, it already did that even when it was clogged, dumbass!"

I nervously scratched the back of my head, uncertain of if I should try to corral my friend in or just let things play out like they were.

"You don't talk to him like that!" Cookie yelled.

Arlo's face dropped into a glare and he immediate began to clomp his way towards his stepdaughter.

"What did you say to me? Do you think I won't backhand you again because he's here? You _will_ respect me you little bitch!"

Kim didn't flinch or back down, but I could tell she was expecting to be hit. As quickly as I could, I injected myself between the two and Arlo stopped just a few inches away from me.

"Out of my way, boy, 'less you want a good knock, too!"

He was around my height and had an average build, if not for a bit of a beer-gut, but he also had some liquid courage on his side as well. If worse came to worse we would end up trading blows, but better my face being smashed in than my friend's.

Kim began pulling at my arm. "Donovan, let's go. He's not worth- no, let's just go."

I took a few steps back as Kim's grip began towing me away, but my eye contact with Arlo never broke until we made it through the door. I then knew exactly why Kim's cheek was swollen and why she was hesitant to be herself in the presence of the drunk, and my newfound knowledge left me extremely pissed, but I never reflected it in my appearance. I just remained stoic. If a person can't read your face, they can't predict your actions and that always gives you the upper-hand... or at least that's what Fredricks always said.

'Don't either of you bother comin' back!' I heard him yell as we made a mad dash for my car. I started the engine and looked over at him, and my stomach sank when I saw him reel his arm back with a beer bottle tightly gripped in his hand. He was going to throw it. He was going to fucking throw it right at my car.

"Sonofabitch!" I wheezed as I hunched down and instinctively reached over to duck Kim's head down as well. I watched in horror as Arlo clumsily shot his arm forward and, to my instant relief, he connected with one of the wood pillars holding up the awning above the entrance. The glass exploded into his hand and he yelled out some half-formed obscenity before cradling his bleeding appendage to his chest.

I spun the tires hard in the dirt driveway as we left, creating a monstrous cloud of dust that veiled the drunk from our sight. We heard him yell out in agony again, followed quickly by Cookie's voice asking, 'Jesus, Arlo, what happened? You're bleedin' everywhere!'

* * *

As we drove down the street, I shot a quick glance to Kim and noticed that she looked just as frustrated as I felt. Biting on her thumbnail, she seemed to be focused on the passing scenery outside, but I could tell she was lost in thought. This was the second time in about a month that she had taken flight from her house (the first time being the day that Daniel nearly sucked face with Karen Scarfolli) and sought refuge outside of it, relying on the kindness of her friends in some way.

"God!" she huffed out suddenly, almost in a fit. "I hate- I hate living with them, ya know? They make my life miserable and it's like I have no control. They give me flak all the time and never believe a thing I say and..." She trailed off and, from the corner of my eye, I saw her touch her face where her stepfather had hit her earlier. "And I just hate living there with them," she finished in a quiet, somber tone.

I didn't know what to say. I didn't know if there was anything I _could_ say. Instead, we cruised around aimlessly for about thirty minutes, sharing sporadic conversations about nothing in particular. It was as if we needed to fill the silence that kept creeping up, but neither of us really wanted to reminisce about what just happened. We drove by Daniel's, but his car was still gone so we figured he still must have been as well. Nick's place was out of the question, too, and both Ken and Lindsay's parents were not fond enough of Kim to let her crash at either of their houses.

A look at my watch reminded me of what time it actually was and that I was not only supposed to be home over a half-hour ago, but also that I was likely late for dinner and I had not even called. Kim seemed apprehensive about having to go back home, so I extended an invitation for her to join us, all the while trying to think of how to explain the situation to my folks. She seemed apprehensive to accept the offer at first, but with her options being far and few between, it didn't take much more convincing on my end for her to agree to at least hang around my place for a while.

"I can see how it goes, I guess," she finally agreed, sounding every bit as wary as I predicted she would be. I couldn't really blame her. With how awful her folks were, it was almost a given that she would be leery of almost any parental figure. She had met my parents once before, but still, her mistrust was understandable. "'Sides," she added with a little life returning to her voice, "I'm kinda hungry anyway."

I hadn't even actually invited her to dinner, just to my house, but she welcomed herself to the idea of an evening meal faster than she did my initial offer. Then again, I knew that Kim could be a very determined (if not also headstrong) person; it was actually one of the things that I really admired about my friend.

* * *

Upon returning home, I got the usual third-degree for my dad, and my mother wanted to know why I was gone for longer than I said I would be. My parents, especially my father, had grown a little weary of my recent antics (such as being gone for long stretches of time without concern for contacting anyone) and it was beginning to show. Kim was standing in the living room and I had no doubt she heard me clarify that I dropped by her house and stayed a while because there were a few family problems going on.

I was blessed to have parents with an overabundance of wonderful traits (and quirks); one of them was how they could be so understanding in certain circumstances. When they heard about Kim's difficult situation and the fact that she was still in tow and brought her appetite with her, they were more than willing to set up an extra spot at the table. My mother, being the inquisitive soul that she was, had a truckload of questions for my friend concerning her current difficulty and, to my surprise, Kim had no problem opening up about it in front of all of us. She didn't go into full detail (the physical abuse would remain her and my secret alone), but there was enough information for us to get a picture of the broken home she went back to on a daily basis. When I thought about it, part of me understood why she was so agreeable to talk about it. It was a lot to keep inside and even getting a little bit of it out must have been a welcomed relief.

After we ate, my mother coaxed Kim's home number out of her and gave her parents a call. It was just to 'loop them in and let them know everything was alright' she said. She looked very distressed as the phone conversation continued and I imagined she was hearing more of the demeaning attitude I had earlier. She pulled me to the side a few minutes later, saying that Kim should probably stay at our house for the night with the reaction she got. They were still irate with her and a trip to the ER resulted in over one-hundred stitches to close various gashes in Arlo's hand, which, again, was blamed on Kim.

As Kim and I washed the dishes from dinner (a suggestion from Blondie herself that garnered more than a few weird looks from me), I decided to ask if she wanted to extend her stay or be taken home to the firing squad.

"Hey, so uh... do you wanna stay here a little bit longer? Maybe spend the night? Couch is pretty comfy and I'm almost sure my mom is already gonna try to convince you to stay over anyway since things still sounded pretty tense at your place." I watched Kim slow down on scrubbing the dish she was holding, looking like she was really struggling to answer. The brightness from the recessed light above the sink shone down on both of us, but it seemed to radiate off Kim in a way that made the moment picture perfect to me. Continuing to dry the already bone-dry pot in my hands was all I could do not to run to my room and fetch my camera.

"You mean it?" Kim asked innocently, looking at me with a candidness I had never expected to see her display.

"Yeah, of course! That's what friends are for." I scrunched my face into a funny look for a moment and then smiled. "Even if you are making me do the dishes, which is usually some kind of punishment."

Kim laughed and returned to washing the dish at her normal pace. "Doing the dishes is, like, one of the only things that can calm me down at home when things go bad, y'know?" She fell silent for a moment, and asked a follow up question as she handed me the cleaned plate. "Is that weird?"

I grinned, looking forward to the opportunity to inject a little more teasing into our conversation. "Yes," I nodded vigorously. "Weirdo."

"Do you want a punch to the face?" Kim returned through another bout of laughter, "'Cause you're workin' on getting one!"

Our laughter was, unexpectedly, joined by that of my mother's, which caused Kim to go red in the face and peer down at the last dish there was to wash.

"Sorry, Mrs. Matsen, I was just-"

"Joking, I know," my mother finished in a calm, reassuring tone. "I was a young once too, ya know? Besides..." She put her hand on my back and rubbed the spot for a moment. "I'm sure my Donny needs a little figurative knock every now and then anyway."

I merely grinned and rolled my eyes while the two shared yet another laugh. It was nice to see Kim in a better mood, and continuing to get along with my parents.

"You two almost done in here?" my mother asked as her amusement subsided. "Come out to the living room when you are; your father wants to watch that new _Walking Tall_ show of his and I think it's just about to start."

"Yeah, this is it," I confirmed, taking the last plate from my friend.

My mother began to leave the room but quickly turned around. "Oh, Kim, honey, did Donny talk to you about spending the night here?"

Kim nodded and smiled. "Thank you, I really appreciate it."

"Hm," my mother smiled, "that wasn't nearly as hard as you said it would be now was it, Donovan?" She turned the corner before I could reply.

Kim playfully smacked my shoulder after dropping her short-lived, feigned look of shock, begrudging me for portraying her as a typical bullheaded Taurus.

* * *

My parents soon turned in after the latest episode of _Walking Tall;_ my dad seeming slightly peeved that Kim and I kept making fun of the absolutely cheesy moments the show provided for the hour it was on. He got his revenge, though, sharing highly embarrassing stories about me to our guest during the commercial breaks. After saying goodnight to my parents, I helped Kim turn the couch into a bed.

"You guys have, like, no idea how much I appreciate this," she breathed as we tucked in the last of the sheet under the cushion. "I just hope I'm able to get to sleep tonight after the shitstorm that was today."

I smiled, repeating a line I had used earlier in the day, "I think I can actually help you with that. Let's go to my bedroom."

Her eyes grew so wide I thought they might just pop out of her head. "Donovan!" she said in a shocked tone.

"No, no," I laughed, "I know how that sounded, but it isn't what I meant. I just wanted to see your reaction. What I mean is, sometimes taking the edge off of a hard day with a little pot helps me sleep better. I'm not sure if it works for you, but..."

A grin quickly spread over her face. "Going to your bedroom sounds like a great idea all of the sudden."

I sat on the end of my bed, putting away my small collection of paraphernalia, but keeping a little bag out. Kim was sprawled out on the floor, looking much calmer than I had seen her all day as she reached the end of her second joint. She took a small "break" in-between the two to smoke a cigarette. Personally, I would always much rather fill my lungs with a medicinal herb than nicotine, but I also understood it was an addiction that was very hard to break (my parents' constant cigarette-smoking was proof enough of that)... and it was legal, whereas cannabis was not.

We had been hanging out in my room for the past hour, just talking, smoking and enjoying each other's company. She was enamored with the pictures I had up on my wall, ones that I had taken with the Canon AE-1 my cousin, Jacquese (pronounced jock-quees, as I had to enunciate for her several times), had given me for my birthday. It was a five year old camera, but they were still pretty expensive to buy, so I knew it was another 'don't ask questions' kind of story. It was the first time anyone outside of my family had seen the images I captured and it was encouraging that they were so well received.

Her cheek had lost a lot of its redness, but I could see the faint hint of a nasty bruise starting up under her eye. One more toke and, after being held in for a few seconds, she sighed out a puff of smoke with a smile and stretched her arms far above her head. The light blue long-sleeved shirt she was wearing lifted slightly amidst the strain and exposed a small portion of her midsection. Inappropriate thoughts began flooding my mind like a heavy rain.

I pushed the ideas out of my head, cursing myself for being so typical, and held my hand out to her. "Here, gimme the roach."

"You actually keep this shit?" she questioned with a laugh, passing it to me.

I wet my fingers and pinched it out for safe measure, placing it in the bag with my other ends. "Waste not, want not. There are dry seasons here."

She continued to laugh but instantly gasped when there was a short, rapid succession of thumps on my window. "What the hell is that?"

"That's my girl. She's on time, too, as usual." I reached up to move the curtains.

She furrowed her brow at my answer and, in an overly inquisitive voice, asked, "Who?"

_Was that a slight irritation I sensed in her tone?_

There was a set of small, bright green eyes staring back at us when I moved the cloth.

"My semi-adopted cat, Gracie," I smiled, watching the gray feline stroll back and forth on the outer windowsill. I popped the latch, pushed the window open a little and Gracie wiggled her way inside, hopping down onto my bed and rubbing up against me.

Kim smiled as she sat on the bed to join us. "Hi, pretty kitty," she greeted, the delivery changing from irritated to sweet in an instant. "Why do you call her Gracie?"

"'Cause she's gray and I'm not too original." I started stroking the feline's short, soft fur and she instantly began her loud purr of appreciation. "I actually think she's a British shorthair due to how round she is."

Kim huffed at my words. "So she's round, so what? Don't be a pig, Donovan."

"No," I laughed, "I mean, that's how British shorthairs look. Round head, cheeks, big round eyes, and a rounded body. That's Gracie."

Kim took a moment to look over the feline before it appeared that her opinion changed. All of the 'round' characteristics were there and she couldn't deny them. "Huh, yeah, I guess that makes sense now." She reached over to pet the cat, but Gracie began to growl as her hand neared. "Someone's possessive!" she scoffed.

"What can I say? My touch drives the ladies crazy."

Kim and I both laughed and I got up to clear out my cat's food bowl. I had 'hidden' it in plain sight by treating it like it was some random holster for all of the crap I pulled out of my pockets. "She's probably just hungry. I'm pretty sure she has an owner, but I think they are using her as a mouser."

"In Chippewa?"

"Yeah, I know, it's odd. It's either that or her owner neglects her because I have bought two separate collars and put them on her and each time I did they were gone the next night she dropped by. Poor girl was skin and bones when she first pawed at my window."

I grabbed my water bottle, filled the bowl and scooped up a handful of cat food from the small bag I had behind my dresser. Even though I was sure she was a well-kept secret at first, I had a sneaking suspicion that my parents knew I was feeding and inviting a cat inside on a near-nightly basis. Sadly, all three of us were allergic to cat dander and it wouldn't take long before we would begin sneezing wildly with one around, but I couldn't help that I loved the damn things.

Reaching out the window, I poured the ample helping of food onto the windowsill and placed the water next to it, Gracie's beautiful eyes following me all the while as her chest rattled with a purr.

"Sorry, girl," I said, running my hand across her head and picking her up, "but it is a take-out kind of night for you." She trotted over to her food and happily began to eat as soon as I placed her back down. I closed the window and looked back over at Kim, who now had a crooked smile on her face.

"Donovan Matsen, you certainly are a man of many faces, aren't you? A jock, a burnout, a sweetheart, a badass, a pothead and now an animal lover."

"Oh, I'm a regular jack-of-all-trades, master of none," I laughed.

"Certainly better than a master of one," she returned back slyly.

Glee spread across my face at her unexpected retort. "Oh, Miss Kelly, you're far smarter than given credit for. Alas, I must end our Renaissance imitation and head to bed, but I will bid you goodnight before I do."

"That was by far the geekiest thing I have ever been a part of in my life," she giggled out.

"You and me both! There's a stash of new toothbrushes, courtesy of Dr. Smith's office, in the bathroom under the mirror, left shelve, and the toothpaste is next to the sink." I started to head to the door when she called out, sounding a bit confused.

"Hey, wait, where are you going? This is your bedroom, remember? I'm the guest."

"You can add 'Gentleman' that the list of yours, 'cause I'm taking the couch and letting you have the bed. No arguments. One night won't kill me. Just, ya know, control yourself. Don't go rooting through my underwear drawer or nothing."

Kim scrunched up her face and snorted out a response, "Gross!"

I exited as quickly as I could. I knew Kim would protest (well, probably not to raiding my underwear drawer, but certainly to the sudden sleeping arrangement switch) and I was losing the ability to put together witty responses, but, more importantly, I felt like I was getting a little too cozy around her.

* * *

I was busying myself trying to untwist the sheet on the couch when I heard a voice behind me.

"So, you gave her the bed, huh?"

I spun around in a slight fright, realizing who was talking halfway through my motion. "Jeez, mom, you scared the crap outta me."

On nights when she had a particularly hard time getting to sleep, my mother liked to drink a cup of Chamomile tea. I wasn't sure if it was an actual remedy or simply a placebo effect, but either way it usually got the job done. She took a sip of her drink and continued on as if we had just entered into a normal conversation.

"I heard you two laughing and talking when I walked passed your room and don't think I didn't notice how you look at her."

Instant embarrassment. If my mom noticed, how could Kim not? Just like I thought, I was getting too cozy... and interested. What a walking contradiction I was turning into. How could I begrudge Daniel for his unfaithfulness when I was attracted to his girlfriend myself?

"She's a very pretty girl, Donny. Your other little girlfriend, what was her name? Victoria? She was pretty, too, but something about her seemed off. I don't know. I like Kim, though. She comes from trouble and I can tell she's got a little in her, but... it wouldn't hurt to see how far you two could make it, you know?"

"Mom!" I barked in a whisper. "Kim is my best friend, she has a boyfriend and... no, we're just friends. Jeez." I could almost bet I was flush red in the face by that point. What is with this 'couple' theme everyone kept placing on us during the course of that day?

She took another drink of her tea, smiling and calm as could be. "I had a boyfriend when I met your father. That changed."

I buried my face in my hands. "Oh my god. This isn't happening. This can't be happening."

"I'm just saying. That's all. Have a good night, sweetheart. I love you."

"I love you, mom. Goodnight."


	9. Assassinating Lincoln and Facing Retaliation

The school was buzzing with adrenaline over the fact that our basketball team had done the impossible and actually made it to the regional finals. Ken seemed oblivious to this fact as we walked down the hall, not that it should have surprised me.

"Who's Lincoln?" he asked Vicki as she and another cheerleader strung a sign across the hall that read 'Assassinate Lincoln'.

I couldn't tell if he was joking or not, that's just how good his delivery was at times, but I could only hope that he was. Lincoln was one of our biggest rivals in just about everything. Basketball, baseball, softball... hell, even the mathlete teams shared a venomous competitive streak between them. Football, it seemed, was their Achilles' heel. Even with the horrid record the Norsemen held, we were always at least above the Lincoln Loggers. Before I could answer for my friend, the head cheerleader looked down in our direction and explained for me.

"Our rivals." Vicki wore a look that said he was the stupidest person she had dealt with all day. I knew that look well, as it was one she didn't even spare her boyfriends from. Well, at least she didn't with _this_ former boyfriend.

I instantly (and desperately) began focusing my attention everywhere and anywhere except in her general direction when she took notice of Ken. Our last run-in was horrible enough, and I certainly wasn't looking for any sort of encore.

Suddenly the other cheerleader chimed in, 'We made regionals. Isn't that cool?', and saved me from any sort of uncomfortable interaction with Vicki. I looked at the girl for a moment, trying to recall her name. It was Stacey. Stacey Lockhart. I had felt bad for the girl ever since the end of summer when I had accidentally placed a target on her back. I had stopped by Vicki's house one Saturday afternoon to pick her up for a party we were going to, and a few other cheerleaders were still there, being scolded by my ex for one reason or another. Foolishly, I intervened when she began picking on Stacey for seemingly doing her routine perfectly. That was the first time I got one of those 'you're the stupidest person I've dealt with _today_ ' glares from the blonde cheerleader. I'll never forget Vicki scoffing and talking loud enough for all the other girls to hear, insinuating that Stacey's routine was sloppy and slow, and she wasn't going to allow the girl to embarrass her squad. I'll also never forget the look of pained disappointment that riddled Stacey's face at Vicki's words. The girl looked absolutely crushed. There were only two other times I had been to Vicki's place when Stacey was present, and both times Vicki had tormented the girl to the point of tears. The fact that they had made amends and were now working together shocked me a bit as it brought me back to the present.

Ken, still dumbfounded by exactly what was 'cool' and banner-worthy about being in regionals, asked, "In what?"

"Basketball." Vicki must have looked at him again and spotted me, otherwise I have no idea why she would say what she did next. "You know, our only _good_ team with _good_ players who don't _quit_ for no reason."

It seemed that Vicki's words shook the cobwebs from Ken's memory. I could almost see the wheels turn in his head as he latched onto what he had found out a few months ago, quickly glancing at me with a shit-eating grin on his face.

"Well that's pretty harsh, right Donovan? I wonder who she could be talking about. Oh, wait..." His grin spread more and I wanted to smack the back of his head. "Didn't you two used to-"

"No, no!" I sternly reprimanded, covering his mouth with one hand and pushing him forward with the other. "We're done here. Move along."

As we made our way to where Daniel and Kim were, standing in front of a set of lockers, I heard Vicki start to scold Stacey a nanosecond later over jerking the paper banner too much. Vicki never was one to disappoint when it came to irrational snapping.

It had been about a month since I witnessed the fallout at the Kelly household and neither of us had spoken a word about it to anyone else in the group. I could only imagine that both Daniel and Lindsay had seen similar events during their trips to her house, but it was the kind of thing you really didn't want to recall. She had covered the bruise with makeup and, if I didn't know for a fact it was there, I never would have guessed anything was wrong. That concept was actually somewhat scary to me because it made me wonder just how many times she had done a cover-up job in the past and no one was the wiser.

"Did you guys hear about the basketball game?" Ken asked as we neared our friends. " _Pretty exciting_ ," he finished sarcastically, sounding as if the notion couldn't be more boring to him.

"I'm so sick of all this 'rah-rah' crap everywhere," Daniel groaned out with audible disgust. "These jocks think they're such badasses, walkin' around like they cured cancer."

I raised my eyebrows guardedly, holding up my hand ever so slightly. "Um, former jock, right here."

"They're just monkeys!"

It was glaringly apparent that Desario had issues with the athletically gifted as he proceeded to make mocking monkey-shriek sounds at a passing jock. Unsurprisingly, the kid paid my friend no attention and kept walking on by. That was how it was between jocks and freaks most of the time. We knew not to throw down during school hours, and if one side or the other really wanted a fight, it would take more than insulting the fact that a person was good at sports or liked to smoke weed to get fists flying.

"Still right here and now slightly offended," I continued, but it was apparent that Daniel was not listening to my banter. Ken gave me a reassuring pat on the back, as he was getting a chuckle out of it at least. Lindsay appeared and the conversation instantly switched to her and Nick. After requesting to speak with Kim privately (resulting in Ken being scolded for jokingly asking if Linds was pregnant), the three of us were left to our own devices... to naturally assume that she was, indeed, pregnant. The couple had progressively been getting heavier and heavier as their relationship continued, and last week Kim and Daniel were both sure they were going to have sex. Our speculation did not seem that far-fetched.

* * *

As it turned out, we were way off base. Nick and Lindsay weren't expecting... they were breaking up. It took Kim all of an hour to blab the news to Ken, Daniel and me. Secrets were not exactly a good thing to trust her with.

Sure, the news sucked, but everyone was making it out to be a super-big deal. They seemed like a good couple, if not awkward from time to time. If it wasn't Lindsay's growing pains that were quite apparently a result of her being in a real relationship for the first time that had us scratching our heads, it was Nick's complete and utterly overwhelming approach to relationships that made us grimace every time we saw him do something that was obviously smothering. Just like any other pair, there were things that worked about them, and things that simply didn't. Nick liked to get high a little too much (as in almost all the damn time), and that truly freaked Lindsay out. I don't know how many of the others in our group she confided that little tidbit in, but she sought me out specifically to ask me if it was "normal" to smoke as much as he did. Again, keeping secrets was not Kim Kelly's strong suit, and it seemed even Lindsay was not immune to the gossip when it spread after Homecoming.

"Nick... does not exactly take break-ups well," Daniel confided after school as we all clustered in front of some lockers the next day. "He kinda goes off the deep end."

My curiosity was truly piqued at the explanation and I asked, "Such as?"

He gave me a look of disapproval before answering. "Well, when Heidi Henderson dumped him he broke into her house and got into a fight with her dad. The cops got involved and everything."

"Okay, yeah, that's a little off the deep end. What the hell was he thinking?"

Daniel simply shrugged and shook his head before Ken cleared his throat awkwardly, signaling for all of us to shut up as Lindsay turned the corner. A group of excited kids ran by, screaming about how we would 'kill Lincoln' and that 'McKinley rules'. This, in turn, brought on more jovial jock bashing with Ken delivering a true zinger about wanting to attend the game because he heard we were going to lose, and he thought it was funny when jocks cried. I couldn't help but burst into laughter when he started imitating a baby and whining about how the other team cheated. The sad thing was that sometimes it actually felt like that in the locker room after a tough loss.

The conversation went right back to the doomed relationship when we spotted Nick nearing from down the hall. Daniel practically begged Lindsay not to go through with ending it, but she didn't seem too conflicted about what she wanted to do as she detached herself from the group and had Nick drive her home.

Honestly, I couldn't blame her. If she wasn't happy in the relationship, she owed it to herself to end it instead of dragging the thing out and potentially hating Nick in the long run as a result. Loverboy would be heartbroken, of that we were all sure, but I found it extremely odd that everyone seemed only concerned about how Nick would feel when it was over and not how trapped and rattled Lindsay seemed to be feeling in the relationship. It wasn't until it was revealed that she was looking to break up with him that I could see how wholly unprepared the brainiac was for a genuine relationship. They both had some maturing to do before they would be ready to be with anyone, and I didn't know if either knew it.

* * *

Less than an hour later and Ken, Daniel, Kim and I were still hanging out around the school. If there was a class in loitering, we would all certainly be getting an A+. Ken had just let one rip and, in an effort to clear our minds of the stench, we all started talking about scents we liked instead of what was currently in the air.

"I really like the smell of coconut," Kim admitted with a hint of a smile. "It's calming, y'know?"

 _Something coconutty for her birthday and some anti-gas stuff for Ken's. Check_ , I thought to myself before contributing. "I like the smell of rain. You can pick up on it before it even starts and it's just so, I dunno, refreshing and pleasant."

"Anything is pleasant in comparison to that," Kim smirked, looking to Ken momentarily.

Daniel began adjusting his beanie and fawned, "Man, I love the smell of gasoline." He gave the air a good sniff for emphasis.

Kim politely informed him that those kinds of fumes result in brain damage and I gazed on as a very nice red convertible slowed to a stop in front of us. My eyes began examining the fine piece of machinery ahead.

_Oh, man, that's, uh... it's a... oh come on, Donovan! Think!_

The driver asked something but I was still trying to remember what kind of car he was driving and didn't listen. Kim replied and then, finally...

_A '68 Pontiac LeMans!_

"Norsemen suck!" the driver yelled and all four occupants began pelting us with water balloons before driving away as we all clumsily gave chase on foot. Needless to say, we didn't make it more than a few feet before we gave up as the car sped off into the distance. Daniel threw his nearly-empty cup of Faygo at the assailants, but even that was a horribly wasted effort.

"Man! I'm soaked!" Kim yelled, throwing her arms down as beads of water flew everywhere from her flippant efforts. "Will you do something Daniel!?"

Daniel, water dripping from his face, looked nothing less than pissed. The quiet kind of pissed that I rarely witnessed. "What do you want me to do?" he almost hissed in a low, agitated tone. "Blow on you?"

"Fuckin' Loggers," I sighed, looking at the wet spot on my crotch. A balloon hit my belt and exploded, but the resulting wet patch made it look like I had simply wet myself.

"Those assholes are from Lincoln?" Kim turned around and asked me.

I simply nodded in return, recognizing one of the passengers as a Logger opponent from the football field., and tried to dry off as best I could without looking like I was playing with myself.

Ken, being ever on point that day, soberly stated, "That bettera been water. That's all I'm sayin'."

"Come on, let's see if we can get'em," Daniel commanded, ignoring Ken's comment.

We all got into his Trans Am but were soon disappointed to find that the engine was sputtering instead of starting when he turned the key. It took almost ten minutes before the engine (weakly) came to life and by that point we all knew that any hope of finding the Lincolnites was long gone.

What a fantastic way to end a Friday.

* * *

The embarrassing finish to the day before was proof enough to Daniel that his car needed some more work done on it. That was how Daniel, Kim, Ken and I ended up hanging out in front of Aldo's Auto Salvage and Tow (nobody ever called him Aldo anymore, though, just Al), changing out the spark plugs and checking out the general well-being of all things under the hood. Somewhere along the way, conversation drifted to the status of Nick and Lindsay and just how we all viewed relationships.

"The dumbest thing you can do- let a girl know how much that you like her. Then they just run," Daniel stated.

Kim scrunched up her face for a moment and then looked at her boyfriend with a smirk before teasing him with a question. "Oh, is that why you're such a bastard to me?"

"Yeah, well..." He looked up at her, wearing a smirk of his own. "You're still here, aren't ya?"

I watched the two banter back and forth in a truly affectionate way, each know exactly how the other would react. It was nice to see them act that way towards one another with an audience instead of doing things that seemed to simply _beg_ for attention. Like, when they would make loud, over-exaggerated smacking and moaning sounds when they made out or, on a very rare occasion, they would pick at one another until one of us intervened. The latter was far more uncommon for the duo because, more often than not, one of them would go too far and the on-off couple would be off... again.

I had to admit that Daniel did have a point; a little bit of mystery was always welcome (so long as you weren't hiding something truly horrendous). On the other hand though, I was of the opinion that wearing your heart on your sleeve from time to time was just as welcome (and perhaps essential) in many relationships. Before I could vocalize any of that though, I saw it out of the corner of my eye- the LeMans that had blitzed us the other day. I gently tapped Kim's arm and pointed in its direction.

She spotted the car and almost burst into a frenzy. "Oh man, there's that car! Those jocks from Lincoln that nailed us, that's them!"

We all jumped into the car and Daniel sped off after them.

It didn't take more than a few minutes to make it to their destination, a house in one of the nicer parts of town. When the coast was clear we pulled ahead of the parked car and all got out, Kim had a can of spray paint in hand. She held the Aerosol canister out to Daniel, telling him to tag the car, and the two briefly bickered back and forth about why it was on him. Reluctantly, he took the bottle and began spraying the side of the '68. It honestly hurt to see something so nice being trashed, but they did deserve it. What hurt more was Daniel's spelling of 'you suck' that had been shortened and butchered to 'u-suk'.

Just as he finished, the blond-haired driver came out from his driveway. "What are you doing?"

Daniel began to step back. "Um..."

"We're giving your car a new paint job!" Kim's voice boomed as she defiantly made her way towards the Lincolnite. "What are you gonna do about it, huh?"

_Damnit, Kim! We already tagged his car! Are we supposed to smash his face in, too?_

"What the hell?" the kid asked rhetorically, looking truly shocked that we had sought revenge against him.

"That's what you get, water-balloon boy!" Daniel finally jumped in, sounding more assured than he was a moment beforehand.

"Yeah, man. Thanks a lot," Ken added.

 _Well, at least it's just him..._ I concluded in my mind, unable to stop myself from joining in on the taunting.

"You're lucky we didn't do... worse..." I trailed off as four more of his friends came into sight. I quickly reasoned that this was no longer a good situation to be in and our act of retaliation may have just turned around to bite us in the ass.

"Yeah, something- uh, something tells me it's time to go," Ken remarked as we all started backing up again. All of us, that was, except for Kim. She stood her ground.

"These _losers_ are from McKinley," the blond boy remarked with disgust as his four companions joined behind him. "Look what that bitch just did to my car!" He raised his hands in exasperation and neared his tagged vehicle, making two mistakes in the span of a second.

There are certain things you don't _ever_ call Kim, and one of them is 'bitch'. The other thing you shouldn't do to the feisty blonde when she is in a mood (which she clearly was by that point) is get in her personal space when acting confrontational... which he did as soon as he checked out his car. In a rage, Kim pushed the blond boy hard, yelling, 'You're the bitch, man!' before she came to her senses and backed up towards us.

"Come on, Daniel, kick his ass," she demanded of her boyfriend, as if the request was just that easy.

The gang started descending upon us and I protectively stepped in front of Kim as the ringleader mocked her words, 'Kick my ass?'

I was nervous, but it was too late to back out now. I was bigger than any of them, save for the stocky motherfucker wearing the hat, but a five on four fight was still an underdog match that was not in our favor.

I heard Daniel whimper out 'Tell my mother I love her,' before I shot forward and pushed the instigator into his friends. Two of them caught him and the other two rushed towards us. I traded blows with one of them, the second swing landed on my shoulder instead of my face and I violently thrust my knee into his gut and pushed him to the ground. I was about to barrage him with rights and lefts when the blond guy tried to tackle me.

It literally made me laugh, which probably made me look crazy, but out of all the current chaos (with fights taking place all around me), the smallest guy trying to take on the biggest was hysterical to me. In what was undoubtedly a rip-off of some wrestling move, I wrapped my arms around him and just hurled the little twerp into his own car. He bounced off the metal, adding a nice-sized dent to his new paint job, and crumbled to the asphalt.

I turned around to see how the others were fairing and someone grabbed my arms and twisted them behind my back before whirling me back around. The little leader was back in my sights, looking a little worse for wear, but smirking as he started to throw his fist into my face repeatedly. After a couple of hits, he moved on to my ribs. By that point my mouth was bleeding; I could feel it ooze down my chin with each hit that landed on my flank, and it felt like my side was about to cave-in.

Every time my brain yelled at me raise my legs up and plant the soles of my feet in his chest, his hit would send a jolt of pain through my midsection and make me gasp for air, ruining any thought of capsizing my unfortunate situation.

The force holding my arms back loosened and suddenly disappeared altogether as I heard a whimper of pain behind me. The blond guy threw another punch my way but I deflected it and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt with both hands, pulling him in hard and thrusting my head towards his. I had seen guys do it all the time in movies and TV shows and it always looked cool. Holy shit was it not cool, though. The 'thunk' sound that was created as soon as our heads made contact was gut-wrenchingly painful to hear. As soon as it happened I let him go and stumbled backwards, feeling like I had just cracked my skull open. The pain was instant and immense. The scenes where the guy who head-butts the other one and plays it off like he didn't feel a thing were complete and utter bullshit! That really hurt!

Upon putting my hand to my forehead I could already feel the tell-tale signs of an oncoming goose egg. On the other hand, the tough guy was sprawled out on his back in the road, knocked out. It worked alright, it just wasn't worth it. I turned around and saw the guy who was holding my arms back, the stocky motherfucker, was now cradling his crotch and I could only assume one of my friends delivered a blow right between his legs. I laid a hard right cross into his jaw and knocked him out for good measure, too.

Daniel and Ken were pummeling the hell out of another one and Kim was furiously kicking at the fourth as he tried to shield his body from the blows. The fifth punk was halfway down the street, hightailing it as fast as he could.

"Come on, come on, let's go," I said, tugging on Kim's ripped shirt and staggering towards the Trans Am. In addition to the painful headache, I began to feel dizzy and sick well. "Guys, come on. They're done," I mumbled and reached for the Tans Am door handle. We needed to get the hell out of there, post-haste.

* * *

"UUUUCCCCKK!" I yelled, fairly certain I had somehow skipped the 'F' at the beginning of my cry. Something hard, wet and cold had thumped against the sore spot on my forehead and it sent a shock-wave of pain through my body.

_Was I asleep? When did that happen?_

"Oh shit, I'm sorry," Kim blurted out and once again placed the object on my bump, though much gentler this time.

I glanced around and caught Daniel's eyes flicker back and forth in the rear-view mirror as we raced down the road. "What the hell are ya doin' back there, Blondie?" he asked, sounding somewhat irritated. "You're spose'ta be holding the ice pack, not hittin' him with it."

I could see that he had a vertical gash next to his eye and a smaller horizontal one right above his nose.

"Well, if you'd stop driving like a maniac maybe I wouldn't have bumped him with it!" Kim snapped back at him. Both her top and bottom lips were split in the same area.

"What happened to you?" I asked hoarsely. Along with my head, my mouth was throbbing with pain and it kind of felt like it was stuffed with gauze.

"Same thing that happened to all of us," Ken replied, turning to face us from the passenger seat. His red badge of courage came in the form of a bloody nose. "We kinda got our asses kicked until Kim scratched one guy's face and kicked that big guy in the balls from behind. Then you got free and started smashing heads... and faces. I swear, man, I was waiting for you to turn green and Lou Ferrigno-ish." Ken began to laugh and I simply tried to smile, but ended up just grimacing in pain instead. "And you should've seen the look on the guy's face at the gas station when we asked for a few bags and filled them with ice from the fountain machine. He kept asking if we needed an ambulance."

Our antics knew no bounds.

"Daniel, slow down." Kim's voice came out deliberate and stern.

"We're not gonna make the start of the game if we don't hurry. We're gonna crush 'em. We're gonna crush 'em on the court as bad as we did on the street and I wanna be there to see it."

"No," she shook her head, "we need to drop him off at home first. It's on the way and it'll only take a minute to just stop and let us out."

"Us? You're not comin' to the game?" Daniel turned in his seat to look back at his girlfriend, swerving the car a little to the right in the process.

"Look at him!" Kim exclaimed, and I could swear I felt compassion in her tone. "He'd be in better shape if he fell off a cliff and hit every rock on the way down. Someone needs to explain what happened to his parents."

He simply turned back around and flopped in his seat, rubbing at his forehead with his free hand. Daniel seemed seriously irked, but I knew how he felt. I had been there, in the zone so deep that you don't want to do anything else but what you're focused on and any little distraction was unbearable.

I was so exhausted I kept going in and out, even though I tried actively to fight it when I was awake, and I knew that that _wasn't_ a good sign. If I had a concussion then sleeping was the very last thing I should've been doing and I was playing with the fact that I could have easily slipped into a coma if worse came to worse. Daniel dropped us off and asked if we needed them to stick around, but Kim waved him off. I was hunched forward and dragging my feet as Kim lifted my arm around her neck and bore the burden of most of my weight.

"I swear to god, Donovan," she grunted as we made it up the walkway to the front door, "if you fall on me I'm gonna kill you."

I grinned and laughed, not being able to help myself.

"You're such a goof," Kim commented lightheartedly while shaking her head. A moment later she was laughing right alongside me.

My dad was away in Detroit on a career fair, which wasn't exactly unusual since he had to go to such events quite a bit with the job title he held, but my mother nearly fainted when we walked through the door with the injuries we had. She immediately rushed us to the family car (a cream-colored 1973 Oldsmobile Delta 88 that I absolutely _hated_ ) and drove to the hospital. Kim refused to be seen, but I didn't really have a choice. My visit lasted for just over two hours, and with the help of some x-rays and various stints of poking and prodding, my attending doctor delivered some good news and some bad news. While he concluded that I didn't have a concussion (my waning lethargy helped to rule hat out, as well as the concern of any other traumatic brain injury), any broken ribs or a cracked skull, my sides were heavily bruised and the inside of my left cheek had a deep gash from the face pummeling I received. It required stitches and the doc 'heavily recommended' that I go to my dentist ASAP just to be on the safe side. While the doctor was very pleased that I was becoming more and more awake and aware, he was concerned about the substantial increase in pain I was reporting to him. It felt like my head was going to explode with every beat of my heart at the height of the pain, and taking in sharp breaths didn't help matters much either with the shape my ribs were in. He wrote a prescription for pain relief and gave me a small shot of morphine in my IV before discharging me from the hospital. After about twenty minutes, before we even left the building, I was feeling much better... and extremely loopy. Almost everything was consumed in a blackout after the pain subsided.


	10. Of innocence and dissonance

I woke up in my bed to the sound of my parents arguing back and forth. Everything was black, but the moon was shedding its pale light through the window, providing at least some level of illumination. I shifted slightly and realized I wasn't alone. As my eyes began to focus in the dark, the blonde hair in front of me was a dead giveaway to who it was- Kim.

We were lying in my bed, facing each other. I listened to her softly breathing as she slept, while my head had a mini-explosion of panic.

_Oh shit! What the hell happened? And why don't I remember any of it?_

I began summing things up, taking note of our surroundings. The bed was made and we were sleeping on top of the covers, my bedroom door was slightly ajar and I would remember if something came about (or so I kept telling myself, at least).

_Of course nothing happened; don't be stupid. We're both fully clothed for crying out loud._

Again my eyes wandered to her as my brain brought me to my senses. She looked peaceful as she slept (which was not exactly a look I was accustomed to seeing on her) and beautiful, too. Unquestionably beautiful. She was one of the few girls who looked just as stunning, if not more so, without the accompaniment of makeup. Her lips moved slightly as her eyes darted back and forth under her lids. She must have been dreaming. I smiled and gently swept a clump of hair that was lying on her cheek to behind her ear, just as I had seen her do a hundred times before. Her blonde mop was in a tangled, unkempt mess, but I'd be damned if it didn't actually add to her appeal, bordering on sexy even.

I scrunched up my face for a moment upon the realization that there was something faintly slippery feeling on my lips. I touched them with my tongue slightly and was greeted by the taste of... strawberries? Fake strawberries, but strawberries nonetheless.

_What the hell did I eat and why is it still on my lips?_

My parents' voices spilled into the room, both raised, but neither really yelling.

"Mel, this isn't right and you know it. He's been wandering down the wrong path ever since he started hanging out with those kids. He keeps skipping classes, he won't tell us where he's going half the time and we both know he's been sneaking out at night and now this?! Assaulting kids from other schools over water balloons, and then _he_ ended up in the ER?!"

"They were jumped!" my mother defended in a strict tone. "Sure, they did something stupid and retaliatory, but they didn't deserve what those kids did."

"And what do we do if they decide to get the police involved? This could be his second close call to getting in all kinds of legal trouble."

"The Addler family dropped the idea of a lawsuit and there is no way those kids are going to admit they beat on a girl."

"A girl who is still here! Still here and now sleeping with our son!"

"Oh, Jesus, Keith! They're not sleeping together, they fell asleep together. It's Kim, honey! Kim! She was going to call her boyfriend and have him pick her up, but the next thing I knew she was out like a light next to Donny. They were both exhausted and, with Kim's mother working the night shift, there is no way I was leaving her with that stepfather of hers. You saw what he did to her last time she was here. Honestly, you're comparing apples to oranges and you know it."

 _Thank god?_ I questioned, feeling torn about just how innocent our situation suddenly became.

Kim felt comfortable enough around me to sleep in the same bed and, as far as I could tell, there was more sexual tension between two rocks than we had. This was clearly the 'you're like a brother to me!' gray area and I was lingering on the definition of insanity if I expected anything to change. I needed to just drop this infatuation and start paying attention to other girls again.

I heard my dad release a long, heavy sigh.

"I just... I'm worried about him."

My mom's serious tone instantly took on a much softer approach as she spoke. "I know you are and I am, too. He will always be our little boy... no matter how big he gets, but he's almost seventeen. We can't expect him to hang on our every thread of advice and not go against the grain once in a while. He needs to find things out on his own, he needs to experience things on his own and we can't help him with that, only he can. What we have to do is trust him and be there for him."

"I want to believe that, but it is so hard to watch him make mistake after mistake..."

"Come on, baby. It's late, you had a long drive home from Detroit and I'm sure you're tired. Let's just go to bed. The three of us can sit down and talk tomorrow and maybe we'll work something out that will help us all feel better."

 _Oh great... that's not going to be an agonizing conversation at all_ , I sarcastically thought to myself.

The dull pain in my face started to become more and more knife-like and I closed my eyes, willing myself back to sleep before it became too intense. I should have got up and taken something, but I was stubborn and... I didn't want to disturb Kim.

* * *

The throbbing eventually woke me up, though I truly had no idea how long I had been able to sleep through it. When I looked around, the setting was still the same- night with a splash of moonlight thrown in. I shimmied off the bed and mildly as I could, attempting to be ninja-like in my movements, but failing badly (I couldn't help but notice Kim begin to turn as I left the room).

A quick fumble of my hand across the wall and a blinding light seemed to have lit the bathroom on fire. I stumbled across the cold tile floor with scrunched eyes, reaching for the medicine cabinet door as I neared it.

"No, no," Kim's groggy voice weakly commanded. The sudden break in silence put me into a wide-eyed fright which led to me immediately squinting them shut again as the burst of light gave an additional, albeit different, shock.

"You got some pain pills; Tylenol 3 or something. Your mom put them right there, next to the sink."

I released a grunt of acknowledgment and snagged up the dark orange bottle, briefly fighting with the child-proof cap. I glanced up at the mirror as my struggle continued. The damage was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. The goose egg was actually the same size, if not even smaller, than a golf ball and my cheek was only slightly inflamed. There were a few scrapes, cuts and bruises all over, but nothing I hadn't been decorated with before.

"But you should eat first. Pain pills on an empty stomach will make you sick."

I turned to face her, my sight finally adjusting to the reintroduction of light. She still looked bushed and her hair was displaying a heavy case of bed head on the side she was lying on. I laughed and cradled my face as pain jerked through it.

"You're being awfully mothering here," I croaked out, noting how muffled my voice sounded.

She flashed a half smile, "I just wanna get you drugged so I can go back to sleep. 'Sides, it was kind of my fault this happened anyway."

"No, it wasn't," I disagreed, following her into the kitchen with my pain pill in hand. "We all followed that car looking for a fight... we just thought it would be a four on one."

"I'm the one who pushed him first."

"Doesn't matter. His friends were there by that point and there was no way they would just let us drive off, even if we didn't say a word to them."

"Well... whatever." She plopped two pieces of bread in the toaster and we stood there in silence, waiting for them to pop back up in a golden-brown color.

"How do you know where everything is?" I asked her as the realization that she did not need to ask me where the toaster or bread was.

She shrugged her shoulders indifferently. "I've been here before, remember? And I pay attention, I guess. I like knowing my surroundings; where this is, where that is, where the doors are in case I need to leave in a hurry..."

Her home life had obviously made her very cautious of everyone and everything and to always have a plan B.

She looked around and seemed to be at a loss. "Butter knife? And butter?"

"Aha!" I teased, "We washed the dishes once, but you never scoped out the elusive silverware drawer."

She smirked. "Better make it a steak knife so I can stab you for good measure."

As we ate, both taking more than an ample amount of time for a single slice of toast, I asked her what happened after the hospital because I truly couldn't remember anything post pain-shot. She sighed in dissatisfaction and gave me an accusatory look, as if I was trying to pull some weird joke or something. I continued my questioning stare until she finally gave in. I was half-amused and half-horrified to be told that I acted silly and almost child-like. It was embarrassing, but at the same time she seemed to be highly entertained to tell me that I kept shushing her mid-sentence as she talked to my mother and I would flip people off at stop lights while looking high as a kite with a smile from ear to ear on my face.

I gladly took my Tylenol, hoping it would somehow take away the memory of how stupid I had acted in front of her, and Kim took me by the hand, leading me back to bed. It took her all of a minute to fall asleep again, but I had to wait for the pain to recede somewhat before my eyelids became heavy.

The more I got to know Kim, the more I understood that there was a very large difference in how she acted on the outside and how she operated on the inside. She was always on the defensive, but felt at fault for most situations she was involved in (she wouldn't admit to something like that, but if you could read her right you could easily see it) and the 'I don't care' bitchy attitude she wore with pride was marred by just how much she loved everyone who was important to her. I wasn't the only one struggling with a conflict of standards to uphold. Not by a long shot.

* * *

I dropped Kim off at her house the next morning, after just narrowly convincing my folks I was okay to drive.

"You gonna be okay?" I asked, while looking at her split lip, concerned with just how badly her parents would grill her on the injury and, subsequently, the actions that led to it if she did confide in them.

She smiled and shook her head and smiled, "I'll be fine. Just remember- forget about yesterday."

 _Remember to forget about yesterday?_ I pondered in my head as she turned and disappeared into her house. _Is that some sort of oxymoron riddle?_

I took my sweet time returning home for "the talk". It had to happen eventually, I knew that, but I also needed time to think of proper responses for my side of the debate, the side where I wasn't barred from my friends. Trying to figure out what Kim was talking about during our goodbye did not help my concentration. By the time I returned home though, it was a distant memory.

The conversation didn't go over as badly as I feared it would, even if the irritating subject of football kept creeping in, and most of it was just a rehashing of what I overheard the other night. But, there was one thing my dad said that kept repeating in my mind long after we finished talking.

"Son, you've got to think of five, even ten years from now. Where are you going to be? Where do you want to be? More importantly, can you get there on the current road you're traveling?"

It wasn't a bad question, and certainly not one that I hadn't already asked myself, but the problem was that I didn't have an answer. I didn't know what I wanted out of life, how to get there or if I even could. I only had a little over a year before I truly hit adulthood and to not have a plan or even an inkling of an idea was unsettling when I really thought about it.

* * *

Things hit a bit of a rough patch in the group during the regional finals game, likely right around the time I was being poked and prodded in the ER. Apparently, at some point just before the game had started, Lindsay's mother somehow broke up with Nick for her. Either Kim was sworn not to put all of the details out there or she simply didn't know everything, but the whole thing felt rather simplified from what I was told. There wasn't even any mention of how her mother knew Linds wanted to break up with Nick to begin with. In the end, it didn't matter... because what was done, was done, and they were most certainly done. The only good news from the whole reveal was that the Norsemen had won the game against Lincoln, allowing the basketball team to achieve a championship the likes our football team had yearned for for years. Sadly, things only became worse for the strained relationships in our group when Kim and Lindsay had a falling out of sorts not too long after Nick and Linds' relationship died.

Mrs. Kelly was invited to the Weir's house for dinner after the girls were caught hitchhiking and, in what I found to be very typical of Cookie, it was said that she did nothing but bash her daughter's name in front of her friend's parents. Turmoil ensued the next day at school when the two girls discussed what the Weirs thought of Kim after having a discussion with her mother. Either Lindsay said something wrong or Kim took part of the conversation the wrong way because they were at odds with one another after that. My first indication that something was amiss was during lunch. I had noticed that Kim was looking rather down and out as I sat down with her, Nick and Daniel to have our lunch. She seemed focused on her drink in front of her, taking small sips and mainly just playing with the straw while not contributing much to the conversations we were having. About five minutes after we had all collected, just before I could tap her on the shoulder and ask her what was wrong, she piped up with a rather odd question.

"Hey, guys," she said, still looking down and not directly at any of us, "what do you think the worst way to die would be?"

Right off the bat the boys took the bait and, while I was initially a bit baffled by her question, I couldn't help but join in. Kim sat silently while I threw around ideas with the other guys, each of us trying to one-up the last in terms of horrific ways we could perish, even if we had to steer into ridiculous scenarios to do so.

"The worst would be getting' eatin' alive by wolves," Nick continued on, trailing after my 'snakebites to the face' suggestion. He just had to up the ante by adding, "From the feet up."

I grinned and shook my head and Daniel protested with a 'nuh uh' and stuffed a ketchup-soaked fry in his mouth.

"No. It would be worse if you were, like, a deep-sea diver, and you came up too quick..." Daniel illustrated his point with his hands, moving them to depict a diver bursting to the surface. He held another fry between his fingers, like a half-spent cigarette, and a devious grin spread on his face as he went on. "And your head, like, exploded from all the pressure." He once again used his hands for imagery, raising them to his face and expanding them apart to show a head exploding.

"Oh, yeah!" Nick interrupted in agreement and we all began to laugh. He began to congratulate Daniel when I heard Kim talk for the first time since we had started discussing the grim subject.

"You know, you guys are _really_ morbid!"

"Kim, you asked the question," Nick replied with his goofy grin still on display. He didn't seem thrown at all by how much the girl was obviously not enjoying the topic she had introduced.

Again I took note of her mood, and wanted to talk with her about it... but I couldn't just let Daniel have the last say in our death battle. "Okay, okay, just one more and I'll lay off," I smiled, knowing I had an ace up my sleeve with the next one. "I promise." I threw a quick glance to Kim after my pledge and was only met with a huff and a classic roll of the eyes from Blondie. Shaking my head slightly, I turned my attention back to Nick and Daniel. "Alright, so, the worst way to die, and I mean absolute worst way, would have to be being buried alive."

Nick smiled and nodded, pointing to me with a mouthful of fries being chewed to paste. "Yup!" he exclaimed in a muffled tone, exposing his partially-ground food. "That would be the worst!"

"Nah," Daniel denied, shaking his head and grabbing another french fry from his plate. "That's pretty weak."

I scoffed and protested his challenge. "No way; think about it, Daniel. You're in a small box, you can't see shit, can't hear shit except your own voice or breathing or panicking. You can't get out, and you're either gonna die of a heart-attack from fear and hysteria or you're going to slowly suffocate. The worst part is you're gonna be alone. You're gonna be alone... dying a slow, mentally excruciating death and-"

I stopped abruptly when I realized that Kim was staring at me. She had a look of complete and utter shock and dread written across her face.

"Jesus, Matsen!" she chastised from out of nowhere. "What the hell? Now I'm gonna have nightmares about being buried alive! Thanks a lot, asshole! Jeez, I didn't think we'd be talking about this for a half-an-hour!"

In reality, only about five minutes had passed from the time she had asked the question to my last answer, but I knew what she was talking about. Lindsay took a seat with us before I could apologize and the mood shifted immediately.

"Hey guys," she greeted, the silverware on her tray clanking together as she sat down in the empty chair between Nick and I. Awkwardly, Daniel and I were the only two to return her greeting. Kim stared at her with a look of what I could only read as disappointment, while Nick became all at once jittery and visibly uncomfortable, jostling around in his seat like he had a bug biting his ass.

A moment later, he stood up, announcing, "I got to, uh- go to shop class. I told Ken I'd meet him there."

We all knew he was lying, as Ken had skipped the rest of the day after third period and let Daniel, Kim and me know before he bailed. I shot a glance to Lindsay, trying to appear inconspicuous as I took a bite of my lukewarm hamburger. She seemed disheartened that Nick was leaving as soon as she got there and I had no doubt that she felt at fault for his hasty departure. After all, he was still sore over their breakup. But when Kim got up to leave too, we all knew something was up.

"Yeah, come to think of it- I should probably get going, too." There was a way about how she was speaking that immediately pulled our attention to her. It was monotone and lifeless; not at all like Kim would speak regardless of her mood. When my eyes fell on her, I could see that she was staring directly at Lindsay, focusing her passive-aggressive words at the brunette. "'Cause I gotta go, ya know, do drugs."

Astonished, Daniel, Lindsay and I shared shocked looked between one another for a fleeting moment.

"Oh yeah, and have sex," Blondie added, just as mundanely as her delivery before.

"What?!" Daniel and I both asked at the same time. While I was merely stunned by the sharp statements, Daniel was understandable more confused, and possibly concerned.

The whole time, Kim had never broken her stare towards Lindsay, making sure that her words were driving some sort of point home. "Lindsay knows what I'm talking about," she answered to our bewildered reactions, only making matters worse for everyone.

In response, Lindsay scrunched up her face for a moment before a look of slight enlightenment appeared. "Oh," she muttered, still seeming somewhat confused, "is this about what my parents said?"

Kim scoffed and stood up in a rush; life returning to her expression, but a nasty attitude accompanied it as well. "You, know, I told you Lindsay," Kim flared, "I don't _give_ what your parents say about me."

"Well, why are you so mad?" Lindsay innocently questioned, echoing the thought that had just ran through my mind.

"I do give what my _friends_ say about me."

The two stared at each other for a second, Kim imploring her intimidating glare while she peered down at Lindsay. It was almost like the two were in a staring contest and the first to blink would lose. As I felt the air take a slight chill, I scooted back in my seat, not at all interested in being the meat between a potential cat-fight sandwich.

In the end, Lindsay blinked, exasperatedly exclaiming that she had, in fact, not said anything. All Kim could do was huff, roll her eyes and stomp away from our table after snatching her coat off the back of her seat.

"Wow, you sure know how to clear a room," Daniel noted, crunching down on a particularly crispy French fry.

Appearing completely spent, Lindsay heaved out a sigh and looked down to her tray. I rubbed my forehead and sighed as well, suddenly remembering that I had Language Arts with Blondie next period and I was sure to be getting an earful about this whole incident for the duration of class.

* * *

I really tried to keep out of whatever it was that was going on between the two girls, regardless of the fact that Kim kept trying to pull me into the whole fiasco countless times. She would start up randomly and get pissed at me for not listening and then, during my next class, Lindsay would say she had no idea what her problem was and drone on and on about whatever while I strained to convey that I didn't want to get involved. I wasn't trying to be an asshole; it was just an unfortunate byproduct of my current state of mind. I simply didn't have time for other people's problems when my dad and, more recently, Coach Fredricks were making me question going back to something I had sworn off just months ago.

It started with the talk I had with my folks, but only continued when Fredricks called off gym class to figure out who the prankster among us was. Apparently someone had been phoning his house since Tuesday night and kept giving him trouble with prank calls.

I looked at the script I was supposed to read aloud as I sat in front of his desk.

"Fredricks, you're a turd! A stinky, fat turd! Go sniff a jockstrap, you poop-head."

That was about as far as I made it before I nearly went mad with laughter and I fully understood why the class bully, Alan White, couldn't control himself when reading the same article when he went in before me. Coach was not in the mood to be laughed at, but I just couldn't help it.

"Coach, you know me," I finally defended, stuttering my amusement. "I wouldn't- this isn't my style."

He sighed and nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I know, but I didn't want it to look like favoritism or anything."

"So... can I go now?"

"Um, no, actually." He cleared his throat and looked at me like he meant business. "Your father called me. He's, uh, he's worried about you."

"Aw, jeez," I dropped my head backwards dramatically. "The football thing again? Not you too."

"Come on, Donovan, he's just looking out for your future and so am I. You're good at football, you really are, and that alone can get you into a good college where you can get an education that will prepare you for life outside of the sport if you really don't like it. Can your new friends offer you that? I don't think so. Look, I know what happened with Tommy Addler shook you up a bit and I don't blame you for wanting to take a break... but don't walk away from this kind of opportunity. Come back. Come back to us next year and I will sing you endless praises and make sure you are seen by so many scouts that colleges will be knocking down your front door to personally hand you a scholarship."

If there was only one thing I could commend Coach Fredricks on it would be the dedication to not just his job, but the kids under his guidance. Sometimes we would get lost, one way or another, and he always did his damnedest to put us back on the right track.

The worst part of his whole speech was the fact that he had a point. Nothing against my friends, but they simply couldn't open doors for me like sports would. Barring some sort of radical brain transplant, there was no way I would get recognized for my intellect and grades the way Lindsay did, either. While my GPA had actually improved under my own will since dropping football and financial aid was provided to a B average student like myself, the chances of getting my name picked out of a hat with thousands of others were rather slim and, without the help of a scholarship or two, there was no way my parents could afford anything more than community college tuition.

Responsibility blows.


	11. Promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: So, I did my best to not break up my chapters and have the same amount as I had before my revisions, but this is where that plan fell apart :p. On the upside, this is a completely new chapter for my faithful readers. This does mean, however, that all of the reviews from this chapter on will be out of place from where we actually are in the story now. Also, I purposefully altered the time-line of episode 10 here, extending the events by a few days when, in actuality, Lindsay and Kim get over their snit the same day Fredricks calls the geeks in to read his script.

"Hey, Lindsay," I half-greeted, half-beckoned as I neared my friend at her locker.

"Oh, hey Donovan," she returned, sounding friendly. It had been a couple of days since the rift developed between Lindsay and Kim, but the ex-mathlete had at least realized that I wasn't trying to be spiteful in my efforts to distance myself from the clash the two were having and respectfully quit trying to pull me into the ordeal. Linds was a lot more mature than Kim in that regard, as she knew the proper steps of getting over an angering situation. Blondie just let it fester inside of her for days, growing more and more irate over whatever the problem was with each passing minute. It was a side of Kim that I didn't like at all, a side that easily pushed me away from wanting to be around her whenever it reared its ugly head. The girl definitely needed some anger management, but the prospects of her getting any legitimate help in that area were around the same as a snowball's chance in hell.

"Did you take notes during History today?" I asked, feeling stupid for not even paying attention in class at all. Ever since talking with Fredricks, my brain had been slightly fried to anything else. Sleep, focus, my mood... it was all messed up. "I was a little zoned out."

"Yeah, I noticed," she chucked. "I tried getting your attention like five times, space cadet." She proceeded to root around in her locker for a moment longer before pulling out a few pieces of paper. "Here."

"Thanks," I praised, flipping my backpack over my shoulder and gently placing the notes in the sole folder occupying the bag. If the notes were mine, I would have just stuffed the damn things in the sack without a moment's hesitation, but considering how nice and pristine they were when she handed them over, I figured I should be respectful.

She smiled. "No problem. And don't worry about giving 'em back; I've already memorized them."

"Of course you have," I said with a grin and rolled my eyes, causing both of us to crack up.

"Hey, Lindsay," Daniel called, clomping his way over to us; his new-ish, Goodwill-acquired Doc Martens Creepers were thick and heavy, thumping against the tiled floor with every step he took. "I can't take it anymore," he admitted with a sigh as the brunette finished putting her locker back in order after fishing out the History notes for me. "You gotta talk to Kim."

"Why?" Lindsay asked, pulling a black notebook from the top portion of her locker. "Does she want to talk to me?"

I was eager to exit the conversation, as I was sure that Daniel must have had enough of being involved in it himself, but the brown-haired boy had cornered me in in his rush to speak with Lindsay.

"I dunno, but you gotta do somethin'," Daniel continued to lament, and after getting a really good look at him, I could see that he looked tired and unkempt, as if Kim's sour mood was affecting him as well. "She's drivin' me nuts."

_Well, there's my answer to that, now if I can just squeeze my way passed-_

"I mean she's bitchin' nonstop about her mom, you, your parents... I'm dyin'." He sounded so hopeless, and the look he was giving Lindsay was a notch below begging for the girl's help.

His words stopped me dead in my tracks (not that I had made much progress in getting away from the two). _Whoa, com'on now,_ I scourged inwardly as I gave Daniel a glaring side-eye. _Kim's your girlfriend, man. Support her, don't say you're getting' sick of her bitching..._

While I might have wanted to distance myself from her for the same reasons, Daniel was far more invested in the girl and, as far as I was concerned, had an obligation to be there for her in good times _and_ in bad.

"Well, why is she going so crazy?" Lindsay questioned, truly sounding as if she was at a loss as to the reason for this whole mess.

Without missing a beat changing his dreary delivery, he gave her her answer. "She says you didn't stick up for her."

"I tried!" Lindsay defended, but Daniel merely just released a big sigh in response. "And she's still mad."

Again, I saw an opening to remove myself from the conversation I wasn't contributing to and didn't want to be a part of, but Daniel's next words caught my attention.

"I know, but mostly it's just her feelings are hurt."

His conversation with Lindsay continued, but their words were drown out by his last statement echoing in my head. I immediately felt like an ass for outright ignoring Kim's attempts to talk to me about her issue with Lindsay. She wasn't just looking for an outlet to complain to; she needed someone who would listen, maybe even help her feel a bit better about how much the whole thing had affected her. She loved Lindsay just as much as she loved any of the rest of us, so for her to learn that Linds' parents were bad-mouthing her right alongside her own mother and the girl hadn't done a thing to stop it, that must have been pretty disheartening. I didn't know how hard Lindsay 'tried' to stick up for Kim against her folks, but with how Blondie was acting, it couldn't have been that much.

"Don-o-van?" Daniel droned in a slow, mocking tone, poking the side of my head with his index finger and effectively pulling me out of my thoughts. I gave him a blank stare for a moment, perplexed by what was going on, and he began to laugh through his Cheshire Cat grin. "I asked if you wanna hang out with me an' Nick after school today, man. Ya didn't hear me?"

"No, I uh... I guess I didn't," I admitted, trying to laugh through my embarrassment at being caught in a fog twice today. "Yeah, hanging out sounds cool. What's the plan?"

"Nothin' man," he continued to grin, "We'll figure somethin' out, though. I just know I'll go nuts if I have to be alone around Kim again today." After his statement, he turned to Lindsay, asking, "You swear you're gonna talk to her today, Linds? She's _really_ bein' a pain in my ass."

I rolled my eyes at the back of Daniel's head at his apathetic wording, an action that was witnessed by Lindsay, and watched as the girl saved my ass by swallowing her laughter. She collected herself and agreed a moment later, causing Daniel to praise her as a life-saver and telling me to meet him at the front of school after last period.

After Daniel disappeared around the corner, Linds turned her attention back to me, a curious expression set on her features. "You really are a space case today, ya know? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, no, I'm good," I shrugged, trying to play the whole thing off. "Just got a lot on my mind, that's all."

"Yeah, well," she grinned, "you better come back to Earth for your next class. I won't be able to take any notes for ya." She lightly jabbed me in the side with her elbow, causing me to grunt out as I flinched slightly. My ribs were always a soft spot, one that would get a reaction out of me no matter how lightly they were poked, and while Lindsay had found that out much by accident one day, she never forgot nor missed the opportunity to get a jump out of me with a slight prod.

"Ohhhh," I cautioned with a genuine smile on my face. "You're _lucky_ we got different classes next." I reached over and ruffled her hair, causing her to release a small squeak of delight. "Very lucky."

* * *

The following day it appeared as if Linds had taken care of Daniel's "problem" and made amends with Kim, because the two were thick as thieves once again, walking together and talking almost every time I caught sight of them. While the storm may have passed for the two, it seemed that the waters were still agitated between Kim and Daniel, with both making extra effort to stay clear of each other. I had assumed that they broke up once again, but Nick corrected my thinking in explaining that they just needed to spend a bit of time _not_ in each other's company before one strangled the other.

During lunch, Kim had asked me to give her a ride home after school and, after I agreed and Kim's attention was elsewhere, Daniel leaned over and thanked me, clasping his hands together as if I had answered an unspoken prayer from him. For the life of me I would never understand how their relationship worked, only that it somehow continued to do so.

The day passed rather quickly and uneventfully, which was a blessing considering how stressful things could be when just a fraction of our group wasn't getting along, and by the time school was emptying out I was on the hunt for my blonde-haired friend. I had a metric shit-ton of homework to complete and messing around on school property after it had already let out was not on my to-do list for the day. Luckily, Kim was not that difficult to locate. Her last class of the day was chemistry and that was exactly where I found her, sitting at one of the back lab tables, scribbling notes in her notebook.

"Hey," I called from the front of the classroom and was met with a glare from the girl as she looked up at me. Her features softened a moment later, but her attention went right back to the textbook and pad of paper in front of her. "We gots to move, missy," I continued, playing as cordially as I could with my request. "I have too much homework and not enough time to be messing around in this dump any longer today."

"Yeah, me too," she laughed, continuing to jot lines down, "and I sure as shit don't want to lug this stupid book home or write all this crap down, but I can't fail this class or I'm screwed. Just give me a minute, 'kay?"

I nodded and strolled down the isles, taking a seat next to her a minute later. If we were going to be stuck here a little while longer, I figured it would be the perfect time to clear the air about my attitude earlier in the week.

"Hey, um, I'm sorry about, ya know, what happened," I began, trying to find the right words that would suffice as an apology but not set her off at the same time. "You wanna talk about it?"

My vague wording must have sent the wrong message because it sent Kim into a panic and she jumped up, covering the left side of her face and rushing to the mirror in front of the classroom sink.

"Shit! Did it smear? How bad is it?" she asked in a frenzy as she moved.

Curiously, I raised an eyebrow and replied, "I was askin' about you and Lindsay, not your conceal-" My words just stopped mid-sentence. The smile that I had held on my face since walking into the room and catching sight of Kim dropped completely off my face; the recollection of finding out that she had masked marks of abuse with make-up in the past exploded in my mind like a bomb. "Kim, what happened? What did he do? Are you okay?" I shot out the questions in a rapid spitfire as I stood and briskly made my way to the girl. We both knew who I was referring to with the 'he' in my question, and just the mention of her stepfather's existence seemed to shut Kim down in a way I had never seen her before.

She shied her face away and looked down as I neared, speaking in barely more than a whisper as she turned her back to me completely. "It's nothing. He-" She stopped and shook her head, visually growing uncomfortable and upset with the situation she had just let slip. She began clenching her fists open and shut. "Forget about it, Donovan."

"It's-" My tone had softened considerably as I struggled to console her without crossing any boundaries. I gently placed my hands on her shoulders, wanting her to know that I was still here, she couldn't shut me out from this and it didn't scare me away. "I wanna help, Kim. Please let me help," I pleaded in a crestfallen voice, suddenly feeling more lost and powerless than I ever had before in my life.

She leaned back, resting her weight against me and releasing a hefty, shaky sigh. "You can't."

I let out a sigh of my own at her words. They were so simple, yet powerful and definite in their stance. They were also deflating and defeating to me.

She reached up, cupping her right hand over mine as if she understood the feelings running through my body in that moment, and wanted to calm them as much as she could with her touch. "Daniel said he was gonna look into getting his own apartment sometime soon; I'll just move in with him when he does."

I shook my head, not at all satisfied with leaving it at that. "No."

She stood up straight and turned around to look at me, confusion marring her beautiful features. "Ex-excuse me?" she stammered, a touch of anger present in her voice.

She had every right to be offended by my disapproval. It was, after all, her life and not mine. I knew Kim well enough by that point to grasp that she was a strong person who could handle most things life threw at her. But... she was also important to me. All of my friends were, and I would have taken on a disapproving attitude to any of them if they were in a similar situation and had no actual solution.

"'Sometime soon' isn't good enough, Kim," I asserted, feeling rage and disgust grow in the pit of my stomach at the thought of her having to stay in the same house as her abusive, piece of shit stepfather. "'Sometime soon' Arlo could hurt you again, 'sometime soon' that fucking pig could beat you bad enough to be hospitalized... or worse." I had to choke back tears at the very thought of something more grim than hospitalization befalling my friend. I could see that my reaction was affecting Kim, causing the poor girl to become more unhinged as tears welled in her eyes and threatened to spill over. A hitch caught in my throat as I breathed in sharply and tried to continue. "You shouldn't have to try to cover up bruises and marks that some asshole gives you because you shouldn't have to deal with it at all," I proceeded, fighting against myself to reach out and swallow her frame in a protective embrace. "Fuck him and fuck your mom for letting this happen again and again. This _has_ to stop, Kim."

Above all else, I wanted her to understand that I was being sincere, and as I watched a range of emotions and processes pass as I spoke, I was almost certain that recognition made a brief appearance.

"I- _we_ ," I clarified, once again lightening my tone, "can go to the police station right now if you want. I'll stay there with you the whole-"

"No!" Kim shouted, interrupting me with her roar. I could see her expression changing to anger the moment the word 'police' left my mouth, but I had hoped I was just misreading her.

I had hoped wrong.

"I don't _want_ to go to the cops! Are you crazy?!" Her voice came out stark and stern, a harsh difference from mere moments before. "Do you even know what would happen if the police were involved, Donovan?" She only gave me a moment to reply, but I didn't have any kind of answer I was willing to admit to. "Do you?!"

Kim was livid, and I was stunned. So stunned, in fact, that I had lost the ability to form words larger than one syllable. "I- Kim- he-" was all I could manage to stutter out.

"Goddammit, Donovan," she seethed, tears finally breaking loose and streaming down her face. "I'd be taken away, okay?" She wiped at the flow of teardrops, but they kept coming regardless. "I would be taken away to God knows where! Maybe someplace worse! I don't know anyone who can take me in. My dad is long gone, aunt Kathy is dead. My only shot would be Erica, and I can't take that chance. I'm too scared to, Donovan."

She was a shivering mess by that point, pacing back and forth as as she tried to stem her crying. Silently, I did what was likely the first smart thing I had done since the whole thing started- I walked towards her and embraced her in my arms, wanting nothing more than to make her feel safe and secure when I had already done so much to destroy any sense of the words for her. She wrapped her arms around my upper torso, clutching fistfuls of my shirt and squeezing her body close to mine. Neatly, she rested the side of her face against my chest, head tucked perfectly under my chin like she had anticipated my action as I made it.

"If we go to the cops or tell anyone..." she said, stability slowly returning to her voice as her speech sent vibrations through my body. "I could lose Daniel. I could lose Linds. I could lose Ken and Nick..." She trailed off and I could feel her loosen her grip and pull her arms back, cradling them to her body and tracing her fingers over my chest. "I could lose you." Her last statement was quiet, and the way she said it almost made me feel like the idea was terrifying to her.

My signals were crossed, damn-near knotted, as I tried to figure out what was going on. _What is this? Is she trying to guilt me away from pushing the subject again? Why did she say she could lose me like that? Why can't I figure this out? Why am I trying?_

"We could lose you too, Kim," I finally commented, trying to push my confusion away and concentrate on what I knew was happening.

She let out a soft laugh and continued her soft strokes. "He's been an unfortunate part of my life for seven years now. I can make it another two if I really have to."

"I just can't-" I began to sigh out, feeling defeated on the matter but wanting to protest it nonetheless.

Kim was quick to cut me off, not changing her position on the issue. "Yes, you can. I want you to promise me, Donovan-"

"Please don't," I begged with an interruption of my own. It wasn't hard to guess what she was going to ask me to promise to, and for me it would be comparable to Atlas being condemned to hold up the world for an eternity.

"Promise me you're not going to tell anyone or try to be some sorta hero," she continued, cleanly ignoring my plea.

I sighed loudly, feeling uncomfortably squished between a rock and a hard place. I would never break a promise to my friend, which is why this one was so hard to make.

"Promise me."

After another few moments of silence, I finally caved for the girl. "I promise." A fierce wince shot across my face as I spoke and swallowed my dignity; the two words were as painful to say as I made them sound.

"Thank you."

A few more seconds of silence passed between us before she commented again. "You guys are all so typical sometimes." A tinge of sarcasm coated her words, but dropped with the next set. "Daniel thought he could stand up to Arlo too; that's how he got that shiner last month."

A flashback of first seeing his black eye when trying to return my friends' ID cards back flickered in my mind. It perfectly explained why he was so elusive about the bruise, as he was likely sworn to silence long before I even arrived in their lives.

"You know..." Kim sniffled and pulled back, looking up at me. "Sometimes we just need a guy to listen and pay attention, not try to fix everything."

I sheepishly threw a smile her way, easily becoming caught in her eyes as they sent out an invisible trance that I didn't even think she was aware of. "Listenin' and payin' attention are what got us started on this to begin with, Blondie."

She sniffled again and broke out in a short laugh before sticking her tongue out at me. My smile grew at the sight, but I could feel it quickly falter as I laid my eyes on the exposed portion of purple-ish red bruise that encompassed her cheek.

"Oh Jesus, Kim," I whispered, feeling heartbroken all over again.

She winced at my expression, appearing sad that I had even noticed. "Bad?" she had asked, but turned around a second later to examine the blemish herself in the classroom mirror. A groan escaped her before she whorled back around on her heels. "I gotta go fix my face, then we can tell this place to get bent for the weekend, yeah?"

I silently nodded, trying to smile but finding the simple action nearly impossible, as she strolled passed me, delivering a small hip-check in the process, and made a beeline for the door.

* * *

As I leaned against the wall opposite the women's restroom and stared a hole into the empty space in front of me, I began doing exactly what Kim had made me promise not to- planning a way to fix her stepfather issues. As I heard her begin to hum some song or another from behind the door, I realized that I needed something to distract me or I would get to the point where I wouldn't be able to stop myself from finding Arlo and causing a scene. Doing something I could invite Kim to and avoid dropping her off at her house for a while would also lift a weight off my shoulders. As Kim exited the bathroom, looking like nothing had even happened and her makeup reapplied perfectly to hide the sad truth beneath, an idea popped into my head.

"Ready to go?" she asked, blowing a rogue strand of hair away from her forehead.

"Mm-hmm," I mumbled with a bit of an oddball, forced smile. "But I was thinkin' maybe we could hang out for a little longer before I take you home."

She let out a small snort as we fell in stride with one another, walking down the empty main hall of William McKinley High School. "Didn't we both just complain about having a shit-ton of homework this weekend?"

"We did," I acknowledged with a nod, "but we have 'til Monday to finish that crap."

"Well... what did ya wanna do?" She shifted her backpack on one shoulder and jammed her other hand in her pocket. "Nothing involving Daniel." She stopped and stood on the balls of her feet for a moment, lurching forward slightly and pretending to vomit.

"Charming," I deadpanned, briefly once again wondering how the two ever stayed together.

"Oh you love it!" Kim retorted in a cheeky tone.

I shook my head and began to chuckle while an unavoidable grin spread on my face.

"Seeee?" A lighthearted airiness was still surrounding her voice.

"Sometimes I think you know me too well." My statement was the earnest truth. In mere moments I had went from sulking on an idea of revenge to being amused by my friend's antics. I looked over at her for a moment, my delight only growing at the sight of a genuine smile on her face. "Anyway, I was thinking... do you have your fake ID on you?"

Kim stopped in mid-motion, halfway out the door I was holding open for her. Her eyebrows rose with curiosity. "Why?"

Feeling like I looked more devious than ever with the smirk on my face, I shared my shoddy idea with her. "Wanna head down to Ichabod's and play a few games of pool? They still have free tables there."

The bar, Ichabod's Ale House, was my favorite local hole-in-the-wall, and they had a pretty good pool setup in the place to boot where the owner would host tournaments every couple of months. It was one of the first bars I had gone to after getting my fake ID and, even though the place was a little grungy, there wasn't a better spot for pool in town. Joel Reed, a senior linebacker who had graduated the year before, introduced me to the game and, after quickly teaching me a few trick shots, I became hooked.

"I don't know _how_ to play pool, ya goof!" Kim exclaimed, her tone still playful, as she rose her arms up for emphasis. "Plus, it always looks so boring when I watch people play."

"Well, that's perfect! I can teach you how to play and show you that it isn't all that boring. Who knows," I turned to her and winked, "you might even have a good time."

She scoffed and narrowed her eyes slightly. She wasn't angry from what I could tell, just doubtful. "I'm getting drunk first."

"Nope," I shook my head, narrowly avoiding a swift kick to the ass from my friend, "'cause you're coming over for dinner after." I unlocked the passenger side door and turned to see yet another quizzical look spread over Blondie's face.

"What is with these plans all of the sudden, Donovan?"

"I, uh..." My voice trailed off and I looked down at the set of keys in my hand, jingling them for a moment before deciding to come clean. Looking back up at her, and squinting slightly from the sunlight reflecting off the school windows, I cleared my throat and replied, "If I take you home now, chances are pretty good that I'll try to knock your stepdad's block off. I'm not one for breaking my promises, but I might not be able to help myself if I see him, so... so I figured I'd just steal you away for the day instead, and we could sneak you back home tonight."

I realized how stupid and somewhat chauvinistic my whole thought was as I said it, but the words were out by that point and I could only wait for some form of retaliation at the idea that I had any say about taking a protective role over my friend.

Kim's mouth fell open slightly and it looked at if she was on the verge of saying something, but only silence followed. She finally cut into the awkward quiet by giving me a small nudge. "Come on, you're gonna teach me how to play pool."

As I made my way to the driver's side of the car, I almost felt compelled to say something more on the subject, but Kim had her own ideas on what needed to fill the air between us.

"Is there even gonna be enough dinner to go around? I mean, it's not like your parents are expecting me."

I smiled and released a laugh. "My mom always cooks too much for dinner. Like, we could have leftovers for lunch almost every day."

"Ha!" Kim burst out sarcastically. "All I usually get are those Swanson TV dinners."

We closed our doors in unison and she released a long sigh as she looked forward, scrunching up her face in disgust towards the end of her lengthy breath.

"They're gross. I hate 'em."

I snorted out a laugh, not being able to help myself while wondering if Kim was referring to the TV dinners, her parents or both. She smacked my arm lightly as I started the engine and then began to laugh herself.

It was so incredibly easy for me to fall back into line with her.


	12. Subtle, meddlesome wrath

Being friends with the enigmatic beauty that was Kim Kelly was a roller-coaster ride all on its own sometimes. There were times when I couldn't even begin to figure out why she was acting the way she was. A little ribbing from the girl was one thing, but there were times when she was out to downright sabotage me at every turn, it seemed. To say I was pissed at the latest occurrence of her undermining would be an understatement, as she pulled the same type of shit twice (and in the same week, no less)! While I could understand that she was in a bad mood the first time (hell, we all were), the second time was just downright malicious.

It all started after a mishap with the Weir family car. Actually, 'mishap' may be too light of a word to use considering the poor thing was damn-near totaled. I had arrived at school later than usual and almost immediately spotted Lindsay in the hallway when I turned the corner. My intention was to check under the stairs to see if I could find anyone there (which was a long shot, since I knew the only time anyone really hung out there was when it was too cold out or in-between classes), but something caught my eye before I made it there. I noticed one of my old teammates, Ben Daggs, and his lanky friend (who everyone considered as a wannabe-jock, since he was basically just a benchwarmer on the basketball team) talking to Lindsay and my stomach began to turn. For the most part, I knew my little section of friends were safe from torment from the jocks because I was with them, and people generally knew not to mess with me, but when the cat's away, the mice will indulge in burnout-bashing...

Even though I had picked up my pace, I didn't arrive in time to hear whatever the two idiots had to say to Lindsay. They were laughing and bumping knuckles, walking away from Lindsay when I caused her to jump slightly with a question.

"What the hell did those idiots say?"

The look of surprise when she turned around was quickly replaced with annoyance, followed by a quick glance behind her to look at the two retreating boys, and she finally looked dismissive of the whole thing when she looked back at me again. In almost the same moment, Lindsay simply shrugged her shoulders and replied, "It's nothing."

I cocked my head to the side for a moment before disagreeing. "No, I know Ben. He's literally a moron who has viewed girls as beneath him ever since Tara Sinclair turned him down for a date in the ninth grade." I said those things, lambasting my former teammate, even though I had laughed at many of his small-minded, female-shaming jokes in the past. Sometimes I truly hated who I used to be, and often wondered how I could have been alright with being such a cliché. After finishing my statement, I began to move forward, fully intent on confronting Ben and his friend, but Lindsay protested, stopping me in my tracks.

"Donovan," she said with a smile that looked more painted on than genuine, "they're idiots, just like you said. Don't worry about 'em. Come on; let's go find everyone else."

I sighed and complied, turning around and walking down the hall with her. Before we could begin a conversation, even before we made it to the end of the hall, we could hear our friends' voices approaching from the left. Less than a second later they turned the corner, and they were all smiles and laughter. Their bright moods immediately changed mine and before I knew it, Ben was a distant memory. We fell in line with our group just to turn around and walk the same way we had came, with Lindsay inserting herself between Ken and Kim while I took a spot next to Nick.

"Guess what?" Daniel asked after we all exchanged greetings. Without giving either of us more than a nanosecond to answer, Desario did the deed himself. "We got a gig!"

"Yeah," Nick chimed in, continuing to look fairly excited even though just being around his ex was still a hard for him. "Stroker's brother is gonna let us play at his party. Uh, he's even gonna loan us a Marshall stack and a Peavy bass cabinet." He shot his arms around animatedly, nearly sticking me in the leg with one of his drum sticks while talking. "It's, like, total pro equipment."

"Yeah, we're gonna blow the roof off his garage in a most _rock-tagious_ way," Ken added with a smirk on his face.

I snorted out a laugh at his made-up word and Kim released a giggle as well before Lindsay congratulated the group on landing a show.

"Yeah, so we just need your parents' station wagon to pick up the amps," Daniel mentioned casually, as if it was something they had already talked about and he was merely reminding Lindsay.

I caught Nick look away, almost immediately discouraged, and I knew that Daniel was trying to work his charm by putting Lindsay in a spot where she couldn't say no without looking like a total downer. I gave the aspiring drummer a wide-eyed look of skepticism and he merely frowned and shrugged his shoulders.

"What?" Lindsay asked in an amused tone, slowing her pace to a stop. "You can't use my parents' car," the girl explained through a laugh, "they're insane about it. My dad even calls it 'Betty'." I caught her rolling her eyes at the last bit and a quiet laugh escaped me.

We all stopped when Lindsay had, forming a circle with our group as we did so.

"Lindsay, please," Daniel pleaded with a huge grin on his face, looking almost certain that he was going to get his way. "I mean, we need to get those amps. Don't be lame."

"I'm not being lame, Daniel," Linds retorted, surprising me by laughing and not being taken aback by his slight jab like I was. "It's just that my parents are never gonna let us borrow their station wagon."

Kim, who had been suspiciously quiet up until that point, suddenly hinted at an idea. "Well, didn't you say your mom plays bridge or something on Tuesdays?"

"Yeah?" Lindsay looked around at us, obviously not connecting the dots from what Kim was saying to our current predicament. "So?"

I would have shook my head and covered my face with my hand in mock shame if I didn't feel the sudden urge to look down at my feet as I felt my face heat up to a certain shade of red. Kim was in layers, with her coat over a plaid button up over a light blue, scoop neck shirt. A scoop neck shirt that was riding up ever so slightly and revealing just the tiniest hint of skin underneath. I couldn't chance being caught staring, but if I didn't force my eyes away I wouldn't have been able to stop myself.

'So,' I heard Daniel say as he waved the cherry sucker in his hand around, 'she won't even know it's gone. Just grab the keys, and we'll be back before she finishes the first hand.'

"I don't know..." Lindsay said, but it was easy to tell she was on the verge of giving in just by her tone alone.

"Great!" Daniel declared, picking up on the fact that Lindsay was pretty much going to roll over on the issue. "Now, all of us meet at Lindsay's after school, alright?"

There was a chorus of 'yeahs' and 'okays' as everyone agreed, and I caught sight of Kim fixing her shirt in time for me to lift my head and chirp up with a 'nope' in response.

"What do you mean, 'nope'? You got a hot date or somethin'?" Kim asked, and I could almost hear a certain cattiness in her voice.

I shrugged and grinned, playing along but trying my best not to overstep the line (damned if I knew where it was with her most of the time anyway). "If you consider going to the dentist to have him root around in my mouth to see if those Lincoln kids did any damage as a hot date, then yeah, I guess so."

"Sounds better than any dates Nick's gonna be getting anytime soon," Ken chuckled out, already cringing in anticipation of retaliation from our friend.

Kim, Daniel and I joined in on Ken's amusement while Nick instantly looked pissed and slugged the jokester's arm with a solid right, and Lindsay looked mortified. Mortified and thoroughly uncomfortable.

* * *

Upon returning home from the dentist office with a clean bill of oral health, my mother informed me that Ken, Kim and Nick had all called, and they all wanted me to call them back. Something big _had_ to have happened. My friends didn't all call in a day if it was just a regular, run-of-the-mill time in Chippewa. Taking my chances and weighing my options, I decided to call Ken back first. Even if he was high, he usually made more sense than Nick did when he was stoned, and I was still slightly nervous that Kim had caught me staring at her mid-section earlier in the day, so I wanted to avoid that awkward conversation for as long as possible. Besides, Ken rarely called, and if he did then I knew damn well that whatever he had to talk about was either hilarious, cringe-worthy or related to weed. Sometimes all three.

The story I was told was horrific in its own right. Lindsay, Daniel, Nick, Kim and Ken were all squeezed into the Weir family car, trying to remember exactly where Stroker's brother lived, when another driver backed out of their driveway, right into their path. While Lindsay was more than a little distracted by Kim pointing at a house (a matter Blondie would argue in a phone call from me just a short while later), Ken was adamant about the fact the she wouldn't have had time to stop even if she had her eyes pointed towards to road. It all happened just that fast.

Ken finished the story with a little gem, as he always would. "Like I warned everyone just before the accident- I had a big one a'brewin'... and it came out as soon as we hit."

I lurched forward in my chair as a bout of wild laughter escaped me.

"Honestly, man, I- I'm surprised it wasn't brown boxers time down there after that."

"So I-" I wheezed, trying to ask a question through the fit of amusement. "I take it you guys won't be playing at the party tonight?"

"No," Ken said with a scoff, laughter biting into his feigned state of hurt. "No one's even going. Party got moved to tomorrow night."

"So there's hope for Creation yet!"

Ken released a genuine scoff at this. "Hope for us to get booed out of the garage, maybe."

We talked for a little while longer before I let him go and attempted to call Nick, who really had nothing different to tell me and spent half of our conversation crunching chips in my ear as he indulged in his stoner hunger. The story was fairly similar with Kim, only she wasn't high, but perhaps a little angry with me for not calling her back first. After informing her that I knew the basics of what happened, she went on to tell the tale of the aftermath. The driver of the other car (Rhonda Krebs, according to my friend, who said her name without any attempt to hide the disgust in her voice) was a belligerent 'old lady' who insisted on calling the police. When Kim yelled at her to 'calm the hell down', Lindsay turned on Kim and began to yell at her, saying the whole thing was her fault. While Blondie vehemently denied that she was even remotely to blame for what had happened to Lindsay's car, citing that she was actually quite proud of herself for not blowing up on Linds for yelling at her when she was just as freaked out about the accident as everyone else, she surprised me by changing the subject and asking how my appointment at the dentist's went. Out of the three of my friends I had just spoken with, she was the only to ask how the checkup went. When I had the stitches removed from my inner check, Kim had also been the first to call and check up on how I was doing after the event.

Even though it shouldn't have surprised me considering how often it happened, we spent a good two hours on the phone just talking about random crap, every once in a while veering back to the car accident from earlier.

* * *

The next day was anything bur regular for any of us, especially Lindsay. Our brainiac had pulled a full one-eighty on us, completely reverting back to her pristine academic days and showing up to school in a long-sleeved purple blouse and a skirt that went just passed her knees. I had forgotten how much she and Millie dressed alike back in the day until she visually reminded me. Unfortunately, it wasn't just a change in dress code that Linds decided her life needed after the car accident... as a change in friends was apparently needed, too. Ken, Kim, Daniel and I all found that out fairly quickly after we gave her shit about her outfit (as any good friends would) and she scolded us all with her version of harsh reality in return. According to her astute observations, we were all lost causes who just used her and were completely selfish, not having a care in the world about being smart or going to school... or anything, really. Again, it was another introspective opinion on what I wasn't doing with my life and future.

Initially, her little tirade didn't really have any impact me and I found myself joining with Ken in our dismissal of her spiel entirely, with both of us laughing it off as being 'pretty funny'. As the day wore on, however, it was easy to see just how much her words had affected Daniel and Kim. Watching them dwell on Lindsay's words made me dwell on them, and the more her speech repeated in my mind, the more down and out I felt about the whole thing. Every time her words echoed in my head, they stung. They stung like a son of a bitch because we all knew Lindsay, and she was never mean unless she meant it. It was obvious that she really was sick of us.

I eventually had to admit to myself that Linds' bitter words held glimpses of truth all throughout. All of us were, in some way, shape or form, selfish in our actions and requests (I have always been of the firm opinion that there's no such thing as a 'selfless' act in the entire world, even if someone sacrifices their life for another in the process). Some of us could have cared more about doing better in school (Daniel and Nick) and the same went for skipping classes or days altogether (Kim). Some of us needed to simply wise up in general, take an interest in the world around us and stop treating everything like it was some big joke (Ken and me). But were all of our lives already a 'lost cause'? I didn't think so, but I wasn't about to try to wax fanatical with her on the matter. I would just get a verbal ass-whoopin' that way. I had to wonder though, even if she was beyond pissed, did she say those things in the hopes that at least one of us would successfully prove her wrong?

* * *

We sulked about what she said during lunch, we sulked about what she said to each other in classes... we continued to sulk when we all went to Stackey's for lunch after school (sans Linds, of course).

In a moment of frustration, Daniel snapped his straw when it wouldn't go into the lid of his drink right away. Out of all of us, I think he was the most deflated by Weir's scorned words of wisdom, as each insult and demeaning insight seemed tailored specifically to him.

I went to the counter to get him another, not expecting anything other than a quick interaction with one of the employees, but much to my surprise, the cashier began flirting with me. I had seen her on several occasions throughout my increased visits to the establishment over the past few months and we had traded smiles a few times. I never really thought about it beyond that because, honestly, I shared smiles with a lot of girls. After I asked for a straw, she started a little bit of small talk with me, but I could tell just by her body language that this wasn't exactly a 'keep the customer happy' kind of interface. She leaned into the counter to talk with me and became all giggly. She also seemingly had a thousand questions to ask as we talked, but I didn't mind... because it kept us talking longer.

The girl had a face to kill for. She was a redhead (undoubtedly dyed, as the shade was far too bright to be natural, but it looked good on her), sporting a sensual smile through full, parted lips that curved up and into her high check-bones. A simple, quick flash of her dark-green eyes and I instantly felt pulled in for more (eyes are obviously my weak spot). With a bit of chat, I found out her name, that she was a senior from Mt. Clemens and, as luck would have it, she didn't have any rock-solid plans for the weekend. There was a slight lick of her lips and rise in her slender, curved eyebrows when I asked for her phone number and I swear my heart began pounding loud enough to be heard by half of the restaurant.

"Hey, Matsen," a familiar voice spoke up behind me, "what the hell is taking so long? It's a friggin' straw!"

_Oh, hello Kim. It sounds like you're in a last name mood. I don't really have time for that right now._

Keeping my eyes on my weekend date, I bent my arm back and handed my friend the drinking utensil, holding it just above my shoulder. I felt her snatch it from my loose grasp and release a single huff of discontent. My weekend date, Christina, was ripping off the piece of paper with her number on it when Kim walked up next to me and practically slammed her palms onto the counter, hunched over and glared at her through tightened lids, wearing a menacing scowl.

"Thanks for the straw," she said in a way that almost turned the four words into a taunt.

No other words were exchanged, but in the few seconds that their stares were held, some kind of conversation took place.

"Uh, Kim..." I began as Christina lost all expression in her face and looked to the ground. The interference came too little, too late though. My would-be-date crumpled up the paper and stuffed it into her work apron before disappearing into the back area.

_Wha- no! No! What... what was_

"that?" I finished my thought aloud as Kim turned around and went back to our table, straw in hand. "What was that?"

I stood there for a minute, hoping she would come back out, as her coworkers gave me an awkward side eye.

"Your food's getting cold, Donovan!" Daniel yelled out.

I sullenly made my way back to my friends and took a seat, trying to decide if it was even worth making a fuss about. Ultimately I couldn't help but question it. Kim was such an enigma to me and I couldn't figure out what made her tick in the odd ways she did... especially that time around. "What was that back there, Kim?" My question came out sounding just as stunned as I still felt.

She attempted to look puzzled, like she had no idea what I was talking about. "What? Look, I don't know what happened between you and little miss 'hot to trot' at the counter. I was just trying to get a better look at something on the menu behind her and thanking you for the straw."

"Oh that's bullsh-"

"What? Hot to trot?" Daniel suddenly cut in, looking interested as he almost choked on his gulp of pop. "Donovan, man, you holdin' out on us?"

Even Ken perked up. "Wait, the redhead? Oh, man, she was hot! But... I thought she was in love with me."

"In your dreams, Ken." I berated, watching as Kim stole a drink of pop from her boyfriend's cup.

"Oh, like she's not gonna be in yours?"

I couldn't help but release a small laugh that time, granting a slight smirk to my wise-cracking friend. "That's about all from the looks of it."

"So, uh, guys," Nick interrupted awkwardly, gnawing on a bite from his burger. "Are you still goin' to the party tonight or what? I still kinda want to."

"No," Daniel answered immediately, looking down at his food and taking a sip of his soda.

In unity with her boyfriend, Kim shook her head to the question.

"Well, I'm goin'," Ken confirmed with a grin. "Free beer is free beer. Nick's got the right idea. We're gonna get drunk and not gonna let that whiny Weir get us down like you losers." While anyone unaccustomed to Ken would have viewed his last statement as harsh, we all knew him well enough to understand that he meant well enough by it, even perhaps using the statement as a means of encouragement to do the same. "What about you Donovan? You coming with?"

"Nuh uh, man," I declined, shaking my head slightly. "Just not that into it anymore, you know what I mean?" While I had directed my answer to Ken, I pointed my gaze at Kim once again with my final question, pining for some sort of answer or reply from her about what had happened earlier, but she just rolled her eyes and turned her attention to the food in front of her.

* * *

Lindsay continued to either avoid or outright ignore us the next day at school and it was almost as if she was trying to re-root herself into her old life... she even joined the mathletes again!

I found Daniel moping around the halls after school let out. He was just roaming without direction, all alone.

"Are you practicing for hall monitor duty or something?" I grinned, quickening my pace to catch up with him.

He looked in my direction momentarily, but didn't answer. He appeared dejected and uncertain about something.

"What's got you so down in the dumps, man?"

He shook his head and looked forward into the emptiness ahead of us again. "Nothin', just thinkin'"

"About?" I prodded. It wasn't always easy getting in Daniel's head and figuring out how the wheels turned in there. Then again, the only two in our group who I actually found to be predicable were Nick and Ken... and even they surprised me from time to time, so maybe I just had no knack for reading people.

"Lotsa stuff," he shrugged indifferently, burying his hands in his pockets. "Like, maybe Lindsay was right; maybe my life _is_ a lost cause."

"You can't-" I began and suddenly stopped, remembering that, while I didn't believe my friend was a lost _cause_ , it was quite clear that he was indeed lost in life. The conversation we had at lunch the other day at school proved that to me... and anyone else who bothered to listen. While discussing Lindsay's judgement over all of us, Daniel disclosed that 'little Ms. Perfect' (as he referred to her) didn't know what he was going to do with his life, what his plans were. Unbeknownst to Daniel, his statement garnered odd looks that were shared between the rest of us at the table, and Ken finally voiced what we were all thinking, asking, 'What the hell are your plans?' The boy hemmed and hawed, defending that he had 'a lot of plans,' but he never went into any kind of detail or came anywhere near answering the question. It wasn't a simple one, I'll give him that, but I would have thought he would have had some kind of answer at the very least. I was in-between a rock and a hard place because, after leaving football, I really had no idea what my plans for the future were, just what they did not include. Before that, I would have easily said I would ride the athletic gravy train for as far as it would take me. Daniel though... it seemed like he never had any idea of what his future might be like, and the thought of being challenged on it kind of shut him down in a way that not only highlighted that fact, but exposed him for being embarrassed about his lack of forward-thinking.

"You can't just take what she said at face value," I began again, knowing that I needed not only to try to find something for Daniel to grasp onto in my words, but I also had to guide the conversation in a way that sounded sophisticated if I wanted to attempt countering Lindsay's words. "There are a lot of factors and differences she simply didn't take into account while she was bashin' us. All of our lives are totally different, man. She says we don't care about being smart but I would bet that she can't hold a candle to you when it comes to stuff like cars or... c- cars." My voice trailed off, damn near disappeared altogether, as I stumbled to repeat the one and only thing I knew Daniel was passionate about.

_Oh god does this ever sound weak and uninspiring... I guess I can cross 'motivational speaker' off my future job prospects list. Daniel is one of my best friends and I only know one of his interests or hobbies? Pretty pathetic, Donovan!_

I looked back at my friend to see that his sad expression was still present. It was clear that my answer was just as unsatisfying to Daniel as I feared it was.

"Okay, maybe I'm not the best person to give an opinion because you're my friend and I have faith in you. Find some random kid, preferably one you haven't terrorized, and see what they think of you. That should settle it."

"Yeah, maybe."

I decided to switch subjects to see if anything could cheer him up. "Speaking of cars, though, I overheard Lindsay's little brother mention that their car- what does Linds' dad call it? Betty?"

My friend simply nodded in place of a verbal confirmation.

"Well, _Betty_ still needs a new fender and the mechanic is taking his time. Wanna go to Al's with me and see if we can help 'em out?"

There was that Desario smile. "Shit, yeah, man! That could get her blessing for us again, huh? It's a Buick, right?"

I nodded my head and tossed him my keys. "You drive."

"Aw, hell yeah. This day is startin' to get better."

* * *

Friday rolled around and, again, Lindsay was giving us the cold shoulder. We had a plan, though, one that we would have to wait until the mathlete scrimmage to unveil.

"Hurry it up, Donovan. We're gonna be late," Daniel moaned as I lagged behind him, hauling the fender by my lonesome.

"We already _are_ late. Why the hell do I have to carry this solo?" It's not that it was heavy, it was just a thin piece of metal, but it dug into my fingers after just a minute and it was an irritating, constant pain.

"'Cause you're the muscle," Ken chuckled as he briskly walked alongside Daniel.

I sucked in a breath of air as I painfully whacked my knee against the metal. "Then I guess I'm the brains, too, since it was my idea."

"You can be whatever ya wanna be, just come on! Kim said she would save us some seats."

"Oh yeah," I scoffed. "I'm sure something like this draws in a crowd to rival that of a football game on a Friday night."

Ken slowed down and finally grabbed one end of the fender, smirking all the while. "Reminiscing a little?"

We passed by Nick going in the opposite direction and I was about to call out to him when Ken stopped me.

"Don't bother. He's still going through the motions. He'll hang out with us again when he's ready."

Nick had been fairly off and distant towards us ever since Lindsay broke up with him, but Ken had known him for longer than I had, so I took him for his word.

The start of a complicated math question greeted our ears as we entered the rearranged cafeteria. I never realized how huge the room was until half of it was empty. We attempted to remain as quiet as possible as Kim waved us over to the back row, displaying an overly-large smile as she looked at the fender we found.

"This is gonna be perfect," she whispered as we all took our seats, seeming genuinely excited.

As the battle of the brains continued to unfold before us, we tried our best to really get into the showdown taking place in front of our eyes. We all cheered our McKinley peers on (they were going up against Lincoln, after all) with all of our hearts. Our shouts and howls, especially Kim's, really erupted when we saw Lindsay stand to take her turn and we all lifted the replacement fender modestly as she looked back at us. Even if we were on the outs, she was still special to us and we were all proud of her. Mr. Weir looked back at us too, but he seemed more perplexed than enthused by what he saw.

My hopes were high that we made some sort of good impression on Linds when she seemed lost in a trance for a moment before putting her game face back on.

As our friend tore through the competition, solving horrendously complicated math problems in a fraction of the time it took me to repeat the problem in my head, I heard Kim lament, 'Damn, I've never felt so stupid in my whole life.'

Honestly, I had to agree with her. The only thing that made me feel as remotely dim-witted as this was when I would watch Jeopardy with my parents. Actually, at least with Jeopardy I could get a question right every now and again. Suddenly I realized just how idiotic my suggestion to Daniel about his car knowledge far surpassing Lindsay's truly was. When pitted up against this kind of intelligence, knowing your shit about cars didn't even begin to compare. Then again, I don't think she was trying to insinuate that we didn't care about being as smart as she was (that was a mountain none of us could climb), just in general.

After a few more mind-numbing equation questions, Lindsay scored a perfect round for McKinley and we gave her a standing applause.

"So... can we... go now?" Ken asked awkwardly, as if he was working out the answer in his head as he spoke.

Kim glared at him for a moment. "No, idiot, we have to stay to the end so we can congratulate Lindsay."

He sighed and plopped back down into his chair as the next McKinley representative took her place.

I leaned slightly towards Daniel, keeping my eyes on Lindsay's teammate. "Is it just me or, uh, is that mathlete chick kinda hot?"

He laughed and put on that half-smile he was so comfortable wearing. "Ya know, if you were talkin' about any of those other girls, besides Lindsay of course, I would tell ya your hormones were giving ya beer goggles... but, yeah, she is actually pretty hot. Didn't peg ya for a bookworm type, though, Matsen the Mangler."

I sighed at the nickname he still liked to sometimes tease me with and lightly punched him in the arm. Truth be told, at the point, I was willing to take just about any type. I didn't know if I wanted a full-on relationship or simply to test the waters and see what may come of any new friendships I forged, but I definitely wanted _something_.

The McKinley mathlete seemed completely stumped or distracted or something... she just couldn't focus. Unfortunately, she fumbled the first question without even trying.

"Oh man, that's a pretty good in for you now. She's gonna need some consoling," Daniel grinned, rubbing his arm.

We started to crack up and were instantly shushed by a few spectators in front of us.

McKinley ended up winning, but we never got a chance to congratulate Lindsay. Hell, we didn't even get a chance to give her parents the fender. We were bickering back and forth about it before I finally just said I would stash it in my trunk again and drop it off at the Weir house when we were all on good terms.

* * *

Salvatore's Italian Delicatessen. Before I started hanging with my new, crazy friends, I didn't even know this tiny little place existed. Once I was introduced to it, though, it was almost love at first sight. The setting alone was inviting and nostalgic for the fact that it looked like something you would see in an old black and white movie. The rolls of film I went through just taking pictures of the place and the people who made it what it was was unbelievable. The 'L' shaped building was a small collection of shops, including a convenience store, Salvatore's and a liquor outlet. There was supposedly a thrift shop called Creative Furniture there too, but it was never open from what I could tell.

The deli was my favorite of the bunch. The burgers and pizza were top notch (I can say with confidence that Stackey's had nothin' on Sal's) and it just had this look about it, both inside and out, that made me want to be there, that made me feel comfortable and at home. From the decorative, hand-painted wooden pizza and assorted slices donning the outer wall, just above the counter with seating for two, to the brightly-lit inside with its counter seating on one side of the entrance and the three tightly clustered table-seating arrangements on the other; there simply wasn't anything I found displeasing about the establishment. Even the regular patrons were nice to us and Sal (or his son, Tony, when he was working the night shift) would always greet us with a smile.

It was _our_ hangout spot and that night was just like any other where we had no idea what to do. Ken and I were sitting next to Nick on the hood of his Ford Maverick when Kim suggested that we all go see a foreign film. Ken, in a seemingly sarcasm-free response, asked what the point was (though I assume he was attempting to stump Blondie) and he was matched evenly by Kim's snappy comeback as a result, implying he was a dumbass and maybe he shouldn't be for once in his life. I laughed into my straw at her reply, being caught slightly off-guard. Daniel agreed to go with her and Ken finally had to give in, but not without quipping, 'It just better not be about a guy who talks a lot!'

Low and behold a familiar face turned the corner and we witnessed our dear Weir had found her way back to us and we couldn't have welcomed her return with more open arms. It took all of a minute for us to go from a simple 'Hey,' to accepting her request to tag along with us to see the midnight movie to everyone hopping in the cars and making our way to the theater.

Even though we had all hung out together and done stuff over the past few weeks, it was always in groups that never consisted of all six of us. Going to this foreign film would be the first time the whole gang had been present for something in a while and there was a certain excitement about that.

The film was promoted as being the '1978 Academy Award Winner for Best Foreign Language Film,' but I knew right off the bat that it was going to be a struggle to enjoy it. I mean, the English translation of the title literally read 'Get Out Your Handkerchiefs'. That was definitely _not_ a good sign.

Just before the lights dimmed and the film began, I noticed the girl sitting in front of me turn around and give me a quick once-over, smiling as she turned back to the screen. I didn't pay it too much attention at the time, as Ken, Nick and I were joking about something, but once the opening titles began and she did the same thing again, I decided to move in to give her a closer look. Besides, I needed one, too.

"You mind?" I asked, motioning to the open seat next to her.

The girl shook her head, still smiling and still glancing.

"I don't, um, I don't generally watch foreign films. This will be my first actually. My friends talked me into it. You?" I asked, hoping the dialogue would be a decent ice-breaker.

"No, my friends talked me into coming here, too, but... I think they ditched me."

Thinking of what I would do in a similar situation, I granted her a cheeky smile. "They bailed on you to make out, huh?"

She began to laugh and turned in her seat to better face me. "Probably."

She was cute, or at least as cute as I could perceive her to be with various colors from the movie screen bouncing off our faces. It appeared as if she was around my age, give or take a year, but I couldn't recognize her from either McKinley or (heaven forbid) from the Lincoln crowd. Granted, we had a rather expansive collection of districts in Macomb county and there could have been an endless list of other reasons why she wasn't even a little recognizable to me.

"So what made you want to move from the comfy spot next to your friends?" she asked, and I could spot some kind of hope complimentary answer in her eyes.

I grinned. "Oh, well, the view is just so much better from here..." I turned to glance at the screen for a fleeting moment before facing the girl again. "And I can still see the movie pretty well, too."

I felt someone push on the back of my seat and Kim's voice interrupted our conversation immediately after. Her attitude sounded sweet and friendly.

"Hey, Donovan..."

I did not have faith that her tone was indicative of her intentions, especially considering what happened last time I was trying to woo a girl. _Oh, no. Please no. Just, ya know, watch the handkerchief movie, Kim._

"Your drink isn't so cold anymore; it should stop hurting the sores in your mouth," she finished and clumsily shoved the cup of water at me.

My jaw dropped, I looked to my lap and I swore I could feel my whole body jolt as a wave of embarrassment washed over me.

I reluctantly saw that the cute girl had almost mirrored my awestruck facial expression when I peered up.

"I think... I need to go find my friends now," she blurted, scurrying to stand and exit my very presence as quickly as possible.

After burying my face in my palms while all five of my friends laughed their asses off at the tragedy they just witnessed, I looked back at Kim, shaking my head in disbelief. "Why? Just... why?"

"What?" she defended. "I meant your cut!"

"Bull!" I spouted in a hissed in a whisper, reminding myself of something I had earlier in the week when I was on the phone with the girl. "You know that healed weeks ago. You called to see how I was doing after the stitches were removed!"

"Oh, did I?" She smirked and shifted her gaze back to the screen. "Must have slipped my mind."

Disappointed, I slumped back to my original seat, wondering exactly what I did to incur the subtle, meddlesome wrath of my friend.


	13. Words of Weir-sdom

I pulled over on the side of the road right in front of Lindsay's house. After the midnight movie (which none of us liked. It was just too weird, no matter what language it was in), we made plans for me to drop the fender off in the early afternoon.

Mr. Weir greeted me at the door and helped me carry the piece of exterior shell into the garage.

"Say, you'll thank everyone for me, right? This'll look... nice." He was trying to sound pleasant, but I could hear disappointment faltering in his voice as he compared the cream-colored fender to the rest of his light-blue Buick.

"No, it won't," I laughed and he looked at me oddly for a second before cracking a smile and laugh of his own.

I told him we could paint it to match, or at least Daniel said we could, once we got the exact paint color of the rest of the car.

Though it was apparent that they had their apprehensions about the company their daughter kept, Lindsay's parents were very nice and welcoming people overall. Mrs. Weir kept asking if there was anything she could get me and Mr. Weir seemed extremely interested to know if I was looking for a part time job at his store. Her little brother, Sam, mainly kept to himself, but I would catch him studying me every now and then, as if he was trying to determine if I was going to freak out or something. I hung around the house for a while, getting my first real good look at it without waves of teenagers everywhere, before deciding to say my goodbyes and get on with my day.

Linds followed me out to my car and, upon spotting my camera equipment in the back seat, asked me where I was going.

"Oh, uh, nowhere in particular," I answered nervously, realizing what she had seen.

She looked a little disillusioned. "So you're not going to take some pictures or something? Kim says you have a really good eye."

My eyes widened. "She when? I mean, what did she say that? No- that-" Tongue-tied. I was irrevocably tongue-tied in surprise.

She began to laugh. "Whoa, calm down. It's not like she exposed you for being a superhero or something."

It wasn't the photography secret being out that I was really concerned with, but about what else Kim could have shared with her best friend.

"She, um, yeah. What else did she say about... anything?"

"I dunno," Lindsay smiled, "maybe we can talk about it on the way to nowhere in particular. Just hold on, I need to tell my parents I'm heading out with you and I'll be back later."

I sighed, inattentively clicking my tongue seconds later as I realized I had just been duped to some degree.

* * *

"So, really, where are we going?"

I scratched my head as I pulled back onto the street while Lindsay buckled her seat belt. "I was gonna go to Belle Isle and spend a few hours there just taking pictures of whatever caught my eye. That cool with you?"

"Totally," she breathed, sounding pleased. "I've been boxed up at home for most of the week and going out anywhere sounds good. Last night was my first taste of freedom but, yeah, my parents don't know about that. Today my dad finally un-grounded me."

Our destination was about an hour away and on the way there we talked about nearly everything under the sun, switching subjects so fast it made my head spin sometimes. She felt bad about what she had said the day after the accident, but she was truly worried for some of us... she just could have thought of a more eloquent way to put it out there. Toward the end of our trip, just as we crossed MacArthur Bridge, she finally divulged what else Kim had shared with her. As it turned out, it really wasn't much. Lindsay pretty much heard the whole story about the day I dropped by to hand back IDs (what happened with Kim's parents, her stay at my house, the pot... hell, even Gracie) and, aside from the accompanied trip to the ER, there was no mention of the second event, the day of the regional finals. That was an immense relief to me.

While we roamed the narrow hallway of the aquarium building (the tiled, tunnel shape made for some very interesting pictures), I finally decided to ask someone if what I was thinking of doing sounded crazy.

"Can you keep a secret, Linds?"

"Yeah," she laughed, gazing into various tanks with a glint of amazement in her eyes. "I've already got a few, anyway."

_Oh, really? I wonder from- no, focus!_

"Well, I've been thinking a lot lately-" I began, then stopped, deciding to tell it exactly how I felt. "Been pressured, more like it, about getting back on the football team. I'm not sure I want to do it, but..."

 _Shit._ It almost felt like betrayal to say what was had been growing in my mind since the seeds were planted again.

"You're not sure you don't want to, either, huh?" She asked casually, finishing my statement for me.

I nodded, trying to avoid any hint of what her opinion might be in her face by looking through the camera lens at a tank with a group of piranha swooshing back and forth. It felt like somewhat of a sad coincidence that I chose to concentrate on the tank filled with dangerous, semi-carnivorous beings that joyfully tore through the flesh of their prey when talking about going back to a sport I felt created the same mentality and viciousness in its players.

"You gotta go with your gut, Donovan, always. If you feel like playing again, I think we would all be fine with that, so long as you don't start treating us like the dirt your teammates think we are. I mean, I went back to the mathletes and you guys didn't ditch me... you all supported me. Of course, I'm over it again now. Have a little faith in everyone; they can surprise you sometimes."

I looked at her and smiled, feeling somewhat reassured about my crossroads. She smiled back and put her hands in her pockets as she strolled to another tank. I snapped a picture of her in the process, catching her in the pure state that I so desperately tried to picture people expressing. It was such a rare occurrence for people to truly just let their inhibitions fall to the wayside and truly let themselves be who they were, and I did my best to capture that whenever, wherever and on whomever I could.

"Hey! Hey!" she reprimanded in an affable tone, shying her face away from me. "Take pictures of the fish, not me!" She stopped suddenly in front of a tank, and I could tell whatever was on the other side of the glass had wholly and truly snatched her attention. "Oh my gosh! Donovan..." she gaped for a moment before tearing her focus from the animal in front of her and looking at me. "You _have_ to take a picture of these sharks! They're beautiful!"

I drifted to where she stood, unsure if she was serious of just wanted to get me within punching range for my photograph of her. When I neared, I realized she was staring at something that I definitely had to capture. "Oh, wow," I breathed as I raised the camera up to my widened eyes, finding it hard to break away from the spectacle of the two four-foot-long leopard sharks swimming side by side in the cramped tank, swooshing back and forth, over and under each other. The name was quite fitting, as they were spotted just like a leopard, but with most of the distinguishing marks being much larger than those of the animal they were named after. As I rapidly began snapping pictures, a small smirk crossed my face. My friend might have had a bit of an eye for photography, too.

* * *

It was nice hanging out with Lindsay. I rarely spent time with her outside of the group, but we were enjoying being silly, having fun and sharing some deep, if not totally random, conversations about future prospects in college, jobs and relationships.

As I zoomed in on a fallow white deer at the Belle Isle Zoo and snapped a few shots, I asked my friend if she was really done with the mathletes. She didn't even have to contemplate her answer, replying immediately.

"Yeah, I'm done. It's just not me anymore."

"Are you, uh, gonna talk to any of your teammates still?"

"Probably just Millie." She seemed to catch on that I sounded just a little too interested. "Why?"

I rubbed my forehead and turned to face her. "I... was just wondering if I could get a phone number of one of them from you."

Her face almost exploded with surprise as she burst into laughter. "Oh my God! Ex-football player Donovan Matsen interested in a geeky, smart, mathlete girl? Am I dreaming or something?"

I waved her off and began looking for more things to capture on film. "Never mind. It was just- I can figure it out on my own."

She culled her amusement and cleared her throat. "No, really, who do you have your eye on? I can totally help you out."

Again, I rested my camera and readied myself for more ridicule. "I'm not sure what her name is, but she's a long-haired brunette, kinda like you, and she was the girl who went right after you did. The one who sorta bombed her way through her turn, remember?"

Lindsay no longer looked entertained. As a matter of fact, she looked downright disgusted at my words. "Oh yeah, I remember. It is a little hard to forget a bitch like Shelly Weaver."

_Whoa! Did sweet, little Linds just call another girl a bitch? A girl that I... just admitted to being interested in._

"You're right," her voice continued its sardonic pattern, "you're gonna have to figure that one out on your own, because there is no way I want anything to do with her."

"Jesus!" I finally huffed, having just about as much as I could stand with how my potential date choices were going over. "What is with you? And Kim? First Blondie tramples my chances, twice, and now you act like I'm attracted to the anti-Christ!"

"Trust me, Shelly is _not_ worth your time; you should have heard some of the things she said about you guys. And twice? There was only one girl there last night, Romeo."

"She pulled the same stunt on a girl I was talking to on Wednesday, too! I was, like, this close to getting her phone number." I held my thumb and index finger almost on top of one another to demonstrate my point of 'this close'.

A small smile began to grow on Lindsay's face and she laughed out, "Oh, wow, she was serious."

Now I was just confused. "Who was serious? And about what?"

"No, nothing, no one," she refused to answer, shaking her head.

I tried a few more times to get the info out of her before giving up altogether. I had saved a good chunk of film just for the zoo, as I had vivid memories of visiting it as a child and wanted to do my best to recapture those pieces of the past, but the zoo wasn't what it used to be... and neither was I. While the wildlife park had been updated (and was in the process of being revamped completely), my views on it had changed. I didn't give it much thought as I snapped my first few pictures in the area, but once we passed by the polar bear exhibit and I saw two lethargic bears sprawled out on the hard concrete floor, their only real movement being when they breathed and followed you with their eyes, I was almost instantly discouraged with the place.

"They look so sad," Lindsay mentioned in a quiet tone as we both stood side by side and just stared at the bears.

"Because they are," I replied in the same low, melancholy tone. Struggling to do so, I raised my camera up and snapped a few shots of the mammals. It wasn't that they were great shots because of the beauty of the subjects, but because it caught the cruel ideology that a zoo actually was.

The animals were depressed, it was clear as day. They had a single square cut out of the middle of their enclosure where a pool of water was (that wasn't even big enough for both to be in it at the same time) and absolutely nothing else that even resembled their natural environment.

We left the zoo soon after that sight, neither of us speaking about it further but both seeming to know that if we stayed any longer, it would taint our visit completely. Instead, we stopped by the conservatory and the lush perennial gardens within, as well as the large collection of palm trees and other tropical plants in the dome, took up most of the film I had originally intended to be used at the zoo. The lily pond, just outside of the dome, was truly breathtaking and I had no recollection of ever seeing it before. It spanned a good chunk of land and there were Koi swimming freely in the lagoon, looking far more at home than the sad animals in the zoo. The area did a fair job of picking our spirits back up.

* * *

A patch of clouds, ones that had ominously been rolling in before we even made it to Belle Isle, began to rain down with fury upon us just before we made it to the James Scott memorial fountain and we had to make a mad dash for the car, cutting our outing short. On the way back into town, Lindsay suddenly became very interested in the details of just what had happened during my last visit to Stackey's.

The drive back to Chippewa passed by just as quickly as our initial trip to the island did, and that was probably due to that fact that we were, again, talking non-stop.

"You know," my friend said, opening the passenger side door as I dropped her off at home, "you can always just go back to Stackey's and see if you can get that girl's number without any of us around to ruin it."

It was such an obvious and easy answer. Why couldn't I have thought of that?

"And, hey, I want some copies of those pictures, Mr. Ansel Adams. Especially of those sharks!"

We waved goodbye to each other and I watched her quickly make her way inside, out of the rain. I started heading home, but decided to put her idea to use as fast as possible. The weekend still had a day left in it, after all.

* * *

It must have been my lucky day, as I managed to catch Christina just as she was coming off her shift. Although she was uneasy about even communicating with me, she did eventually hear me out. Kim had intimidated her with the stare, which I would've applauded for being impressive all on its own if it didn't affect me as a result, but she wrongfully assumed that we were an item and I was being two-faced. It took a little convincing, but I wooed her into giving me a shot at proving that I was not as bad as the first impression represented me as and we had a 'date', of sorts, all set for the following night.

I hesitated to actually apply the word 'date' to our outing because it was honestly more of a get-together with her and a group of her friends. With my options few and far between, and again not wanting to freak Christina out by bringing either Kim or Lindsay, I managed to convince Nick to accompany me to Milliken Lanes Bowling Alley for a night of fun. He was against the idea at first, and it took far more urging that I had anticipated, but I got him to warm up to the notion after a while.

Even though I was sure the rest of the gang would have given the idea a thumbs down just like Nick had at first, we managed to really enjoy ourselves while playing. Nick even went as far as flirting, somewhat awkwardly, with one of Christina's friends as the night continued.

By the ninth frame, Christina and I had snuck outside for a few minutes of fresh air... and a little expedition to find out just how well we worked out together on first base. The experience left both of us wanting more, and both of us red-faced when we returned to our friends to be met with catcalls, whistles and cooing. Apparently we weren't fooling anyone. After the night was over, Christina and I set up another date, this one just for the two of us. Nick couldn't stop cracking up during the car ride home, not only at the fact that I had been caught trying to be sneaky with my date, but also at the fact that he swore one of our classmates was in the Discotheque, a small club housed within the Milliken building, boogieing down. I was glad to see him looking happier and happier than he had over the past few weeks since his breakup with Lindsay.

After our official first date, things continued to move smoothly for Christina and I. At first, she was only truly interested in a casual relationship over anything else, which worked well for me considering I really had no idea what I wanted out of our connection. Part of me craved an actual relationship, but the other part was quite content with the 'no strings attached' approach we went with. A week into it, though, something shifted. In-between our stints of making-out, we got to know each other more and more and became attracted in a way that quickly outgrew our 'casual' beginning and we transitioned to an item without even discussing it. After that, it began to feel like everything was moving fast… maybe even more like warp speed (or whatever the hell those geeks would call it), but it was also really nice. When our lips weren't locked and our tongues not dancing around each other we had long conversations... long conversations that sometimes turned into debates where we bumped heads, but I was always rather fond of a pairing where things were kept interesting by having varied opinions instead of a relationship where we just mirrored each other and were boring as hell. Oddly enough, with all that was going right between us, something still felt off and I couldn't figure out what it was.


	14. Headache and heartache

I was sitting on the bleachers with Ken, Nick and Daniel, just watching the marching band practice before the start of the school day. I could have sworn that I knew what song they were warming up with, but the name and the band simply wouldn't pop into my head. For a fleeting moment, I thought Ken was getting into the tune to, bopping his head from side to side as the band continued, but then he would blow a raspberry every now and then and remind me he took almost everything as a joke. Immature as it was, I couldn't help but grin and begin to laugh as I sat next to him, letting our legs dangle off the edge of the tier.

"Ughhh..." Nick groaned from behind us before actually speaking. "What are they doing to this song?" He sounded utterly appalled.

I turned to look at him, seeing that his expression matched his tone, ready to ask what the name of the song was, but Daniel beat me to it.

"It was Chicago's _Twenty-Five or Six to Four_ , but now it's totally unrecognizable," he answered in complaint.

I grinned, arching back a little. "So unrecognizable that you recognized it right away, huh?"

Ken began to laugh. "Yeah. I mean, why do you even know this song, man?"

"It's a good song, man."

I didn't realize just how stoned Nick was until I heard him talk, but once he said something it was quite obvious. Regardless, he had a point. "He's right; it is a good song, Ken. You should listen to it sometime. It's better than this," I motioned towards the marching band with my chin, "and a bit faster, but they're not half bad at it."

Ken simply released a grunt of disapproval after my endorsement and continued watching our peers practice. Sometime during the short conversation, undoubtedly while I was turned to face Nick, Lindsay and Kim had joined us. Blondie, obviously needing an outlet from whatever horrible thing may have happened at her house that morning, began picking on one of the band members.

"Oh my God! You guys, you guys," she laughed, "check out that pizza-faced dork with the trombone."

The 'dork' in question was quite easy to spot- a brown-haired boy wearing a wool-lined denim jacket, the sliding portion of his instrument going back and forth as he played along.

"Why doesn't he just pop those things?"

Unlike Kim, who probably didn't realize just how lucky she was on the matter, some of us were prone to outbreaks of acne. I had my bout of it every now and then, but nothing like the poor kid on the field. It was almost like fate had just handed him his lot in life with no pity whatsoever. 'Here,' I imagined a shapeless divine will saying to him, 'have a face full of zits and hey, while you're at it, why don't you pick up that trombone over there and completely establish yourself as a full-on geek.' Her comment was cruel, but as soon as she glanced my way with a huge grin from the statement, I could not fight the smile that quickly grew on my face.

"I think if he did, he'd die of blood loss," Daniel chimed in to his girlfriend's rhetorical question and we all broke out in laughter.

"Oh, here we go, look- it's tuba-girl!" Ken pointed and smiled, not at all surprising me with his inability to stay out of the jeering. "Hey! Hey!" he began to yell at the girl, hands cupped around his mouth like a small megaphone. "Your tuba is so big and _sexay_!"

Nick began to giggle, followed quickly by Daniel, and then I just couldn't help myself, either. Ken may have been a childish ass most of the time, but he always knew how to make people laugh.

"It makes me hot listenin' to it, baby!" he continued shouting. "Play me some Billy Joel! Yeah!" Finished with his squawking, Ken dropped his hands and wore a smile of satisfaction on his face.

"It's not- it's not _just_ a tuba, Ken," I corrected through my laughter.

"What?" He looked at me dumbfounded, but still grinning.

"Since we're all throwing out instrument names here, might as well be right." I calmed myself and pointed towards the band member my friend had dubbed 'tuba-girl'. Her heavy instrument was slung over her shoulder and around her upper torso. "That, my man, is a sousaphone."

"Snoozsaphone's more like it," he snorted in reply. "That thing is boring."

Lindsay stood next to Kim as our blonde friend snickered; the ex-mathlete appeared to be in an equal state of horror and amusement at Ken's antics. I watched her recover a moment later, leaning back onto the metal railing of the bleachers with a smirk spreading across her face. All I could think was that whatever she was cooking up, it had to have been good.

"At least she knows how to play an instrument," she countered, making a valid point and delivering it in a deadpan fashion that would've made Ken proud if he wasn't the recipient of it.

"That- that's not playin' an instrument," Ken contended, gesturing to the field as he did so. "That's like- that's like blowing into a toilet."

It was funny to hear him stumble on his own words, clearly not expecting any commentary from our resident brain. Something told me he walked right into whatever Lindsay wanted him to by replying at all.

"Pssh!" Lindsay laughed. "Sounds better than your singing." Her grin was absolutely shining by this point, and I couldn't help but crack up with Kim as Nick and Daniel delivered a vexing chorus of 'oooh' from behind us, Daniel even going as far as prodding Ken's shoulder with his boot to get a rise out of him.

Again, the group's non-stop jokester looked stunned with what was happening. It wasn't every day that we gave it back to Ken just as much as he dished it out, and Lindsay was simply on point. After a a few moments of stunned silence, however, he had a comeback.

"Hey Lindsay, here's an idea- how 'bout you break up our band so you can make out with Nick. Oh, you already did that. That's right," he wisecracked with a low blow. It was a harsh, knee-jerk reaction to him being in an uncomfortable situation (which he obviously was not used to) and garnered not a single laugh from any of us considering Nick was just starting to recover from the break-up.

"Shut up, man!" Nick berated our friend, undoubtedly pissed that Ken had went down that road, leaning forward to punch him in the ribs.

Taking a cue from Ken just a minute before, I cupped my hands over my mouth and yelped, "Personal foul; unsportsmanlike conduct. Affected players please return to the locker room to treat your burns."

While I was acting like a dork, Nick had scooted his way over to Lindsay and Kim and was leaning his head between the bars, saying something directly to his ex-girlfriend. I couldn't hear a thing they were saying, and likely missed most of it with my shouting, but if the look on Kim's face gave anything away, it was Nick embarrassing himself... and Lindsay.

"Matsen the Mangler strikes again!" Daniel gleamed just a second after the bell rang, the jab effectively spreading a smile across his face.

I could feel my face instantly flush red as everyone laughed. "I really, really hate you guys sometimes," I said through a smile, dotingly ribbing my friends as I stood up to go to class.

As we all scattered, I turned back to see Ken still gazing out at the football field, seeming to follow tuba-girl with his eyes as she and a fellow female band-mate talked and slowly walked back to the school. I knew the look that adorned his face all too well- he was _interested_ in the band geek! Before I could comment on it, however, I felt a pair of hands grab onto my sides and push me forward.

"Get a move on, Matsen," Kim demanded. "You're helpin' me with this stupid chem test today."

* * *

It was strange how relationships could change things. Suddenly you found yourself shaving a little time off of everything in order to have more time for one person. The time I would spend with my friends, just hanging out at school or wherever, would get shorter and shorter the longer I was involved with someone who didn't go to the same school or was a part of our core group. As a result, I would occasionally, kinda-sorta miss a few things with my group, including a meet-up one night at one of our local dives, Grove Station Coffee House (where the slogan was 'the coffee is cheap, but the food is cheaper').

Nick called me later on that same evening (with impeccable timing, as I had just made it home from a date with Christina) to ask me for my opinion on a piece of advice Daniel had shared with him. My friend's feelings for his ex-girlfriend were not waning in the least, and all of us knew it. Daniel suggested that Nick give her the cold shoulder to win her back, just like he was going to practice on Kim whenever she started an argument with him.

"Ignoring her?" I said in response, doing my very best to disregard the last part of his sentence involving Daniel and Kim. "No, man, that's not gonna work. Not with Lindsay at least. If she was just startin' to show interest in you then, yeah, maybe. You two have been broken up for a few weeks now, and I hate to tell you this, but she doesn't seem like she's itching to get you back in her life like that."

I heard him exhale abruptly on the other end of the line and I could almost feel his eyes roll at the same time.

"Nick, trust me; I'm not Daniel, but I know how to get, and keep, a girl's attention... hook, line, and sinker."

I knew my words were going to be taken lightly due to the unfortunate circumstances that fumbled my first attempt with Christina, as well as the girl as the movie theater, but I did actually know what I was talking about. Ignoring a girl only really worked if she was attracted to you... and even then it wasn't always the right approach.

"Then what do you suggest, Mr. Know-It-All?"

There was an undeniable hint of scrutiny in his voice as he asked the question, and I couldn't help but grin at the fact that I had pretty much called his doubt before he made it known.

"Honestly? Move on." I winced after speaking my piece, knowing that Nick would not like my response, no matter how much sense it made in simplicity. "I mean, if you think about it, it's kinda the exact same thing that Daniel said... only you ignore her so much that you get with someone else."

"Oh yeah, great advice, Donovan," he said after scoffing. "Just move on from the love of my life."

Now it was my turn to roll my eyes. Whenever I heard one of my peers say that they or were 'in love with' their significant other, I always took their words with a grain of salt. With Nick, I would need a boulder-sized salt lick. He 'fell in love' faster than I fell out of sorts with my teammates after dropping football, and I had a hard time believing that he could honestly be so smitten with a girl when their relationship was there and gone in the blink of an eye.

"Alright, fine, then just give her time, man," I tried to reason. "If you love her, you'll do that instead of pushing, or instead of ignoring her and sending the wrong signal altogether. You two weren't in the same type of relationship that Kim and Daniel are; thank god..."

I heard him release a snort of laughter at my words and felt relieved that he was at least still listening to what I had to say.

"So it's not like you guys are going to break up and get right back together. Just give it time... and don't be too assertive... or distant. That's the best thing you can do."

"I dunno, man," Nick sighed.

I knew we were at an impasse and I had to change subjects or we would keep going round and round with opposing sides on the issue. "Hey, what did you say happened as you guys were leaving the restaurant? Tuba-girl showed up and joked with Ken?"

"No," Nick began to laugh, "she roasted him! And she was in her band outfit, too! It was brutal. Like, brutal-funny."

My suspicions of Ken being attracted to the band member were now being joined that he may not be the only of the two to have some sort of interest.

* * *

The next day at school, things went from normal to weird in the time it had taken me to catch up with the group after breaking away to use the bathroom. I was only gone for a minute, two tops, and the air between everyone was completely different. The conversation I had walked into had seemingly divided the sexes.

Kim had asked Lindsay, 'So do you want to go or not?" as I made it into hearing range and at first it sounded like she was keen on the idea of going... wherever it was we were all discussing going. Only, a moment after throwing an unsure glance to the four of us on the opposite side of the hall, Lindsay began to backtrack and stutter out an answer of indifference, bouncing between being interested and not.

I couldn't help but note that both Nick and Daniel were doing their best to not look at the girls across from them and after Ken commented, 'Is it just me or did it get a little chilly in here?' I felt completely lost.

"What the hell happened? All I did was take a piss and now everyone is acting weird!" I remarked, hoping for someone to add clarity to the chaos.

Lindsay somewhat uncomfortably spouted, 'I'm gonna go get something to eat,' and I stared at her for a moment, not being able to ignore Kim's ice-cold stare towards Daniel in the process. It was yet another roller-coaster of a day with my friends.

Nick suggested we go to Stackey's and suddenly the girls disappeared into the cafeteria.

"Watch her run, just like the little rabbit. I am the tortoise," Daniel gleamed to Nick, slapping his chest and watching Kim leave.

"What?" I was not met with a response. I hated walking into these conversations midway through. A light bulb suddenly clicked on in my head. "Oh wait, is this that stupid 'ignore her' bullshit? Guys, c'mon."

Nick turned to face me, looking as if a bright idea just popped into his head. "Hey, man, do you think you could talk Christina into giving us some free food when we get there?"

"Uh, no," I answered, looking at him oddly. "Notice how we're in school, on a school day, during school hours? That's where she is right now, at Mt. Clemens."

"Oh... oh yeah!" He smacked his forehead and briefly wore a riled look on his face. "Lindsay kinda got my head all twisted around."

I nodded with an 'Uh huh,' and patted him on the shoulder, quickly following after Daniel.

* * *

I was truly thankful I had a high metabolism and still somewhat of a descent workout ethic, because I had been eating worse than at any point in my life since hanging out with my friends. I could have bought stock in the company and made money with the amount of times we frequented Stackey's. Of course, I would have preferred Salvatore's, but it was too far away when we had a limited amount of time to eat and get back to school. During our lunch outing I was asked if I was coming along to the laser dome with everyone to see Laser Floyd and I had to decline, citing that I already had plans in the works. I was met with a round of boos from the boys and one of them even threw a wadded up napkin at me. I attempted to get a better explanation of what I had walked in on before, but all that Daniel would say was that Kim was pissed about something that happened at the dome a while ago.

When we arrived back at school, Kim and Daniel ran into each other in the hall and they got into a yelling match with each other - or rather, Kim got in a yelling match while Daniel attempted to ignore her. I tried to calm her down, gently pulling her to the side and sharing a few words, but that turned out to be a bad choice. I had no idea who Wendy Franklin was or why she was so mad about her, but Kim's anger became redirected towards me as soon as I tried to defuse the situation. It didn't take more than half a minute for Kim to jump right back in Daniel's face and I was on the verge of walking away when Mr. Kendrick stopped all three of us. With a stern look on his face and as intimidating a tone as he could muster, he informed us that since we all enjoyed being so loud and causing such a distraction instead of heading to class, we should be thrilled to know that we had after-school detention.

"Perfect..." I sighed, not even bothering to throw a glance back at the dysfunctional couple that got me into the mess to begin with. "Just perfect."

While Nick was becoming a heartache, Kim was becoming a headache.

Overall, our after school punishment was just another course of what happened in the hallway earlier, but on a much quieter scale and one that allowed me some insight into what the whole thing was about. Of course, I had to eavesdrop to gain said insight, but oh well.

My head was buried in my math book as I tried to get some homework done while I was still stuck at school (Mr. Kendrick, at least, allowed us do homework when he was manning detention) when I heard Kim, very deliberately and loudly, clear her throat. Sitting in the middle seat of the table behind the troubled couple, I raised my head up to see if she was trying to get my attention. I was greeted with the sight of Kim staring very sternly towards Daniel. She had to lean forward to do so as there was another student at their table dividing them. After a moment of nothing, she dropped her hands to her lap and flopped back into her seat, only to sit forward again and release a grunt of annoyance while aiming her sights at her boyfriend.

I shook my head and was on the brink of studying my math assignment again when Kim leaned towards the curly-haired classmate next to her and began to rant. Her words, while still somewhat hushed, were spoken loud enough for me to hear.

"If you had a boyfriend who humped a slut like Wendy Franklin in a certain place, let's just say the _laser dome_... _"_ Her voice raised in pitch with her last six words and her focus changed from the kid she was talking to to Daniel.

To be fair, the kid also went from looking at Kim to Daniel at her cue and I almost burst out in laughter at the ridiculousness of the scenario playing out in front of me.

"...would you really want to hang out there?"

The student seemed to contemplate the question for a moment before whirling his head towards Daniel, almost looking like he wanted to be spoon-fed the correct answer. I wished I could have seen the look on Desario's face, but it was impossible from my angle since he continued to look forward.

"She's go a point," Daniel answered in a hushed tone, and I couldn't read his mood from his voice.

Snatching the bulky kid's attention once again, Kim continued, "Wouldn't you be a little wigged out by the idea that your boyfriend did _things_ with this slut..."

The boy shifted uncomfortably in his seat, visibly distraught with the situation he found himself forced in. On one hand I could commiserate with my fellow, nameless peer because nobody wants to be stuck between a rock and a hard place. My friends were using him as a surrogate to fling insults and reasoning at one another and the poor teen looked like a lamb being led to slaughter. On the other hand though, I was about to crack up because Kim and Daniel's continued dysfunctional relationship was turning into a joke to me.

"...in the very same sea you could be sitting in?" Kim finished and the kid once again looked to Daniel.

This time, Daniel had turned his head to the side and he was wearing a sly smile. From the looks of it, he and I were on the same page, both feeling pity for the boy in the middle and almost viewing the whole thing as a comedy sketch. The only (glaring) difference was that Daniel was Kim's boyfriend, and I didn't think he should be taking the ordeal so lightly considering this seemingly truly meant something to Kim. I couldn't really blame her. If Wendy Franklin truly was some 'slut' who Daniel had groped and made out with at the laser dome some time ago when he and Kim were broken-up and he had just nonchalantly told her she should be happy he was taking her there tomorrow night, I could understandably pick a side and stand behind Kim on the issue.

Thankfully, the kid took an out that I would have applauded him for and asked Mr. Kendrick if he could go to the bathroom. I had no doubt he would be taking a different seat at a different table when he returned.

"Hey," Daniel said as their would-be mediator fled the scene.

Kim was filing her nails from the look of it, but it almost seemed like the girl was vibrating with agitation and I imagined her already-short fingernails were going to suffer as a result.

"I regret it," Daniel acknowledged.

Kim whipped her head towards him a moment later, a look of contempt clearly overtaking her face. "You're so full of _crap_ , Daniel."

In all honesty, I was inclined to agree with her. It wasn't just his lackluster attitude about the whole thing or the scarcity of genuineness in his voice, but this was how Daniel was... and I couldn't understand why Kim kept putting herself through it again and again.

"What if I'm not?"

Kim had stopped her harsh filing and looked at her boyfriend for a moment. What I saw on her face stabbed at me. She wanted to believe what he was saying. Desperately.

"Are you?" she asked, her voice far more gentle than it should have been.

"I don't think so."

She looked at him for another lingering moment before beginning to file her nails again and I could see a look of smug satisfaction begin to form on Daniel before he turned back in his seat.

"Ugh..." I let out in a sigh rather loudly and allowed my head to fall onto my textbook, painfully bouncing against the hard surface once.

I didn't care whose attention I gained with the antic; I truly felt at my wits' end with the couple in front of me. It was pathetic.

* * *

Heading into the next day of school, my assumption was that I was going to have to do my best to avoid talking to either Kim or Daniel, which was going to be impossible since I shared a class with both of them throughout the day. Much to my surprise, they were both rather quiet.

The group was actually rather scattered, really. Kim and Daniel were avoiding each other, Lindsay and Ken were nowhere to be found and Nick was... well, he was doing his own thing. I thought for sure I would find someone out on the patio during lunch, but as I set foot onto the concrete courtyard I could already see that while the usual suspects were there, my friends were not. Before I could make my way back inside, Sean called out my name and waved me over. He was sitting at a table with Stroker and our local pot dealer, Mark. I wasn't exactly close with any of the three, but it just felt awkward and rude to outright refuse to at least make my way over and say hello.

"Hey guys," I greeted as I took a seat near the trio, nodding my head towards Sean as he returned a salute to me. "What's happenin'?

"Been a while since I've seen you," Sean said, sounding oddly matter-of-fact.

I scrunched up my face and gave him an odd look, realizing that he had a point. "I could say the same about you, man. I don't even remember the last time we passed by one another in the hall, let alone met out here."

"Yeah," Sean replied in the same monotone voice. "Guess you didn't know I was suspended and then expelled for three months."

My eyes widened in surprise. "Oh, shit! Really? What happened?"

He shrugged his shoulders and scooted over a bit as the sun began to creep into his line of sight. "Mr. Kowchevski caught me carving 'math sucks' into my desk during class. He's such an asshole."

"You were expelled for damaging a desk?"

"Nah," he shook his head. "I was suspended for that. They decided to expel me afterwards cause I was carving into the desk with a knife, and I guess you ain't supposed to bring butterfly knives to school."

I nodded my head in understanding, letting the reminder that this was somewhat of a rough crowd once again sink in to my brain. Daniel, Ken, Nick and Kim were all actually fairly laid back and chill for the clique they were associated with. A lot of the outsiders of McKinley were far more rough around the edges than my friends were, and Sean just proved that he may have fit that bill more than I had first assumed.

"My ma had to home-school me and everything, man. She was not happy. But hey, you woulda known all of that if you'd come to a few band practice sessions."

"I would but, uh..." I grinned and raised both hands, pointing to my ears. "My hearing needs at least a year-long rest to recuperate from the sheer awesome that is Creation."

"Yeah, yeah, funny guy," Sean replied through a laugh, flipping me off from the other side of the table.

I spent the rest of my lunch out there with the three, generally just bullshitting about nothing in particular, expanding my network of burnouts ever so slightly.

* * *

Kim called my house less than thirty minutes after I made it home.

"I got an 'A'! A fuckin' 'A' on that chem test, Donovan! Not a 'B+,' not an 'A-,' a fuckin' 'A,' man!" she practically trumpeted in my ear with an undeniable quality of satisfaction in her voice.

A grin lit my face up at the news and certain sense of triumph she was emitting with it, and I didn't even care that she had skipped a return 'hello' altogether to get to the good stuff ASAP. I knew she must have found out just before school ended for the day, as Chemistry was her last class and Mr. Kounen liked to wait until the end of class to give results for a previous day's test. "Well, fuckin' A, man!" I replied back in jest, not being able to help myself at the perfect opportunity she had handed me. "No, seriously, that's great Kim," I said after we shared a laugh at my stupid pun. "Congratulations!"

"Thank you!"

Again, she sounded so happy with herself that I couldn't help but feel the same. It was honestly a big feat for her, one that I was sure would go rather unappreciated at home (even though those were the people she was trying to impress most) and I truly wasn't sure if Daniel could be enthusiastic about anything academic that didn't relate directly to him, regardless of how good it was.

"It's because you helped me study, you know?"

Unbeknownst to her, I rolled my eyes at her undeserved praise, but then she surprised me with her next words, almost indicating that she knew exactly what I had done on the other end of the line.

"No, I mean it. Like, I don't think I would have bombed the test without your help or anything, but there's now way I woulda got an 'A,' either. You skipped first period to help me study, and then you kept quizzing me on stuff between each class before..."

 _Before Daniel fucked up your mood..._ I finished for her in my head, knowing better than to speak the words out loud.

Kim cleared her throat after a moment of silence. "Anyway, speaking of Desario, he says you're not going to the laser dome with us. Why not? I mean, even Ken's going; he's got a date with that tuba chick. You're not starting to skimp out on us, right?"

"Um... going to the laser dome with _us_?" I inquired, unintentionally ignoring her questions altogether while the revelation that I was right about Ken only slightly registered in the back of my mind. "You're actually going?"

"Yeah," she replied, hinting that the choice was really a no-brainer for her.

I actually scoffed out of pure confusion. "Why are you going to the show if you're so pissed at Daniel? You've been at his neck ever since you found out about Laser Floyd tonight."

"Are you kidding? What else am I going to do? Besides, I have to keep hounding him about how what he did was wrong or he'll think I'm okay with it now. You know him, Donovan. If I don't go, there is a good chance he'll do it again with some other Wendy Franklin slut. So, you're gonna come now, yeah?"

"No," I laughed out in reply. I had plans set with Christina already and there was no way I was backing out to go to a damn laser show. "I can't Kim. I got a date."

"With Christina?" She said her name with disgust. "God! You've been ignoring us ever since you hooked up with her. I didn't even think you guys were all that serious and then BAM!"

I struggled to stifle another laugh at the emphasis Kim had attributed to her last word, almost saying the term as if it had exploded out of her mouth. "Well, she _is_ my girlfriend."

"Yeah, and Daniel is my boyfriend, but I still call my best friend and try to hang out with him!"

_Wait, what was that? A 'him' best friend? As in me?_

"Best friend? What about Linds?"

She sighed loudly in my ear, signaling this was something I should have been able to work out all on my own. "She's my best _girl_ friend, you're my best _guy_ friend. Duh! Wait, are you trying to tell me I'm not your best friend, Matsen?"

"What? No, of course you are. I just didn't know there were subsections for best friends now." I lingered on my next question for a moment and decided to swallow it. I was going to ask why Daniel wasn't her best guy friend, but their current circumstance answered that for me. She could've probably threw him further than she could trust him by that point.

Best _guy_ friend or not, I still had to decline her request to attend the laser dome show. Christina's parents were out of town for the weekend and she wanted me to come over to her house. It wasn't hard to guess that she was ready to take our relationship to the next step... and I believed I was too.


	15. When it rains... (Part 1)

_Okay. Alright. This is perfectly normal, right?_

I was lying next to Christina in her bed. She was asleep and I... I was just laying there like a lump as endless thoughts ran through my head. We had had sex and, while I certainly didn't complain during our performance, I was left feeling fairly unsatisfied after the fact and I couldn't figure out why. Christina was a great girl; she was smart, funny and just as crazy about me as I was about her.

_Wait... am I crazy about her? I like her, but aside from the first time we flirted, has she ever set my heart racing? Do I really like her as a girlfriend or just as a friend?_

I sighed heavily and must have disturbed her slightly, as she turned onto her side and shifted her body back into mine. Turning onto my side as well, I slid my arm around her midsection and lightly kissed her shoulder, trying to force myself to go to sleep. Once again, my mind began to wander into the questioning territory.

_Am I disgusted or regretful for having sex with her? ... No. I still like being with her, I still want to touch her and kiss her ... or... do I? Is this why some guys find it so hard to stay faithful and not sleep around? Did I rush into a relationship just to repress my feelings for Kim? I was pretty random with whoever I chose to chase after. Am I going to hurt a person who actually cares about me now because I was in such a scramble to be with someone? I think... I might be a horrible human being. Goddamnit!_

The more I questioned it, the more wound and uncertain I became of everything. The only thing I was really sure of was that there was no way I was going to fall asleep there, in her bed, next to her. As delicately as I could, I moved myself out of the bed and gathered up my clothes, roaming into the bathroom.

I looked at myself in the mirror and sighed again, dropping my head. "What the hell is wrong with you?" I said aloud and almost laughed at the fact that it probably looked like I was scolding my crotch. After a speedy dress session (where I almost fell into the bathtub while trying to put my pants on), I once again ventured into the bedroom. I couldn't very well pull a 'dine and dash' type situation on her (it wasn't like she had no idea who I was or how to contact me), so I woke her up and told her (half of) the truth- I was heading home because I was having a hard time sleeping at her house. She nodded and mumbled, 'okay' sleepily before kissing me and asking that I come back tomorrow. I nervously agreed, but I hoped she was too tired to notice the hesitation in my voice.

* * *

I would be the first to admit that one of my less-than-stellar personality quirks was my incessant need not only for acceptance but also to not disappoint people. I could affix both needs to my father, who seemed to be detached from every emotion known to man when I was growing up. Except discontent. He knew how to display that one really well. No matter what I did, he either did not care or he simply was not impressed and then, when I gave up on it due to my want of approval from him, he would become 'disappointed' in me and the cycle would just start over. After a few years, I gave up trying to appease him, but the traits had carried over into every other relationship in my life and I didn't know how to _not_ seek those things. The predicament with my girlfriend was one where the 'don't disappoint' aspect was flying into high gear. I didn't want Christina to think I was just using her for sex and I didn't have any true feelings for her, but at the same time I had to ask myself exactly what my feels for her were.

While I drove home, a back and forth argument about what I was supposed to do began in my head. Much like people sometimes have imaginary battles with an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, I conceived a similar situation where my confidence and my paranoia would deliberate over a particularly conflicting issue in my head.

_Okay, kid, just think about this rationally. You're kind of caught between a rock and a hard place, but there is a clear answer here. You like Christina but not your romantic relationship with her, it is just that simple. You also like Kim... but in all kinds of ways, amicably and beyond. Don't try to deny it; you'd only be lying to yourself here. You gave chivalry a chance and it ain't workin'._

Confidence had put together a rather straightforward and blunt opening statement, but Paranoia seemed to have a meatier counter.

_Donovan, think about what you're doing here. Christina is really into you, you guys get along and you're not chasing someone unobtainable- you've got her! Tonight? Well tonight was just... nerves. Yeah, nerves. Everything will be fine the next time. Besides, it's not like you couldn't perform or something. You were right to forget about Kim. She's got a boyfriend who she is deeply attached to, she's wildly unpredictable, just remember who almost ruined your chances with Christina the first time around, and she's your best friend. You don't want to risk losing that, do you?_

I was starting to side with Paranoia. Some valid points were made.

_Are you listening to that crap, kid? 'Cause if you are, you're only hearing half the story, the scared half. Sure, Blondie has a boyfriend, but how steady is it? They break up all the time and you've seen first-hand that Daniel has a problem stickin' to one girl. Let's see, there was Karen, Angela, Wendy... oh, and let's not forget the way he looks at Ms. Yeats. Who knows how many others there are! Now, why do you think Kim was trying to keep you single? So she could claim you for her own if such an opportunity ever arose, dummy! Make that opportunity happen! And, hey, if the person you're with doesn't turn out to be your best friend down the road, why are you with them?_

Okay... now Confidence was making... some sense? There was a lot of wild speculation in there. We were kind of straying from the path here and it was beginning to give me a headache.

_Oh, we're going to play that way? Fine. Let's see- Karen? Sure. Angela and Wendy, though? One is a rumor that we have no way to validate and the other occurred when the two were broken-up, which makes it not off-limits and definitely not cheating! In regards to our teacher, well, everyone has a wandering eye now and then._

_That was, uh..._ I tried to rationalize in my head. _This is just turning into a-_

_There's a big difference between a wandering eye and undressing someone with your eyes. Daniel's gaze falls into the latter category._

"Stop!" I yelled out, not even caring how crazy I might have looked to anyone watching. Enough was enough with that silliness. My thought process went from helpful to focusing on trivial matters in no time flat.

I realized I was sitting in my driveway with the car in park, just idling. It was always a little unsettling when I was driving and went into autopilot without even recognizing it. I was always worried I was going to run a red light or something, but I guess if my mind knew what turns to make and when to make them without much concentration, it would also know that red means stop.

* * *

As I walked in the door, all of my relationship concerns took a backseat. My mother was lying on the couch, in front of the TV, completely zonked out. Something didn't look right though and it put a knot in my stomach.

I made my way towards her and laid my hand on her forehead, feeling for a temperature and inadvertently waking her up at the same time. She grimaced in pain as she woke up and looked at me with almost empty eyes.

It was a quarter to one in the morning and the TV screen was displaying the random dot pattern of static it always did when it failed to obtain a transmission signal.

"Mom, are you okay? You're out here pretty late and watching a channel that has gone off the air for the night."

"I'm fine, Donovan," she replied in a slow, monotone voice, "I'm just tired and stressed and I can't sleep too well. I might- I might be running a fever."

"Yeah, you are," I confirmed with a sigh trailing my statement. Her forehead had been warm to the touch. Too warm.

This was usually how is started. She would become utterly fatigued, but have difficulty sleeping and, when she did sleep, she would be in immense pain when she woke up. Most of the time she avoided sleeping altogether, which only seemed to amplify her behavior changes. It was at its worst when she was fully into her sickness and did manage to fall asleep... because you never knew how she would react when she woke up. She might be my mom or she might try to rip my head off with a slew of verbal insults and taunts.

I sat down on the couch and waited for her to fall back to sleep. I went to bed soon after she did, but it couldn't have been more than a few hours later that I heard her roaming around the house. There was an inclination to wake my dad up, but I knew neither of us could do anything and taking her to the hospital would be next to useless. We would just have to wait until Monday to see if we could get an appointment with her doctor ASAP.

* * *

Christina was not pleased at all with my abrupt cancellation of our second 'special night', but when I explained to her that my mom was sick and I needed to look after her, she seemed to understand. I briefly thought of telling the complete situation to my girlfriend, but the sad truth was that I didn't even understand what was going on well enough to educate anyone else on the matter. Lupus was a big, complicated disease that was still widely unknown and every time I opened a book about it I just got sick with thoughts of how much it was going to affect my mother and how it would eventually be the death of her. I felt utterly hopeless when thinking about it, because no matter how much I learned, there was no cure and, since it affected everyone differently, there wasn't even a solid plan to keep it in remission (if you could even say it had such a state).

Dr. Hudson confirmed my mother was going through a 'lupus flare', but had no estimation as to how long it may last. I had been fearful of this coming for months and thought we were extremely lucky it didn't arrive sooner. Her hands and legs were starting to swell and her personality was shifting. That last part was what really worried her doctor, because he was not too familiar with a person's demeanor changing as entirely as my mother's had and thought it was a separate, albeit connected, problem. He didn't feel comfortable making a diagnosis without first seeing the change for himself.

Going home after school was a chore and a half during the times my mother was ill, because I never knew how different she was going to be, how loving or awful she may act, but I knew she needed me to be around in case she required help or needed to be watched. It was a role reversal that I was never prepared for. There were only so many times in a day I could stomach being told she would have been better off aborting me or that she never loved me. I knew that wasn't really her and it was whatever was going on in her head... but it still delivered a world of hurt to my soul each time. There were times when I wanted to yell at her for it when she was better and there were times when I was just relieved that she never remembered her transformations or the awful things she put out there when she was altered.

She would get ideas in her head and begin to believe them as fact, most of the time it was an obscene notion that my father and I had turned against her and were trying to kill her somehow. It was draining to deal with, both physically and emotionally, but it was terrifying to me more than anything. Each time it happened, each time she began to change, it would last longer and longer and I was never quite sure if she would return from it completely normal. The person in front of me was both my mother and not my mother at the same time.

* * *

It took over a week for the flare to pass, and in that time I had tried to keep in contact with everyone in my circle, but it certainly wasn't easy and I never had time to actually hang out with anyone. I didn't talk as much as I used to and even the individual efforts of my friends was not enough to get me to open up about what, exactly, was going on at home. Out of everyone, I felt like Daniel and Kim tried the hardest, but while Daniel was merely able to shrug off my elusiveness with a smile still on his face, Kim seemed to take it more personal.

No one took it as hard as Christina, though. We went from spending tons of time together to having an almost non-existent relationship and it was truly all on me. Dealing with my mother made me distant and quiet. Even when we did talk it was only for short bursts of time and I was very reclusive in our conversations. It was bothering her, I knew it was, and I didn't want to lose what we had, but... again, I couldn't stop asking myself exactly _what_ we had, and I kept coming up short with any kind of answer. Sure, we got along great and we had built a strong friendship while trying to grow a romantic relationship, but it was obvious that something was just not working between us. She was at least trying, while I... well, I wasn't sure what I was doing. The lack of nearly any tender feelings towards her (which was becoming apparent before we had sex, but seemed to just augment speedily after the fact) was foreboding of any continuation our relationship's future, but even more distressing was my complete inability to understand _why_ the sudden change happened in the first place. As it turned out, the possibility of never figuring my mess out was almost guaranteed... and all it took was one last boneheaded move on my part.

Nick had called and invited me over to his place because Ken and Daniel brought over some of the, as he put it, 'heaviest shit he had ever had' and they thought it would be the perfect reason to hang out since we hadn't been able to in a while. There was just one hitch- I had to pick up Kim and she was bound to be beyond pissed. Daniel was supposed to stop by her house before he went to Nick's, but he "forgot" and was way too stoned to drive there himself. Something told me I was missing a vital piece of information. She had her own car, after all, so I couldn't figure out why she just couldn't drive there herself.

Christina called as I was getting ready to head out and when I told her where I was going, she became extremely irritated and upset.

"Wait, you can't be serious," she began and I could almost feel her grip on the phone tighten with anger.

"I've taken these last, what, _nine days_ in stride, Donovan. You pretty much ditch me right after we have sex because you have such a hard time sleeping at my house."

As she continued, the pent up frustration that had been welling up in her spilling out and going directly into my ear, her voice grew louder and more criticizing with each word.

"And then your mom _conveniently_ gets sick so you can't come over to my place, but you don't want me to come over to your house either..."

I was feeling very small in that moment. She was pissed about things I didn't even know she was pissed about... and she didn't believe me about my mom after all. "No, hold on," I finally butted in, "my mom really was sick, Christina. She didn't start getting better until just a few days ago, but even th-"

She huffed out contemptuously, cutting me off. "I could have helped then, Donovan. I _wanted_ to help. I wanted to be there with you. You sounded so stressed, so worried every time we talked and there wasn't anything I could do..."

Her words left me feeling like a complete and utter asshole... and maybe I was. If I ever even had the slightest doubt that Christina didn't care about me beyond a 'friends with benefits' level, her impassioned response shattered any reasoning I would've had to even think it. Still, exposing others to what my mother was like during a flare was simply not something I considered an option. Honestly, it was simply something I wasn't about to let _anyone_ experience. My girlfriend, my best friends... hell, my annoying neighbors! It didn't matter. Flare time for my mother was introvert time for me. The whole thing was tough enough to deal with as a family member, but to let outsiders know what happened to my mom when she changed? How she treated me? My dad? Herself? And what would she treat my friends like or my girlfriend? That would have been an immediate nail in the coffin, I was sure.

I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on answering her without sounding uncomfortable. "You don't- No, it's me. I can't explain it right, but it's not- it's... oh, fuck, I don't know."

Another condescending scoff preceded her response, and I couldn't really blame her for being fed up by that point.

"You can't even tell me if she had the flu or something? Maybe it isn't any of my business, maybe that's what you're trying to tell me without telling me, but I bet your friend Ken knows and Nick... and probably even that Kim chick. They just call you up and you're all set to spend time with them, but what about me? Why couldn't you come see me if you mom was getting better days ago?"

I felt like telling her that no, my friends didn't know, but ultimately I knew it didn't matter. This was an issue of trust and respect, and I had breached both.

"Look, I can come to your house right after-"

_Oh shit, did I just say 'after'?_

" _After?!_ " she nearly roared on the other end of the line. "What, like I'm some kind of afterthought? Second best? Hump me and then dump me? You know what, Donovan, I've been in this kind of relationship before and I'm not wasting time in another one. Go to hell!"

There wasn't even time for me to respond as I heard the phone smack into its plastic cradle several times before the click sound signaled the end of the call.

I cursed under my breath and just stared at the phone in disbelief.

_Did that really just happen?_

* * *

Within twenty minutes I found myself standing at Christina's doorstep, rapidly knocking on the door while trying to think of what to say, how to make my fucked up mistake right. How to make _every_ mistake right... because she deserved that.

Suddenly Confidence made its voice heard, _What are you doing? This is the out you were looking for, take it!_

 _Is it?_ I asked myself truthfully. _No. Well, maybe._

I obviously had no idea what I wanted, but I did know that no matter what, I didn't want it to end like this, where she thought I just used her for sex.

When the door opened, my eyes were met not by Christina's, but her mother's. She was a pretty woman, and I could see that her daughter gained many of the beautiful facial features she had from her. That night, however, her face was masked by a scowl of disgust and irritation.

"What do you want?" There was an unmistakable coldness to her tone and it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that I had fallen from good graces with the whole family. This wasn't going to go well.

"I was hoping to talk with Christina, Mrs. Garan."

"I don't think she has anything to say to you. Now, if you'll excuse us, it's getting late."

"But, but..." My words almost poured out of my mouth in a botched haste, "there was a misconum-, a misunderstanding that I really need her to hear the-"

"Listen, Donald," she interrupted my stumbling gush of hectic, misspoken words.

_It's Donovan._

"You have already made my daughter cry once tonight, I'm not giving you another chance. Please leave before you upset her again... unless you want me to call the cops and have them make you leave."

After the door was shut in my face, I couldn't help but just stand there for a moment, mimicking my baffled feeling from earlier.

_That was a bluff. It had to be, right?_

I really didn't want to stick around to test my theory, even if that meant remaining a douche in my now-probably-almost-definitely ex's mind.


	16. ...it pours (Part 2)

After over an hour of aimless driving I arrived at the Kelly's. I wasn't exactly in the mood to deal with Kim (because sometimes it was a task that took a certain amount of patience and a much cooler head than I had at that moment), but by the same token, I had already fucked up one friendship that night and going two for two did not seem all that appealing. Besides, if the weed was really that good, maybe I wouldn't feel like such a piece of shit with some of it in my system. Sooner than I could even shift into park, Kim was walking out of the house, looking pissed.

"What the hell, Matsen? You were supposed to be here forever-ago! They've probably smoked it all by now! Thanks for adding to my already-shit day."

I shut the car off, replying through my open window, "Yeah, well, I had to... take care of a... thing."

_Bad excuse. Get ready to have that thrown back in my face in three, two, one..._

It really wasn't any of Kim's business what I was doing before I came over, but, like an idiot, I always tried to explain myself somewhat.

She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes as she spoke in a mocking tone, "Oh, did you need to get in a quickie with Christina first or something?"

I had just closed my door but I was more than willing to jump back into the car and drive home, ditching Kim and her attitude.

"I'm really not that eager to put up with your shit tonight, Kim. Remember, I'm not the one who forgot to pick you up in the first place and I easily could have just gone straight to Nick's. I probably just should have at this rate."

_Fuuuuuck... I should've thought that through better..._

She looked both shocked and hurt by my retort at first, but the expression quickly drifted from her face. "She held out on ya, huh?"

_Not tonight, Kim, please. Time to stop fuckin' around before one of us gets hurt._

"No, she dumped me, 'cause I'm a fucking idiot. You're not the only one who is having a shit day, ya know? Now can we please just go get high and talk about stuff that doesn't matter and doesn't depress me?"

"Oh, shit. I'm- I'm sorry." For once she seemed embarrassed by her actions and there was an awkward span of silence that neither one of us knew how to break.

I sighed and rubbed my forehead. Suddenly my will to do anything had vanished and all I wanted to do was go home and bury myself in my bed. "You know what- I can't tonight. I just... I gotta go home. Besides, you have a car, you know how to drive. You don't need a ride from me."

Kim looked at me, there was a certain vulnerability in her gaze that I had never witnessed before. Instantly, all I wanted to do was make whatever was wrong better however I could.

"I wanted a ride because... yesterday I... I... I killed Millie's dog. I kind of... ran him over," she suddenly blurted out, as if I had been grilling her on the matter for hours and finally made her break down.

"You... what?!" My mind was blown and 'shocked' couldn't even begin to describe the look my face had contorted into. There was no way to make this 'better'.

I nimbly put the pieces together as Kim's confession repeated in my head. Daniel skipped out on his chauffeur duties because he didn't want to deal with the 'girly' emotions Kim was going to bounce off of him and she probably wasn't too fond of driving because she had just ran over a dog with her rusted wreck.

Completely ashamed, she looked to the ground, her voice tumbling out small and almost inaudible. "I killed Millie's dog. Lindsay and I were going out last night and we... hit him."

She looked so crestfallen, so guilty that I simply walked up to her and embraced her in a hug, a hug that she immediately returned. She didn't cry, but you could tell the event had triggered something in her.

"I'm sure you didn't mean to," I whispered, waiting a few more seconds before tossing an alternate idea out. "Hey, do you just wanna chill out here for a while instead of goin' to Nick's? I mean, those guys..."

She nodded her head against me, conveying that she understood what I was leading into. Our friends were great, no doubt, but they were not always the most sensitive of people (especially with the 'pack mentality' being together generated), and I could tell Kim wasn't interested in being ridiculed when she just wanted an outlet for the unfortunate event.

* * *

Her brother was asleep on the couch and her stepfather was passed out drunk in her parents' bedroom, so we spent time in her room instead. I was fairly surprised when I entered, as it was a stark contrast to the rest of the house and certainly not what I expected of her. For all intents and purposes, it was cleaner and more put together than my room, and I was fairly OCD when it came to that. The only theme that bled into her room was the half completed walls that were everywhere in the house.

I sat at the head of her bed as we talked and before long, I moved one of her pillows to the opposite wall and leaned back into it, laying vertically and letting my legs hang over the side of the bed. The night of high emotions had quickly drained me and her bed was actually pretty comfy. I hadn't planned on falling asleep (and I was sure if I did she would be quick to wake me in perhaps a less-than-nice manner), but resting just felt so nice. I asked her if she told Millie what happened to Goliath, her dog, and she shook her head.

"No, and it's too late to tell her now. I mean, in Mr. Perlick's class we talked a little and I ended up telling her about my my dog... Bobo." Kim stopped and looked over at me, appearing to study my face as if she was sure I was going to laugh at her pet's name, but I remained silent, truly interested in what she was saying. "I think we're, like, friends now... or something. She even had a little funeral for him earlier today, and invited me! Do you think she woulda done that if she knew I was the one who killed her dog?"

"Maybe. Maybe not," I answered with a shrug. "But if you really want to stay friends with her you should come clean, 'cause if Millie ever gets wind of what happened and it's not from you, you can kiss your bond goodbye."

"Wow," Kim scoffed in reply. "Thanks for being so _supportive_ , Matsen."

Last name mode was engaged and I knew I was on treacherous ground. Instead of pressing the matter further and chancing it blowing up in my face entirely, I decided to switch subjects slightly and ask Kim about her dog. It was, after all, the first I had ever heard of a Kelly canine, but it also might not have been the wisest choice. The tale of her pooch was a rather sad one.

Her face lit up as she started off by telling me that her dog was a Yorkshire terrier that her mother and Arlo bought from their neighbors when she was just a kid. It was around the same time that her mother and stepfather had just started dating, and it was likely that they figured it would be a good way for Arlo to start off a working relationship with Kim. She named him Bobo almost immediately, giggle at the name as she said it, and causing me to smile at the pure innocence of the moment. Kim went on to explain that Bobo was a smart little dog, and he loved TV. So much so that he would watch it with Kim all day. Sadly, as smart as her new best friend was, Bobo was also afflicted with canine epilepsy and when it struck, it struck fast. Suddenly he would start to froth at the mouth and his little legs would become strangely tense. After a moment he would start shaking and, eventually, lose control of his bodily functions and poop himself. Because of the shaking and tremors, Bobo would make a mess of himself and the house with the poop and, in rather short time of discovering the condition, Cookie and Arlo claimed they couldn't take the stress of having such an unpredictable animal in the house anymore. Kim did her best to keep Bobo outside and play with him there, but she also couldn't help herself with allowing him inside every now and then and attempting to clean up the messes he made when accidents happened. One day though, she returned home from school and there was no more Bobo. Cookie and Arlo had put him to sleep without even telling Kim about their intentions, without even preparing her for it in the least.

Kim sharing her tale of a lost canine opened an old wound from my childhood that I felt compelled to disclose my own experience with losing a dog.

My pooch was part Border Collie and part god-knows-what. She was born in a puppy mill that happened to be right next to my bus stop when I was just a little Donovan. Back in those days my Grandmother was in better health and lived in the same town that we did, her house being just a few away from ours. I would spend a couple hours at her place after school because both of my parents had jobs then and I was far too young to stay at home alone. I would walk to my bus stop each morning, meeting my grandmother at her house so she could accompany me, and stand next to the fence that separated me from dozens of barking, yipping pups until my ride to school arrived. Petting random dogs the entire time I waited made going to the stop all I wanted to do in the mornings, and getting on the bus almost impossible. There was one little runt in particular that seemed to take quite a liking to me. She was smaller than most of the other dogs that looked like her, but that didn't deter the canine in the least. She knew how to push her was passed her brothers and sisters and stick out prominently to gain my attention. We had built a little bond during my daily visits where she would happily run up to the fence like clockwork when she heard my voice and I would always give her the most attention. The day I got off the bus after school and realized she was gone was just devastating. I cried during the entire walk to my grandmother's house and it was only when I made it inside and watched the little patchwork brown and white blur run towards me that I realized my grandma had bought her for me! Words couldn't express how overjoyed I was that day... nor how displeased my parents were at the fact that the whole thing was not discussed with them beforehand.

Two years had passed, but the best name I could think up for her was 'Girl' (pathetic, I know). She was my furry best friend and we went everywhere together. The park, my friends' houses, walks around the block for hours, exploring the fields behind my house. You name an adventure, we likely went on it. We had one of those connections I didn't think anything could break. Anything, that was, until she got sick one day. I knew it was bad, far different from any other time she had been sick, because she was limping, having trouble breathing and cried out in pain for no reason sometimes. When my father had warned me that he noticed that Girl just wasn't acting right and I might want to prepare myself I began to worry and fret, and that was when she crawled under the porch and refused to come out. He told me I needed to be brave and not sad, because a dog only goes off to die alone if they feel like whatever they are doing is making you, their family, unhappy. I didn't know if he was just trying to force me to not cry anymore or if he actually knew what he was talking about, but in the end it didn't matter. Even though I tried as hard as I could, there was no way for me to kick how utterly gutted my dog's impending death made me feel... and she stayed under the porch as a result, dying alone and breathing her last breath in the dark.

"So that, um-" I stopped, willing myself not to break down over such a bygone part of my life and embarrass myself in front of my friend. "As morbid as it sounds that's probably where I got the idea that being buried alive, alone and in the dark, would be the worst way to die. Just talking about it now I still feel guilty about the whole thing. She was my dog, my best friend, and I couldn't even be strong enough for her when she needed me the most, so she coulda died in my arms instead of cowering under our fucking porch."

"I- I am so sorry, Donovan," Kim said as I ran my left hand over my face in a mix of emotions, finally pinching the bridge of my nose and closing my eyes to focus on calming my breathing.

Teetering so close to tears, I didn't feel comfortable with finishing and telling Kim that when Girl did pass, burying her was one of the hardest things I had ever had to do in my life. I didn't want to share that, up until the point that we had moved, I would sit by her grave daily and think of all the good times I had had with her. I was all at once too raw.

It seemed as if understanding wasn't a concept I was alone in that night, either. I felt Kim shift from her seat in the middle of her bed and at first I thought she was making her way off the mattress, but when I felt her gently take hold of my right hand and moved it, laying down beside me and resting her head on my chest, I knew that she sensed the ridiculous inner struggle I was having with dealing with my emotions and trying to save face. Between getting dumped, sharing tales of sadness and finally getting to take a breath knowing that my mother was on her way to recovery, I had every reason _to_ cry... I just wouldn't allow myself to.

It took a minute or two for our conversation to start up again, but when it did we made sure to stay clear of anything too emotional.

"So, we're going to see The Who this weekend," Kim began. She was still holding my hand, never having let go since moving it to lay next to me, her fingers slowly moving to interlock in mine while her thumb slid softly back and forth over my thumb, calming me slightly. It was moments like that where I felt like we were being too handsy for our own good and it only served to reinforce the feelings I had for her that I clearly shouldn't. By the same standards though, I wasn't about to stop her. It was probably foolish of me to think of it as anything more than a friendly form of commiseration considering we had just shared heartbreaking stories of losing beloved pets.

"You should come with us... especially now that you don't have any plans. Tickets are only forty bucks." She crunched up her face a second later and peered up at me. "That probably came out wrong. Sorry."

It was a slightly insensitive statement, but not one that was necessarily untrue.

"Even if I wanted to go, I don't have ten dollars to my name, so tickets are out of the question. My mom is going in for a ton of tests over the next couple of weeks, too, so I doubt I can mooch off my dad for money. I'll probably have to mow some lawns around the neighborhood just for gas."

Kim laughed and covered her mouth, trying to squelch her glee but failing miserably. "For some reason I find it really funny to imagine you running around from yard to yard with a lawnmower just for a little gas money."

"It's a little ironic that I have to use something that requires gas to get money to buy gas. Anyway, ya gotta do what ya gotta do, but..." I shivered a little, thinking about what I was going to share with her. "Sometimes it is really creepy when someone, like let's say Mrs. Saperstein, comments on how hot I look and offers to hose me down to cool me off."

"Oh my God!" Kim roared with laughter, "Mrs. Saperstein? She's like fifty or something, Donovan! That goes way beyond creepy!"

"Like I said- gotta do what ya gotta do. And in case you were wondering, no, I do not shake my moneymaker for her."

She burst into another fit of laughter and I couldn't help but smile. After her laughing subsided, she looked like something was on her mind and, after a few moments, she spoke up again. "So, like, what kind of tests does your mom have to go through? What made her so sick?"

I sighed and briefly considered how to attempt to explain. "It's like, she starts having a lot of aches and pains and trouble sleeping, and then her hands and legs start to swell up and hurt her nonstop... and then... and then it just seems like she changes into someone else completely. It's like, the person she changes into _looks_ like my mom, but she doesn't act like it at all. I think that's what the tests are all about, because her doctor says that what she is going though, what makes her sick, shouldn't affect her mentally like it does."

_That was... kind of easy. Not exactly the most sophisticated or technical answer, but still... why couldn't I do that with Christina?_

Kim remained silent after I said my piece, looking as if she was really taking it in and trying to think of an appropriate response. Before she could say anything though, there was a light knock on her door and Cookie peeked her head inside.

At the sight of her mother, Kim let go of my hand and quickly propped herself up on her elbow, effectively moving away from us touching in any sense of the word. Understanding that Cookie could either get the wrong idea, much like she had last time I was at their house, or slip up and mention what she saw to Daniel (maybe even both), I did not take any offense to the hasty actions.

"I'm surprised you're home," her mother said from her spot in the doorway, looking tired and barely able to keep her eyes open. "Anyway, it's late and you have school tomorrow. Say your goodbyes and get to bed."

I cringed slightly, fully expecting an argument to escalate from out of nowhere, but Kim simply nodded to her mother as she closed the door. I was stunned. "What was that? Did you guys just not fight?"

She shrugged. "When things are good between us, I try my best to make them stay that way as long as I can. She may be a psycho, but she can be a mom too when she wants to be. She's been working doubles a lot lately so she can celebrate her whatever-ith anniversary with Arlo in Grand Rapids. Annnnnnd, she's my source for the forty bucks so I've gotta try to keep things cool between us for a while at least."

* * *

The week continued on as normal... or as normal as it could for our group. Kim had taken Millie under her wing, so to speak, and was spending more time with her than she had since she was practically forced to during homecoming. I had no idea if she had come clean with the mathlete or not, but judging from how they were all smiles around one another, and knowing Kim as well as I did, I had my doubts.

I was walking down the hall, joking around with Ken and Daniel as we made our way to shop class to meet up with Nick, when we all noticed Kim rush out from our occasional hangout spot under the stairs. She appeared to be in quite the mood as she stomped off in front of us, causing Daniel, Ken and I to share a look of hesitation between us. After releasing a familiar huff of irritation, Daniel called out to his girlfriend, telling her to wait up as he quickened his pace to close the distance. Ken and I shared another glance between us and shook our heads in unison. Suddenly, my friend's face changed to that of surprise, as if something had just dawned on him.

"Hey, wait!" he exclaimed to the couple before breaking stride to catch up with them. "You've got my homework, Kim! I need it for my next class!"

Carrying on at my own pace, I quietly laughed to myself at the scene that had unfolded in a matter of seconds. My amusement diminished, however, as I passed our alcove and noticed Lindsay sitting on the radiator cover cabinet with a look of dismay overcasting her features.

"What's up, smarty-pants?" I joked as charmingly as I could while entering the small space.

Lindsay released a 'pssh' of dismissal before looking up at me. "Just got into a fight with Kim."

"Sorta guessed from a pissed-looking Blondie leaving here a minute ago. What happened?"

Lindsay peered up at me for a moment and then looked back down at her clasped hands. "Nothin'."

In addition to seeing just how friendly Kim and Millie had become at school, I also noticed that Lindsay looked fairly concerned when the duo were hanging out in front of her. "Look," I said, taking a seat next to her, "I might not be the most observant guy in the world, but I do pay attention to a thing or two. When I started spending time with those guys, I didn't exactly have the luxury of knowing I could go hang out with my ex-teammates if things started goin' bad, but I did think about it."

Lindsay's head reared up abruptly at my words and she seemed truly shocked at what I was saying.

"This is about Millie becoming friends with Kim, isn't it?"

Her reaction was answer enough, but I wanted to see if she would actually _talk_ about it with me.

Lindsay released a single, stifled 'I-' before closing her mouth and looking back down to her hands.

"Then again," I sighed out, "I've never had a friend like Millie. All my friends are pretty much foul-mouthed punks to begin with, so it's not like Daniel or Ken or Kim could've made 'em any worse than they already are."

Lindsay released a genuine laugh and elbowed me in the side before contributing, gloom entering her tone as she spoke. "Yeah, but... it's not just that. I just wanted us to tell Millie the truth. Kim and I, we... we..."

"Hit Millie's dog. I know."

Lindsay had once again been shocked by my admission and her face gave it away in spades. "How?"

"Kim told me two days ago. We were supposed to go over to Nick's to meet up with the guys but Christina had just dumped me and the thing with Goliath happened the day before, so we weren't really up for hanging out with a crowd. We just stayed at her place and talked for a bit."

My brunette friend's face softened after I had finished, a look of understanding growing on her that made me feel slightly uncomfortable, like I had said something I didn't mean to.

"You two are really close, aren't you?"

I shrugged and took my turn to look down, away from her suddenly prying gaze. "Yeah, I guess so." I was honestly a little nervous about what she may say or ask next, so I knew I had to change the subject. "You know Kim as well as I do, Lindsay; she's a good person, even if she'll glare at you for saying that. She won't let Millie tumble off her holy mountain if that's what you're afraid of, and she won't make her stop being the Millie you know."

"I know," Lindsay replied, sounding slightly defensive. "It's just- It's hard to see them bonding over something we did, and I don't know what's gonna happen if Millie finds out."

"Yeah," I nodded in full agreement, "something's gotta give there, and it ain't gonna be pretty when it does."

"Hey," Lindsay said after a few moments of silence, her tone much more upbeat than it was for the duration of our conversation. "Wanna know something funny?"

I looked at her with a raised eyebrow, asking her to continue without saying a word. I watched as she reached into her bag and pulled out a somewhat crumpled piece of paper.

"I heard Ken yelling about his homework to Kim when he came running by..." She held up the sheet, displaying the horrible chicken-scratch writing on it, "but she already gave it to me to pass back to him next period."

There was a goofy smile written across her face and our laughter grew to nearly a roar as the bell rang, giving us a two minute warning to get to class.

* * *

The next day, when everyone was going to meet and drive off to The Who concert, I dropped by Nick's house for a quick hangout (I would've been crazy to turn down free weed with friends) and Andopolis went on to horrify Ken and me by 'performing' a song he wrote for Lindsay. He called it _Lady L_ but the damned thing honestly just sounded like hell. As I sat on the other end of the sectional couch beside Ken, listening to our friend strum away at his guitar and hit notes no one in their right mind would think were right, I found myself wishing for Feedback like never before. A very big part of me believed that the crescendo he performed at the end of the song could have caused my ears to bleed a little on the inside. Throughout the performance, Ken and I shared pained looks with one another and if the song went on any longer, we probably would have shared a silent nod of understanding and punctured each other's eardrums in an act of merciful comradery.

It was Nick's intention to sing the song to his Lady L later in the day during the meet-up. Ken gave him a look like he would disown him if he followed through and I was suddenly a little glad I would not be venturing along.

As the day continued on, I began to wonder just what exactly happened with my friends and if they were having a fun time at the show. I didn't have to wonder for too long before Lindsay called me up later that afternoon and invited me over to play Uno with her and Millie. I was stumped at first because I was under the assumption that both girls were supposed to be enjoying the energy of a live band with everyone else. The Brain must have picked up on my puzzlement, because she started to laugh and promised to explain what was going on when I came over.

When I arrived, Mr. Weir looked at me rather oddly as I explained to him that I was dropping by to play Uno with the girls. If it wasn't true, it would be the lamest excuse to be alone with two women ever. As a testament to just how unbelievable it sounded, he made sure we left the door to Lindsay's room open while we were all in there.

I was rather astounded to learn of the fate that fell upon Nick's guitar- smashed to pieces at the hands of a knight in shining armor named Ken. Apparently, even though he tried to play it off, Lindsay could tell that Nick was really pissed about what happened. I thought it was kind of funny that she didn't realize just how big of a favor Ken had done for not only Nick, but her as well with his deed of destruction. I had to contain a laugh and try to remain straight-faced when I said 'no' in reply to Lindsay wondering if I knew what Nick wanted to sing to her.

What came as an even bigger shock was that it was Kim who finally came clean about who hit Goliath. Her hand was somewhat forced, though, as she only seemed to own up as a last resort to stop Millie from truly going to the dark side... or simply from drinking a beer. It depended on which of the two girls you were listening to at the time.

As far as I was concerned, Kim did the right thing. She could have kept her mouth shut and let the girl down her first beer or go to the dark side or whatever, but she chose not to.

All three of us sat around Lindsay's bedroom, drank pop and ate junk food for a few hours while playing the card game (which I lost every single time) and just joking around. I even got to see a picture of the infamous Goliath. He was a huge Great Dane from the looks of it. I was honestly a little surprised he didn't do some kind of damage to Kim's Gremlin.

I liked Millie, she was a good person, but her tendency to be somewhat religiously hoity-toity when she wasn't being a rebel was slightly off putting for the majority of us. I didn't mind hanging out with her in short durations, but when anything even remotely spiritual came up, I was always quick to make an exit.

Even if she had been lied to and hurt as a result, Millie said she was already more than willing to forgive Kim and continue their newfound-friendship. It was too bad that Blondie was already far removed from town before Millie could see passed her anger and pain and deliver that message to her. I assured the religious girl that Kim would be back to school by Monday and she could tell her then if she wanted to. As we talked, I noticed Millie's hair had a styling in it that looked very familiar. When I asked her if it was our mutual friend, Kim, who had braided her hair she nodded enthusiastically and a big, happy grin extended across her face. I smiled at her energy, complimenting the braid and telling her it looked really nice. If there was one thing Kim knew how to do with hair, it was add small touches that almost demanded attention.

When asked if I wanted to come back tomorrow to play some more, I had to decline. I already had a full day of lawn mowing and inappropriate sexual harassment to look forward to.


	17. Jenna Is A Punk Rocker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: So I did switch around the timeline a bit in this chapter as well. I will further explain this in the story notes for this chapter.

"I think that guy died," I said as Nick collected a few cans of cola behind me.

"Who?" he asked as we both turned around to face one another, Nick peering behind me towards the front counter. "The old guy in the leather jacket buyin' the prono mag and bottle of rye up there?"

"No, nimrod," I laughed as my friend's gaze hardened, making me believe he recognized something. "The guy on the cover of that magazine the cashier was reading. I think he was in some punk band or something. OD'ed. Saw it in the Chippewa Chronicle the end of last year."

The article stuck out to me because, under an image that mirrored that of the magazine held by the female clerk at the front of the store, I found the headline to be shocking and tasteless for our virtuous, if not overly conservative, little rag. 'Good riddance to bad rubbish: Punk band frontman Darby Crash dead at 22,' the article title read. The viciousness of the first five words alone made the whole thing stick in my head far longer than it should have.

Ken and Daniel were at our heels in no time, Nick's long arm stretching passed me to hand Ken his beverage.

"Is that, uh," Nick began, keeping his eyes glued on the cashier with her long, spiked hair as she continued deal with the customer at the counter, appearing more irritated that she actually had to do her job than anything. "Is that Jenna Zank?"

The name sparked a hint of recollection in my head, much as her face had when we first entered the 7-Eleven. I couldn't help but feel like she _looked_ kind of familiar, like she went to our school or something, and Nick's mention of her name all but sealed it as fact. After all, she seemed like the right age and everything, but I didn't recall seeing anyone with a completely punk outfit (chains, chokers, studded wristbands on both arms, insane ear piercings, heavy make up punctuated by jet-black lipstick covering her lips) roaming the halls of McKinley.

'Oh yeah,' both Ken and Daniel said in unison with Daniel adding, 'Didn't she drop out?'

While we all busied ourselves with stuffing a can of pop into whichever pocket it would fit in in our attire (five-finger discounts at the convenience store were a near-daily routine for us), Nick confirmed the rumor and instantly set my mind at ease as to why I both recognized her but could not remember seeing her at school any time recently.

"Why would you drop out and _stay_ in Chippewa?" Ken had asked, laughing midway through his question. "That's crazy."

"She used to be so hot!" Nick commented in a whisper, a sly little smile grew on his face as he continued to stare at our former classmate.

Ken grinned even more and pointed to him for a moment. "Yeah!"

"She still is," Daniel defended in as serious a tone as one could commit to, causing me to chuckle in amusement.

"Yeah, if you like clowns," Ken replied, and my laughter lingered on.

We all snuck out of the store a minute later, but from my quick glances, it seemed Daniel could not stop staring at Jenna as we all made our exit. His wondering eye knew no bounds.

* * *

With just over two months left in the school year, there was a certain buzz of excitement in the air that only summer break could bring about. I was only mildly enthused by the idea of the end of school, because I knew that I would have to make a decision one way or the other about football beforehand. The longer we had in school, the less I had to think about it... and that time was a luxury I was running out of.

I ran into Daniel on my way to second period. He was rummaging through his locker for something and from the looks of it he had just made it to school. There was an air of stress and irritation about him, something that I would rarely affiliate to such a laid-back cool kid.

I made my way to him, leaning against the adjacent locker without him paying the slightest of attention. "What the hell ya digging for in there? Gold?"

He finally threw me a quick glance, still appearing irritated. "Smokes," he said shortly, almost hissing it out, before looking back into his locker.

Daniel had been going through a lot of home problems over the past few days and it all seemed to really be getting to him. His father's health was not doing too well, his mother was at her sick husband's beck and call nearly 24/7 as a result and Daniel's brother, Joey, was on the verge of losing his apartment and moving back home. Daniel's mother, Katey, took a lot of her frustrations out on her son and inadvertently made him feel like no matter what he tried to do, it would always be wrong. This inevitably spilled over onto us, his friends, as we tried our best to make him feel less stressed and convince him that someday things would get better.

"There..." He reached into the top section of the cubbyhole and grabbed onto something.

Just as he did, we heard Kim yell out to him, 'Hey, Desario!' She sounded irritated, too. This was gonna be a joy.

"What?" Daniel snapped back and I turned around to see Kim almost explode with exasperation.

"I've been waiting for you. Where the hell were you this morning? You have my notes!" she explained as Daniel and I walked to her.

"Um, I was held up," he responded, sounding almost embarrassed as he stuffed the pack of Marlboro lights into his shirt pocket.

"Well, thanks a lot. I failed a test because of you."

Daniel and I shared a confused look as we both tried to figure out how her failing a test was in any way his fault.

"What are you talking about?"

"It was an open notes test. I left my bag in your car last night."

I began to feel like a third wheel or unwanted spectator in the situation. This had 'dysfunctional fight' written all over it and I was not too fond of being around when those went down. I began to back away from the bickering couple, readying myself to turn around and walk to my next class as the two fought.

'Oh, so it's my fault that you left your bag in my car?' I heard Daniel say, sounding like he was attempting to antagonize her.

"No! It's your fault that you the most unreliable guy on the face of the planet."

"Well you're certainly reliable- you're always a _bitch_!"

Their voices were slightly beginning to fade as I distanced myself, but not enough for those words to not halt me full-stop. I usually knew better than to try to interfere with their yelling matches, but his comeback struck a nerve. This was not the Daniel I was used to dealing with.

"Hey man, just be cool, alright?" I called out, retracting my departure.

Daniel whipped around and glared at me with a disdained look, one he had likely also just given his girlfriend. "How 'bout you mind your own business, Donovan, 'cause this don't concern you."

"You guys are my friends, right?" I asked, spreading my arms out at the rhetorical question. "Then this concerns me."

Kim scoffed at me in reply. "I don't need some retired football knight to come save me from a bad word. I can take care of myself, okay? And you know what, Daniel? Why don't you enjoy spending the rest of your life alone."

Daniel raised a hand to say goodbye and show that he didn't care before turning to walk away and Kim simply made a snide grimace before doing the same.

 _Well... fuck you both then,_ I thought to myself, turning around and leaving as well. In the span of about forty seconds they had turned my good mood completely upside down. The worst part was that I had study hall with Blondie for third period and a class with Daniel for fifth. I wouldn't hear the end of it.

The bickering went on for longer than I had anticipated. Hell, the two wouldn't even speak to each other the next day and Kim found solace in hanging out with her secondary group, the one that consisted of female bullies. I knew well enough that there was way too much misandry generated there for me to even try to hang out with her. Those girls had a tendency to talk about how much of a scumbag certain guys were instead of how dreamy they may be, and they fed off of the negative energy of one another, just letting it fester among them. It wouldn't have made a difference either way, though, because it wasn't just Daniel that was getting the silent treatment from Kim... Ken, Nick and I were, too. The only one in our group she would talk to was Lindsay. According to a short conversation I had with Linds, Kim said she broke up with him, and according to Daniel, he didn't care. Their fights reminded me so much of perpetual child hissy fits and I just couldn't fathom why they chose to keep putting themselves through it again and again.

* * *

I pulled into the empty parking spot next to Daniel's Trans Am at the 7-Eleven. I didn't know why we were stopping there, as it had nothing to offer us. The food was better at Sal's (which was our original destination) and he obviously didn't need gas or he would have stopped at the pump.

I followed behind him like a shadow into the store, bringing up a conversation we never really finished during lunch.

"So, like I was saying earlier, it's not that I think they are going to be a bad band, it is just that their first album really didn't impress me. I mean, for a heavy metal band they-"

I looked around, suddenly realizing I had been talking to myself while strolling down the junk food isle. Daniel was nowhere in sight. Nowhere, that is, until I glanced up to the front of the store and saw him talking to Jenna Zank. I stayed in my spot and listened to the two talk, contributing to the conversation in my head as the sounds of their voices traveled to me. It was kind of eerie how a quiet place could float all around.

"So, uh, how's the droppin' out goin'?" Daniel asked her.

A smirk spread across her face. "A lot better than the stayin' in was. A lot fewer idiots hassling me all the time."

_You do realize you dropped out to work at a 7-Eleven, right?_

"Yeah. That's cool." Daniel was trying to be his sly, seductive self, slowly walking over the cash register and resting an arm atop it. I could only imagine he was flashing a pair of puppy dog eyes when she nonchalantly asked if he wanted something. Suddenly she shifted forward, as if finally recognizing him.

"Aren't you the guy who had that... psycho girlfriend?"

_Wait, did she just refer to Kim as a 'psycho girlfriend'? That's kind of rich coming from someone whose hairstyle matches a porcupine..._

"Pfft!" Daniel coolly spat out, now standing in profile and turning his charm up a notch with his smile. "Yeah, but, uh... we don't really share the same interests anymore."

"Well, that's too bad," the cashier replied, somewhat coyly.

"Yeah, no, y'know it's like... she's not into current affairs. I am. She's not a punker. I am."

_Is Daniel seriously hitting on this girl? Did he just call himself a 'punker'?_

That last bit got the girl's attention as well as she stood up and somewhat closed the gap between them. I looked down at the items in front of me and began rearranging them into the wrong spots. I didn't want to make it obvious that I was listening to their conversation... and causing a little bit of a mess for her to clean up seemed appropriate for her remark about Kim.

'Do you know what punkers don't do?' I heard her ask, slowly bringing my eyes back up to watch the spectacle play out in front of me.

Daniel leaned in a little closer, and I could only assume he was intrigued.

"Call themselves punkers."

As hard as I tried to stop it, I snorted out a laugh rather loudly that surely gave me away. The two continued to talk however, either not hearing my stint of amusement or ignoring me altogether.

"Who do you listen to?" she asked, and Daniel was all too eager to spit out a few overused bands.

"Clash, Iggy, the Ramones, Sex Pistols-"

"All the obvious guys," Jenna cut in with a shit-eating grin on her face. If she hadn't just bad-mouthed my best friend, her curtness may have won me over.

"Yeah, well you know I listen to more obscure stuff, too!"

When challenged, Daniel would often jump into defensive mode right away (which was not nearly as endearing as I somethings thought he believed it was) and the flux in his tone indicated that he was putting his guard up already.

I shook my head in shame, wondering what other bands Daniel could possibly grasp for. As far as I could tell, he had already exhausted his limited knowledge on the genre.

 _This is just embarrassing... Iggy? Daniel doesn't listen to Iggy, I freaking do. If I could carry a tune I could probably sing_ Lust for Life _track by track. What's she doing?_

I had been lost in thought long enough to miss whatever led up to her writing something on his arm, but with the smiles they were sharing I could only imagine it was something personal.

_You're shitting me! Did he just get her number or something? Sly son of a bitch..._

I diverted my attention back down to the snack cakes in front of me, half of which I had "accidentally" dropped on the floor, as Daniel turned back to my direction. He did listen to a few of the bands he listed, especially the Ramones. One of their songs, _Sheena Is A Punk Rocker_ , suddenly started playing in my head. Had Daniel found his own Sheena in the form of Jenna the punk rocker? What if he had? What would that mean for Kim? Hell, what would that mean for her even if nothing came of this punk shit?

"Hey, let's get outta here and go to Sal's," he said as he got closer, a large grin spread across his goofy face.

* * *

Nick, Ken and I met at Daniel's house, waiting for him to get back from a grocery store run for his mom. It had been lightly raining when we first arrived, but when Daniel got home, it started pouring a little harder. He popped out of the car with that grin still on his face (I swear it stayed there ever since the gas station stop), telling us all about his potential hook-up tomorrow night at The Armpit and happily displaying the invite written on his forearm. Like an idjit, I looked... even though I was present for the whole thing.

775 Elm. He peeked down to it and back to us several times with a seemingly expectant look, like he was waiting for us to bow down and praise him for his exceptional prowess in wowing females.

"Man... it's a good thing it's not on East Renaissance Boulevard. You'd need stitches!" Ken pointed out, taking note of just how hard Jenna had pressed into Daniel's skin with the pen as she wrote on him. "And the Armpit?" he continued with a laugh, "Makes me think everyone there is going to smell of heavy BO! Why would anyone want to go to a place with that name?"

Nick joined Ken in his amusement, "Why are you even interested in Jenna Zank anyway? She's way out there in her punk lifestyle and I don't even think you own any hardcore punk albums. What would you two even talk about? Would you, like, make a game out of how many balloons you could pop on her head or something?"

Now all three of us were laughing while Daniel looked like he was getting pissed. "You guys think you're so funny. Just wait and see." He looked down to his feet and kicked a rock into his next door neighbor's yard. "Kim thinks she's the only on who'll go out with me? She thinks I'll be alone for the rest of my life? We'll see what she has to say after this weekend."

"Seriously? That's what this is all about?" Ken questioned. "Proving Kim wrong when you know you two will be back together by Monday anyway?"

Daniel looked at us and tried to unlock his trunk, missing the keyhole time and time again. "Not this time, man. This time I'm moving on."

"Right, right," I grinned, knowing my friend's prediction was likely the end scenario. "You know, if you're really gonna move on from Kim, you should probably get with a girl who she can't kick the living snot out of."

"No shit," Ken laughed in agreement.

"You guys wanna come with me or not?" Daniel shot a questioning look to all of us before once again attempting to open his car trunk in the rain.

Ken simply nodded, "I'll go. I like a good freak show."

Nick, on the other hand, began to decline, stating that he didn't like Punk at all, bashing the genre as a whole for being filled with bad musicians who played loud to cover for their lack of ability. Daniel countered as we grabbed bags of groceries from the open trunk to carry into the trailer he and his parents called home, stating that it was what the punk singers were saying that was important, like 'screw the system' and 'make up your own rules'.

"Get a stupid haircut!" Ken added and I burst into laughter.

"Alright, fine, I'll go," Nick finally sighed.

I never committed one way or the other but I think it was just naturally assumed that I had nothing better to do and would tag along.

"If you guys are serious about goin', you gotta dress for the part, alright?"

Ken, Nick and I shared a look of ridicule behind Daniel's back. Even if we went, we were not going to Punk ourselves out.

* * *

Something about Kim and Daniel's breakup (as short-lived as we all believed it would be) was getting to me on a completely different level this time around. It was the first time the two had broken up since Christina had dumped me and it really made me think about the whole thing and want to try to reach out to her again just to clarify what happened.

I sat down on the couch, dragging the phone with me along with a small stack of papers with phone numbers on them. Somewhere in the collection I had written Christina's down and, as I picked through the pile, I laughed to myself at the fact that just a few weeks before that I used to be able to dial her number from memory, but by that point I couldn't even remember if there was one '7' in it or two.

I held my breath as the dial tone changed to a ringing with the input of the last number, kicking at the long phone cable to keep myself from wussing out and hanging up immediately.

Each ring seemed to take an eternity, but after the fourth one someone actually answered.

'Hello?' I heard Christina's soft, unmistakable voice enter my ear for the first time in weeks.

"Hi," I choked out, swallowing hard as I began to try and speak. "It's- it's Donovan."

There was a long pause and I was certain the the only thing I would hear next would be a 'click' from the other end of the line as she hung up on me. To my complete and utter surprise, I was wrong. I heard her take in a deep breath before she responded to me.

"Donovan... I need you to listen to me."

Her tone was serious. Not fun, not sensuous, not even really friendly. Just flat-out serious. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat before releasing an, 'Okay' that probably sounded just a peep above a mouse squeak.

"We're done," she began, matter-of-fact-like. "We just didn't work, and we don't need to talk about it... we don't need to explain anything to each other. I'm not mad anymore, I'm not jealous, I'm not regretful, I don't hate you... but I'm also not ready to pretend we're just fine now, either. I might not ever be. I dunno."

"I-" I feebly attempted to reply, feeling the weight of her words as they truly soaked in and left me speechless. Even if I did have the words to continue, Christina would have cut me off anyway.

"But I need you to respect that... that I- that _this_ can't happen anymore, alright? Goodbye Donovan."

"It's lupus," I spat out as quickly as I could, trying to catch her before she inevitably hung up the phone.

"It's... what?" she asked a few moments later, confusion causing her voice to waver.

I took in a deep breath and sighed, giving myself very little prep time to come forward with something very personal to the one person who deserved an explanation the most. "Lupus. My mother is sick with lupus. It comes and goes, but when it comes... it's a shitstorm."

Another few moments of silence followed before she spoke again. "Wha- what's lupus?"

I leaned back into the couch, allowing the soft cushions to cradle my back and lock me into what would be an uncomfortable answer. "It's..." I took a moment to recall my conversation with Kim on the matter, waning to replicate the clear, easy flow I had outlined for her while incorporating a bit more information for Christina during my second journey into the breach. I wanted to address her concerns, her questions, help her to understand why I was so distant and reluctant to share any details with her.

"...and that... that's it," I finished after a minutes-long spiel about the subject on my end.

"Oh, Donovan, I am so sorry. I wish... I wish you would have told me sooner, but I'm also glad you finally decided to tell me in the end. It- it does me a lot to me, it really does." There was a distinct crack I could hear in her voice and I worried that I had burdened her to the point of tears... again. "But, it still doesn't change where we're at, how I feel about us. I just- I need to go. I'm sorry. Goodbye, Donovan."

"Goodbye Christina."

She had at least allowed me to say goodbye to her before hanging up the phone that time around. I regretted not taking more of the lead when I could, of perhaps trying to change her mind on how finished we were, but I knew in the back of my mind that I felt just as strongly about the end of our relationship as she did. While my motivation to call her was simply to come clean about the circumstances that led to our breakup, I didn't mean to turn it into something that once again shook her emotionally.

A long, rattling sigh escaped me as I placed the phone back into the cradle. In the same sense that Kim and Daniel somewhat tortured themselves by not truly knowing what they wanted out of their relationship, I kept whipping myself over and over again about how badly things ended with Christina. The conversation, the feeling of closure on her end and mine, may have helped to ease it at some point (hell, it could eradicate it completely), but I still felt like the world's biggest jackass after saying my goodbye. I needed something to distract me, and hanging out with Nick, Ken and Daniel suddenly felt like a necessity more so than a want.

* * *

I was sitting on the edge of the curb at the corner of Balfour street and Drake, Ken and Nick behind me on a tree stump, just waiting for Daniel to arrive. It was our usual meet-up place when we all wanted to go somewhere but just wanted to have one car for transportation. I never knew the significance of the spot until Daniel spilled the beans on the location one day. Apparently the house located on the corner lot we met on was a rental. It wasn't just any old rental either; it was owned by Ken's parents. They had owned it for two years and worked on it in the summer. They were down to just the finishing touches, apparently, and the thing would be open to its first renters by the middle of summer. It was actually a really nice house, like probably nicer than any of ours. Lindsay's came in a distant second by comparison. It was the kind of house (it was huge) and the kind of yard (it was huge, too) I had dreamed of owning whenever I finally grew up and started being responsible. If the Miller's had the kind of cash not only to buy something like that as a source of additional income, but to also sit on it for a few years while casually working on it, the family must have been loaded. Ken, though... he never liked to talk about his parents much at all.

As we sat and waited for Daniel to arrive, Nick once again started bashing the Punk genre for being lousy overall. Ken and I started giving him shit about how not all musicians could be so gifted as to write such a truly moving and capturing piece like _Lady L_.

"Hey, you- you know what?" Nick stammered, coming off as more tongue-tied than confident in his words. "I'd- I'd like t... to see the song that yooooou try to write."

He pointed to both of us, using both of his hands, and Ken and I exploded in a fit of laughter.

"What?!" I asked in a raspy voice.

"You- you say somethin', Nick?" Ken added through his laughter.

Even though he tried to looked pissed for a moment, a silly grin spread across Nick's face as he responded to us. "Shut up. You guys know what I'm talking about." He was simply too high to be mad at us.

"What Nick?"

"I can't hear ya, man."

We all sat and roared with laughter for a minute before Ken whipped out a real gem for Andopolis.

"Hey, Nick." He waited until he had his attention before continuing. "Maybe, uh, maybe you'll get lucky at the punk club tonight." There was a mischievous smile on his face as he spoke.

Nick just stared at him for a moment before looking away, clearly trying to fight a smile that was once again growing on his face. He knew Ken better than to believe that was all he had to say and there would be some sort of punch-line zinger. "You think so?" he asked, quelling a laugh with the question.

"Sure. You know, all these... punk girls hate themselves. It's got to improve your chances," our curly-haired friend finished with a chuckle.

"That's really, really funny." Nick was still looking away and, even though I was having just as hell of a time containing my laughter as the other two were, he kept his cool for a moment before balling up his fist and sending it back into Ken's chest.

"Ouch!" Ken howled as we all broke out in a laugh.

The sound of Daniel's roaring engine drew our attention back to the road and we were all struck by a moment of silence when we witnessed what he had done to himself. His hair was twisted into pointy spikes, he had eyeliner on under one eye and he donned an older leather jacket with about a hundred safety pins adorned all over it. Another chorus of laughter broke out between us, with Nick trying to be nice and stifle his own while telling Daniel that he looked good... only to ask if he could use Daniel's hair to clean out his ear later.

After a little more ribbing, a familiar scent entered my nose and I took a step back from the Trans Am. "What? Oh, man, did you cook eggs in your car or something? What is with that smell?"

A slightly embarrassed look crossed Daniel's face for a moment. "It's eggs and mayo. Made my hair all pretty. Now shuddap and get in the car."

"I... no, I can't, Daniel, I just can't. I will do many things for and with you guys, but a punk club is, well... we all have our limits, right?"

In fairness, I actually had intended to go with them, but seeing Daniel truly dress for the part just made me want to turn tail and run.

"Suit yourself," Daniel said and began to drive away, Ken and Nick waving to me from their seats in the car.

I scratched my head and moseyed to my car. I had kinda thought he would try to persuade me or something, not just jet like he had. While he had egg in his hair, I kinda felt like he left me with some on my face. The short stint of time with my friends did have me in higher spirits in regards to my failed relationship at least.


	18. Something different

I had been lounging around at home for about a half-hour, restlessly switching from room to room, trying to figure out how to not be bored. Sometimes I was just inexplicably jittery, and it was definitely one of those times. Though, that wasn't exactly true. Part of my uneasiness could have easily been attributed to my, undoubtedly, final conversation with Christina. It wasn't exactly her parting words that kept resonating in my head, but how sad, regretful and on the brink of tears she sounded as she said them and how I was, once again, the reason behind it.

Daniel, Ken and Nick were at the punk club, and Lindsay was with her parents at some party her family dentist was throwing. Everyone was out doing something... well, almost everyone. Maybe Kim had settled down enough for us to hang out. Then again, maybe she wasn't even home.

_Only one way to find out._

I somewhat hated calling her house because it was either Arlo or her mother who answered the phone, but rarely Kim. The 'Oh, it's you again,' line had gotten pretty old by the second time they used it, and yet it was a regular part of our short-lived conversations where they stalled to decide if they were going to let their daughter talk to her friends or not.

"Hello?" Kim's slightly irritated voice answered after the third ring.

I breathed out in relief. "Oh good, it's you. I hate talking to your folks."

"Pfft! You and me both. Luckily, I don't have to deal with them this weekend. They're gone on their little anniversary trip. I kind of hope it goes well just so they don't come back early like they did a few years ago."

She seemed like she was in a better mood than she had been for most of the week, so I just decided to cut to the chase. "So what are you up to tonight?"

There was a lengthy pause before I got any kind of response.

"Look, I'm still pissed at Daniel and not in a really good mood, so I think you should probably just hang out with the guys tonight or something. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow."

"Nah, they're with Daniel at-" A jolt of surprise ran through my body... surprise at my own stupidity.

_Shut up! What am I doing?_

"They're with Daniel where?" Her voice suddenly gained a hint of curiosity.

"Uh, I'm not sure exactly. I didn't go with them. It's called the elbow or the armpit or something. Some body part."

_Oh, nice save. Way to not sell anyone out, idiot. I can't even play the 'obtuse' card right! Did I take my dumbass pill with a nice glass of truth serum or something? She'd better not ask if I like her or anything or I'm totally screwed._

There was another long pause before Kim yelled, "He's going with some slut, isn't he? Don't even lie to me, Donovan!"

"He's not, I swear!" Technically, I wasn't lying. He wasn't _going_ with any 'slut', though he might be meeting up with one there.

"Whatever. You guys are all the same. You'll always cover for each other," she spat out and hung up on me.

_What had she said all those months ago? 'No one said being my friend would be easy'? Well, this was a shining endorsement of that statement._

I was tempted to call again, but I knew her better than that. She would just refuse to pick up or simply take the phone off the hook. No, I needed to decide if I was going to head over there or continue to roam the house in a fidgety mess. The last time I made a blunder on the phone with a woman, going to her house did not smooth things over at all.

"Well, shit..." I sighed aloud and grabbed my jacket, yelling out that I was going over to Kim's for a while.

* * *

Something was going on on Alumni Avenue. Cars were parked on both sides of the street for as far down as I could see, and some jackass even blocked off the driveway to Kim's with their shitty park job. I had to stall my beauty six houses away.

As I made my way to the Kelly house, I began to ask myself exactly what the plan was. After all, I couldn't just show up, ask if she was really doing okay and just turn around after she told me to buzz off. No, I had to have something... some other reason to be there that wouldn't instantly piss her off.

 _Pool!_ I shouted in my head. It was an obvious and logical answer. She had had a lot of fun learning how to play the last time we went to Ichabod's and when I asked her if she wanted to do it again sometime she had emphatically nodded her head.

Suddenly, I heard someone yell out, 'Hey, buddy, over here!' but it was one of those things where you heard people yelling all over the place, so I paid it no mind and kept moving.

 _Plus we can get a little drunk this time,_ I reasoned, adding further fuel to my impromptu plan.

Not more than a few seconds later, I heard the voice again, 'Big guy, I'm talking to you. Help me out here, bro.'

I looked around and noticed a guy with his arms full just staring at me.

"Yeah, over here."

I made my way towards him and realized he was holding a stack of about four six-packs between his arms, steadying them with his chin.

"You're here for Jeff's party, right?"

"Uh..." I didn't know who Jeff was or what kind of party he was having. Just being called over by a complete stranger with a shit-ton of beer was more than enough to leave me grasping for words.

"Alright, cool man," the guy continued and smiled at me, somewhat creepily. "Could you do me a favor and grab those bottles from the back and close 'er up? I'll meet you inside."

I looked into the open backdoor of the car he was standing next to and spotted two cases of Labatt Blue sitting there. Before I could say anything else, the man was trotting his way to the house directly across the street from Kim's. I grabbed the two cases, shut the car door with my knee and smiled to myself, thinking the beer alone would make a nice peace offering as I made my way to my friend's house, allowing me to drop the idea of playing pool altogether.

It appeared as if Arlo or someone had taken care of some of the clutter around the front of the house. The rugs and oven were gone from the porch area and the screen door had been removed and replaced with a somewhat elegant looking wood door that had an impressive glass frame in the middle of it.

I knocked on the door and waited for Kim to answer. When she did, she looked displeased to see me, at least until I held up the six-pack of bottles in either hand.

"Still not in a hanging out mood?" I asked with a smile.

It calmed my heart a bit to see a grin spread across her face as she reached for one of the cases and took it inside... or at least it did until she closed the door in my face.

I stood there stunned for a moment before I blared out, "Oh my god, you can't be serious right now!"

"I didn't lock the door, ya goof!" she yelled back.

I made my way inside and set the other case down on the coffee table in front of the couch.

I heard her close the fridge door and pull out a chair, its wooden legs thumping and bumping against the linoleum floor. She was kind enough to have kept a bottle out for me and herself as well. I picked up the bottle and opener from the table and snapped the top off as I sat down in the chair opposite of her, offering it out in trade for the capped one still in her hand.

She smirked slightly, handing over the bottle. "Thanks."

"Warm beer kinda sucks," I mentioned, popping the top off the second container and taking a large sip.

She shrugged, taking a drink of her beverage as well. "I really don't give a shit... I just want a buzz."

A voice from behind caused me to jump in my seat slightly.

"Oh, hey, beer," someone said flatly, as if it was interesting and boring at the same time. It was her brother, Chip, in one of the rare moments where he wasn't asleep on the couch or in a bed. He picked up one of the bottles from the case in the living room and snatched up the opener.

_Oh, okay... guess we're all sharing. Still, that's four beers apiece. That should be fine._

"Where did you get these anyway?" Kim asked, taking another swig.

I laughed a little, thinking of how much of an asshole I was. "There is a party going on across the street. Some guy asked me to carry those in for him. Guess I went to the wrong house."

"No way," Chip mused. "Jeff is throwing another party? I better head over there." He grabbed the case and started walking towards the door.

"Chip!" Kim called, "You're not supposed to go to parties. What if you hit your head or something? Nobody there knows what happened to you or what to do."

He waved her off, almost dropping the beer bottle in his hand. "Jeff knows. He'll look out for me, he's my friend."

Kim sighed and I turned in my chair.

"Hey, since you're going and all," I threw out mildly, "mind leaving the rest of the beer here?"

He looked at the case in his hand and then back to me like I had said something preposterous. "It's rude to show up to a party empty-handed." And with that he disappeared out the door.

 _That settles that, I guess. Three beers apiece_.

"If he gets hurt," Kim began, breaking to take a drink, "I am so kicking your ass."

I knew she worried about her brother. Hell, he was probably the only family member in that house she cared for on a regular basis. She had told me about Chip and his affliction a few times over the past couple of months. Years ago he sustained some kind of head injury when a police officer struck him on the head with a baton and he was never the same after. Ever since the incident he had to move back in with Kim and the family because he just couldn't take care of himself adequately anymore. He suffered from fatigue most of the time and sometimes acted in the oddest ways. The condition also affected his coordination and he would often stumble around when trying to move. This caused the whole family great concern that he would someday fall, hit his head and create further damage to his brain. Regardless of the worries of his loved ones, Chip still enjoyed his independence and still liked to party when he had a chance to.

Beer or no beer, Kim still seemed down and irritable. As I turned in my seat again and tried to look her in the eyes, she expertly avoided eye contact. Jenna's words, calling Kim a 'psycho', repeated in my head randomly and I realized how much it really bothered me. It wasn't just because some judgmental dropout chick said it, but because _a lot_ of kids said the same thing around school all the time. The called her psycho, a bitch, a slut, a loser, a burnout. All these hateful, degrading terms from people who didn't even know her. They didn't know the Kim that Daniel, Lindsay, Nick, Ken and I knew... and they didn't care. Most were wise enough to whisper those things behind her back, but she still heard them here and there and I knew for a fact that these taunts only increased tenfold whenever Kim and Daniel broke up. It bothered her deeply. Underneath all of her outer armor she still wanted to be accepted just like anyone else and I could see just how much those hollow words hurt her, even though she would never admit it to anyone.

I felt bad for her, I really did, and it wasn't just because I had strong feelings for her, either. No one should have to go through the ups and downs she did with her family and friends, even if a good portion of it was self-imposed.

"Come on, Kim, cheer up. You're killin' me here. Do ya- do ya know what I think?" I inquired, finally breaking the silence and tipping back my bottle to take another large drink.

"That I need to cheer up? That my attitude is killing you? You kinda already gave it away." She was staring at the half-empty beer sitting in front of her, using her hands to prop up her head as her elbows rested on the table.

"No," I laughed. "Word is that you're a crazy, tough girl with a short fuse and a bad rep around school. People assume that you spend all your time doing drugs, having sex and have no plans for a worthwhile future."

Her eyes grew wide and she looked at me like I had just slapped a baby in front of her. "Jesus, Matsen! If you're trying to make me feel better, you're doing a piss-poor job!"

"Hold on, Blondie, hold on," I laughed again. "You gotta let me finish here."

"Well hurry up with the nice stuff before I punch you in the face," she said sternly, but her mouth held a hint of a smile.

I found it highly amusing that she had actually just demonstrated the 'short fuse' label.

"That's the thing. People don't take the time to get to know the nice stuff about you. How you can be fun and silly and pretty damned hilarious..." I let my words drift off for a moment as I reveled in the warmth I felt whenever her face lit up like it was at that moment. Still refusing to look at me, she couldn't stop the happy expression that was overtaking her. "You're also considerate... and caring. You do have a soft side to you, even if you don't like to let anyone see it. Sometimes you just simply won't let them, like how you were at first with Linds and me, but most of the time it's because people have these preconceived notions about you based solely on gossip. Gossip that you usually reinforce to keep people away... to stop others from having the chance to hurt you. It's the defensive wall you've built to keep people out... but once they are in... once they're in, Kim, they'll find that you're one of the best friends a person could hope for."

Now it was I who was looking at the bottle of beer in front of me. After my little spiel there I wasn't exactly prepared to accept any look she may have been giving me, mainly because I was somewhat worried it would be disapproving. As I spoke, I could already envision her smile wearing thin and a scowl replacing it as my words of appreciation were taken with a huge grain of salt. Kim had an incredibly hard time believing there was good about her, that there was good _in_ her.

Her simple scoff of a reply confirmed my suspicions.

"And you know what else?" I continued, unabated by her lack of acknowledgment that she was indeed a friend worth having, "You need a change."

"A change?" She sounded uninterested, maybe even angry. I couldn't really tell, but it wouldn't have surprised me.

"Yeah, a change. You can't keep yourself locked in this same cycle because each time it eats away at your self-esteem a little bit more and..."

She knew what I was talking about, what I was referring to. At times like these, her 'relationship' with Daniel was fairly self-destructive and it was only a matter of time before the damage done by it would start to leave permanent scars. Scars that would not show on her beautiful skin, but leave deep wounds on her personality that would never go away. Her parents had already done a good job of getting that process started and it was heartbreaking to think it may only get worse.

"And what, Donovan?" Kim spat, sounding insulted at my words this time around. "What makes you think you know me so well, huh? If you're such the expert then what the hell do you think I should do?"

"I don't know!" I snapped back at her, reaching my breaking point for her unwarranted hostility. I knew she was angry, I knew she was sad... but I wasn't a punching bag. I was trying to help. "Just not this again and again... just..." I sighed, trying to calm myself and say something that she would listen to. "Just something different."

 _Correction- s_ omeone _different. Someone who'll treat you better than this. Someone who won't break up with you and try to test the water with someone else within a scant few days... just..._

I tried to convince myself to put those thoughts out there, to say what I wanted to say out loud instead of in my head, but I couldn't.

I glanced at her and caught a look on her face that said she still understood what I was getting at, a look that said maybe, just maybe, I even had a point. She quickly stood and looked around the kitchen, speaking hastily as she did, "I haven't eaten yet. Are you hungry? I'm hungry. But, like, there's nothing here for dinner..."

"Well..." I shifted in my seat before standing as well, dropping our former subject completely as I could tell how uncomfortable it was making her. "Let's see what we can come up with."

* * *

Kim wasn't lying. Her parents did a horrible job of making sure there was adequate food left for those who would still be at home while they were away. Among a few other spare items, there was a pack of ham rounds in the fridge that we decided would be fast to cook up and, after ransacking every cupboard in the kitchen, the best we could find for a side was a half-empty box of potato flakes. As we started preparing our food, Kim disappeared around the corner only to come back a minute later with a hand-held radio, already setting it to her favorite rock station. I smiled as she set the device down and danced her way over to where I was already cutting the ham slices to smaller pieces. She had already finished her second beer in record time while I was was still sipping on mine. As she began to get the potato flakes mixed, I realized her mood had calmed significantly; her frown replaced by a smile and laughter escaping her instead of scoffs as we joked around in the kitchen. I didn't need to ask her if she was feeling better, she was showing that she was. I didn't know if it was the beer, something I had said or a combo of both, I was just glad she was a little more cheerful.

Overall, it wasn't a very tasty dinner (the potato flakes had next to no taste really, though we may have just made them wrong), but it did at least get the job done. I had planned to leave after we ate, as I didn't want to overstay my welcome and felt I had opened my big, dumb mouth more than enough, but I couldn't refuse when she asked me to stay for a little longer to watch some TV and finish our last beers. I was such a pushover when it came to her... and Kim knew my weak spot.

The ABC Friday Night Movie, she informed, was going to be a horror movie. A smile grew on her face as she watched me hem and haw my way to giving in. Besides, deep down I knew that night was a little different because Kim was there alone while her probably-soon-to-be-not-ex was out doing who knows what with Jenna Zank (Jenna freakin' Zank of all people).

* * *

I moved around uncomfortably on the couch while trying to enjoy the movie, which was an ultra-corny 1979 made-for-TV flick called _Vampire_. I had never noticed before, but the whole damn sofa was wrapped in those tacky protective plastic slipcovers. They were beyond irritating... and noisy! I could practically _hear_ every little movement.

"Wait, so... he kills the guy's wife because he got him arrested over all the artwork he stole? Why didn't he just, like, take it all back? Why'd he even need them to dig it up in the first place? He's a vampire!"

I smiled and shook my head, not having a single answer to Kim's movie questions.

She pulled her feet up and tucked them under her, skewing her body somewhat sideways. I felt her rest her head on my arm and I glanced over to her. There was a funny little smile lining her lips and she seemed... peaceful.

"Ya know, I'm really glad you stopped by tonight, Donovan. I feel a little better now than I have for most of the week."

I began to wonder if I should do something.

_Knock it off, Donovan._

I half-turned, half-slid on the plastic covering and faced her. She seemed almost disappointed that I had pulled away, a confused look spreading across her lovely features.

"What's wrong?"

_Stop, fool!_

"Nothing," I said, paying no heed to the warnings my brain shouted as I moved in to kiss her.

Our lips met and, in my slightly-drunken stupor, I expected there to be some sort of fireworks, some instant spark that would light both of us up. I mean, I thought for sure we had something. Unfortunately, there was absolutely no reaction from her as my mouth pressed against hers. She didn't recoil her head or push back with her lips, nor did she shove me away or bring me further in. There was just nothing, and the lack of a response caused an aura of instant discomfort around my entire body as I felt like I had made a terrible mistake.

 _Oh shit! You_ idiot _! You practically face-planted into her,_ the very essence of Paranoia screamed at me as I quickly retreated from her and stood up, stumbling over my own feet. _There was_ no _signal there! None whatsoever! Why the hell did you do that?!_

Kim looked a little awestruck, but I didn't have time to figure out if that was good or bad. I just needed to move my ass and get out of there.

"I-I-I think I better go," I stuttered out, awkwardly attempting to look like I was scratching the back of my head while grabbing a clump of my hair and pulling on it fiercely in embarrassment and frustration at my own inexplicable stupidity. This was bad. This was beyond bad. Both of us were a little drunk, but not nearly enough to simply forget about this the next day. I couldn't just leave well enough alone. I couldn't just enjoy the fact that I had cracked the exterior of Kim's tough girl persona and found a funny, quirky, beautiful girl underneath who would undoubtedly be my friend for life. No, no, no. I had to fuck all that up.

I turned around, checking the room for my jacket, when I felt Kim grab onto my wrist. She pulled herself up, somewhat using my arm for leverage, and she was staring at me with a look of anger.

 _Is that anger?_ I asked myself, having the hardest time reading her facial expression.

_What are you doing just standing there like a bump on a log?! Save face, jackass! Apologize!_

"Kim, look- What just- I mean-"

I was usually as smooth as silk around women, but she was a completely different story and I was continually discombobulated around her, especially at times when I felt incredibly attracted to her (an emotion that was becoming more relevant the longer we were together). The really odd thing was that it actually felt good.

Before I could even begin to put something together, she shoved me, right in the middle of my chest. The couch was directly behind me and I simply fell back into a sitting position. Before I knew it, she damn near pounced me, straddling herself across my lap.

"Wha- what are you doing?" I asked, feeling completely perplexed. I had just messed up big time and this was certainly not the reaction I was expecting with how flat my attempt at a kiss went.

She quickly brushed her hair behind her ears. There was a salacious grin on her face as she whispered, "Something different," and leaned in to kiss me.


	19. One-night stand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's (brief) forewarning: There are sexual themes in the first section below, though they are not extremely graphic or anything. They somewhat continue after the divider, but only briefly.

Like she handled most things in her life, Kim had a very... aggressive manner about her when she really wanted something. _I_ just so happened to be that something at the time. She pressed her lips hard into mine and, instinctively, I returned with the same force. They had a distinctive, small hint of our makeshift dinner, a much stronger scent of lingering alcohol and there was something else... something that I couldn't exactly pinpoint, but I knew I wanted more. It simply must have been her unique taste. She breathed a small laugh as she broke the kiss momentarily. Our eyes met and the look of intensity I could see in hers was alluring in its own right. Under any other circumstance, I would've been a bit nervous with those light blue irises staring at me so intently, but this was a situation I _wanted_ to be in. Until that point, I hadn't even realized that I had positioned my hands on her sides and weaseled them under her shirt so I could touch her skin. It was warm and smooth and soft... inviting even. I really wanted to explore just how the rest of her felt as well. I moved a hand to the small of her back and pulled her against me for another kiss. Her hands moved from being pushed into the cushion on either side of my head to laying on top of my shoulders, softly moving and massaging the area as our kiss intensified. She actually had a few inches of height on me thanks to her mounted position and I had to lean my head back slightly as our lips met again. Locks of her bleached hair tumbled forward passed her ears, draping over both of our faces and encompassing us with the sweet smell of her shampoo. We were practically concealed in our intimate moment for only us to enjoy as our tongues discovered each other.

While one hand explored under her shirt, I softly caressed her cheek with the other, gradually moving down to her neck. When I did, she quivered against me slightly and released a low moan of exhilaration against my mouth. I took that as a cue and slyly moved my lips to the side of her neck and nuzzled in, passing from her skin to her hair and back again while whispering, as I would put it, dirty nothings into her ear. She seemed to be soaking it all in, biting on her lower lip with closed eyes and rhythmically brushing against me. As I came to grips with just how much I wanted this, how much I wanted her, I also began to wonder if it was right, if we were acting without thinking. By the same standards, it really wasn't something that I wanted to question either.

She moved her hands and began pulling at my shirt; it didn't take more than a moment before I arced forward slightly so it wasn't pinned between my back and the couch. As soon as I did, the garment came flying off of my body almost faster than I could blink. Kim's hands were all over me within a nanosecond and our lesson in French kissing continued tenaciously, though I couldn't help but break form and grin as her hands slid across my chest and upper abdomen. I took the opportunity to return the favor and began to lift her shirt up. She took it off a moment later and dropped it to the ground next to us, the material of her black bra slightly reflecting the dim living room light.

We were oblivious to the movie continuing to play in front of us and a minute later it was shut off completely as Kim got up and pulled me off the couch with her. Her face was flushed but glowing with a grin spread across it. I could only assume mine looked the same; it certainly felt like it. We continued along in silence, the only sounds in the house came from our shuffling feet and wet, sloppy make-out session. She was walking backwards, seamlessly weaving around the various obstacles in our path with a practiced ease, towing me along with her fingers firmly laced in the belt loops of my jeans. In the span of only a few seconds I tripped over objects twice, not with enough force to actually fall, but with sufficient ineptness to require steadying by her hands. It broke the tension as we laughed out loud at the hilarity of it; a tension that I didn't realize was there until it was reduced. Not even in my wildest dreams could I have conjured up being in such a frenzied lip-lock with Kim Kelly (and I had had many a fantasy about it). From the looks of it, things were only going to continue to escalate as we disappeared into her room.

* * *

"Are those... horses on your shirt?" I asked while laughing, propping myself up on her bed while making sure the thin sheet was still lazily strewn over my naked body. The sight of Kim donning a piece of clothing with illustrated horses on it was inexplicably comical to me.

"Hey, shut up," she said in a lighthearted tone, pulling at the violet-colored sleeves (which barely went passed her elbows anyway) and turning off the bedroom light. "It's, like, one of the only nice things my mom has ever bought for me."

"I don't even see why you're putting that on," I teased, playfully pulling on the hem of the shirt as she got back into bed with me, "because all I want to do is get you undressed again."

She laughed and adoringly rested her hand on my chest. "Like you have that kind of energy."

I was about to reply back with a witty statement when she cut me off at the pass and busied my lips with her own.

Being tired, buzzed and in an exorbitantly good mood probably contributed to my state of ridiculousness, but I was... well, I was happy. I had every reason to be.

It wasn't a conquest, a victory or some sort of notch in my bedpost... no, there was something distinctively different about what I had experienced. As a matter of fact, it was worlds apart from what happened with Christina weeks before. I was not looking for feelings that weren't there, they were front and center. I wasn't questioning how I felt, it was plain as day. I didn't want to distance myself from her; I wanted to be with her, to hold her, to kiss her again and again. Perhaps 'distinctively different' was a bit of an understatement, because the whole thing went far passed being the opposite of my last relationship, it was different than _any_ past relationship I had been in and something I was certain I had never experienced before.

As our kissing intensified and we were getting into the thick of it again, I heard a familiar sound in the distance. A familiar sound that was getting closer and caused me to pull away from my blonde beauty in disbelief.

"No fuckin' way," I uttered, completely flabbergasted. My hand, which was working its way up her shirt to her breasts, stopped in mid-motion and it felt as if time did the same thing. The noise was undeniable, as I had heard it time and time again over the past seven months.

The rumble from Daniel's car was just as recognizable to Kim as well.

"You hear that too, right?"

We shared a momentary stare of concern before jolting from the bed in a hectic craze.

As I staggered to put my foot through the opposite leg hole of my boxers, I realized it would be the second time in recent memory that I was attempting to scurry from a girl's house... a trend I was not all that fond of.

"Why are we panicking?" I asked, still struggling with my clothes in the pitch black room.

"Is that a serious question?" Kim was fighting with an article of clothing as well and her voice came out in alarm. "Oh shit. These are your pants, not mine."

"No, I-"

The pair of jeans came flying at me and smacked into my face, indirectly shutting me up.

"Ow!" I yelled out as the denims slid off my frame and hit the floor with a 'foomp' sound. "That, uh, that was my face, Blondie."

"Sorry, sorry."

"Really though, you two broke up. You dumped him, he dumped you, whatever. The fact of the matter is you two are not currently an item. I can just chill out in your room while you tell him to go home, right?"

"Wrong," she breathed pretentiously. "Look, Donovan, this... this was a big deal. I need to figure out what I'm doing and if I happen to slip up in an airhead moment then I definitely don't want him stalking in here and you two going at it."

I heard the last part, but my brain was not able to fully process it, being stuck on the 'I need to figure out what I'm doing' bit. "Kim, wha- I thought out there you said you said you were doing something different. I thought-"

_What do I think? Am I confused about what actually just went on here? Is this a role reversal with what happened to Christina and me? Having sex, as great as it was, doesn't mean we're in a relationship, moron._

She leaned against me and sighed, not in frustration but in distress. "Please don't do this right now. We will talk about this, about us, I promise, just not this very second."

 _About us?_ The two words made me smile, as silly as it was. This wasn't about wanting to have sex with Kim, it was about wanting to be with her.

The sound of a car door closing drew Kim to peek out of her window and turn around in a hurry. "Shit. It's really him. Time to go! Like, now!"

"Where?" I questioned as she began pushing me out of her room. I couldn't very well walk out of the front door or jump out of her window.

She groaned as I quickly made my way to the living room to pick up my shirt, "The back door, goofball. Arlo is working on the laundry room, right next to the kitchen. It's there. You'll have to jump a few fences, but..."

Kim peeled back the large plastic sheet covering the wall and led me to the door, searching for the knob in the dark. A small amount of light poured in when the door opened, dimly illuminating our faces. I had my shirt and shoes bundled up to my chest and listened as Daniel knocked on the front door.

"I'll call you tomorrow and we'll talk, okay?" She peered over her shoulder to the living room as she spoke.

I nodded as she turned back to me and started to head out.

"Hey," she said in a quiet tone and I felt her quickly slide her hand to the back of my neck and pull me forward into one last hard, irresistible kiss of the night. A moan of dissatisfaction slipped through my lips as our kiss ended and we moved away from one another. I didn't want that night to end.

"Tomorrow..." Kim promised, whispering as she ran her hand down my arm while I backed out of the door. "And watch out for the Carrasco's dog."

I leaned my head against the closed entryway for a moment, a mile-wide smile on my face and my heart beating like a jackhammer. As I heard her open the front door, I hastily put on my remaining clothes and began to zigzag my way through various backyards. Looking back on it, it was somewhat opportune that I had to park so far away earlier. At the very least it made for an easier escape from the unforeseen arrival of Daniel, even if I wasn't too sold on the idea.

* * *

I switched through the radio stations as I drove home, finally stopping on a random one as the DJ announced it was time to continue with the music. I heard the familiar chords begin for _Love Will Tear Us Apart_ and I immediately spat out, 'Noooo- Fuck you!' before switching off the radio altogether. I really didn't have anything against Joy Division (except for the fact that the late, great Ian Curtis sounded excessively depressed in every damn song and at times it seemed like he was eating the microphone instead of singing into it), but I had a heavy belief that the radio had a tendency of jinxing me in certain situations. For instance, one time _Southern Man_ by Neil Young was playing in the car just before my mother, father and I arrived at the Rivercrest Stadium for a basketball game. The moment we stepped out of the car we were all bombarded with racial slurs and threats from a group of men who apparently had some issue with my mother's race, interracial relationships and, obviously, me. I was only around seven or eight and the memory was burned into my brain forever, as it was my first real experience with racism. Another example is when _Stormbringer_ by Deep Purple was blaring on the radio in my room (during an actual thunder and lightning storm- the DJ thought he was soooo clever) and we endured a blackout across town when a lightning bolt hit the power grid and shut us all down.

It was clearly all coincidental, but with what happened with Kim, I didn't want to take any chances.

* * *

Saturday came and went with no call from Kim. I wasn't exactly waiting with bated breath, but I was anticipating _something_. As Sunday rolled around and began to display the same results, I tried to decide what to do.

 _I have to play it cool, right?_ I thought to myself, starting off a small spiral of doubt. _I mean, I don't want to come across as Nick did with Lindsay... that was just creepy. Still though, what the hell is with the silence? Was this just a one-night stand? Did something happen after I left? Why didn't I just put my feelings into words and say something?_

Attempting to say something without actually saying anything was beyond arduous and I wasn't even sure if I was getting anything across. Of course, there was no denying that I got something across on Friday night, but I had to wonder if it was enough to keep her interested. Endless shit was spinning around in my head and, like a typical guy, I wasn't gonna do a damn thing about it. My doubts and insecurities were paralyzing me from making any sort of move of my own.

The more time passed, the more irritated with the whole thing I became overall. Without a doubt, my parents were happy enough to have me around for the entire weekend, but I began to feel stupid for putting everything on hold and not making any plans as I waited for a phone call from a girl who 'needed to figure out what she was doing'.

When the phone did ring later in the afternoon I hastily grabbed it up before either my mom or dad could get to it.

"Hello?" I said, almost in a whisper.

I heard Ken's unmistakable laugh on the other end of the line. "Why are you whispering? Is saying 'hello' a secret at your house or something?"

"No," I sighed, "I was just... never mind. What's up, man?"

"I was callin' to ask you the same thing. After Friday evening it's been nothing but crickets from you. You so shoulda came with us. I'm still not sure if the night was a tragedy or a comedy, but either way you missed out."

He proceeded to tell me that they weren't carded, but the bartender wouldn't serve them him or Nick drinks because they clearly were not part of the punk crowd. Daniel seems like he was making some headway with Jenna... then he got kicked in the back of the head by some guy crowd-surfing.

"They crowd-surf at punk shows?" I interrupted, not being able to help myself at the curious imagery that statement conjured.

"Hell yeah, man. The shows are actually kind of cool. Lots of yelling, headbanging and mosh pits just appeared out of thin air all the time! It was my kind of place. Don't laugh, but I'm honestly thinking of goin' there again."

I laughed. Hard. Like 'out of breath' hard.

After my outburst calmed and he called me a jerk for the hundredth time, he began to laugh himself, saying he was getting to the best part. In an effort to impress Jenna and further prove that he really was a 'punker', Daniel was going to have a safety pin nose ring pierced in by some chick. When he heard Jenna call over some other guy and she started making out with him, though, Daniel lost his nerve. It was a little too late by that point though, as the pin dangled from his face, half-impaled into his nose. They all left after that, much to Ken's dismay.

"And, uh, what happened after that?"

"I dunno!" Ken almost snorted. "I spent all of yesterday and most of today hanging out with Nick... and by that I mean we've been high as kites."

"Did you talk with Kim or Lindsay?" I was trying to be sly but, god, it was a stupid question.

"Nah. I mean, I called Kim today, but her stepdad answered so I kind of hung up on him."

"Wise choice," I nodded.

_Well, that helps me in no way, shape or form whatsoever._

As I continued to talk with Ken, I pondered whether or not to call Daniel and see if I could get to the bottom of Friday night without trying to ask Kim for the info. She apparently had better things to do than call me, like deal with her returning parents. I ultimately decided against a call to the Desario household. If he had somehow found out, he would be one of the last people I would want to talk to.

* * *

Monday arrived and within five minutes of walking into school I felt like I had been punched in the gut by a visual 'what kind of fuckery is this?' moment when I spotted the gang in the smoking patio... with Daniel and Kim latched onto each other like they were in a recently discovered burst of puppy love.

My first instinct was to slither back inside and try not to blow a gasket for the whole school to see, but Nick spotted me almost instantly and called out my name with a wave. I grimaced, cursed under my breath and reluctantly made my way into the little cluster of my friends, hollowly throwing out a casual greeting. I tried to catch Kim's eyes with my own, but she was avoiding looking in my direction at all costs. Daniel, however, had no problem looking at me while wearing his trademark big, silly grin. A grin that I suddenly profoundly hated. Either he knew and it was his passive-aggressive way of telling me I was a putz for ever thinking anything would change and she was his or... or he didn't know and he was just smiling at me like a friend would smile at a friend.

It really didn't matter; the end result was still that I truly was an idiot for thinking that Friday night might have actually meant something to Kim.

After a few minutes of idle chitchat that I didn't even pretend to be interested in, I finally turned to the couple and decided to see just how amicable our situation now was. "Hey, Kim, can I talk with you for a minute?"

She finally looked at me, but it was with eyes full of contempt. 'No,' was all she said before turning around and leaving abruptly as Nick and Daniel started to laugh.

_Yup, I'm fucked. That was pretty much the exact opposite of amicable._

"Well, now we know why Daniel's out of the doghouse," Ken chuckled out. "Kim's busy being pissed at you!"

"Fucking Joy Division!" I groaned out loudly as the bell rang, much to the confusion of my friends.


	20. Old habits die hard

Kim knew I wasn't just going to bring the subject up in front of all our friends and she had been doing a fairly good job of avoiding me throughout the week when she was alone. Trying to get her on the phone was just as futile and I didn't even want to endure the craziness that would've ensued if I went to her house.

I had managed to figure out just where she was going off to during our shared third period, though. She would simply hang out in the girls restroom to smoke or talk with a few others from her bully troupe or, mainly, to avoid me.

I watched her walk through the door and I waited, looking for any previous occupants to leave or any potential new arrivals. The whole thing made me feel like some sort of creepy stalker (and I guess, to some extent, I was acting that way), but I needed to talk with her. I needed to know what was going on. Just allowing her to avoid me forever and not trying to do a damned thing about it wasn't going to help with either of those things. After five minutes of no activity from the restroom, I followed her in.

I took in a breath after I entered the door, not exactly sure what or who else I may see, but knowing I would have to turn right around and leave if someone made a scene. To my relief, Kim was alone in the room. She was sitting on the tall radiator with the window open behind her, lit cigarette in hand with a look on her face that came across as lost. Completely lost.

"Shit!" she blurted out when she saw me. "What the hell are you doing?"

I leaned against the wall and stared at her for a moment. "Well that's more than you've said to me all week. Care to continue?"

She blew out a puff of air wearily and rolled her eyes before completely diverting her gaze to one of the empty stalls next to her. "You should get out of here. This is the girls bathroom, you know?"

"Is this your whole plan? Ignore me until school is out... or forever?"

No response.

"I couldn't help but notice how you and Daniel are back together. So I was just, what, a rebound guy until he got his shit together? A placeholder? A one-night stand? Does he even know?"

"No!" Kim said frantically, jumping from her seat. "And you can't tell him... please."

I scoffed, truly pissed that _that_ was what got a reaction out of her. "So you avoid me like the plague, treat me like I don't exist anymore and I'm supposed to, what, stand back and admire you two with a smile?"

I caught a look of empathy in her eyes as she spoke. "He's your friend too, isn't he? Don't hurt him like that."

"Hurt him? I'm honestly having a hard time giving a shit about him right now. You know he manipulates people to get what he wants. Ken already told me the punk club went over like lead balloon and I have no doubt he came by to flash those puppy dog eyes at you and patch things up as quickly as possible when he realized he fucked up. You deserve better than being someone's backup plan and you know it. I'll tell you what hurts, Kim- the fact that I care about you... a lot. It hurts because I thought that just maybe you were beginning to see that Friday night when-"

"Friday night was a mistake, Donovan, a huge mistake," she cut in, throwing her cigarette into the sink and dousing it with water.

It was as if she didn't even hear the fact that I had just put my heart on my sleeve.

"Kim- what? No, that's bullshit."

"No, it isn't."

She was facing me but looking down to the ground, avoiding eye contact again. I stepped closer to her, moving my hand to her face and placing my thumb and forefinger on her chin, gently pushing her head back up to draw her attention to me. If she truly meant what she was saying, I at least wanted to see if she would look me in the eyes when she said it. I watched her move her hand up to mine, but she sheepishly embraced it instead of removing it.

"I'm not-" Her eyes dropped again for a moment, but she was quick to bring them back up to meet with mine. "I'm not as perfect as you seem to think I am," she confided in a soft tone, shaking her head slightly.

"I'm no angel either, so neither one of us are perfect... but..." I hesitated slightly. "But, I want to believe that we're perfect for each other."

I watched a smile light up her face for a brief moment before she forced it back and looked down again, whispering, "It was a mistake."

"Hey." The word came out somewhat ragged, as I could feel my heart pick up speed at the thought that maybe I really was getting through to her. Luckily, it was enough to recapture her attention.

"It wasn't a mistake, Kim," I whispered, arching my head down to kiss her. I sure didn't think it was, and I intended to make that known to her. "And neither is this."

Her other hand rose up and wrapped behind my neck, pulling me in so our lips met, somewhat forcefully.

It was kind of the opposite of what we had been engaged in just days before. It started off rough but quickly turned into a soft kiss. One that, for a brief moment, felt like she really meant it before she broke it off and pushed me away.

"We can't do this!" she yelled out, appearing both pained and frustrated.

I looked at her, studying her face and quick body movements. "I don't get it. I mean, we work. I feel it and so can you. All I'm askin' is that you give us a chance here. What is it about the idea of us that makes you so nervous, Kim?"

She shot a glare at me that was overflowing with rage. "You really wanna have that talk right now, huh? Okay, I'll start."

I had a bad feeling about this. The range of emotions she was going through were cycling so fast that I couldn't keep up, but I knew she had switched to defensive mode, which also made her very vindictive. There was no time for me to brace for impact.

"Do you even know what 'us' would mean? I'd lose everyone! Ken, Nick, definitely Daniel... probably Lindsay, too! I know who I'm with right now and, yeah we have our ups and downs, but I also know he loves me and I love him. And I should throw all of that away... for you?" She tensed slightly and I could almost see her planning her escape in her head. "That is absolutely _not_ what I want, alright? _You're_ not what I want. So if you really care about me as much as you say you do then you'll forget about this, forget about Friday night and just stay the hell away from me... because 'us' means nothing as far as I'm concerned!"

I stood there, stunned and stung, frozen in my spot as my expression crumbled and Kim rushed out of the room. It was as if she had just sucker-punched me in the stomach with her words and I couldn't find my breath. My body trembled slightly, tears welled up in my eyes and for the first time in my life, I knew how it felt to be broken. It was... excruciating. In that moment, I would have given anything to go back in time and _not_ walk in the restroom to confront her... because I had just lost my best friend and the girl I couldn't get out of my mind in one fell swoop. There was no way I could have her in either capacity after that.

Daniel's words of wisdom bitterly reverberated in my head, 'the dumbest thing you can do- let a girl know how much that you like her. Then they just run.'

* * *

Time dragged on for what felt like an eternity. The final few weeks of school seemed like they would take longer to pass than summer would last and, even though life continued on as normal for all of us, I felt particularly detached from my friends as a whole. Still, though, I tried. I mean, what else was I going to do? Give up on all of my friendships because I had been stabbed in the heart?

As was the usual case with my friends, troubled seemed to follow us and pop up everywhere we went. Nick had gotten into some sort of huge fight with his dad after the Colonel sold his entire drum set. He decided that running away would somehow make his dad realize the error of his ways. As it so happened, he ended up spending a good portion of a week mooching off of Lindsay's parents while staying at their house. He was torn between being eternally grateful to the Weirs for their kindness and hospitality and trying to see if he could somehow rekindle something with Linds. Ultimately, he chose to remain thankful to the good fortune that fell upon him and keep his feelings bottled up as well as he could. When Mr. Andopolis decided enough was enough he ordered Nick to return home, he (not so surprisingly) did as he was told. The Colonel was someone none of us wanted to be on the bad side of.

A week later we were all informed that the vice president (yes, of the United States of America) would be making a special appearance at our humble little school and everyone was on high alert as a result. We were all even pretty much banned from our little cave under the stairs when the secret service people began scouting for possible problems. Most students were thrilled and excited to be meeting one of the most powerful men in the world. My friends and I, however, were just annoyed with the entire situation.

One night, just a few days before the VP's visit, when just us boys were staying the night in Nick's basement, I almost revealed what happened to Daniel during a stroke of absentmindedness. I knew I should have made up some excuse and left before we all decided to crash, but sometimes I could be a glutton for punishment. It started when we were all just waiting for sleep to take over. Ken called the couch before any of us even thought to, so Nick, Daniel and I were stuck lying on a piece of puke-green shag carpet that was only thinly shielding the cold, hard, uncomfortable concrete floor beneath. As we all shifted and squirmed to become cozy, thoughts were randomly floating around in our heads.

"Hey, Donovan, why haven't we hung out in a while? Like just you and me, man? I kinda miss working on our cars together," Daniel harmlessly asked.

"Uh..." I racked my brain trying to think up some sort of excuse. "The ol' Challenger is purring like a kitten, so, ya know..."

 _Really? Do you_ want _to sound like a pretentious jerk or something?_

"Yeah, 'cept that clunk sound when you gun it," my friend laughed.

_Shit... that's right. Fuck that clunk sound. I don't care..._

"I've just been... busy, I guess. First there was Christina and then my mom got sick and then there was no more Christina. See what I mean?"

"Yeah, and then you went and pissed off Kim real good. What the hell did you do, anyway?"

I shook my head. "You don't wanna know," I thought aloud and my eyes instantly bugged out of my head and there was an awkward whistle sound as I sharply breathed in through my nose.

Daniel propped himself up on his elbows and looked over Nick's large frame to me. "What the hell does that mean?"

"What? I mean, no, it's just- I don't want to talk about it." How much further could I possibly keep digging this damned hole?

Suddenly (and thankfully), Ken surprised all of us by randomly proclaiming that he was probably going to break up with his girlfriend, Amy. After receiving a round of 'What? Why? Seriously?' and making all of us promise not to be jerks about what we were going to hear and not to tell anyone about it, he opened up to us about his reasoning. Amy, as it turned out, wasn't always one-hundred percent girl. When she was born, she was born as an intersex child and her parents had to make a decision as to what she was going to be. Even though the choice was made at infancy and Amy was comfortable in her own skin as a female, Ken could not figure out what to do. I wanted to help my friend out, but I really wasn't in the best state of mind to talk about relationships. Nick implied that since she was only sporting female parts, everything was fine, but Daniel wasn't so sure. When he jokingly asked Ken if his current predicament meant he was gay, our friend took the question quite literally. I finally chimed in, but from the look on Ken's face after my thoughts were put out there, it didn't make much of a difference.

"Ken, man, if you really do love her, then it shouldn't matter. She's a girl. You said so yourself and I imagine she has, too, so you're not gay, either, even if Mr. Funnyman's joke made you think about it. And, ya know what? Even if you were gay, so what? She makes you happy, man, and that's worth the world. The whole fuckin' world."

_Was that last piece of advice really for him... or myself?_

After a few moments of silence, which I spent trying to read Ken's thoughts from his facial expressions, Nick began to crack up.

"Are you- did you smoke a joint or something, Donovan? You're being all deep and introspective right now and it's weird."

I joined in his laughter, unable to really help myself as his glee seemed contagious in my increasingly tired state, before assuredly stating that I was serious with my advice.

At the very least, the redirection had distanced Daniel from further probing at my slip-up and I couldn't have been more relieved at the blessing in disguise.

* * *

According to a phone call from Linds, the day after Ken had reveled Amy's secret to all of us, Daniel had somehow inadvertently worded a greeting in a way that appeared as if he was poking fun at her past and that infuriated Ken, who in turn punched Daniel in the face. Part of me was glad I decided to skip out on hanging with the group that evening, because I certainly didn't want to become closely connected with any of my friends' fists. The following day when I ran into Ken in the lunch room (as everyone was gathering for the vice president event) I was fairly ecstatic when he told me that he and Amy had patched things up and were staying together. I was very happy for them and the fact that they were not going to break up over something that really didn't change who she was or how he felt about her. That was how things should be, that was how love should be.

Lindsay was given a very rare opportunity during George Bush's visit to our school- not only was she one of the handful of students chosen to be able to ask him a question, she was given the opportunity to ask him the very first question. Surprisingly, she wasn't too enthused with the idea at all, dreading it more and more as the event drew closer. It wasn't until Kim gently nudged her into asking him some kind of really tough question that she actually got into the idea. After the questions she came up with were reviewed by the powers that be and it was decided that they were too "sophisticated" for such an event, she was given a guideline on what she could ask... and she didn't like that very much.

Naturally, when it came time for the special Q&A, Lindsay called him out on it in front of everyone. Lindsay, _our_ Lindsay, had the guts to call out our vice president on why he was scared to have an open discourse with the student body. If I didn't have the notion that I would've been tackled by a secret service agent for doing so, I would have stood up and gave her a standing ovation for her courage spirit. A part of me couldn't help but imagine that our crew had a bit of an influence on such a rebellious action.

* * *

With only three weeks left in school, I was tired of trying to keep up the façade that I was still happy with how things were going within our group. Overall, I was very happy with my friends, but there was a visceral tension the whole group could feel when Kim and I were in the same space... and it was nearly impossible for me to stand it. Continuing what Daniel had instigated the night of the sleepover, Nick asked what was going on once, Ken wouldn't leave me alone about it and Lindsay would look at me from time to time like she knew something. As for the perpetrator, Daniel, well... he really just wanted to know why I stopped hanging out with him.

Truth be told, I was still pissed at Desario. Not for any logical reason, but because of what he represented to me at the time. He was only content with Kim so long as there wasn't another option available. When there was, you could bet he was more than willing to try it out in one way or another. Unfortunately for him, relationships were not something he had actually easily mastered and he read women worse than I did most of the time (to be fair, though, I never would have guessed Jenna was involved with someone with how she led Daniel on), so his attempts to move on to another relationship never really panned out. It was very odd, because his very persona was attractive to women and he knew how to reel them in, but when it came to the real, honest-to-god relationship stuff, he was roaming in the dark. Being friends for the better part of a year clued me in to the fact that my friend's charm only allowed him to coast so far before it was sink or swim time... and he sank like a rock. The astonishing thing was that he seemed fine with that, anticipatory of it almost, feeling confident that he would always have his ex to go back to in the end. She cared about him and understood him and he had no problem using that to his advantage.

It wasn't all on him though; Kim had a hand in the ordeal as well. Better the devil you know than the devil you don't and Daniel was that known devil. I think she was afraid to leave him... leave him for good at least. She wanted to be accepted and loved and, in his own way, he provided those things to her. As much as I would like to say she was brimming with self-confidence, the sad fact was that she had none in herself. All those slanderous remarks our peers made cut deep because part of her believed them to be true.

When I thought about all of it, I mean really thought about it, I felt stupid for letting a girl, one single person, have such a profound and crippling effect on my life in a negative way. I needed a change... or rather, I needed something _back_. On Friday, I made up my mind and knocked on Mr. Fredricks' office door.

"I want my spot back next year," I said to him as he opened the door with a surprised look on his face.

"Matsen! Good to see you, too! Well, ya know, I've been alright. Thanks for asking!" Coach joked at first, trying to ease into what I wanted to rush to.

I laughed and shook my head. "Sorry for no small talk Coach, but I'm serious. I want my spot back next year."

"Uh, ye- well, there... hmm." He stumbled around whatever sentence he was trying to create at first. "We want you back, Donovan, we really do. Hell, I'll go as far as saying we _need_ you back, but... your spot has already been taken. It was filled shortly after you left."

My jaw dropped slightly. "Seriously? By who?"

"Seidleman," he replied quickly, looking rather embarrassed.

My jaw dropped completely with the disclosure, accompanied by a wide-eyed look of disbelief. "You're shittin' me!"

"Hey!" he yelled out sternly, but I knew that was as far as his reprimanding for my foul language would go.

"Coach, Seidleman's a wall. Sure, no one can tackle him and he can knock down any twerp that gets within arm's reach, but he won't move, he can't catch and he sure as hell won't be running after anyone! You know I can do all of those things and I won't literally crush a kid under my own weight when I tackle them."

Mr. Fredricks shook his head, looking down for a moment and sighing. "I'm sorry Donovan, but all of the defensive line positions are taken. You're more than welcome to come back, but we're gonna have to find another spot for you."

I rubbed my head in frustration. We hadn't even gone through summer drills yet and all of the defensive line positions were spoken for already? How was that even possible?

"Coach, you said if I came back you would spotlight me. How the hell are you gonna do that if I can't do what I know? I need this to get into a good college."

"Hey, hey, Donovan," he said in a friendly tone, shaking my shoulder, "don't worry about it. I will get it all figured out. You're gonna be seen, I promise you that. We're gonna have a good time next year. Now, if you're actually serious about this... we, uh, we're gonna need to run a drug test on you. You know that, right?"

I shook my head and sighed. _Thanks a lot, Vicki._

"I don't believe those rumors, Donovan," Fredricks slightly backpedaled, trying to sound positive, "but as your coach I have to make sure that any accusations are either proven or disproven. That means a drug test."

"Yeah, yeah, I know." _Ugh. I'm gonna have to buy some geek's pee now. This is gonna be weird... really weird._

"Alright, so..." Coach sounded excited, clasping his open hands and rubbing them together for a moment. "We need to get a summer workout plan going for you ASAP. Come on, let's sit down and talk."

* * *

Ken called my house later on that night and he could barely contain a normal voice through his laughter.

"Oh my God, man, Oh my God, you so should have came with us tonight! You're always missin' the good shit." Another outburst of laughter from my friend and I was truly interested in what I had missed.

"We went to that stupid disco place-"

"Ah, the ole 'disco sucks' tradition."

"Yeah, but you'll never believe who was there, dancin' to the groove."

I bit my tongue for a moment, hoping he would just tell me without further prodding. "Let me guess- Mr. Rosso. Oh, no no wait- Mr. Kowchevski!" I finally threw out, searching the far reaches of the fridge for something edible. I was stretching the poor phone cord to its limit and if I pulled any harder it would probably snap.

Ken suddenly spat out a horrible sound that reminded me of those 'wrong answer' buzzers from the lame game shows. "Wrong! That second one is pretty good, but still wrong. It was none other than our own Mr. Nick Andopolis."

"C-come again?" I said, almost dropping the carton of milk I had just moved out of the way.

More laughter from the man who just didn't know how to stop. "You heard me right. Nick was getting down with his bad self. Hey, if you're not doing anything tomorrow, which you're not and we all know it, you should drop by Nick's because we're all gonna get the scoop on this and give him non-stop shit."

I hesitated for a moment. _All of us?_

"I, uh, can't tomorrow..."

"What? Why? Is it because you and Kim are still fightin'? You guys really need to get passed whatever got between you. This has been going on for almost a month now and, honestly, it's making things awkward for everyone. The last time she was this pissed at someone it was Daniel and that's because they're dating. What's your excuse?"

I laughed nervously and moved on, completely ignoring his question and closing the fridge door with my elbow. "No, it's not that... it's, um..."

_Think! Think! THINK!_

"I've gotta get some things ready to go back to football next year."

_Well, that cat's out of the bag..._

It took my friend a moment to respond and I could only imagine he was slightly shocked speechless.

"You're- you're going back to football? Well, uh, alright."

There were a few more lingering moments of silence where neither of us knew what to say.

Ken finally spoke up again, "You're not, uh, breaking up with us now, right?"

"No," I laughed, thankful he kept his sense of humor about the subject. "I'm just going to be living in two worlds next year, but you guys will still be my favorites. Anyway, tell me about some of those funky disco moves Nick was doing."

Somehow I imagined I had just given the gang a whole lot more to talk about tomorrow besides Nick's _Saturday Night Fever_.


	21. The worst liar in the history of the world...

Somewhere along the way, Nick had started dating a new girl. It came as a huge shock and surprise to everyone, especially since he just dropped it in our laps like it wasn't a big deal at all. It was most certainly a big deal. Sara Fennik was a bit of an outsider, but not the kind of outsiders we were. She didn't have a clique, she didn't have many friends, and, in most cases, she simply didn't know how to fit in. The absolute worst thing of all about her though was that she was head over heels for disco. She was the classmate Nick had seen at the Discotheque when we were bowling at Milliken Lanes. The same spot where Daniel, Ken, Lindsay and Kim had went to heckle the disco dancers and found our drummer getting his groove on. The day after he was found out, when everyone (except me) decided to drop by his house to give him shit about his new passion, Sara was right there with him (practically sitting on his lap, from what I was told), and Nick introduced the gang to her as his new girlfriend. Not only were they dating, but they had been together for nearly two weeks without anyone finding out. I had to hand it to them, it was quite the feat, and one that I will likely never know how they pulled off. The idea of keeping their relationship under wraps was Sara's idea, mainly because she wasn't sure how to fit in with the rest of Nick's friends and she wanted time to adjust instead of just jumping in with both feet. If things hadn't been so crazy over the past couple of weeks (my predicament with Kim, the madness of the vice president's visit, Ken's relationship worries, etc.) we all probably would have noticed that Nick wasn't around nearly as much as he used to be.

Once I found out they were an item, the reality that _something_ had been building for a long time finally hit me. He would always compliment her when they passed each other in the halls of school. Whether it be about her shirt, her hair or her smile, Nick always found something to applaud about her on. I honestly couldn't tell if he was really into her, using her as a means to make Lindsay jealous or a mix of both (considering their interesting history). Regardless, with our friend dating her, Sara trying to fit in with the group became our new reality... nightmarish as it was.

* * *

"Are you guys coming to the disco on Friday night?" Sara asked as Ken, Daniel and I huddled around the lockers while she and Nick cuddled together in front of us.

With a shit-eating grin on his face, Ken asked, "Why would we do that?"

Sara explained that our mutual friend was entering the dancing contest at the club and it was going to happen at the end of the week. None of us could have been more ecstatic... because it is hard to be more of something when you were never even experiencing it to begin with. Nick was still embarrassed that we now all knew his dirty little dance secret; the way he looked almost ashamed as Sara invited all of us to watch him on Friday night gave that away. Honestly, the whole thing was just awkward. Sara tried her best to hang out with us, but you could tell she just didn't get what we were about and she tried too hard to emulate what she thought we expected her to act like. It was somewhat agonizing, but none of us wanted to say anything to Nick because, well... if she made him happy, we wanted him to be happy. Judging from Ken's increasingly agitated state over the subject though, it was only a matter of time before he wouldn't be able to stop himself from saying something.

During lunch, Mr. Lacovara walked up to Lindsay and I just as we had grabbed our lunch trays, congratulating my brainy friend on joining the 'one-percent' club, telling her he was one back in 1956 and that it had done wonders for him.

 _Yes,_ I mocked internally, _this magical club got you a mediocre job at a shitty school. Way to go._

I almost erupted in laughter after witnessing him make a spectacle of himself by turning full-force into a student and basically exploding their lunch tray all over both of them. He only made it worse by raising both hands in the air and claiming responsibility, calling himself a 'clumsy clod' before helping the student clean up. Lindsay gave me a sturdy punch to the arm as I stood beside her, presumably feeling sorry for the bumbling teacher.

"So," I asked as we walked away from the spectacle Mr. Lacovara had created, "what's this 'one-percent' club? It's, uh, it's not anything like the 'mile-high' club, right?"

"No!" Lindsay protested quite adamantly through a bout of laughter. "It's just... just something stupid."

"Something stupid like on the same level as Nick dating Sara or worse?" I asked with a grin and revived an elbow to the ribs for my trouble.

She was about to say something else to me when a voice from the table we were walking passed caught our attention.

"Hey, American Beauty! That is a great album, man!"

A quick glance caused me to sigh slightly. It was the deadhead couple, Victor and Laurie. During my initial hiatus from football, I shared a table with them one time during lunch. One damn time and I was still regretting it to that day. I had never heard so much useless drivel or stoner talk before that moment. They were completely obsessed with the Grateful Dead and, to a lesser extent, the care-free, mellow hippie lifestyle. I hadn't even noticed Linds was carrying around a Dead album, but when she seemed to take interest in what they were saying, I made my way over to Ken, Nick and... Sara.

"This is such a cool vest, Kenny," she admired as I sat at the table, watching her crinkle the material of Ken's duds between her fingers momentarily.

"Kenny?" Ken asked, giving her a look like she had just crossed a line.

Appearing oblivious to his level of irritation, Sara continued, "Why don't you come over to Nick's after school? We're gonna go over some new dance moves!"

I tried not to laugh at the very idea, but failed as I saw Nick nodding his head enthusiastically. I simply couldn't understand how in the world could he be so into such a thing. Strange things were a-happenin' with our vertically advantageous friend, that was for sure. From what Daniel told me, he even quit smoking pot for this girl.

"How about you, Donovan?" Sara asked as Ken declined.

I looked over to my Nick's new girlfriend, fighting the urge to just laugh directly in her face.

"Uh, they don't really like to dance. Especially Ken," Nick quickly interjected, trying to save the day from any awkwardness his girlfriend might have to endure.

Sara fawned in a sickeningly empathetic 'Awww' before continuing down the road better less traveled. "Kenny, that's just because you don't know how."

I could swear daggers were flying out of Ken's eyes at the mention of 'Kenny' again and I watched him stop himself from saying anything in frustration.

"I taught Nick how to do the Hustle in less than an hour. And you know what, you'll probably learn even faster than that because you'll have both of us teaching you at the same time."

"Ummmmmm, no?" Ken replied, sounding somewhat more loathsome of the idea.

"Okay," Sara said, smiling awkwardly and darting her eyes everywhere. "Your loss."

While Mr. Lacovara's bumbling was amusing to me, Sara's inability to connect with us was actually starting to bum me out. I didn't exactly feel bad for her... but I didn't _not_ feel bad, either. She was at least trying, and I had to give her credit for that.

"Um, do you guys want anything? I'm gonna go get some more milk," she asked with the same smile still plastered on her face. It seemed like the girl had finally got the hint and went to get something else from the lunch line while tempers smoothed over.

After the three of us declined needing anything, Nick and Sara kissed (which, surprisingly, made Ken cringe) and she disappeared from our table.

"Alright," Ken spouted, leaning forward slightly and looking from left to right over and over again in an exaggerated manner, "I give up, Nick. When does Allen Funt come boogieing out?"

Nick, appearing somewhat agitated himself (undoubtedly by the hostile treatment of his girlfriend), replied, "You know, that's not cool, man. Come on, that's my girlfriend, man."

"Do I need to remind you that you used to hate disco?" Ken argued.

"Look," Nick began, repositioning himself in his seat as he spoke, "what's the difference between Zepplin and disco really?"

Both Ken and I gave him a blank stare. Had Andopolis really just compared disco to one of his favorite bands of all time?

"No, listen," Nick quickly said before either of us could tear his question apart. "They both have heavy drums and bass. Have you heard that Foxy song, _Hot Number_? It rocks, man."

"No, I don't know that song. Thank God!" Ken replied, twisting his face into a look of disgust. I shook my head in comradery, having never heard the song myself, either.

"But I can _guarantee_ it sucks!"

All hints of good fun and enthusiasm dropped from Nick's face at our friend's words. He had aptly deciphered that this discussion was not really about music at all and the underlying tone was in regards to his girlfriend. He immediately jumped to her defense. "All right, you know what sucks, man? You suck."

Ken simply rolled his eyes at the statement, but Nick wasn't even close to finished.

"No, I've been trying really hard to get a decent girlfriend for a long time..."

I was sure my face was a canvas for my thoughts as the question, 'What about Lindsay?' ran through my head.

"...and now I've got one, and you're bein' a real jerk."

Now it was Ken's turn to get serious in the conversation. Between the two of them, I was beginning to feel very uncomfortable at the table.

"Nick, you are only going out with Sara to make Lindsay jealous, and... it isn't working."

His words were harsh and, though the thought was still in my mind as well, even I recoiled at them.

"Admit it!" he basically demanded, finishing his rebuttal.

For the first time in this whole discussion, I could see that Nick was genuinely hurt by what we were talking about, that our doubt in the authenticity of his relationship was like a knife in the back to him.

'You know what? Screw you, man,' was all he muttered before standing to leave, looking somewhat crestfallen in the process.

Ken looked slightly regretful at his remarks, but only momentarily.

"Thanks for the support," Nick threw out in passing before completely removing himself from our presence.

Lindsay had made her way to the table just in time to see Nick's exit and hear his parting words. "What's that all about?" she asked, truly curious.

"Trust me, you don't-" Before I could finish, Ken cut me off with a ridiculous plea.

"Lindsay, can you _please_ start going out with Nick again? I- I can't take much more of this."

"Shut up, man!" I gave Ken a slight push, using the side of his head to do so. "Linds, don't listen to him. At all." I threw a glare to Ken before turning my attention back to our brunette friend. I couldn't get a read on how she felt about Nick's new love interest, but what Ken suggested had obviously made her feel uncomfortable. "So, you, uh... you have a nice little chat with the Deadheads over there?"

The Grateful Dead wasn't the best topic to switch to, but it worked in a pinch. Unfortunately, talk of the band didn't last long at all since neither Ken nor I were very appreciative of their music and Lindsay hadn't even listened to a single album from them yet (but she admitted she was now excited to). It didn't take more than a minute or two before one of the other elephants in the room was brought up.

"So, I think I figured it out." There was a smug smile on Ken's face and I was not looking forward to what he may have 'figured out', especially since he was looking in my direction.

"Kim's mad at you because she's the first one you told about going back to football and she thinks you're gonna turn back into the same type of jockage jerk that hates us."

"Seriously, Ken, just drop it," I pleaded, rolling my eyes. Out of my peripheral vision, I caught Lindsay nervously look down at the mention of Kim and I not getting along. She knew something... she must have.

"What?" he proclaimed defensively. "This is probably the longest fight in the history of our group and it's getting old, man."

I ignored him and turned to Lindsay. "Could I talk to you outside, please, Linds?"

"Um..." Her eyes darted back and forth fretfully. "Sure. We'll be back in a minute, Ken."

He watched us get up and leave, waiting until we were a good distance before yelling, "Why is everyone leaving me today?"

* * *

The smoking patio was a ghost town of its former self. Most of the inhabitants were busy skipping out on the last stretch of school and sucking on their nicotine sticks elsewhere. We were dangerously close to the end of lunch, so I didn't exactly have to to beat around the bush and slowly coax any kind of information out of my friend.

"Okay, what do you know?"

Lindsay leaned against the stained brick wall and looked at me, trying to appear innocuous. "Know about what? I don't know anything," she denied awkwardly.

"Lindsay, please!" I held my hands together in the prayer sign, practically begging her to come clean with me. "You're the smartest person I know... and you're also possibly the worst liar in the history of the world. It's a curse for you and a blessing for me." I looked at her as sincerely as I could muster. "What did Kim tell you?"

"Everything," she finally sighed out after going through the motions for a moment.

I dropped my hands and immediately raised one back up, holding it over my eyes and leaning my head back. For some reason, her one-word admission left me feeling completely defeated. My lips quivered for a moment, stuck on words that simply wouldn't form as the realization of what Lindsay said truly sunk in. "Oh, Jesus. _Everything_ everything?"

She crossed her arms and looked at me. "Yeah, _everything_ , Donovan. What were you guys thinking?"

I didn't appreciate the snootiness her tone suddenly gained when she asked that question. "We weren't, alright? But that doesn't make it wrong."

"Oh yeah? Tell that to Daniel. He doesn't-"

Something in me snapped and I was all at once angry. Again with the defense of the at-the-time-ex?

"Oh my god, what is with you two? Are you the chairwomen of the Desario pity party brigade or something? He's not some innocent bystander in all of this, you know? According to Nick and Ken, he was scoping out Jenna before Kim even broke up with him! Let's not forget about Wendy Franklin or Karen friggin' Scarfolli, either!"

I had unwittingly put Linds on the defensive, momentarily blanking that Kim was her best friend, too, and she had more than a little interest in protecting Daniel.

"That's different and you know it!"

"How?" My face twisted into an odd mix of frustration and confusion. "Because he wasn't able to do the deed with any of them? _That_ makes it okay? It certainly wasn't for lack of trying on his part, Linds, that's for sure. Now she- I can't even- for the- aw, fuck!" My fists balled up in a fit of irritation and I was suddenly very glad the patio was so empty, because my voice was on the brink of a yell. Again I was letting Kim get into my head and she wasn't even around! Now I could better sympathize what Nick was going through when he was lamenting the loss of his Lady L.

She stared at me for a minute, putting something together in her head as the silence grew thicker and thicker. "Donovan, are you... do you love Kim? Are you _in love_ with her?"

I was at a loss for words. As far as I was concerned, 'love' was the biggest, scariest four-letter word I knew and one that I found my peers used far too freely without thinking of the actual context behind the term. Even Lindsay, in all of her wisdom, threw the word around like there were no true feelings attached to it. There was a big difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. One was clearly representative of a stronger, deeper bond.

I did love Kim, I loved all of my friends really, but... was I in love with her? Did I even know what being in love felt like? It was never an expression I would've used to describe the depth to which my previous relationships had went, but the way I felt around her, the way I felt when I was with her, was completely unique and foreign to me. How could I classify something I had never felt before and how could I have known if it was... that L word? Was it possible to be in love at seventeen? Was it even possible to be in love with someone you had only shared a fleeting moment with? One could be in lust from such a short union, yes, but in love?

 _Think about it, kid. Sex was a pinnacle of your relationship with her, not the whole of it._ A _pinnacle, not_ the _pinnacle. You two have known each other for eight months now, growing closer and closer each day. She makes your heart race, you're always thinking of her and you don't want to give up on the idea of you two being an item. If this isn't love, then what is it?_

After a moment of consideration, I replied to my inner reasoning, _Fuck off, Confidence! You're not helping!_

"Donovan?" Lindsay said, waiting for an answer to her Pandora's Box of a question. She looked so expectant, as if it was the most uncomplicated thing in the world.

"Ijust- what? No. I mean, Idunno. No. Pfft... love," I choked in a muddled state of embarrassment, panting fervently between each word.

She gave me a half smile and laughed, "And I'm the worst liar in the history of the world?"

I looked down, still embarrassed beyond belief. "Could you just... ask her to talk to me, or something? This is driving me crazy and I don't want to lose her as a friend."

Lindsay assured me she would see what she could do, but I knew better than to hold my breath in anticipation. Kim Kelly was one of the most stubborn people I had ever met.

* * *

In a painstaking effort to be a good friend, I accompanied Nick and Sara to the Discotheque on Friday to show my support. Though I would not admit it in front of Ken, I thought Nick did have a point about disco music- a lot of it was good. Then again, a lot of it sucked too, but that happened in every genre. I sat at a table at the far end of the small-ish room, trying to make sure no one could ever say they saw me there. As things were getting set up, I watched in horror as Ken and Lindsay came into the club. It looked like Ken was trying some last-ditch attempt at dissuading Nick from competing in the dance contest, but the DJ stopped the music to call out an 'opinionated rock-n-roller', aka Ken. The two had a small back and forth before Mr. Miller was escorted out of the building.

I stifled a laugh when he yelled out, 'Where the hell are Daniel and Donovan when you need 'em?' as he disappeared around the corner.

I watched Lindsay and Nick talk out near the bowling lanes and I sneakily moved closer to see if I could eavesdrop on the conversation. It was a fruitless endeavor, however. The loud clash of bowling pins being struck again and again drowned out anything that wasn't right beside me. I jumped slightly when Sara whispered out a question to me. I didn't even realize she was trying to overhear what they were saying, too.

"Can you read lips? I can't hear a thing they're saying."

I could see the worry on her face and it didn't take a genius to realize she was still concerned that Nick would run back to Lindsay without a second thought if she wanted him back.

"Nope."

"Oh, God... why are they smiling so much? Do you- do you think she came here to tell him she's still in love with him?"

A laugh escaped my mouth and I had to turn away as more threatened to bubble out. "You think Linds was in love with Nick? Oh, girl, you've got nothing to worry about."

Suddenly the DJ announced that it was time for the contest to begin and _The Groove Line_ by Heatwave started playing. As our friend's name was called, Sara began to smile again.

"Oh! He's first! I better get him!"

I examined Nick's face as Sara went to fetch him and what I read on it made me question if his girlfriend truly didn't have anything to worry about. He seemed fairly forlorn as Lindsay walked away.

I took my seat near the back of the club again and watched my friend dance and his girlfriend cheer him on, all the while trying to figure out if he still had a thing for Weir. It was slightly comforting to know I might not be the only one seeking to understand the concept of being in love and if it was indeed what I was experiencing.

To my complete surprise, Nick did pull off some nice dance moves, even if they were badly outdated. The second performer, Eugene, used a mix of magic and dance to wow the audience, but most of his act consisted of trickery instead of boogieing. The third and final participant just used one move over and over again ('The Bus Stop' as Sara called it) and was pretty much booed off the floor. It was all too obvious who the victor would be in this dance-off... and it wasn't going to be Andopolis. After making a 'tough' decision, the DJ announced Eugene as the contest winner. I tried to seem just as disappointed in his loss as Nick was, but... it was a disco dance competition for crying out loud. The funniest thing about it was that Eugene's 'prize' was a 10% discount coupon on his next purchase at the DJ's store, _The Funky Threads_.

Even the winner was a loser in that shit...


	22. Atonement

The final days of school were always crammed with finals. Well, finals and lame school-approved movies. I was looking forward to both of them though because they seemed to just make the time just fly by and I was pretty burned out of school for a while.

Watch a movie or two, take a final. Watch another movie or two, take another final. Before I knew it there were only three days left and I was smiling ear to ear because I kept my B+ average and was moving on to being a senior next year. I had also been spending more time with my teammates than my rebellious friends during that time. I needed to rebuild a bond and get acquainted with the newcomers I had missed during my absence. Brett and Alex, my two closest friends on the team, were beyond happy to have me back. Some were decidedly not happy to see me, namely Taylor Lux. He always thought I 'stole the spotlight' from him and he never passed an opportunity to upstage me. Taylor was your typical McKinley High pretty boy. Prissy, stuck up, annoying and definitely conceited. He was very image-conscious and would spend as much time looking in a mirror as he would communicating with others. Both means were just a way to satisfy his own vain end, though (in addition to his looks, the guy loved to hear himself talk). In a lot of ways, he was our Todd Schellinger, especially with how his hair was his world.

It didn't really matter who wanted me back and who didn't. At the end of the day, Brett, Alex and myself were all going to do our best to go out with a bang and give our successors something to live up to before we moved on to college (it was so easy to get sucked into an intoxicating, sports-induced hysteria with those two around).

"Did you have to drag your burnout friends along with you, Donovan?" Taylor called from behind me as we all laughed at a teammate's recollection of something funny that happened on the field earlier in the year.

"What?" I turned to look at him and found he was pointing to an approaching Daniel.

I detached myself from the group and went to meet him halfway, somewhat surprised he would walk into the lion's den, so to speak. This was definitely not freak-friendly territory. "Hey, man, what's up?"

"A shitty week, that's what," he groaned, looking truly pissed.

We walked over to one of the stone benches and sat side by side as he explained what was going on.

"I've failed, like, half of my finals, man. There is no way I'm advancing now. I'm gonna be nineteen next year and still a Junior. How pathetic is that? They say I have to go to summer school now to even have a chance next year. Fuck that and fuck them. I ain't wastin' my summer in school. I already waste enough time here every year."

I scratched my head, grimacing awkwardly and not knowing how to contribute to the conversation at all.

"I got caught tryin' to pull the fire alarm to get out of Kowchevski's stupid math final so I had to join the AV club for the last part of the year. I don't think I've ever been so humiliated in my life as when I had to show a movie in Nick, Lindsay and Kim's English class. I didn't know what I was doin' and everyone knew it. And, speakin' of Kim, I know you two are on the outs, but you gotta tell me what's going on with her, Donovan."

I tensed up and suddenly wanted to be back with my teammates. "I'm, uh... there's... nothing?"

"That's what it feels like!" He slapped his hands onto his legs in a frustrated fashion. "She's been acting weird ever since that night we got back together. It's like something's botherin' her but she won't tell me and neither will Lindsay. And now she dumped me again, man. You gotta be honest here, was she cheating on me? Is she cheating on me?"

I could feel my forehead growing hotter as I spun into a nervous tumble at the very idea of Daniel asking me such a thing. "What?!"

"I can count the amount of times we've kissed in the past coupla weeks on one hand and... and..." He sighed loudly before leaning in and whispering the next part to me. "We've only had sex once since we got back together."

I recoiled away instinctually. "Oh come on, man! You didn't have to tell me that. I-I don't want to know that stuff!"

I felt bad, really bad... I didn't know what any of this really meant, but I could see it tearing him up inside and I was partially to blame.

"Well now you know why I think there's gotta be someone else! She's never been like this before. Come on, Donovan, you're my friend; you're like, her best friend, so... is there some guy she's been talking to or hanging out with?"

"Shit, Daniel..." I didn't know what to do. He was hurting, but owning up to what happened would only increase it, not relieve it. "She's not... she's... oh, hell." I buried my face in my hands and they slid around on my sweaty skin. I wanted to just disappear, to just vanish off the face of the earth for a little while. I'd come back when all of this was over... but it wouldn't ever be over if something didn't give. It went from a small snowball effect to a goddamn avalanche.

"Hey, Donovan, it's not like I'm askin' ya to kill him or nothin', I just wanna know, ya know... so I can confront the jerk myself," he consoled, releasing a slight laugh.

I moved my hands down my face, clasping them together so they only covered my nose and mouth. There was a weak breeze in the air that peppered my body with a chill that ran down my spine. "Daniel, man..." my muffled voice was barely audible through my fastened hands.

"I mean, you know, right? That's probably why you guys started fighting, probably why you were acting strange and said I 'don't wanna know' that night at Nick's. Kinda weird that it happened right after we... got back togeth..." he trailed off, sounding like he was coming to some sort of conclusion. A conclusion that I didn't want him to come to.

_Nonononononono!_

I turned my head slightly, still covering half of my stupid mug. The look of disbelief I saw growing on his face spoke volumes.

"Matsen, what the hell did you mean that night? What are you two fighting about? It's not- you're not-"

I watched his face crumble in despair as he put two and two together and it equaled out to Kim and I having had sex behind his back.

"No... no way! No fuckin' way!" he cried out dejectedly. "Tell me it ain't true. Tell me I'm wrong here, Matsen!"

My hands slipped from my face as I remorsefully looked away from him. "I swear, Daniel, we didn't plan it... we just..." I couldn't think of how to apologize for the situation we found ourselves in. I was adamant about the notion that we hadn't done anything wrong and that it was okay because they were broken up, but seeing the consequences first-hand put a whole new spin on things.

_Okay, okay, I just have to-_

My thought was jarred from my head as my friend's tightly clenched fist connected with my cheek and threw me backwards. I landed on my side, one leg still propped up on the bench I was formerly seated at. It took mere moments for Daniel to lunge at me, screaming 'you son of a bitch!' and furiously throwing punches wherever he could. He had only managed to land a few when he was violently pulled off of me. I quickly got to my feet and stumbled back a step before someone caught me.

'Whoa there, bud,' I heard Alex say, shaking his long, blond hair out of his face and grabbing onto my shoulder. If there was one thing I could fault my friend for, it was the immense amount of vanity he had for his mane. The man had one beautiful head of hair, don't get me wrong, but he spent far too much time fretting over it, much like Taylor did with his. I never realized how deeply connected egotism and the jock mindset were until I came back into the environment after such a long absence.

I shook my head, trying to correct my blurred vision as rapidly as possible. I don't know why I thought a head shake would work, but I had no doubt I picked it up from some damn movie. I saw Daniel desperately trying to break free from the hold of both Brett and Taylor. I knew the jock didn't like me, but he absolutely hated burnouts, freaks and the like, and would gladly take any opportunity he could to pound on one.

"Get off me, assholes!" Daniel yelled. "This scumbag just stabbed me in the fuckin' back!"

"Let him go," I insisted, wiping at my nose and not at all being surprised by the smear of blood the area left on the back of my hand.

My reputation on the field still followed me everywhere and I had no doubt that my friends didn't want to start trading blows with me, so they went along with my request, although with bewildered looks on their faces. The demand, as it turned out, was not my wisest choice.

"Don't you ever even think about touching Kim again! I don't even want you near her!" Daniel roared in a raw, emotional state, his voice bellowing out as a raspy, broken version of what it usually was. He immediately charged forward at me again and landed another punch right into my left eye. I tumbled back and was again steadied by Alex as the other two restrained Daniel for a second time; Taylor even threw a balled-up fist into his stomach.

"Stop!" I said, sucking in a sharp breath of air as my eye throbbed in pain. Daniel was hunched over, coughing from the blow delivered to his belly while the jocks held his arms back on either side.

"Oh you're gonna get it now," Brett ridiculed with a laugh, "Matsen's gonna _mangle_ you!" He shot Daniel a disturbing grin of mockery that made me feel extremely uneasy. He was a natural redhead who had spent way too much time out in the sun as a child. His face was spotted with freckles as a result and I couldn't help but think they just emphasized the look of eager anticipation on his face. That, along with his taunt, shot warning signals zigzagging across my brain. Some of Taylor's freak-hate must have rubbed off on my friend after I left the team. For all I knew he blamed them for me staying away.

I shook my head. "Just shut up and let him go."

"Uh, did you _feel_ what happened last time we did that?" Taylor asked.

"Daniel..."

He raised his head to glare at me. There was no hint of the happy-go-lucky guy I had come to know so well over the school year. Instead, he had a look of defiance on his face that read as if we couldn't hurt him any more than he already was.

"I deserved this, I guess," I pointed to my face, holding my swelling eye shut, "and I'm sorry, I truly am. I never meant to hurt you. Kim never meant to hurt you. It was just... damn, man, I'm so sorry. I didn't want you to find out like this. I didn't want you to find out at all, honestly. You can hate me all you want. I don't want you to, but I can understand it. Please though, don't hate her." I waited a few seconds before I continued, trying to see if any of what I said was seeping through to him. "I'm begging you to walk away when they let you go, Daniel, because if you come at me again, I won't stop them from tearing you apart."

Was this what I had reverted back to in just a few days of hanging out with my old clique again? Taunting idle threats at one of my closest friends? What else could I do though? I wasn't about to retaliate... I deserved every bit of anger and aggression he wanted to throw at me. But, the idea of just letting him beat my brains out did not hold much appeal either.

I looked back up at the two and they reluctantly released their grip on Desario's arms. He crumbled to the ground in a heap, propping himself up with one arm and wrapping the other around his abdomen.

"I'mma go get you an ice pack," Alex said as we all began to walk away. I wanted to help Daniel get to his feet, but I had no doubt he wouldn't even consider calling me a friend anymore, let alone accept any of my help.

'Donovan,' I heard him rasp out weakly. I turned back to face him as the others continued on.

"This isn't over. I'm still gonna kick your ass, but I wanna know why. I wanna know why you had to fall for my girl."

I felt nothing but pity for him in that moment. The Daniel in front of me was completely broken in every way imaginable... and I knew that feeling very well. This was ultimately what Kim wanted to avoid. I briefly considered not answering at all, but the damage was already done and ignoring his request would just be adding insult to injury.

Sympathetically, I bowed my head and remarked, "How couldn't I, man?"

* * *

I was not too keen on staying at school for the rest of the day and having my puffy face squinted at by every passerby. I had taken my final final on Monday and I was honestly just contemplating skipping out on the last few days of school altogether after what happened. There would only be one class and teacher I would really miss anyway. Physics was one of the only subjects I actually enjoyed at school and I really excelled at it as a result. It was really the only time I felt Lindsay-smart. The study of matter and, more specifically, getting a glimpse at how the universe worked fascinated the shit out of me. Things like waves, sound, light, how they all worked and how we could use them in ways we never even thought of was complicated as hell, but my brain just ate it all up and I enjoyed every minute of it. Our teacher, Mr. Vencer, was actually the youngest teacher in our school and he took a certain pride in truly connecting with those under his guidance, much like Coach Fredricks. The result, feeling like you had a friend teaching you instead of an uninterested mentor, really helped you to become absorbed in what you were learning and eager to put it into practice. After being a student of his, I wished more teachers would have emulated his style.

As I turned the key to unlock my car door, I heard a familiar shout from behind me.

'Hey, Matsen! Are you happy now? Is this what you wanted?'

It had been nearly two weeks since Linds said she would try to talk Kim into calling me and in that time there had been absolutely nada. I was smart enough to know this was not a good coincidence. Her words could only mean she found out that Daniel now knew our secret. I turned around to what was going to be a much-deserved slap, her face taut and angry as she readied to strike. She stopped herself in mid-motion when it was obvious how bruised and beaten my features already were.

"What- what happened?" Her tone carried genuine concern in it, something I was not expecting.

I shook my head. "I think you know. And to answer your other questions- no, I'm not happy, and no, this isn't what I wanted."

She was lowering her hand but then threw both up in agitation, yelling, "Then why the hell did you tell him?"

"I didn't. I wanted to, but I didn't. He figured it out when he was talking to me, putting the pieces together as I struggled not to tell him. He might not care about school, he might not care about his future that much, but I was wrong when I thought he was just dragging you along without a concern in the world. He really does care about you."

She looked away suddenly, shifting her feet uncomfortably before finally grabbing onto her left arm with her right hand.

"He's a mess, Kim. You probably... you probably already know that, but he needs someone. I don't know if you can help him, but I certainly can't."

"You should leave, Donovan," she said coldly, still looking away and seeming not at all concerned with my previous statement. "Like, our group. Don't hang out with us again next year, just... go back to your stupid football buddies. That's what you're gonna do anyway."

I looked at her indignantly, finally feeling fed up with the third degree treatment. Here I was, admitting I was wrong and trying to somehow care for a friend who wanted nothing to do with me instead of continuing to be the selfish asshole who got us all into such a mess to begin with and I was met with even more visceral hatred. "Just save it, alright?" I spat back. "I'm done. I really am. I have never been anything less than kind to you and I get shit on in return. I'm sorry that Daniel found out but I'm also sorry that anything happened in the first place. You are, without a doubt, the most selfish, arrogant, hollow person I have ever had the displeasure of knowing. And to think I actually felt something for you not too long ago. Enjoy your life, Kim."

I watched her face shift from disbelief to sorrow as I got into my car and slammed the door. She turned around and left, but not before I heard her say, 'Fuck you, Donovan.'

I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes, imploring myself not to run after her and grovel. My words were unnecessarily harsh and I didn't mean a lick of what I said anyway... but I was just so tired of taking shot after shot without standing up for myself. I had likely burned all of my bridges at that point and I wasn't in the mood for any more abuse; physical or emotional. A long, rattling sigh escaped from my throat and I opened my eyes, observing what was happening outside. Couples were walking together hand in hand, looking as content as could be while groups of friends were standing around and laughing, playfully pushing each other and making exaggerated expressions and hand movements as they shared stories. I was envious of all of them... and hoped they never found out how quickly it could all go to hell in a handbasket.


	23. Donovan the Giant Killer

In the two weeks since summer vacation had started I began to realize just how badly fractured my friendships might have become. Aside from Lindsay, no one else called me. Not Ken, not Nick, and certainly not Daniel or Kim. But then again, I didn't bother to reach out to any of them, either.

It wasn't long before I even had to say goodbye to the Brain for a few weeks, though. For a girl who was dreading going to the academic summit when she first found out about it, she was almost bursting with excitement the night before she left. Our phone conversation was short, but she kept going on and on about how much fun she was going to have and how this was something she was going to be talking about forever. I knew she liked math, but I had no idea she was so fanatical about education as a whole. The way she kept talking about it made me think she may have been up to something, but if anything was going on and she wanted me to know, she would have told me.

Four days after Linds left, Kim's mother called my house. Her timing couldn't have been worse, either, as the call came right in the middle of dinner. My dad answered the phone and when he came back into the kitchen to say it was for me and who was on the line I looked at him in wide-eyed disbelief. It wasn't bad, it wasn't scary, it was just... awkward. The mother of my best friend, a friend who I had slept with and quite possibly ruined my bond with as a result, was calling _my_ house to talk with _me_.

"Hello?" I spoke into the phone apprehensively.

"This Donovan?" Her slight accent (New York, I'd always assumed) had somewhat distorted the pronunciation of my name.

"Yeah."

"Where's my daughta?!"

"What?" I blurted out, confused because her question came out more accusatory than anything. "How should I know?"

"Well your name and phone numba are here in this little diary along with all her otha loser friends."

_Did she just call me a 'loser'?_

"I don-"

" _And_ -" she yelled in a shrill tone, causing me to pull the phone away from my ear for a moment.

"Along with that Daniel kid, yours is the only one with little hearts around it. So, she there? You sleepin' with my daughta? She's underage, ya know, you sicko!"

"Mrs. Kelly, she's not here, alright?!"

Kim's mother was obviously drunk. I had mistakenly blamed her accent for the slight slur when we first spoke, but as she continued on and it coated the rest of her speech, I knew she was tanked.

"Well she ain't here, neitha! Hasn't been for four days! Her favorite clothes are gone along with some of her other crap, so she's stayin' somewhere!"

"Four days? Why- where-" I began to sputter, not knowing what I wanted to say because I didn't know what to think.

By that point both my parents had come into the living room and were giving me odd looks. I had obviously (and obliviously) heightened my tone as the talk continued and alarmed them.

"Look, you really don't know where she is?"

"No, Mrs. Kelly, I really don't, but I'm worr- I mean, can you please let me know if you find anything out?"

All I heard in response was her waning voice proclaim how the whole call was a 'waste of time' before the dull click signaled the end of the conversation.

'Honey, what's wrong?' I heard my mother ask, and her voice seemed just as distant as Cookie's was before she hung up on me, regardless of the fact that my mother was practically right next to me.

"Son," my father said, taking the phone from my had and I just stared at it blankly. "Donovan, what happened? Why were you yelling at Kim's mother?"

I started to come out of my daze as my parents stood in front of me, concern on their faces. It took a minute before I could tell them what I had learned. My father was rather dismissive, stating that he had run away from home a few times when he was her age and had always found his way back, so I shouldn't worry. Thankfully, my mother was a little more consoling on the matter, though she basically told me the same thing.

Even if Cookie or my parents weren't disturbed by the absence of Kim, I certainly was. I wasn't even sure if the girl wanted to know me anymore after my childish outburst the last time we spoke, but I couldn't just brush it off when someone who I was very close to suddenly vanished without a word. I was powerless to do anything more than fret, though. In all of the time that I had known her, Kim had never mentioned wanting to go anywhere specific or anything, so going out into the world to try to track her down would be the equivalent of looking for a needle in a haystack. A haystack the size of Michigan, if not bigger.

* * *

Rejoining football meant I had to make some changes when I started hanging out with my teammates again. I had to adjust to a different kind of mentality, a different sense of humor... basically a different kind of everything. I never realized how painless my transition from jock to freak was until I tried to reverse it. Kim was right all those months ago when she said I wasn't like the jocks anymore. I liked who I was around the gang because it was representative of my actual personality. Changing all of that for my teammates made me grasp just how fake and hidden I would have to become again.

As I walked in the front door the Monday following my ugly phone call with Mrs. Kelly, my mother informed me that a friend of mine had dropped by to see me while I was at my first summer practice session. 'The tall one who always smells like pot' was how she described him when I asked which friend it was. I couldn't stop laughing.

"Nick, mom, his name is Nick."

"Well, you might want to call him. He seemed pretty depressed."

As I began to dial his number, I wondered if his onset of feeling blue could have anything to do with Lindsay being out of town and him not being able to admire her from afar for a little while. I looked at my watch as the phone rang, reminding myself that I had a party to attend in a few hours. For as long as anyone could remember, the first practice of summer was always followed by the first summer jock party, and Gregory Benson was hosting the one for our senior year while his parents vacationed in Greece. I was more than looking forward to attending considering practice had kicked my ass much more than I had remembered from previous years. From past experience though, it wasn't anything a few beers wouldn't fix.

"Hello?" Nick said, sounding aloof and somewhat high.

"Hey, man. Heard you dropped by my house earlier while I was out. What's up?"

There was a crinkling sound on the other end of the line and I could only imagine he was eating something.

"Ohhhh, hey Donovan. Yeah, I was just, you know, in the area. I was wondering if you wanted to hang out or something, but yeah, I'm home now, so... yeah." His words were quickly followed by a crunching noise and a slight cough. "Why are these chips so salty? Have you ever noticed that? They make them so salty and it's like, you need to drink something right after you eat them or your mouth feels weird. Do you think they are working with, like, Coca-Cola or something?"

He was definitely high. Perhaps Daniel was wrong when he said he had quit for Sara.

Ignoring his irrelevant question, I tried to get to the reason why he dropped by. "You wanted to hang out? I thought I would be blacklisted by Daniel for sure."

More crunching followed by his muffled voice as it fought to get passed the mouthful of food in its way. "Oh yeah, you were. He doesn't want any of us having anything to do with you. But I'm like, 'so what man', ya know? You're my friend and I think you're a fun person to be around. Besides, I want to spend some time with all of my friends before I get shipped off to the army."

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah. I, uh, failed senior year... again. My dad and I made a deal that if I kept a C+ average, I wouldn't have to go... but I screwed that up."

I sighed and began to rub my forehead. "Aw, jeez, Nick. I thought you were so against going that you were gonna make sure it didn't happen, you were gonna keep your grades up."

"I just- can we not talk about this anymore? It's depressing as hell." After a moment of silence, he piped up again. "Hey, do you want to come over? I got some really good weed."

"I heard you stopped that for Sara or something."

"I did, but all this army stuff really got to me and I needed it. I really did. Oh, man, Sara! I wonder if she's gonna dump me now. Hey! Maybe they won't even take me if I show up stoned!"

"And then your dad will kill you."

"N- ...yeah, you're probably right. So, do you want to come over?"

"Is your dad home right now?"

"No, but he probably will be a little later, so there is, like, a time crunch."

That was actually a small relief, as I needed time to try to figure something out. I couldn't just let my friend sink without trying to throw out a lifesaver.

"I'll be over in a little while."

I would gladly no-show a party to see about trying to keep Nick out of the military.

I wanted to pick up the rest of our friends on my way over to see if we could collectively put our heads together to came up with an idea, but the group was rather spread out. Lindsay was out of town, Kim had vanished, Ken & Amy were always off somewhere, sucking face and Daniel... well, there was no use in trying to talk to him.

* * *

Nick was not too pleased when I demanded to see his last report card as I stepped into his house. I wasn't there to get high, I wasn't there to hang out... I was there to figure out how to save his ass.

"Jesus, Nick, you need a bare minimum of..." I stopped and quickly did the math in my head again to make sure I was right the first time around. The numbers were the same. "Damn, man, you need so many credits to graduate you'd have to take a class for every single period for the entire year _and_ pass them all." I shook my head in disbelief and dejectedly ran my hands through my hair.

"I know, man," he said, slowly exhaling a hit. "It's, like, impossible."

"No, it's not," I replied firmly, trying to give him a hard look but giving up when I realized he was drumming on an invisible kit while lying on the couch. A lightning bolt ricocheted across my brain as I remembered something Daniel mentioned on the last day we spoke, just before he nearly knocked my lights out. "What about summer school, man? That would knock a few credits off easy!"

"No way!" Nick clamored in a deep, goofy tone, showing his lack of interest in how serious I considered the issue to be. "I already got enough on my plate, man. Working for Mr. Weir, drum lessons, Sara. It's, like, too late anyway; classes started a week ago and I didn't even register."

"Fuuuck!" I groaned out, covering my face with my hands for a moment, trying to push back the irritation that was about to burst from my very being. "Maybe we can still get you in. Don't you dare get high tomorrow, 'cause we are headin' to wherever the hell summer school is this year. We _have_ to figure this out, Nick." I watched him roll his eyes and continue air-drumming. "Unless, of course, you _want_ to go into the army."

At the same time Nick popped up from the sofa, vehemently proclaiming 'No!' another idea popped into my head. It was a completely crazy idea born on the corner of Desperation Avenue and Idiocy Lane, but it was at least something.

We talked and joked around while I waited for his father to get home. It was so easy to mess with my friend while he was high and the things he talked about hinged on asinine, but it was still highly amusing overall. I was not used to being around Nick while he was high and I was sober. Things were far more copacetic when we were both altered. Stuff that didn't make sense didn't have to because we didn't care.

"Hey, so, um..." Nick began, slowing the drum tapping he had been practicing on the coffee table for the past five minutes, "did you and Kim really... well, ya know. I mean, that was a joke, right?"

My eyes widened in bewilderment as my brain deflated from the sheer absurdity of his question.

"Why would we joke-" I shook my head and sighed angrily. The look on my face must have been quite expressive, as my friend recoiled back in surprise as he looked at me. Much like the army issue was to Nick, what happened between Kim and I was not something I wanted to talk about. "Nick, you know I don't joke around like this. Even if I did, I would never carry it this far, to the point of ruining friendships."

"Yeah, I guess," he sighed. "I just kinda hoped it was all for fun, y'know? Like you guys would start laughing and say you pulled one over on all of us and everything would go back to normal."

I didn't reply. Hell, there wasn't anything I could say to that, aside from that fact that part of me wished it could be true.

"Okay, so if it happened then wh-"

"Don't ask why," I quickly cut him off. Outside of Kim and myself, it was truly no one's business. I knew why I wanted to do it and it didn't matter anymore. She had made that point crystal clear. Almost as bad was that she was suddenly just gone and no one had any idea where. Well, no one who would tell me, at least. "What's going on between you and Lindsay, anyway? Have you got a little love triangle battle going on between her and Sara?"

Nick began to laugh. "I wish, man!" Even if he was as high as could be, Nick couldn't help but blush when talking about Lindsay. It was obvious that he was still holding some sort of torch for her. "I'm with Sara now, though, and that is that."

"BS! I saw the way you looked after you two talked right before your dance-off with Mr. Magic. You can't-"

"Hey, hey," Nick quickly cut in while trying to stifle a laugh, "if talk of you and Kim is off limits then so is Linds and me." His face had turned beet-red.

As we heard footsteps upstairs, he straightened up all at once, almost standing to attention without realizing it.

"He's home. It's show time. Wait, did you even tell me what you have planned?"

I thought he was joking at first, but the brutally honest look of anxiety on his face told me he had completely blanked on our previous _two_ conversations on my idea. The first time he thought it was insane, the second time he praised it. He was about as useless as tits on a bull in his inebriated state and I pleaded with him to stay in the basement while I talked with his dad.

* * *

A few minutes later, after I figured I had given him ample time to settle in from getting home, I timidly stepped into the living room and found Colonel Andopolis sitting on the couch, tinkering with a model airplane. They must have been a hobby of his, as there were several on the coffee table in front of him and I could only imagine the level of patience putting such a thing together entailed. They just looked like a mass of toothpicks to me, but he had taken the time to shape each one into the type of aircraft they were supposed to represent. The propeller, the wings, the tail... there were so many parts, consisting of so many little sticks.

The man was the same height as me, but something about his character and the slightly cavalier presence that seemed to encompass him made me feel like he simply towered over me and could overpower me without any effort. I felt like Jack the giant killer getting ready to face Galigantus... only I wasn't going to behead Mr. Andopolis, just change his thinking. A lot had to go right for that to happen, though. I had to make sure he was listening to what I was saying, that he would take me seriously and that I spoke in a way that demonstrated I was trying to be both respectful and serious. I should have rehearsed something downstairs instead of messing with Nick so much.

"Um, excuse me sir, can I talk with you for a minute?"

He glanced up from his model, delicately holding a stick in one hand and pasting a dab of glue on it with the other. "It's not very often that one of my son's friends wants to talk to me. What can I help you with?"

His tone seemed casual and friendly enough, but I had witnessed him browbeat Nick a few times in the past and he kept that nice, sincere smile on his face the whole time. He didn't have outbursts of anger, but stoic moments of intimidation that you were never quite sure if you were currently a part of or not.

I shuffled further into the room and kept eye contact with him. He gestured to one of the leather chairs in the room for me to take a seat in. There were pictures lining all of the walls, but they were all military themed. Some were black and white photos of generals posing, or platoons of men getting ready for action. A few were of airplanes, ones he had undoubtedly replicated out of small piles of sticks again and again. Oddly enough, there were no pictures of Nick or his brothers. There wasn't even a family picture or portrait anywhere in sight and it left me wondering just how close knit the Andopolis family really was. Until that moment, I never even realized I have never met, let alone heard of, a Mrs. Andopolis.

"It's, uh, it's actually about your son, sir."

"Oh," he sighed, seemingly anticipating whatever it was I wanted to talk about being bad. "I should have expected that. What did he do this time?"

"Nothing, sir. It is what I believe he can do."

As eloquently as I could, I tried to explain to Mr. Andopolis that his son was not cut out for the army and all of his friends would band together to make sure he would succeed in school if he gave him one more chance. 'No,' was the only reply I was met with after giving my proposal. I continued on, trying to enhance my offer the only way I could think of on short notice. I should have known it wouldn't work, I should have known what I was going to suggest wouldn't make a difference, but I was stubborn... or stupid. Maybe both.

"Colonel Andopolis, uh, sir, if you just give Nick a little more time, I assure you we can change your mind. I'll help, his friends will help, Lindsay will help. She's the smartest person we know, probably the smartest student in the entire school."

That never-fading smile was still stretched across his face. "Then why isn't she here, pleading his case, too?"

A smile faintly appeared on my face as he gave me the perfect opportunity to strengthen my point. "She would be, I'm sure, but right now she's at the U of M, attending an academic summit. Only a few of the top one-percent Michigan students are invited to attend that. She's really smart. "

"That's debatable considering the company my son keeps. No offense."

The man was stonewalling me. He had to be. There was no way he could be this against the idea unless he was actively trying to be.

_Okay, stupid, dumb trump card time._

I met his eyes with mine and sighed. Goddamn I was really starting to hate that stupid ostentatious smile on his face. There he was, sitting around looking as cool as a cucumber while I was fidgeting and sweating bullets.

"Sir, I'm just a kid. I don't have any impressive tales of bravery or nice medals to proudly wear, but I do have my future and I am willing to put that on the line to get the opportunity to prove to you that your son can make it through school if you just give him one more chance."

Mr. Andopolis' eyes shifted and he clasped his hands together. "And what exactly do you mean by that, son?"

I gulped hard, convincing myself that if I said what I was going to say, I would literally kill Nick if he fucked up. "S-simple. If Nick does well, you forget about the army thing and let him continue on in school. If he fails, he will go to the army... and so will I when I graduate from high school. I have a pretty good shot at a future in football, sir, but if Nick fails then I will put that on hold and join the army with him."

Grin in tow, Mr. Andopolis shook his head and looked down in amusement. "Not intereste-"

"Do you want your son to become a casualty, sir?" I asked, angrily cutting into his dismissal.

He shot his gaze back up at me and the smile was gone, his mouth slightly agape. "What did you just say?"

I could feel myself shrink in my seat as his tone shifted from lofty to slightly menacing. Someday I would learn to stop spouting off and saying stupid shit without thinking it through, but it was not going to be that day. I continued on, trying to appear unfazed by his change in demeanor. "Your son is not army material, sir. It is as simple as that. I know it, and I believe that,, deep down, you do too. He's more afraid of joining the army than he is of you. And that is saying something considering you scare the shit out of everyone. Pardon my French."

He didn't reply, only peered at me as if I was supposed to continue on.

"Nick, the Nick we know, is not the kind of person who can handle the army environment and there are only a scant few possibilities that I can see as far as how it would go."

"You don't know my son like I do," he sneered coldly. "He's an Andopolis! The army is in his blood, whether he knows it or not."

I wasn't going to back down... I could be just as stubborn as his ass. "Yeah and if he succeeds, if he makes it and adapts, then you'll lose every aspect of who your son was and he'll come back as a completely different person, one that not even you know. And what if he can't handle it, Colonel? What if he'll do anything to get out, like act crazy or hurt himself or..."

I didn't have to finish. I could already see that Mr. Andopolis was following my train of thought and had arrived at the last, and most horrifying, conclusion I had- Nick ultimately committing suicide if he couldn't get out and felt there was no other alternative. His face changed completely with the very notion of the idea that his son would hurt himself in one way or another to avoid the situation he was dauntlessly going to place him in. I could see him processing something in his head, but I wasn't sure if he was going to knock me out for insinuating his spawn, his own flesh and blood, couldn't hack a military life or agree to my proposition. As it turned out, it wasn't really either... but his response leaned more towards one than the other.

"I, um..." he began awkwardly, fiddling with his hands.

His out of place response and body language threw me for a bit of a loop, as I truly wasn't expecting any reaction whatsoever.

"How about you and that Lindsay girl drop by here when she gets back into town and we'll talk about this again."

I nodded and quickly stood up. "Sounds like a plan, sir."

"Now don't-" he cleared his throat as his voice cracked on the second word, but his tone returned to normal when he continued. "Don't think this is anything set in concrete. Nick could very well still be going off to the army... I'm just giving you kids a chance to make a proper presentation to me."

I nodded once more and turned around to make my way back downstairs. Within a few seconds, Mr. Andopolis called out to me and I looked back at him.

"Just remember, if I do go with your offer, you should probably start getting used to the look of a buzz cut, because my son will disappoint you."

I didn't reply or nod as he settled back into his condescending attitude, but merely continued in the direction of the stairs.

* * *

"Well?" Nick called, peer up at me from the bottom of the staircase as I made my way down.

"Well..." I sighed and cocked my head to the side. "He isn't exactly against the idea... he's just not exactly for it, either."

"Wha- what does that mean?" Nick asked, a nervous smile painting half of his face.

"It means he wants to talk about it again after he's had a chance to think about it."

I reached the bottom and put a comforting hand on Nick's shoulder after watching his expression somewhat crumble at the news. A stroke of genius crossed my mind as I realized I had complete control of the situation for a fleeting moment.

"But he also said that he wasn't gonna give it a chance in hell if you didn't do everything you could to get into summer school."

It was, of course, a lie. It was one big-ass, blatant lie... but I didn't care. The lie was for the benefit of Nick, not to hide anything from him. My insistence that he try to get something done that summer wasn't going to be enough and I knew it, but if he thought his father was demanding it as part of the deal, it would likely kick his ass into gear and I highly doubted he would even question the man on it.

"I knew it. I knew it, man," Nick sighed. "He's not gonna commit to anything but he sure as hell doesn't mind making demands for something. That's not fair."

"He didn't say 'no', man," I quickly interjected, trying not to have my spontaneous idea blow-up in my face. "And goin' to summer school will probably show him that you are serious about this and help our side of the argument even more."

"This blows."

"It does blow, but what are you gonna do about it, huh?" I looked him in the eye, keeping my voice even even though he was starting to get under my skin a little. "You gonna give up, get a stupid haircut and go to the army or are you gonna get off your ass tomorrow and come with me to wherever the fuck we need to go to see about getting you into summer school?"

"Summer school, I guess, man," Nick conceded, angrily running a hand through his curly locks.

The look of resentment made me wince, but I was hoping we could alleviate that completely when Lindsay came back the following week.

Or perhaps even sooner...

"Hey, you know what we need?" I asked, a smile building on my face.

"A miracle?" Nick deadpanned, causing me to burst out in a laugh.

"Nah, man. We need some fun. And I just so happen to know where we can find some."

My friend's eyebrows rose, leading me to believe he was interested in what I was about to put on the table.

"Get dressed and make himself presentable; we're going to Gregory Benson's party." I glanced at my watch as I spoke, slightly relieved at what time it was. "We haven't missed much of it and I know that Greg's parties never really started to rock until they had been going for a while."

"Greg Benson?" Nick questioned, a pained look of puzzlement plain as day on his face. "Isn't he one of your teammates on the football team? That means it'll be a jock party, Donovan. I don't think I'll have too much fun getting beat up."

I scoffed and waved his words off. "You won't get beat up, Nick. It'll be a cool, lax party with no drama. Promise."

"Alright, if you say so." There was a slight grin on his face and a slight shake of his head as he spoke. "Let me throw on some fresh clothes and I'll meet you outside."

"Sounds good." I began to make my way back up the stairs but turned around a moment later, looking at Nick. "Bring some of your weed, just in case. A little party favor never hurts."

Greg didn't smoke weed that much, but he wouldn't turn it down either. Plus, I needed something to take the edge off after talking with Nick's dad... and keeping Kim off my mind would be a nice bonus.


	24. Fredricks' way or the highway

Practice was making the days fly by and we were only just starting the easy part of it. I will admit that I was getting a little agitated as each day ended and Coach still hadn't placed me in any definite spot while other guys were being given positions left, right and center. We had hour-long practices out on the field for the first two weeks, mainly to get a feel for positions and see what ones best suited the new guys. They were not full contact or anything like that, those only came towards the end of the training season when everyone knew what they were doing and were more confident in their roles.

I felt aimless out on the field without knowing exactly what I was practicing for. The fact that I knew it wouldn't be in my comfort zone didn't help matters either. Brett was a wide receiver and Alex was a cornerback and they knew they were carrying over their spots from last year. Taylor, in all of his smarminess, had somehow moved up the power rankings and landed himself the running back position. He may have been an asshole, but he was at least very fast and deserving of the title. At the rate things were going, I was almost sure I was going to end up on the reserves. Even going back to something that was supposed to be easy wasn't easy.

Some of my teammates were not making it a stress-free event, either, with their constant ribbing at the fact that I was friends with a group of burnouts and the 'allegations' that I was a pothead (which I vehemently denied, even using my clean drug test as proof, though I knew over half of the team did some kind of drug anyway). It was all fun and games at first and I could roll with the punches, but once they started to get more volatile with their words, I began to put my foot down. The only one who didn't get the message (or refused to, rather) was Seidleman. He was nearly five-hundred pounds, if not over that, and used his massive size as a means of intimidation so he could act however he wanted and say anything he wanted to any of his peers without fear of retaliation.

Finally, when he warned everyone to keep their girlfriends away from me or I would screw them, I lost my temper and confronted him, stopping in my advance only when I bumped into his extended gut. As I reached him, I sent out a warning of my own.

"If you don't shut up about my friends and what happened between us, I'll clip the back of your fucking knees and watch you roll around on the ground like a turtle on its shell."

I made sure to say it loud enough for the entire occupancy of the locker room to hear, as a bit of showboating of my own and to float the message that the joke was over as far as I was concerned. Seidleman seemed cocky and confident when I first checked him, and I'm certain he could have squashed me under his girth if he really wanted to, but there was a slight sense of satisfaction when beads of sweat begin to form on his broad forehead after my threat was out there.

* * *

"Donovan! Get your butt over here!" Fredricks yelled from across the field.

It was hot outside and damn near boiling under all of our gear. I was pleased that it was Friday and we would have the next two hundred-degree days off to somewhat relax. It wasn't just the heat that was getting to me; practice was simply kicking my ass as well. Quitting at the start of last season and not keeping up with my specific workout routines had left me severely unprepared for the massive strain that practice put us through, both physically and mentally. If the old adage 'seven days without football makes one weak' held any validity to it, I was suffering from it at least forty-times over with the amount of time I had been away. Looking at it from another angle though, it was a nice change of pace. When I was in practice, I didn't have time to think about anything or anyone else. My mind wasn't inundated with worrying thoughts or working overtime to think up solutions for problems that weren't even mine. It was just me and the game; nothing else existed outside of it while I was playing. There were no distractions because everything was centered around football and getting prepped for the season.

As I made my way to Fredricks, breathing somewhat heavily and limping from a charley horse I had just beat out of my upper thigh (it wasn't the wisest method, but it worked in a pinch), I could see a look of disappointment spread across his face.

"Donovan, what the hell are you doing? I've seen you huffing and puffing down the field all week and now this?" He pointed to my leg. "You're limping?"

"Just a muscle cramp, Coach, it'll go away," I guaranteed as I removed my helmet and mouth guard. We had only been outside for minutes but with the humid warmth bearing down on us, you just couldn't help but start perspiring almost immediately. The sweat that had built up around my head and face instantly began to trickle down my neck. Once I started moving and the wind hit it, it would be nice and cooling for a minute before it dried up. It was somewhat pathetic that I was counting on a stinky bodily fluid to counter this outlandish heat and momentarily aide in cooling me down.

Fredricks stared at me sternly for a moment before cracking a slight smile. "Well, it better, because you're playing a very important position today- quarterback." His smile grew to a wide one as he told me this news like I had been anticipating it all day or something.

The reaction I had probably wasn't what he was expecting, though. My jaw dropped and my mind went blank. This was not a spot I ever wanted. There was simply too much pressure in being a quarterback. It wasn't just about throwing or handing off the ball. You had to make the calls and come to the quick decisions about what to do when the unexpected came up. You had to know where the key members of your team were and how they worked on the field with each other and by themselves. You had to predict the unpredictable and go with it without hesitation. Furthermore, I was not a leader, I was a follower. The team looked up to the quarterback as a whole and it was a position that demanded not only the ability to govern, but also motivate and build confidence. You could have a good team if you had a good quarterback, but you could have a great team if you had a good quarterback and a crew that believed in themselves. There were a ton of components to this spot that I simply did not possess. Finally, it was also the position that took the brunt of the blame when things went wrong, even if it wasn't directly the quarterback's fault.

"What? Coach, you've been rotating guys through quarterback all week- Adam, the Coleson twins, Stitch..." 'Stitch' was a nickname give to Aaron Garrison last year after he ran into the pad-less goal post, without a helmet, and split his forehead open, requiring four stitches to close the wound. "I mean, what gives?"

"'What gives' is you're playing quarterback today." He drew his whistle to his mouth and the sharp, piercing tweet rang out for everyone to hear, followed by a holler from our teacher. "Huddle up, Norsemen! Let's go, we got a practice to get underway today!"

With my predisposition to not only avoid, but downright fear being a disappointment, it was going to be a tough day. Thank god it was only for practice.

* * *

Everyone had a good laugh as I stumbled around plays and how to call them and how confused I looked every time I tried to quickly decide who was open enough to pass to. The only highlight of the hour in the cavalcade of disasters was when everything went right and we would have made a touchdown. Compared to that fiasco, the next hour of weight training was heaven.

After practice, I was called into Fredrick's office along with Adam, Ethan and Evan Coleson and Stitch. There was a certain mix of emotions that immediately filled the room when the last person walked in, and it was as if we were all experiencing something different and pinging it off of one another. Interest, anticipation, pensiveness, apprehension and disapproval were all running through me at the same time, causing a definite conflict of interest in the situation I found myself in. Considering that all five of us had played quarterback once during the course of the week and other random positions for the rest, it wasn't hard to guess what this little meeting was all about.

"Alright, boys," Friendricks led, closing the door to his room and essentially locking all of us in with the swirl of opposing feelings. "I think you're all smart enough to know why you're in this room right now, but I'll lay it out for all of you anyway." As he made his speech, he walked to his desk, taking a seat in the chair behind it as he finished. "If you hadn't noticed, we're short a couple of positions."

His comment caused smirks and a few shorts laughs to spread around the room.

"Namely, our biggest empty spots are quarterback and backup quarterback."

A chorus of groans quickly replaced the snickering and giddiness that had been all around us mere moments ago. Though, I was sure I was the only one bemoaning the fact that I was in a group being considered for quarterback and not just the backup.

"I know, I know," Coach sighed, "no one wants to be backup because everyone just say's it's just a glorified clipboard holder position. That's not true, alright? You guys remember last year when Joel sprained his ankle and was out for two games? Who came in to cover? That's right, it was Michael. He even made a play that scored us a touchdown against the Langley Titans."

"Yeah," Stitch spoke up, already beginning to laugh, "and then he went on to throw two interceptions that were both returned for touchdowns."

With the exception of Fredricks, everyone in the room began to laugh at Michael's misfortune. I hadn't been around for the event, but I sure heard about it once I returned to the team, and the catastrophe read like a comedy of errors no matter who told it.

"Laugh it up, knuckleheads," Coach smiled, twirling a pen between his fingers. "The fact of the matter is that Joel and Michael graduated last year, and they won't be needing their spots back. So, the five of you are gonna compete for those spots. Only two of you will make it, which is why I have kept a few other spots open, spots that most of you are fairly familiar and comfortable in. If you don't make the cut you'll still have a spot on the team, it just won't be in the top two." Continuing to smile all through his pitch and after, he scanned the room, looking at each of us for a moment before moving on. "So, any questions, comments, concerns?"

Like some magical 'start' button had been hit, we all started murmuring to ourselves, but not truly speaking up. After a good ten seconds of no one taking the opportunity to say anything that may have been on their minds, Coach sent us back out to the locker room to get ready to leave.

As I exited, a spark went off in my mind and I realized that if I didn't back out of this right away it would just be more pain and torture in the coming weeks when I could really be settling into my new position instead. I turned right back around, closed the door and walked up to Fredrick's desk. The man had pulled a stack of papers from one of his drawers as we were all leaving and he was already putting pen to paper as I approached.

"Coach, I appreciate the opportunity, but you saw me out there today- it was ridiculous. I stink as a quarterback. You got four other guys out there who look like they are more than willing to compete over the titles, so I think I'm just gonna bow out right now and take whatever else you got for me."

"Okay, first, what's ridiculous isn't how you played on the field today, it's that mop on your head. If it gets any thicker you might not need a helmet anymore." He pointed to my puffy hairstyle with a little smirk on his face.

Around the middle of the school year, Ken, Nick and I all entered into a bet where we would let our hair grow until we couldn't stand it anymore. The last man with a poofy head of hair won and, even by that point in the summer, we were all still in the game. We each threw twenty bucks into the pot and I would be damned if I was gonna let sixty dollars just slip from my grasp.

"Coach," I laughed, "I'm serious here."

He sighed and dropped the pen onto the stack of paper before him, warily rubbing his temples a moment later. "Second, kiddo- you don't 'stink' at being a quarterback, alright? As a matter of fact, I think you'd make a great quarterback, that's why I chose you as one of my top five. You've got the size, arm strength and mobility for the position, okay? You were a terror on the field as a defensive tackle and I'm sure you could be the same as a quarterback as soon as we work on your delivery motion and ball placement a little." He stopped for a moment and looked at me earnestly. "Okay, maybe a lot."

I sighed and shook my head, knowing there had to be a negative for all the positives he had just released. A quick snort of a laugh at the whole thing caused me to regain my smile.

"Look, your competency level can use some work in those areas, sure, but the same goes for those other four, too. Nobody had a perfect week out there. Hell, no one had a perfect play, but you all tried. And I want you all to keep trying, to keep improving, even if you don't get one of those spots."

My smile faded a little as I realized that Coach was gonna give me a run for my money on trying to drop out of the race. "There's gotta be someone else who's better equipped for that spot. What about Taylor? I drop my place and you can just bump him up into your top five, right?"

"Taylor? No, I have him exactly where I want him, where we need him." Fredricks shook his head and began to laugh. "Jesus, Donovan, I thought you'd be excited about this! I mean these are _the_ spots to have on the team and you're one of the lucky players I handpicked to compete for one of them."

I simply shook my head in disagreement. "Well, I don't want it, alright? Either of 'em! Look, you have no idea how badly I buckle under pressure. Those guys- they need someone who can lead them, someone who can take charge and help them step up their game. What you saw out there on the field today? That the best it's gonna get. And thank god it was just practice... I didn't have the stress of the entire team on my shoulders. I can't do it coach... I can't."

"Yes you can, Donovan. I watched you take charge in the locker room last week when Seidleman started ragging on you. Sure, you were a little aggressive, but has anyone said anything to you about your friends since then? I certainly haven't heard a word."

I hadn't even realized it until Fredricks pointed it out, but he was right. No one had said anything else about my friends or what happened between us since my outburst. I wouldn't say that was a shining example of 'taking charge' or anything like that, though. More like just being an ass to an ass. And the silence? Well, fear was a powerful motivator, and while many of my teammates could go toe to toe with me, none had the status of hitting another player so hard that it induced a coma.

"You may have had to be upfront, but the majority of guys out there respect you, kiddo, whether you see it or not. That is a quality that a quarterback needs- respect from his peers. Come on, don't make me the bad guy here," Coach sighed once more. "I'm doing this because I can see a great quarterback in you. I believe in you, and I want you to, too. Just work with me on this, okay?"

I shook my head again, resolute about still refusing the offer. "There's more to it than that, Coach, I just... can't." I was going to disappoint him either way, so why not just make it quick?

As I whined, I watched his face go from jovial to dead serious in a second flat. When he spoke again, the tone of his voice matched his changed expression and I knew he meant business.

"Listen, this is _my_ team alright, so what I say goes. My way or the highway. If you have a problem with that, then you are free to leave, because I don't have any place for you out there unless you are ready to step up and try take the leadership role like Adam, Ethan, Evan and Aaron are. This is your senior year, Donovan. You came back because you wanted to be spotlighted, right? Well this is me trying to spotlighting you. Take it or leave it, but those are your only options."

"What?!" I said in an agitated tone, feeling very much like I was being pushed into a tight corner or forced between a rock and a hard place. "You said you had spots for the three that didn't make the cut. All I'm askin' for is one of those spots instead."

"You just said it yourself, Donovan. Those spots are for the guys who don't make the cut, not the ones who just drop out. Your _only_ concern after today is to try to outdo those four other guys out there and get that quarterback position. If you don't try, you might as well pack up your locker right now. If you don't start learning plays and how to properly throw a football like a quarterback should, you can consider yourself officially off the team."

I could feel the frustration pulse through my body with every word he spoke, the sensation feeling just as strong as my heat pumping blood through my veins. I had laid both hands on the back of a chair in front of his desk when we began to speak, but after hearing what he was saying, my fingers painfully dug into the fake leather lining of the seats. This was not how I wanted this conversation to go and certainly not how I envisioned my return to football would pan out.

"If I even think that you aren't out there giving it your all, you're outta here. Am I making myself clear?" Fredricks finished, the stern look on his face not budging in the least.

I didn't have the will to keep arguing the matter with him, and it wouldn't have done any good anyway. He had put his foot down and that was that. I tried to smile, but I could feel a twitch of anger in my face as I did so, which undoubtedly marred the expression somehow. "Crystal clear, Coach."

His smile made a swift return as I gave in and he watched me straighten up my posture, readying to leave.

"Good. Now shower up, hit the bricks and have a good weekend, Donovan. And here..." He reached into yet another drawer of his desk and pulled out what looked to be a cheaply-made loose-leaf notebook, complete with the tacky black plastic binding combs to keep all the pages together. "Little playbook I made at the end of last year. Both offensive and defensive plays in there and I want every player to know them by heart. Consider it a little light weekend reading."

"Oh goody," I said impassively, flipping through the pages as I left his office.

I knew Fredricks was doing what he thought was best for me, but I certainly had my doubts and fears over the issue. I grabbed the towel from my locker, threw the handbook in its place and made a beeline for the showers, trying to convince myself that it wouldn't be so bad to at least try.


	25. The odd couple

I was off to meet Ken and Nick at the River Crest diner for lunch... the only problem was that I was running a little bit late. It was a new place that had opened up around the middle of the school year and none of us had been there. The food was supposed to be great and the prices were cheap, which fit us to a T. On the other hand though, finding the place was a bit of a hassle and... well, I was cruising. Even if the temperature was in the triple digits, driving with the windows down generated a small wind that made for a very enjoyable experience.

Sometimes I would get lost in the scenery of our suburban hellhole and just appreciate the artificial perfection that was displayed everywhere, usually while listening to Kool & the Gang's _Street Corner Symphony_ and _Summer Madness_ on my 8-track (another guilty pleasure I didn't dare share with the gang). This was typically the kind of thing I would do at night to further enjoy the city lights, but it was one of those flawless summer days that was just too beautiful to pass up. Even though I was not ecstatic about our rough patch, not constantly driving all over the place with the gang saved me a little bit of green and having the extra cash to waste on gas was an acceptable consolation prize.

With his future still being uncertain, Andoloplis was really sticking to his guns about hanging out with his friends as much as he could, while he could. I had missed a few opportunities to hang out with him and Ken due to football and the fact that Daniel was with them most of the time as well. If Desario's path was ever to cross with mine again, it still would've been far too soon.

"Jesus H., man, I thought you were gonna no show or something," Ken ridiculed in his normal satirical tone as I strolled through the door and moved my sunglasses to the top of my head.

I held my hands up slightly and shrugged my shoulders, smiling at how nice it was to see my friends again in what I would consider our 'natural environment'... even if it wasn't Sal's.

As an older couple passed by me to exit the establishment, I moved to the side and bumped into whoever was sitting at one of the many swirly counter chairs.

"Heeey! Watch it!" a slightly miffed voice yelled out from behind me. I turned around and was met by a rather lanky kid with short, black, spikey hair. His face was unfortunately adorned by a large pair of glasses that actually covered a good portion of it. He looked a little more intimidated than angry when I faced him and I actually felt somewhat guilty. I don't know what it was exactly, but there was just something about the way he looked that made me pity him. A moment of silence passed as he awkwardly held his mouth open, looking like he wanted to say something more but wasn't sure he should. He was definitely from the geek crowd. I remembered passing by him, Lindsay's brother and some other short kid multiple times during school.

"Sorry, man," I finally said with a smile. "I'm like a bull in a china shop sometimes."

"It's okay," he replied, his eyes flashing around timidly, "I just don't want to spill anything on my shirt, ya know? It's my first date with my girlfriend and I want to make a good impression." As he continued talking it seemed as if he became more confident in himself.

I heard my friends begin to snicker at the idea of a kid like that having a girlfriend when he gave the distinct vibe of being too afraid to even converse with the opposite sex.

"Ohhh, okay. Well you have fun with that." My tone came out fairly mockingly and I had to swallow a snort of laughter myself. He turned back around in his seat as I made my way to our booth and sat beside Ken. He had a balled up fist next to his mouth and was biting at his knuckles to stop his taunting laughter.

I punched him in the arm and he immediately winced in pain and began to rub the area I hit.

"Be nice," I chuckled. "Let the kid have his moment."

"You were being a jerk, too!" Ken whined with a smile.

I shook my head and picked up the menu in front of me. "Yeah, yeah, so sue me why dontcha?"

* * *

It was only a few minutes later, as we were going over and examining our entrée choices, that I noticed Nick look up and his face began to drop in disbelief. I shot a quick glance to Ken to see if he was paying attention to our friend as well, but he was busy drawing a penis on the nice, new restaurant menu in front of him. I rolled my eyes and shifted in my seat, pulling myself up slightly and looking over my shoulder behind me to whatever had captured Nick's attention. Of course it just had to be something superficial... like Vicki Appleby.

_What the hell is she doing here? There isn't a table full of jocks or cheerleaders for her to hang out with._

Another roll of the eyes and I flopped back down and continued to scan over the food selections in front of me.

"Guys..." Nick's voice came out sounding fairly distant even though he was less than three feet away from us. "Guys, look."

His eyes were fixed in a familiar direction and as I sighed and turned my head to the side, I saw the geek smiling just as wide as the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland. He had good reason to, though, as the head cheerleader took a seat next to him and placed her hand on top of his. My jaw just dropped. I swear if we hadn't been so rooted in reality it would have smacked onto the floor just like out of one of those old cartoons I loved as a kid. Vicki was smiling, like _really_ smiling and not the fake one that she wore like a fucking badge of honor when she was being condescending.

"Holy shit! Is this the _Twilight Zone_?!" Ken said loudly, garnering the couple's attention, as well as that of a few other patrons.

Their faces flushed red with embarrassment and, for whatever reason, mine did as well.

"Hi, Donovan. Hi... whoever your friends are," Vicki greeted us pleasantly.

I shouldn't have been surprised that she didn't know my friends' names, they were probably too below her for that, but the fact that she was being so seemingly cordial was a shock.

Upon hinging my jaw back in place, I warily replied back, "Hi, Vicki."

The words barely floated from the back of my throat as I continued to soak in what I was witnessing.

Honestly, I was expecting a hint of mortification or awkwardness in her voice, but she sounded as happy as could be. She wasn't emitting the slightest bit of anguish for being seen with... well, a geek. Somehow I found admiration for the newfound quality she was displaying.

After taking a moment to truly collect myself, I introduced my two cohorts.

"Nice to, um, meet you guys," she said, a hint of discomfort still hanging in her voice until she suddenly switched subjects. "I hear that you're gonna be back on the football team next year. That's gonna be fun, right?"

"Y-yeah, hope so," I nodded to her, still not being able to shake the feeling that I actually wasn't seeing what I was seeing.

"Well, you guys enjoy your lunch."

The duo kept their hands cupped together and turned around a second later, each laughing lightly as they looked at each other.

"Did you see that?" Nick asked rather dopily, nodding his head with an eerie grin spread across his face.

"No, we didn't," Ken scoffed in retort. "The only reason I said 'holy shit!' so loud was because I suddenly went blind. Were you even listening when she said 'hello' and Donovan talked to her? He even told her our names, man!"

We continued to whisper about the seemingly mismatched pair after the waitress took our orders and we waited for our food to arrive. It was just such a polar opposite pairing that none of us could clearly wrap our heads around it. We kept throwing glances back at them, but they never paid us any further attention. As they left, Ken followed them all the way to their exit with his eyes, slowly chewing on a bite of his grilled turkey burger.

"Forget Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau, man; we just witnessed the real _Odd Couple_."

Nick snorted out a laugh as he ate, but I kept my head bowed and silently examined my dish, just waiting for Ken's mocking crosshairs to fall on me. It didn't take long for the inevitable to happen.

"So I guess that means you and Vicki won't be the King and Queen of the homecoming dance next year, huh Donovan?"

I didn't shift my gaze away from my Philly cheesesteak sandwich, sad to see that it was loaded with more green peppers than meat. I would have just been met by a grin of his anyway. "Or Prom. I guess I should count my lucky stars for that."

He continued to prod, seemingly looking for some sort of reaction that would amuse him. "I guess Vicki and the dork aren't the only odd couple we know about though, right Nick? Say Donovan, maybe uh, maybe you and Kim can get together when you guys stop hating each other. You know, since you guys are so well _acquainted_." He nudged me with his elbow and laughed.

"Ha ha ha," I spat out unenthusiastically. I knew the subject would come up eventually. Ever since the big scene was made at school where Daniel went aggro on my face, the news spread like wildfire and it was somewhat the talk of the last few days I had skipped out on. "We don't hate each other, or at least I don't hate her. I kinda hate you right now, though."

"That's not what she thinks," Nick chimed in through a mouthful of omelette. The man truly had no qualms about talking with his mouth full when he was high.

My face twisted slightly as curiosity rushed over me and I shot my head up to look at my friend. "Wait, what? When did you guys talk? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Jeez, calm down, man. We were hanging out a few days before she went AWOL. She was like, um... uh..." He squinted, looking as if he was really concentrating on remembering their conversation. "I can't think of exactly what it was anymore, but it was something like you told her to go to hell and you never wanted anything to do with any of us again."

_Well, that got a little more dramatized from one person to the next..._

"That's it?" I felt slightly dejected at my friend's inability to recall a simple conversation from a week or so beforehand.

"Wow. You really do like her, don't you, Donovan?" Ken asked, and for the first time that day, his voice did not carry the faintest hint of cynicism.

It always put me on edge when he suddenly switch modes and seemed to be serious. Half the time it was just a waiting game for the other shoe to drop and the other half he would get pissed when people were not sold on him being sincere.

"I..." Gloomily, I slumped back into the cushioned booth and just deflated, not at all sure how to respond. No matter how much I tried to fight it, to push them away and hide them in the back of my mind, no matter how futile it all was, I still had strong feelings for Kim. Even though the secret was out and everyone was coming to their own conclusions about the bits they didn't know, I still didn't like to face the judgment that came with the issue. I wasn't ashamed, perhaps remorseful when it came to Daniel, but not ashamed... yet people looked at me and talked to me like I definitely should've been. "What does it even matter, man? It's not gonna change a damn thing. We all know her and Daniel are going to hook up again when she comes back."

If _she comes back..._

"They love each other and I just kinda fucked that up."

Ken and Nick exchanged glances with each other and began to laugh.

I felt like I had missed a crucial punch line in my melancholy state. "What? What's so funny?"

Ken shook his head and began to explain, still chuckling, "They might love each other, but I don't think it's in the way you do."

I looked at him and made a face, shaking my head slightly and gesturing that he had lost me.

"They fight, like, all the time, man. It's toxic," my sarcastic friend went on to explain, somewhat surprising me by expressing the same feeling I had towards that couple's relationship.

"I'm pretty sure that, while they both love being with someone, they don't exactly love who they're with. They care about each other a lot, I guess, but love? Love love? I-I'm not falling for it."

"Yeah, besides," Nick added while shoving another forkful of food into his mouth, "Daniel's been busy swapping spit with a few other girls, like Laura Oliver, so I don't think he's hurting too much anymore."

"Oh man, she's so hot," Ken grinned, looking towards Andopolis, who nodded vigorously with agreeing enthusiasm.

My gaze instantly switched back to Nick as my mind wrapped around what he had just dropped on me. "What? But he seemed so shattered when he found out. Like we had just ruined one of the most important things in his life."

My statement brought about more laughter from my friends.

"Well wouldn't you be pissed and a little broken if you just found out your girlfriend had cheated on you with one of your good friends? The same friend you were just casually talking to moments before figuring it out? You guys were all sneaky and, like, trying to hide it behind his back or something. You two just should have said something right away," Ken threw out very matter-of-factly, showing a sudden burst of irritating omnipotence.

I dropped my sandwich down onto my plate indifferently; once again growing angry with what I was sure would turn into a wall of defense for Desario. "It _wasn't_ cheating- they were broken up and he was chasing after Jenna Zank's sorry ass, remember? And what exactly were we supposed to say, Miller? 'Hey, Daniel, Kim and I had sex while you two were on your weekly break-up. No hard feelings, right? Great.'" My tone came out harsh and abrasive, but I continued on without concern of changing it. "And when? When would've been the best time, huh? Right after we did it and he dropped by to get back together with her?"

I was so engrossed in my own frustration that I didn't even realize the look on my friends' faces. An odd mix of stunned confusion is the only way I could even think of describing it. I had obviously gone a little too far.

"No need to kill the mailman here," Nick pined through coughs as he choked on a bit of his food.

"Messenger. It's messenger, Nick, not mailman," Ken corrected through a half-cocked smile. "But maybe we should back off. I think ole Donovan here is letting us know we just tap danced on a nerve. At least we got a few more details about that night, though."

* * *

I sighed out roughly a few minutes later and shook my head. There had been nothing but silence from our group ever since Ken suggested they back off the touchy subject. "I'm sorry, guys, I don't mean to be an asshole. This whole thing is just really getting to me though. I really like Kim, a lot, and... I don't even know if she's coming back."

"There! Now was that so hard to finally admit? I knew it, man; I knew it before you two even had sex. You guys were way too close to just be 'friends'". Ken held his hands up and mimed some phantom quotation marks with his fingers as he said the last word. "And don't worry... she'll be back..." he guaranteed and rested a hand on my shoulder. "Ya big sissy."

I hoped he was right and tried to push my concerns to the back of my head as we continued our conversations, which were thankfully steering further and further away from the dysfunctional love triangle I was involved in, but somehow right back to Vicki Appleby and her new boyfriend.

As we were all getting ready to leave, I couldn't help but notice a worrisome look overcome Nick's face.

"Hey, guys," he said, sounding suspiciously serious. "I think- I think I'm gonna have to leave town or something. It seems like my dad is really serious about sending me off to the army and there's no way in hell I'm gonna go."

"What?" Nick, come on, man, that's-" I began, but was quickly cut off.

"Crazy?" Nick answered, finishing my sentence perfectly. "Maybe it is, but it's not any crazier than what the old man has planned for me."

"C'mon, Nick," I argued. "We're on the right track with that, man, I can feel it. We got you into summer school, right? And that's goin' well. Remember how surprised your dad was when we told him? He even smiled!"

Nicked scrunched up his face in dismissal and shrugged his shoulders. "He's not gonna change his mind, Donovan, you know that. I mean, has he even mentioned anything about it since you guys last talked?"

I felt my hand being forced by my friend's unforeseen admission of skipping town in lieu of any other options. Why the hell did people think that running away from their problems would somehow solve them? It never worked and yet Kim likely did it, Nick was considering it and even I had been guilty of using the tactic, albeit in a more metaphorical way.

"Nick, just... wait, okay?" I pleaded. "Lindsay gets back in town in a few days and when she does, I'm going to see about having her help me convince your dad to give you another chance, alright?"

Andopolis' eyes grew wide at the mention of his old flame's name. "Really? Lindsay? Do you think she'd want to help me?"

I scoffed at his remark. "Yeah, you're like a loveable loser. Who wouldn't want to help you? Even Ken is willing to make sure you stay on track, right bud?" As I finished my sentence, I wrapped an arm around Mr. Miller, giving him a good shake with a smile on my face.

He was smiling as well, but it looked painfully fake. 'Yeah, sure. Why not?' he halfheartedly agreed beside me.

A big grin spread across Nick's face. "Alright. If you guys wanna try it again, I guess I can wait."

He began nodding his head up and down, as if agreeing to a question that was never asked, and I began to wonder what was going on in his head at that moment. "Okay, hey, I gotta go to the bathroom, but don't leave without me."

After he left, I was promptly punched in the arm by Ken and berated for volunteering him for something he wasn't even sure he was interested in doing. It wasn't that he didn't care, it was just that he doubted we had any chance of changing Nick's future in military service. After using the same logic I did on Colonel Andopolis, however, Ken was more understanding to the reasoning behind my plight.

* * *

Upon my arrival home I couldn't help but smile at the flower garden in front of the large living room window. Mom had obviously been putting work into making it look nice throughout the day and she had done a wonderful job. There were bunches of Gladiolus, Petunias and Snap Dragons all around. There was even a small collection of potted blue Orchids right in the middle of the bunch that seemed to accent everything perfectly... even if it was a weird mix of pretty plants.

"Mom?" I called out as I entered the house and found in eerily quiet. If the TV wasn't on, she usually had some record or another playing. Something was off.

I heard her yell out an all too familiar 'ouch!' from the bedroom and falteringly headed that way. She was lying in bed, looking exhausted... and in a rather concerning state. It was at that moment when I remembered that Dr. Hudson expressly forbid her from spending long amounts of time out in the heat and sun, as that could cause her Lupus to stir and act up. Usually, though, he said it would take more than just one factor to get a flare started, so what the hell happened and why so soon?

"Hey mom," I greeted lightly, grimacing at the look of pain written across her face as she shifted in bed to watch me walk through the door. She hadn't even bothered changing into something comfy from the looks of it, her gardening clothes were still on. "You know you're not supposed to overexpose yourself to the sun and heat, right? I think... I think you might be in a little trouble here."

"I thought maybe working in the garden would help me let go of some stress," she said, ignoring my already too-late warning.

"Stress? What has you stressed, mom?"

"You do, Donny," she laughed with a smile that just made me feel worse about the whole thing. "For the past few months something has been eating away at you and I don't know what it is. Now you're concerned about Kim's whereabouts and you came home so frustrated after practice yesterday. I'm worried about you, honey, I really am."

"Aw, jeez, mom. You shouldn't- you don't have to worry about that stuff. It's nothing, really."

"I know you, Donny. Kim definitely isn't 'nothing' to you, and neither is football."

"Just rest and don't worry about it, mom. We'll talk about it later when you're feeling better," I promised, kissing her forehead and leaving the room.

She was right, of course. Above and beyond everything else, Kim certainly wasn't 'nothing' to me, but I had already done enough harm unknowingly and my only hope was that she had caught this flare in time and it wouldn't go full-blown. Deep down, I knew better though. There was no such thing as 'catching it in time' because if she was going to have a flare, she was going to have a flare, simple as that. Meds didn't stop it, praying and hoping didn't stop it... nothing seemed to. All we could ever do was deal with it, no matter how hard it got.


	26. Obligations and Revelations

As I had joylessly predicted, my mother's flare didn't pass; it bloomed. If it wasn't one thing it was another over the past couple of months and I was desperately looking forward to the point at which things became easier again, but I had to ask myself if I truly believed they would. Life only seemed to grow more hectic and complicated the older a person got, so would this the new easy? I could only hope not.

I spent the rest of the weekend cooped up inside with my father as we tried our best to both accommodate my mother in her ill state and duck her wrath whenever possible... sometimes it was just completely unavoidable, though. Since I had nothing but an enormous amount of time on my hands, I decided to study up on the playbook that Coach had provided after our little pep talk. If he was going to force me to try for the role, then I just had to suck it up and accept my lot... because I had bigger issues to stress me out than someone believing in me. Besides, stumbling around blindly on the field was painful and probably made me look like a huge buffoon... and it was simply not something I wanted a repeat of when it was my turn to play quarterback again.

There were so many different plays, so many things to take into consideration and be mindful of... just studying it gave me a headache. I found that if I split my time reading, checking in on my mother from time to time, trying to formulate my own runs and going outside to practice my throws every now and again (my accuracy was god-awful), cabin fever did not have a chance to set in and my jittery states were far and few between.

* * *

Save for football practice (which I looked forward to more than usual with my mother under the influence of a flare), my week commenced pretty much the same as the weekend had. Somewhat claustrophobic and very repetitive. On Wednesday, after being yelled at by my mother for absolutely nothing other than her reasoning of me 'planning' something and she knew it, I decided it was time to call Lindsay and see if I could convince her to team up with me to save Andopolis' stupid ass from military service. Much to my dismay, the phone just rang endlessly. As far as I knew, she was supposed to be back in town on Monday, but not a soul was answering at their house. I tried again and again throughout the rest of the afternoon, but was met with the same result each time.

On Thursday, I decided to quickly head over to the Weir household after practice (before I was stuck at home with my mother for the rest of the day). I knocked on the door and waited. No answer. I knocked again. No answer. After the third time and a lengthy wait (and more than a few attempts to peek in some windows), I gave up and began heading back to my car, rather surprised to see Millie just staring at me from the stoop of the next house over.

"Hey Millie," I greeted as I stopped at the bottom of the steps, looking up to talk with her. She was dressed in her usual attire- a colorful, long-sleeved shirt that covered all but her neck and a long pair of brown pants.

She flashed a quick smile and continued looking down at me awkwardly, leaving me to wonder if she was secretly judging me for something or not. "Hi, Donovan," she greeted and then, almost timidly, walked down the three levels of stairs so we were standing on even ground.

"Do you, uh, know where Lindsay or, well any of the Weirs are?"

She shook her head, squinting as the sun bounced off of somewhere and plastered her in the face. I shifted my body to block the path of the beam and stop the poor girl from going sun blind. Once the light was out of her face I could see that she was still squinting, as if trying to come to terms with some argument going on inside of her head.

"Do you know if Lindsay got back into town yet? I mean, the summit ended on Monday, I thought she would have been home by now."

"Lindsay might be in some kind of trouble," she finally breathed out in a hurry, as if the secret was just bursting to be freed.

I tilted my head and looked at her questioningly. "What? What do you mean?"

There was more squinting and random gesturing before she looked back to me and sighed. "Look, I don't want people to think I'm spreading rumors, so just keep this between us, okay? I'm only telling you because you're her friend, too."

I nodded and waited for her to continue on.

Apparently, Lindsay never went to the academic summit at all. She skipped out on it altogether to join up with some deadheads and follow the Grateful Dead around on their tour for two weeks. I could feel my eyes widen in shock at the news. A little stunt like that really shouldn't have shaken me as much as it did, I mean I knew the kind of people we hung out with and the influences they could have, but I never would have pegged Linds as having the guts to up and ditch something that big. I could only imagine she went with the hippie twosome from school, as I noticed her sitting down and talking with them a few more times after their initial introduction.

The Weirs found out about their daughter's deceitful ways just a few days after the summit began and she called them to come clean about what she was really doing. Her parents, Mr. Weir especially, were beyond angry and demanded she return home at once, but Lindsay clearly stood firm in her decision and was not returning to Chippewa until after the tour was over on July fourteenth.

With my eyes as big as saucer plates (I'm almost certain they were), I asked the girl with the answers a question that was at the top of my curiosity list ever since she started talking. "How do you know all of this, Millie?"

She shuffled her feet for a moment and looked around anxiously, as if someone else may be listening in. The action would have been comical to me if I wasn't so concentrated on what she was saying, as the street had been eerily empty ever since I first knocked on the Weir's door and it never picked up in activity after that.

"Mrs. Weir was helping me make cookies for my church's bake sale tomorrow. We were talking about stuff and when Lindsay's name came up she just started to get mad and told me all about it. And then I was right next to her when she got the call from the hospital-"

"The hospital?!" I spat out, almost in a shout, cutting her off entirely.

"Oh..." Millie said mournfully, averting her gaze as her face grew red with embarrassment.

I wasn't sure if she was going to continue, as her reaction led me to believe that she said more than she wanted to already. "Millie, what happened?"

She sighed and continued on, still looking away. "On Tuesday, they got a call from some hospital, asking if they were Lindsay's parents and informing them that their daughter was in the ER for..." She looked at me for a brief moment, her face telling the tale of a girl struggling with how much more information she should be sharing when none of it was hers to spread to begin with. "With _something,_ " she finally finished and immediately looked away again.

She knew what had landed Lindsay in the emergency room, she had to... but she didn't trust me enough to tell me. That was fine and understandable, I supposed. After all, it's not like we were close or anything. All we ever did was hang out at a school dance and play a few games of UNO.

"Mrs. Weir was the one who answered. She looked as pale as a ghost when they told her about Lindsay and the person on the other end was talking so loud that I could hear everything they said. The whole family left almost right after that."

"Oh, wow." I scratched my head and began to wonder just what had happened and if Lindsay was okay. "Do you know where they went?"

She half shrugged while answering, "Some hospital in Denver. Saint Luke's, I think."

"Denver? That's like... two days away or something."

"It's over a twenty-hour drive if they keep to the speed limit," Millie corrected, looking at me once more. "I did the math last night."

My quick memory saved me from making a fool of myself and giving her and odd look. _Oh yeah, she's still a practicing mathlete..._

She suddenly sighed and lowered her head slightly. "I should have known something like this would happen to her when she started hanging out with those freaks."

That little quip felt like somewhat of an undeserved cheap shot to me. "Hey, come on now. I'm one of them too, ya know? And you and Kim are friends."

_Or 'were', maybe? I really don't know anymore._

Millie's face changed abruptly and she looked altogether angry. "Kim is the whole reason Lindsay is in this mess! She went with her to all those shows and she's the one who made sure Lindsay went to the hospital. She got on the phone and started apologizing to Mrs. Weir, but that only made things worse."

"She- wait, what? Kim's with her?" My mind all at once was flooded with a sense of relief at that fact that I knew Kim had not just vanished off the face of the earth and she was with Linds.

Millie simply rolled her eyes at me and began to shamble away in her earmark fashion, flopping her arms to her side in frustration. "Maybe you should be more concerned with the friend who's been hospitalized instead of the one you... fornicated with."

_Oh my god! Even Millie knows? Word spread way farther than I originally thought._

It wasn't that I lacked concern over Linds and her current situation, Millie just didn't know how important Kim was to me as well. I had to quickly try to backpedal. "No, wait- I mean is Lindsay alright? Do you know? Millie?"

The religious girl just kept walking, making her way back up the stairs and into her house.

_Shit..._

* * *

After I made it home and had another difficult run-in with my mother, I gave Nick a call and asked him if he had heard anything about Lindsay. I figured there was a good chance that he knew something; he was working right alongside Mr. Weir at his store, A-1 Sporting Goods, after all.

"Nah," Nick answered me casually. "I haven't heard anything and Mr. Weir gave me the rest of the week off. I think it was his way of saying sorry for being in such a bad mood last week or something. She should be back in town, though, right? Maybe we should all drop by her place tonight or something."

It was painfully apparent that Nick had no clue what was going on. Mr. Weir was pissed because they had found out about Lindsay not going to the academic summit and he likely gave Nick the rest of the week off because he was driving like crazy to get to Denver.

"I, uh, I can't tonight, bud. I gotta take care of stuff at home. My mom... she's sick... again."

"Oh man, I'm sorry. Anything I can do?"

"Not really. Just gotta wait it out. Thanks though."

"Oh, yeah, no. No problem," my friend said, sounding somewhat downtrodden. I wasn't sure if it was because he knew how much my mother's illness affected me or that his plans to see Lindsay may have just been nixed. His next sentence somewhat pointed me in a different direction entirely.

"Sara's coming over and then I got- I got drum lessons in a little while anyway. They're, like, really hard and I don't even know if I'm getting any better."

Nick was sort of an oddball when it came to his passion for being a famous drummer. It was a dream he never wanted to let go of, but putting any kind of effort into actually pulling it off seemed like torture for him. It was as if he wanted the talent to just appear out of thin air, fully formed and understood. Then again, at least he had some kind of vision for his future, even if he wasn't pursuing it as hard as he should be. What was I doing? Going back to football to get into a good college to do what exactly? That was a question for which I had absolutely no answer.


	27. Spurned or yearned?

It had been a week since my mother began to spiral into her flare and she was still not showing any signs of coming out of it. I was looking forward to the weekend like no other because, regardless of what my dad wanted, I needed to go out and have some fun for a few hours at least. Maybe I could even drop by and check on Lindsay... if the family made it home yet... or if her parents would let me for that matter.

The constant walking on eggshells was driving me insane. I would do just about anything to make sure I was not in the same room as my mother while she was awake, which explained why I was almost overjoyed to stay in the basement and do our end-of-the-week laundry. As I put the last of the dark colored clothes in the dryer and set the cycle, I heard my mother's raised voice booming from upstairs.

_Who's she yelling at? Did we have a visitor and I missed it? Fuck! I've always done such a good job of running interference with something like that but I just had to slink into the basement today, didn't I?_

The very idea of such an occurrence sent a torrid of worry through my system as I rushed up the steps. If it had to be someone we knew, I was praying for anyone other than Ms. Vegala. That woman spread gossip with a passion that hinged on being incomparable. If she was on the receiving end of my mother's outburst, the whole block would hear about it by nightfall (with wild exaggerations, no doubt).

"Mom, who was that? What just happened?" I asked as I shot into the living room.

She was fuming about something and gave me an accusatory look, yelling at me as I made my way to the door. "Don't act like you don't know what's going on. I'm not as stupid as you are!"

I bit the inside of my bottom lip in an effort not to reply, opting instead to simply open the front door and walk outside. She was in one of her moods where I could do no right, it was a-ok to insult her own child and everything was some sort of plot against her.

I had a faint hope that I could maybe catch a glimpse of whoever the poor soul was that received a verbal tongue-lashing from my mother, but I could swear my heart skipped a beat when I looked at the car in the driveway. It was Kim's Gremlin. As ugly as the vehicle was, I would certainly call the thing a sight for sore eyes that day.

The door slammed behind me and I instantly heard the familiar sound of the deadbolt locking.

"Fuck!" I yelled as I turned around and wrapped my hand around the handle, twisting it and pushing my body against the wooden barrier in a vain attempt to regain access.

_I should have seen that coming._

Foolishly, I pounded on the door with my fist a few times, hoping against hope that my mom would come to her senses and just let me back in. I sighed and rested my forehead against the weathered frame, sighing out in frustration before the sound of the Gremlin's engine caught my ear. It sputtered and tried to turn over again and again behind me. The whole 'suddenly getting locked out of my house' situation quickly made me forget about our visitor (and I honestly thought her car was already running and she was on her way out), but the blonde-haired driver was obviously having trouble with getting her vehicle to cooperate.

Even though it was apparent that Kim wanted to get the hell out of dodge, I was all at once overcome with anticipation as I made my way the driver's side door. Our last talk didn't go so well at all, so my apprehension about her intentions were somewhat justified.

The sight I saw upon arrival literally made me wince in pain. She was desperately trying to get her car to start, furiously turning the key with one hand and wiping away a steady stream of tears with the other.

"Kim,"I began, instantly struggling to control the rush of emotions threatening to bubble over and wreak havoc on my ability to communicate. " Kim, I-"

"Just get the hell away from me, Donovan! It was a mistake even coming here. It really was! I should have known you meant all of that shit you said at school. I mean, Jesus Christ, you even turned your mother against me. And now my stupid fucking car won't start!" She pounded on the steering wheel in a fit of furious emphasis.

"No," I shook my head. "You- you gotta understand-"

"Understand what?" Kim snapped, looking at me with a world of hurt in her eyes (a world of hurt that I would have done anything to quell). "That I'm a whore? A slut? A dumb bitch? She made all of those things pretty understandable when she yelled them at my face."

My chest tightened and I could feel myself nervously clench and unclench my fists in a rapid fashion. Shit had hit the fan. Could my mother really have said those things to her? Unquestionably. Kim had no reason to lie and I had been on the receiving end of much worse.

"Kim, I'm sorry she-" I sighed out unhappily. The 'parental' role was not one that fit me well. "All those things- they're not true. They're not true and you know it. Please, you can't- you can't listen to her."

"Why?" she shouted angrily, her eyes still red and puffy, but a definite look of rage filling them.

"Because she's sick!" I shouted back with an odd break in my voice. My breathing had increased substantially and I wasn't sure if I was having some sort of panic attack or just dealing with stress in a whole new way. I quickly ran my hands through my hair in frustration before placing them on the retracted window opening of the front door and squatting down to better face her.

She averted her gaze to the steering wheel. "Sick? Sick like she was a few months ago?" The confession of my mother's returning illness seemed to shock her back into a considerate state and her aggression dropped almost instantly as she spoke.

"Yeah," I whispered, ashamed that I had been the cause this time. "Only it's worse now. It gets worse every time... and lasts longer."

"This happens every time she gets sick? She acts like... that?"

I could hear the tenderness return to her voice, the concern that had helped to draw me in so effortlessly, and the reveal of her true personality that just made absolutely everything else about her so beautiful to me.

Looking down, I nodded sheepishly in response to her question, not at all being able to help feeling as guilty and remorseful as I did. I knew something like this would happen eventually, I just didn't want it to be Kim who was the first to experience it. Dealing with Ms. Vegala would have been cake in comparison to this. "It's not just the lupus..." I began, unsure of how to continue what I was going to reveal when I was still struggling with it myself.

It had been a while since my mother went in for all of those tests to try to better understand just what happened to her mentally when she has a flare... and Dr. Hudson believed we finally had an answer.

"My mother apparently suffers from manic depression as well, and her lupus causes it to act up at the same time as a flare... only it makes it go into some kind of severe stage or something. It's like, amplified. He says it makes her develop mental symptoms that teeter on being psychotic. She becomes aggressive in her personality and lashes out at everyone for no reason that we can understand... but she does. Or at least she believes she does, at least. She thinks something is going on and we are all a part of it, playing dumb to try to keep her in the dark. I don't understand it, but I hate it. I fucking hate it!"

I broke down a little as my explanation went on. There was an undeniable hitch in my throat as I talked, I could hear my voice crack at the very end and I could feel tears drip off my cheeks. I was suddenly very glad my head was bowed.

_Can this day have gotten any fucking worse? First my mom rips my friend a new one and I basically say it's because she's insane... and now I probably look like some kind of pussy. Guys aren't supposed to cry._

I quickly ran a hand down my face, wiping away my tears and taking in a deep breath. As I lifted my head up, Kim's eyes met mine and my hand was encompassed by hers. She looked at me with what I could only imagine to be the same empathy I had felt for her a minute before.

"I never- I can't even begin to imagine what living like that would be like. At least I know what my parents are going to be like consistently, even if they are almost always assholes."

I released a small laugh, hoping that her intention was to crack a small joke at her parents' expense. "I-I'm sorry that my mom said all that stuff to you, Kim. It isn't- none of it is true, you know that, right?"

As her eyes averted away from mine again and she nodded ever so slightly in silence, I decided to move the conversation in a different direction.

"Um, how- how are you? How was touring with the Dead?" My eyes somewhat bulged in my head as I recalled what I had leaned about Linds. "Oh shit! How' s Lindsay? I kinda heard what happened, but a lot of the details are still sketchy."

"Oh God," Kim breathed, leaning back into the headrest with a hefty sigh. "I thought I had warned her to be careful enough times for it to be drilled into her smart brain, but I guess that girl has a thick skull when it comes to cute boys. Some jerk who she was a little sweet on gave her a spiked drink and we all kind of freaked out when she just fainted in front of us. We couldn't get her to wake up. Victor helped me get her to the van and I think Laurie broke every road law known to man to get us to the hospital as quick as she could."

"Oh shit!" I repeated, truly in shock and concerned with what I could hear next.

There was a smile on her face and she shook her head momentarily as she continued. "Don't worry; she's totally fine now. Well, unless her parents kill her or something, which I wouldn't entirely put passed her dad with how pissed he was. I never would've guessed it before that day, but that guy could make a sailor blush."

I burst into another short stint of laughter at the mere thought of Mr. Weir blasting out obscenity after obscenity. It just didn't seem to be in his character... which made it all the more funny. Kim laughed along with me and I watched her cheeks plump up and take form as her smooth lips turned upward into a gorgeous smile.

There they were again in full force... all of those feelings I had for her. The ones that I tried desperately to bury over the past couple of weeks were just bubbling up to the surface with ease... and I was more than happy to let them. As pleased as I was though, I did have someone else I needed to check in on.

"I should probably get back inside and make sure everything is okay in there."

"Didn't she just lock you out of the house?"

"Oh, I've got an extra house key duct-taped under the one of the wheel-wells of my car," I answered, raising my eyebrows several times lightheartedly. "Of course, I did that so I could still get inside when I lock my keys in my car, but this works, too."

Kim giggled and nodded, slowly withdrawing her hand from atop mine.

"Do you need a ride home? We can call Nick and see if he can-"

"No, it's alright," she smiled and shook her head again. "I was just pissed and trying to go too fast. Sometimes you have to turn the key..."

I watched her slowly and more carefully spin the key in the ignition this time. To my surprise, her little Gremlin came to life.

"...just right," she finished, her smile turning into a full on grin at the sound of the engine weakly revving.

We stared at each other for another moment and I wasn't exactly sure of what to say. I knew what I wanted to say, but not what I should. "Well, it's good to know that Lindsay is okay and I, uh, I'm glad you're back in town, Kim. I really am."

She began to laugh, "Yeah, well you're probably the only one. I thought my mom was gonna kill me when I walked in the house last night."

"How did that go?" I asked with slight hesitation. I knew it couldn't have been good, especially with that opener, but I wanted to stall for more time.

Smirking, she answered, "Trust me, you don't want to know."

Nodding, I stood up and put my hands in my pockets awkwardly.

"Hey, give me a call tomorrow. I'll try to be home, I promise. I really need to- well, _we_ really need to talk," she said as I took a step back so she could exit our driveway.

"Sure," I complied, not at all being able to hide the stupid, goofy smile that had adhered to my face as curiosity came up with a thousand scenarios encompassing what she meant.

* * *

"So, what do you think? Is this going to be a good talk or another bad talk? I don't really think I want to go through another bad talk, but... I dunno... she seemed happy to see me after I explained things, so it'll probably be a good talk, right?" I asked in my usual rambling fashion. When it came to talking about things simply to get them out there, knowing I wasn't going to get an answer, I usually let myself get rather longwinded.

I lay in bed with my hands behind my head, inquisitively looking at my guest. Gracie raised her little, sweet face up from the comfy, ball-like position she had curled into after she hopped onto my chest and blinked at me several times before opening her mouth in a wide yawn. She blinked one more time before nestling back to her resting state.

"Thanks for all of the sage-like advice, fish-breath," I said with a smile, reaching up to run my hand over her silky fur. Having Gracie around was somewhat of a risky move when my mother was sick, as she had a tendency to just burst into my room whenever she so-fucking-pleased during a flare and I didn't want to spend half of the night chasing a scared cat around the house while trying to explain why it was even inside in the first place. Regardless, I always did enjoy the feline's company, even if it came without conversation.

"You know," I laughed, bouncing her on my chest momentarily, "you're gonna have to share me one of these days."

* * *

The next morning, as silly and nervous as I felt, I could hardly contain the buzz of pure adrenaline that was rushing through my body, pushing me to call Kim as quickly as I could. I held out until noon. Kind of pathetic considering she would probably just be waking up (I knew for a fact that she was a bonafide night owl on the weekends). Cookie answered and I tried my best to sound respectful, painful as it may have been.

"Hello, Mrs. Kelly. Um, this is Donovan. I was calling to talk with Kim."

"Well, tough," she began and immediately started coughing. It was a deep, phlegmy cough that I knew the sound of all too well. My parents were afflicted with smoker's cough as well most days. I waited for it to pass, grimacing at the horrible sounds she made alongside it.

"She ain't here. Dunno where she is neitha. She came in night before last and was lucky I didn't beat the ever-lovin' hell out of her for running away like she did to see some damn band. You know, I provide a roof ovah her head and she's still got no respect for me. Didn't even botha comin' home last night and was only here for a hot minute the smornin'."

Her quick-speak had completely destroyed 'this morning' and I groaned on the inside as I continued to listen to her.

"She left here about an hour ago and when I ask her where she was goin' she said 'to the library', expectin' me to believe her like I'm some kinda idiot."

My heart sank slightly at the news that Kim wasn't home and I had no idea how to find her.

"I tell ya, that kid wouldn't know what a book was if one hit her in the face. What did ya say your name was again? Donovan?"

I cleared my throat awkwardly, not at all being able to kick the feeling that it was now lined with mucus as well. Her coughing stint was as contagious as a yawn. "Yes, ma'am. You, um, you called my house a few days after Kim left and we talked briefly."

I didn't want to go into detail about our conversation, it was horrible enough recalling that it happened in the first place.

"I don't rememba that. Hey, wait a minute. Are you the kid who fixed the bathroom sink? The same one who was lying in bed with Kimmie that night a coupla months ago?"

"Um, yes, but it wasn't what it-"

She spat out an apathetic 'hmph' before I could finish. "I thought so. I've seen the way my daughta looks at you and I don't like it. It's the same way she looked at that Daniel kid and every other guy who's nothin' but trouble. Maybe you two shouldn't be around each other without some kind of supervision or somethin'."

I held my breath for a moment as I panicked to find an appropriate response to her statement. I mean, how was I supposed to react to that?

"Well, you have a good day, Mrs. Kelly," I said quickly and hung up the phone. That was going to become more uncomfortable than I was ready to deal with on a Saturday afternoon.

After informing my dad that I was going out for a while and being met with no flak for it (something told me he knew I needed to just get away from the stress of home for more than just football practice), I began my adventure to find a very specific rusty Gremlin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I just wanted to take this opportunity to touch upon the Lupus subject for those who have dealt/are dealing with it and (perhaps) feel I may be misrepresenting the disease here. I try to make it a point to not draw very deeply from real life experiences when writing and simply allow my imagination to build scenarios as I go, but this is a little different. My mother suffered from systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE) and it was (and still is) one of those afflictions that is shrouded in mystery, even within the medical field. Not everyone reacts the same when they are hit with a flare and not everyone undergoes such an huge degree of altered mentality. It does happen, though. I know from firsthand experience.
> 
> It is still largely unknown if those who have lupus and a corresponding altered mental status also have a form of bipolar disorder (manic depression) that is triggered by a flare, if it is simply a symptom of the SLE disorder that closely mimics bipolar or if it is a side effect of a certain medication (such as prednisone), but it is not unheard of that there is a definite shift in personality during a flare.
> 
> While very personal to me, this is the only part of the story that truly 'borrows' from my life in any way.


	28. Uncivilized animals… (Part 1)

I quickly decided that my first stop should be the Kelly household. It wasn't that I didn't trust Cookie not to be lying to me. No, actually, it was.

After a speedy run to the corner store to pick up a very specific item, I drove passed 2413 West Alumni Avenue and there was indeed no Kim.

_Okay, so if she' not home, where would she be? Maybe Daniel's? Aw, fuck, I hope not. Then again, she didn't come home last night._

Dismayed by the very thought, I made my way to Desario central in hopes of _not_ finding what I was looking for there. I breathed out a sigh of relief as there was no sign of Kim at his house, either.

_Strike two. Where the hell? Maybe Nick's? It's worth a shot._

When the Andopolis residence left me disappointed as well I honestly began to feel like some kind of crazed stalker, nearly convincing myself to just give up right then and there. Here she was, back in town for all of a day and a half, and I was trying to chase her around like a little puppy. It was pathetic, I was pathetic, and yet...

_Ken's? No, his dad hates everyone. I guess that would mean Lindsay's place is out, too. Maybe... shit, maybe she really is at the library._

To my complete and utter surprise, Kim's car was sitting in the parking lot next to the library. Who would have guessed that she wasn't lying to her mother? And her mother wasn't lying to me? I stationed my car right beside hers and grabbed the small plastic bag I had picked up at the store, shoving it into my front pocket as I made my way into the building.

* * *

The library was unusually active for a Saturday, or at least I assumed it was. The last time I set foot in the place was during a school field trip when I was around eight or nine.

As I undertook the task of trying to find the blonde beauty, pleasant memories of past library trips floated into my head. I began to vividly recall reading Where the Wild Things Are, The Little Engine That Could, Harold and the Purple Crayon and practically every Dr. Seuss and Berenstain Bears book ever published. I was actually quite the little reading machine when I was a child. The more I reminisced, the more I wondered when my reading habit suddenly stopped. As I pondered the idea and made my way up to the second story of the building (the place where the more grown-up books were, such as history, science, health and the like), I found Kim sitting at one of the tables along the half-wall that gave a nice view of the lower half of the library. The table was cluttered with magazines and big red and blue textbooks (the kind that surely only held boring information). Her head was half buried in one of them, going back and for the as she jotted down something in a notebook beside her. There was a small pile of crumpled up pieces of paper at the far end of the corner. They were obvious rejects of some sort.

She didn't even notice my presence until I stopped right next to her and placed the small bag on the book she was so engrossed in.

"H-hey!" she said, looking up at me with her bright blue eyes as a smile formed on her face.

"Hey," I replied, once again sporting my goofy-ass grin.

She began to laugh as she looked at the small gift in the middle of the textbook. "Jelly beans! You remembered they're my favorite!" She happily scooped up the package and ripped it open, plopping a few in her mouth a moment later.

"What're you doing here?" she asked through a mouthful of sugary-sweet candies as I took a seat at the opposite end of the small table.

"I could ask you the same thing," I replied, picking up an issue of Scientific American magazine that looked like it was from the seventies. "I called your house and your mom said you were here. I didn't actually believe her at first and checked everywhere _but_ here."

My admission of doubt caused Kim to laugh and cover her mouth. For whatever reason, I always found it incredibly endearing when she did that.

"Yeah," she acknowledged, gulping down the jelly beans, "I guess I can understand that. It's not like this is a place I've ever been interested in hanging out at."

As I looked at the collection of literature between us, I couldn't help but speculate on exactly what she was up to. There were medical journal magazines alongside the science ones and (based upon a quick glance at the wordy titles) the textbooks were regarding medical and medication knowledge in content. "Okay, so, are you studying for some sort of medical licensing exam that no one knew about?"

She shook her head, tufts of her hair spilling over her shoulder as she looked down to pick out a few of the licorice flavored pieces. "I actually... well, I know how much it gets to you when your mom gets sick and yesterday I could see how frustrated you were with what's going on and- and you said that you don't understand it, right? So I figured I would see what I could do to help, see if I could get some notes together so it's not so confusing for you anymore."

I was completely blown away by her reasoning. "I-I- Kim, that's- how, um-"

The ability to properly articulate words left my mind temporarily as I restrained myself from simply reaching over and hugging her tightly. My mother's transformed actions spilling over onto my friends was paralyzing to me, but to be met with support after the fact? That was unbelievable. It was at that moment that I knew Kim Kelly would never cease to amaze me.

"Don't get all tongue-tied on me, you goofball. I doubt I even found out anything you don't already know."

With a smile forming on her face for the second time, I watched her collect and group a selection of magazines together and put them to the side. There was such a sense of focus about her that I didn't want to ruin by diverting her attention at all. Soon enough, she began to twirl a pencil between her fingers and scan the collection of notes in front of her, flipping through the pages randomly with her free hand. "Does you mom take pred-, um... pred-ni-zone? Yeah, prednisone. Does she take that?"

"Yeah, that sounds familiar actually," I nodded. "She's on a bunch of meds, though and she just started a new one for her manic depression."

"Oh," Kim frowned. "Sometimes new meds can cause a flare and, according to one of these books, the prednisone can cause an altered mental... something. I don't remember and I didn't write it down. Anyway, I guess it can cause, um..." She skimmed along the lines of the paper with her finger, biting her lip and looking slightly frustrated. "Mania and psychoses. I don't know what those are, either. I mean, I kinda do, but you're probably gonna have to do a lot more research here."

"Mania and psychoses?" I repeated sullenly. "That sounds bad. Like really bad." Thinking back on it, it wasn't anything that Dr. Hudson hadn't already covered when he sat all three of us down to discuss his prognosis. Still, it sounded so _new_ coming from someone else, and everything still stung, everything was still a shock when it came to my mother.

"Shit. That probably isn't what you wanted to hear, huh? Is this just going to depress you? Oh God, I feel dumb now. I just thought if-"

I could hear agitation and frustration quickly building up in her voice. Without even thinking, I reached over and took her hand, cutting her off before she could erupt. "Kim, I don't know how to say thank you enough for what you're doing here. I mean, all of this," I waved my other hand around the clutter between us, "must've felt like going right back to school, maybe even worse. But to try to help me understand something you don't even have to deal with? I don't know if I can find the words to say just how much I appreciate it, how much I appreciate you right now."

For the first time that I could ever remember, I made Kim Kelly blush just with the words I had said to her. Well, maybe that wasn't exactly true, but this was the first time without the usage of risqué words. Just like I had the day before, I took our moment of silence and changed the subject. It wasn't that Kim was telling me these things about Lupus that made me uneasy; it was just the disease itself. At some point I knew I would have to overcome that if I ever wanted to be of help to my mother, but... it just wasn't going to be that day. That day was about getting away from all of that kind of stuff, and I wanted to take advantage of it while I could.

"I was wondering- why did you drop by my house yesterday?"

It took her a moment, but when she answered, she made sure she was looking me directly in the eyes. "I came by to say that I'm sorry."

"Sorry? For what?"

"For those last few weeks before school ended. I said... a lot of things. A lot of things I didn't mean. I'm sorry, Donovan. I really am."

_What exactly didn't you mean?_

"I'm sorry too, Kim... really. Especially for that last day we talked- I was just pissed and hurt and tired. I didn't mean any of that shit. Honest. You're not arrogant or selfish or hollow, and I'm not-"

I stopped myself from saying I wasn't sorry that something happened between us because that was the moment when things began to fall apart for us and I didn't want to spark it again.

"I'm sorry, Kim."

Even though it felt like our apologies were brief, there was a certain sense of relief that accompanied them. With our falling out now at least on the road to being behind us, I felt that we had overcome a towering wall that had separated our ability to connect with each other. While I had to accept that things may never return to what they were, we still had a chance of being friends. If what she was doing wasn't a sign of true friendship though, I had no idea what was.

As I looked down and saw I was still holding her hand, I remembered that she said something else yesterday. "So, was that what you meant when you said we needed to talk?"

"Part of it, yeah."

I brought my eyes back up to meet hers, but she darted them away from me in a hurry. As tempting as it was, I willed myself not to get my hopes up about anything by that point. After all, that was how all of this started in the first place.

"When I was on the road with Lindsay, Laurie and Victor we had a lot of time to talk about, well, everything. The Dead, all our friends, plans for the future, drugs, relationships, mistakes. I... I also had a lot of time to think about the things we talked about. Mostly, though, I thought about me and..."

_Wait... oh god, did she trail off like that because she's going to say 'Daniel'? Is she gonna want us to smooth things over so there isn't any more awkwardness? Might as well just get this over with and say it myself..._

"Daniel?" I answered questioningly to something that wasn't even, well, a question.

She raised her head up and gave me a look like I was purposefully being a smart-aleck and I'd better knock it off. "Nooooo," she elongated with a smirk. "You. Me and you, dumbass. That's what we need to talk about." The smirk on her face began to disappear as she continued. "Our friendship took a pretty big turn that night, and then it just fucking derailed the next week and I- that- that was all my fault."

"No," I shook my head. "I didn't... I didn't react so well, either. I mean, hell, I blamed the whole thing on Joy Division."

"What?" I heard her snort out with a laugh. "Donovan, I'm trying to be serious here, you butthead." I watched her reach for the small pile of licorice jelly beans and I knew what her intentions were almost instantly, yet my body failed to react properly. I just sat there as she lightly threw them at me with a returning smirk on her face. While the majority just bounced off my chest, one hit my shoulder and ricocheted over the half-wall to the lower part of the library. Like a set of astonished twins, Kim and I not only gasped at the same time, but we both leaned over the wall to see where the piece of candy would go. We peered over just in time to see it ping off the head of an older gentleman below. His shoulders tensed and he jumped slightly after it sprung off his balding spot.

Pulling our heads back quickly, we looked at each other and shared some silent communication for the immediate need to move before scurrying out of our seats. I turned back around within only a few steps to grab the notebook she had left.

"Come on, that was the librarian," she whispered through a laugh and latched onto my wrist, pulling me along with her. We turned down an aisle that was just short of the end of the library, sitting down at the far end of it and trying to appear innocuous.

Kim clutched a random book from the shelf and shoved it at me, taking her notebook in exchange. "Just look like you telling me stuff to write down or something."

Scrunched together side by side, we waited anxiously for the librarian to make his way to where we were. We knew he was coming, we could just feel it, but had he seen us before we pulled our heads back? What would he do if he did? It's not like we hurt him or anything, it was just an accident. Then again, food wasn't allowed in the building at all, even if it was just candy.

Less than a minute after we assumed our cover, the gauntly man poked his head around the corner and stared down the aisle in our direction. He looked at us for a moment before turning around and walking away and I couldn't shake the feeling that he was on to us.

We waited for a few extra seconds before breaking into a relieved chorus of laughter.

"Oh my God. He totally knows. He has to!" Kim said through her chuckling, putting words to how I felt. "He knows I'm the one who got all those books and magazines, and there are stupid jelly beans all around our table."

We looked at the opposite end of the corridor again, waiting for the librarian to return with Kim's revelation that he must have figured us out. We held our breath for a moment and then just started to crack up again.

It was there, sitting shoulder to shoulder and giggling like a couple of children, that our eyes fixed on each other's once more and I became instantly lost in hers as desire crept into my brain. She must have read my mind, as I watched her arc her head slightly to the side and lean towards me. I pulled back a little, feeling idiotic for even doing so.

"I thought- I thought you said we needed to talk about us."

She scanned me up and down with a seductive grin spread across her beautiful face. "Just shut up and kiss me, idiot," she replied in a tone that just made me melt. Even the tongue-in-cheek putdown sounded nothing short of endearing with the way she spoke.

Succeeding her statement, she continued leaning towards me. I followed a similar motion and, as my eyes closed, I was beyond pleased that our lips touched, with hers lightly skimming across mine before they locked together. I could feel her soft, silky features press into mine while our shared moment immediately grew in intensity. The taste of the strawberry lip balm she was so fond of immediately greeted my senses and, underneath that, there was that exclusive Kim Kelly oomph that I had been craving since our last kiss.

She raised her hand to my chest and I enveloped it with mine, and all the while we continued on as if we were the only two in the building, completely unashamed that we could be caught at any moment. I don't know how long we stayed like that, but eventually the soft, light sounds of our lips smacking and faint contented moans were interrupted by the noise of someone clearing their throat.

After we pulled away from each other, I quickly licked my lips and swallowed hard, feeling a little flushed. As I peered up at the person who made the noise, I found a grandmotherly-looking older woman was surveying us in a somewhat condescending manner.

"Some of us come here to read, not act like uncivilized animals feeding off of some disgusting primal attraction! If you two are going to keep doing that, maybe you should find somewhere else to be!"

Kim scoffed and gave the old woman a look of contempt. "Back the hell off, lady. It's not like we're having sex or anything. What are you anyway, the library police?"

The woman's face scrunched up into an even angrier scowl and it looked as if she was gearing up for a nasty reply. Luckily, without so much as waiting for an answer, Kim got up, pulling me along with her, and we made our way back to our vacated, messy table. I slipped a hand around her waist and pulled her close to me as we went, not being able to help myself. A small, playful scream escaped her as my action caused her to inadvertently hip check me.

* * *

"I think I drove that library guy half-crazy with the amount of magazines and books I had him find for me," Kim laughed as I took a seat. I was still focusing on the moment that just ended between us, somewhat dazed by the feeling of euphoria it left me with.

"He'll probably go fully crazy when he realizes he has to put them all back," I jokingly replied, pulling out of my trance.

"Well, not all of them." She began stuffing her backpack with the stack of magazines she had separated earlier.

"Wha- what are you doing? I thought you were knee deep in research here." I laughed as I watched, but I was also half-nervous she was going to be caught in the act.

"That's why I'm borrowing them. I haven't read through these yet and there might be something helpful in here. I would take a few of those books too, but..." She picked one up and let it fall back onto the table. When it connected, there was a loud 'smack', followed by a 'thummm' sound which continued as the shaking reverberated down the pole the table was bolted to. "They're a little heavy. Come on, let's get out of here before the old lady narcs on us. It's not like we're on the librarian's good side or anything."

Confusion riddled my face as I tried to figure out what she was up to. "Where are we going?"

"Just follow me," she directed, excitement coursing through the words. There was a certain look of intensity in her eyes that I had only seen once before and I instantly no longer cared where we were going, just what we would be doing once we got there.


	29. …& primal attraction (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's (brief) forewarning: There are sexual themes/smut throughout the entirety of this chapter.

After successfully sneaking out of the library without being detected by the balding curator, we made our way to the parking lot.

Kim threw her bag into the back of the Gremlin and turned to face me. I was looking down slightly, trying to dig my keys out of my pocket when I noticed her spin around, but I was taken by surprise when she reached over and grabbed a handful of my shirt. There was a powerful tug and our lips were sealed together again, followed by her tongue embracing mine. Something about the stigma dissolving between us caused a massive overflow of desire and sexual hunger. It was an overflow that, seemingly, neither of us were willing to repress, but very much looking forward to satisfying.

"Just make sure you keep up," she said, slightly panting, as she broke away a minute later and lowered her posture down from just standing on her toes.

"We need to- I mean, I need to," I began sputtering. "Um, I don't have any- do we even need...? Yeah, we do. Of course we do."

I felt a pained look overshadow my face as I continued to try to explain our current predicament while avoiding a certain word.

_Condoms! Just say you don't have a condom and you need to stop at a gas station or something!_

Kim looked perplexed for a moment and then what I was trying to say must have clicked in her head, as she began to laugh. "No, I've got it covered, trust me. Why do you think I wasn't worried the first time we did it?"

I was clearly not at the top of my game, as what she said took a bit to sink in and make sense to me.

 _Birth control!_ The name rang loudly in my head as if it was the solution to a question that had been nagging me for months.

"Oh! Gotcha. Wait, you have like a, uh, prescription or something? So your parents know? Well, I guess they do but-"

"God, no!" Kim laughed again and looked at me somewhat shocked. "My parents? Seriously? Try the clinic in Roseville."

The light bulb suddenly came on over my head and I felt like an idiot. Roseville was a small city that was about a twenty-minute drive from the outskirts of Chippewa. Even though it was barely a third the size of Chippewa there was a ton of stuff there, including a few clinics.

"Nobody knows who I am there, so I don't have to worry about word getting back to my mother and I guess it's illegal for them to let her know or something," she continued. "Anyway, keep up."

I watched her quickly make her way to the driver's side of her car and jump in before I followed suit with my own car. Her demands for me to 'keep up' were actually far more accurate than I originally would have given her credit for considering the difference in power and speed of our vehicles. For a car that had difficulty starting the day before, her little Gremlin was showing it had some get-up-and-go when it needed it.

* * *

Within fifteen minutes, I had followed Kim to the parking lot of some apartment complex and once again parked next to her jalopy.

"Come on, come on," she commanded impatiently, holding her hand out for me to take while quickly making an opening and closing motion. After she had a firm grip on my hand, we practically ran up the steps next to the yellow and green colored collection of apartments on the other side of the covered parking spots. We went to the third floor and walked past several doors before stopping.

I noted to number of the door, 336D, as Kim pulled out a mass of keys from her pocket and dropped her bag next to the door. Though things had calmed slightly during our drive, I found my longing for her rising at an almost overwhelming rate again. She leaned her head slightly to the side and flipped her hair over her shoulder while scanning through her keychain.

As I stood directly behind her and stared at her now exposed neck, something else altogether began to rise. I put my hands on her shoulders, massaging them lightly as she continued to comb through the keys. Leaning down, I began to kiss her neck, recalling just how well it had worked to get her horny the last time we were together. It wasn't that I doubted she already was aroused, but a little extra never hurt. She leaned back into me and the sensation of our bodies pressing against one another only heightened my excitement.

"336D, huh? Whose place is this?" I asked, my words were slightly muted as they vibrated off of her soft skin.

Kim released a low, quick moan of appreciation before answering. "My cousin's. She's gone for the weekend, so..." She raised her arm back and ran her hand through my hair, her fingers weaving into the curls atop my head. "We need to cool it, Othello, before the neighbors get nosey. I feel that poking me, by the way," she finished with a laugh.

"Othello?" I repeated, raising my head up in curiosity. The name sounded familiar, but I couldn't immediately place it.

"Well, I thought it sounded better than Romeo," she defended, picking what seemed to be a random key out of the bunch. "Everyone says Romeo."

The dots finally connected in my head.

"You know Shakespeare?"

"A little... kind of. We had to read Macbeth last year and... ugh! That guy wrote in the stupidest way! The old bag, Mrs. Whiteman, handed out the wrong book to half of the class and I didn't even realize it because I cut the next day."

A small laugh escaped my lips. "So you read Othello instead of Macbeth? For how long?"

"A week. Barely." She joined in my laughter. "I was wondering why every time we talked about the book in class it was about some other characters that I never even read about, but then again I'm not the fastest reader, so I thought I was just way behind. Anyway, it's kinda fitting, right? Othello was some dark-skinned guy and the chick he was with was white."

With a grin on my face, I shook my head slightly and resumed kissing her lovely neck. It honestly didn't matter to me if we were both blue and I had no doubt her intentions were sincere with the comparison. If she wanted to call me Othello instead of Romeo, I was fine with that... even if part of me was certain it was a Shakespearean tragedy where Othello and his 'chick' probably died. Kim did have a point, after all- lots of people compared their significant other, crush , fling or whatever to either Romeo or Juliet and that always struck me as daunting considering both characters ended up committing suicide.

After a few more failed attempts with random keys, she was finally successful with unlocking the door. My constant necking probably didn't help in that regard, but she sure wasn't complaining.

She turned after snatching up her bag, wrapping her free hand around my neck and began kissing me fervently. "In. Now!" she said between smacks.

Interestingly enough, there was something very sexy about the way she just took charge every now and then. Maybe I just liked a woman who knew what she wanted and when she wanted it.

* * *

We made out in the living room. We made out in the hallway. We even somehow ended up in the kitchen area and made out there, too. I had never been shoved up against so many walls in all of my life... nor enjoyed it so much.

Almost immediately after we entered the bedroom, we were on the bed, Kim pulling me down on top of her. Our hands began to frantically roam the other's body- unbuttoning pants, rustling tops and, most notably, groping at random parts.

I ran my hand under her shirt, drawing the clothing up as I traced my fingers along her stomach and chest, stopping to fondle and tweak her heaving breasts. She moaned and the sound was like music to my ears. The feeling of her once again running her hand through my hair, grabbing at it and pulling lightly, only emphasized my elevated sensuality by sending shock-waves through me. She arched her back slightly so I could reach and unfasten her bra as she tugged on my loosened pants.

With both of us half-naked and our body parts interlocked like a zipper, I slipped my hand down her unbuttoned jeans. I watched her suggestively bite her lower lip as the tips of my fingers lightly skimmed her soft, warm thigh. There was such an intense craving in her eyes that I just wanted to satisfy her immediately, but instead I shifted my hand to her panties and slowly began to rub up and down, teasing her through the fabric.

She moaned again and again as I continued, each time becoming louder, and I could feel what little nails she had dig into my back as she pulled at my shirt.

"I want... to touch... you... all... over," I gruffly stated, almost literally growling the words out, breaking the sentence into pieces and pausing every other moment to kiss my way up her neck to her lips.

Even though I never would've made claims to be an expert in the bedroom, I knew how to make the foreplay experience very... rewarding.

She gently grabbed my bottom lip between her teeth and tugged lightly for a second.

'You can start with your tongue,' I heard her whisper with a giggle before she nibbled at my earlobe. There was a grin on my face as I wiggled the last two pieces of clothing down her hips. The request had me more than willing to comply.

* * *

After coming back to bed, Kim deliberately rested her head on my left shoulder and settled her arm across my chest.

I was gently rubbing her back when a short laugh escaped me. "I didn't, uh, I didn't expect you to be a cuddler, honestly."

She shifted slightly against me. "I'm not, really... but this is nice, right?"

"Very," I nodded, kissing the top of her head.

She seemed rather uncomfortable and I wasn't sure what was bothering her, but remembering what happened the last time we had sex and she panicked, I was not entirely confident in what may have been going on.

"Hey, so tell me all about this trip you and Linds took to follow the Dead. I mean, two weeks on the road, a bunch of shows. You must have at least one or two interesting stories."

"I got a few," she replied, sounding a little more upbeat.

Kim proceeded to share tales of fun, mischief, adventure and everything in-between. Nine shows in twelve days, spanning from Houston, Texas to Denver, Colorado, left her with a lifetime of memories, it seemed. Even though she wasn't completely sold on the music before the trip started, she admitted that the experience may have been exactly what she needed. Somehow, the band's laid-back, vibe-filled songs supplied her with a calm that washed away all of her anxieties and just let her be, well, carefree and happy. She even came away from the shows with a few new favorite tunes, such as _Scarlet Begonias_ and _Not Fade Away_. I was sworn to secrecy on that end, though, because as much as Kim appreciated the music and experience, there was no way in hell she was going to be viewed as a 'hippie' anytime soon. I found it ironic that she chose to share her musically-focused guilty pleasure with someone who had more than a few of his own.

Kim and Lindsay met some very interesting folks who had some fascinating tales to share during their travels as well. The band, their music and the atmosphere of their gatherings had helped many, or at least that was the impression I got from Kim. She had heard of how the Dead aided people through extremely tough times of loss and remorse. There was a man in his late sixties who followed the band incessantly. He and his wife were huge fans and had frequented many of the concerts during a good ten year run. Unfortunately, she had passed from a losing battle with cancer that started just a few years after they discovered the band. As sad as it was though, he swore he could still feel her presence there with him when he followed the Dead on their tours. No matter how hard it was on him, the comfort he felt from knowing he was somehow with his better half again made it all worthwhile. At first, Kim didn't know if she should pity him or simply consider him to be insane. Once she saw how at peace and happy he was to sit on a patch of grass and sway to the rhythm of the music, holding a conversation with his wife who wasn't there, her heart broke for him and at the same time she wished to know that kind of joy at least once in her lifetime.

As she spoke, I realized just how profound of an effect the whole ordeal had had on her. It had changed her, that was for sure, but it only came out when she reflected on it, which I assumed was purposeful.

Whatever was stressing her from before was completely gone, and I didn't want it to return again.

"Okay, you've got me interested in giving them a second chance," I admitted. "Do you have any Dead albums we could listen to?"

"Yeah? You mean it?" She turned up to face me with a smile and I nodded in return.

She sat on the edge of the bed and pulled at the white bed sheet until it became completely untucked. After standing, she proceeded to wrap it around her body and I couldn't help but begin to snicker.

"I've already seen you naked, ya know? A couple of times now, actually, and you have quite the stunning body."

She turned to face me for a moment and stuck her tongue out in a taunting, yet playful way. "See if I ever try to be modest around you again." She continued to the corner of the room where a duffle bag was leaning against the wall. As she began to rummage through it, a small realization crossed my mind.

"Wait, just how long have you been here?"

"Since last night; I slept on the couch. After the total drag staying at home turned out to be on Thursday, I decided to see if I could crash here for a while. I kinda doubt she wants me to sleep on her bed... or have sex on it, but oh well."

I knew that Kim's problems at home would never get any better if she just kept running away from them, but it wasn't the time to bring that up. "You and your cousin are pretty close, huh?"

Kim looked back at me and shrugged before pulling a record sleeve out from the bag. "I guess. We weren't for quite a while, but once her mom, my aunt Kathy, passed away, we kind of settled our differences and started to get along again."

I watched her make her way to the record player at the opposite side of the room, the sun that was pouring through the drapes was also spilling over onto the sheet she was covered in. The thin fabric was almost transparent thanks to the light source and I drank in the sight of her body structure as she walked. She had curves in all the right places and the little bit of pep she had in her step simply underscored that fact. I just wanted to photograph her and save that moment forever... because it was flawless. _She_ was flawless.

"This is actually Mr. Rosso's, I think. Lindsay borrowed it from him and I borrowed it from her before I left with Laurie and Victor," she explained, gently placing the record on the player and moving the needle to the first song. "I wanted to stay at the hospital and leave when she was released, but her stupid dad refused to let me ride in their car." As the music began, a grin spread across her face and she came back to bed.

"Okay, so this one is called _Box of Rain_ and, yeah, I don't know what it's about. I don't know what most of these songs are about, really, but I like them. Victor and Laurie tried to explain it to me once, but I was so high." She began to laugh and I could swear she became a little lost in thought at the memory.

Again she rested her head on my shoulder and, as the song continued, she hummed along with it.

The music was alright, but I probably would've had to be at one of the shows to truly appreciate it as Kim did. Seeing her smile, though, was more than reason enough to continue listening.

Taking her relaxed mood into consideration, I decided to see if I could pick her brain as far as what her take was on what was happening between us.

"So, I know Lindsay's attempt went bust, but how about you? Were there any guys who caught your eye on the trip?" I teased.

"No," she sighed facetiously in a way that let me know my little ploy didn't fool her for a second. "Well, kinda. I mean, we met our fair share of cute guys, but they would be, like, a bajillion miles away. 'Sides..." she continued with a slight pause, her voice softening on the last word. "I think I need some time for myself, y'know?"

I nodded when she looked up at me briefly following her statement. There was a slight tinge of heartache at her disclosure, but I really couldn't fault her for wanting to make sure she was in a better place before allowing anyone else into her heart.

"I've been in relationships for, like, ever! Daniel for over two years, Mark for almost a year before that. Mark Verdite, not drug-dealer Mark," she quickly pinned on to the end of her words, and I was somewhat thankful for the clarification. No matter what, Kim was far more than deserving of a guy whose chosen catch phrase _wasn't_ 'grab me a piece!'.

"Lots of stupid little insignificant crushes before that; you know how stupid junior high can be like that. I dunno, though," Kim turned her attention back up to me as she continued. "I'm working on a little something here in town for when I'm ready again, and it's going pretty well. Matter-a-fact, I'm almost sure I've got this guy wrapped around my finger."

I shook my head and put my hand over my face, breaking out into laughter a moment later. I should have known better than to engage in playful banter with Kim and expect her not to catch on, let alone turn the tables. She was just as quick on the draw as I was, maybe even faster. At least her response sounded hopeful. I could be patient if that was what she needed me to be.

"Your turn. Any stories of half-naked women to share?"

"Oh just one, and then I got her fully naked," I replied nonchalantly as I wrapped my arm around her shoulders. "She's not too interested in rushing into anything just yet, but I'm thinkin'... I'm thinkin' she's a keeper."

She looked up to me again, that all-too-rare, natural happy expression quickly spreading across her face. "Sounds like you have a bit of a handful with that one."

"You have no idea," I told her, nodding in agreement and making sure to keep my eyes as wide as possibly for maximum effect.

In response, Kim faked a look of shock and we were both laughing a second later. Unexpectedly, she shifted up slightly and again she locked her lips against mine, making motions to guarantee we would be secured into the action for a good while. After the third song started, Kim was mounted on top of me, my hands firmly latched onto her hips. More sex. While any thought of us being a couple might have been dead in the water, there wasn't anything stopping us from practicing being friends with benefits. Interestingly enough, something felt- no, something definitely _was_ different that time around.

The first two times we were together we were all over each other. It was hot. It was dirty. It was raw and uninhibited. It was intense. Our third time, though? We were more intimate. Well, she was more intimate and I followed in her footsteps like second-nature. We moved slower, but with more zeal (which I didn't think was possible until that moment). We were softer in our touches, yet they were more passionate. Hell, we even looked at each other more and that too had deeper meaning. Words were unspoken, but they were all around us. It was almost as if time didn't exist anymore and it was only Kim and me, much like how things felt at the library when we kissed. Looking back on it, even that was different from our first occurrence and our last. It wasn't as showy but it somehow spoke volumes about us at the time.

Were we experiencing the difference between simply having sex and actually making love or were we merely drunk off of how good it felt and I was just embellishing the whole experience? Whatever it was, all indications were that we took our sweet time enjoying it, because the record finished long before we did.

"What- what was that?" I breathlessly questioned minutes after we were done, our panting dissipating to a fraction of what it was.

"Fucking amazing!" Kim managed to boisterously declare through rapid breaths and we both began to laugh.


	30. Meals and Reveals

"So, I got, like, five bucks. Do you have any money?" I asked, pulling my t-shirt over my head.

Kim had just finished putting her hair into a ponytail, a style I rarely saw on her. "A couple dollars. Why?"

I flashed a quick smile her way and that was almost answer enough.

Her lips curved upward and she began to giggle. "Pizza from Sal's?"

"Mmhmm" I hummed, giving her a quick peck before I stood and began to look for my shoes.

* * *

Kim had entered Sal's before I could, as my attention was somewhat diverted by the new video shop that was preparing to open up in the old thrift store unit. Cupping my hands to the side of my face, I took a quick peek through the glass door to see what it looked like inside. Most everything was still in boxes, but they had a few shelves set-up, one reading 'Betamax Rental Units' and 'VCR Rental Units' on the other. There were a few posters up on the walls as well, none of which really struck me as interesting until my eyes scanned over a banner for _The Fog_. It was another horror movie from John Carpenter and, after becoming slightly obsessed with _Halloween_ , I was more than looking forward to the director's next film. Sadly, I had missed its theatrical run, but I was somewhat excited a the idea that I may have the chance to see it at home if the rental store didn't cost an arm and a leg when it opened.

"Mio amico! How are ya, kid?" Sal greeted in his thick Italian accent as I walked through the door of the deli. It was customary for him to refer to all of us as 'kids' and the title was one that we took without any contention. Sal had a very grandfatherly way about him when it came to those of us who went against the grain and, in return, we treated him with a respect that we really didn't showcase for a lot of adults in our lives. He was always nice and genuinely seemed happy to see us, making a lot of us feel more at ease in his little restaurant than we ever could at home.

"I'm good, Salvatore- I mean, um... mio amigo?" I tried to emulate the Italian greeting he so often used when saying hello to us, but the burst of laughter from the man let me know I had botched it.

"Amico, giovanotto, not amigo. Uh-me-ko." he graciously enunciated for me. The word 'giovanotto' (or 'young man') I was far more familiar with, as he used it in conversations quite frequently. "You here with your friends, too?"

"F-friends?!" I inquired like a moron, a knot forming in my stomach at the very thought of Daniel sitting behind me with the rest of the gang. It was only Kim's voice, and words, that caused the uneasiness to dissipate as quickly as it formed.

"Behind you, goof!"

There was no way Kim would sound as happy as she did if Daniel was around.

Sal began to laugh at my friend's teasing as I turned around and was met by the stares and otherwise blank expressions of Ken, Amy, Nick and Sara. Blondie, of course, was standing right next to their table.

'This one,' Salvatore called from behind me, 'I haven't seen you in a while. You musta been on a summer vacation, huh?'

I assumed he was talking to Kim, as it had only been a few days since my last visit to the diner.

"Yeah, something like that," my friend laughed, her face blossoming into a smile.

'Look at you,' his voice continued to flow passed me as I made my way to the group. 'Still pretty as ever with a nice tan to boot now, too. So-'

There was a loud 'ding' sound and Sal excused himself to go to the back.

"Hey, Donovan, guess what!" Ken called out as I stopped in front of the small table, standing next to Kim. "Kim's back in town, buddy!" His tone was very tongue-in-cheek. "Oh wait, you came in like a minute after she did. That's a kinda weird coincidence, don't ya think?"

Blondie, acting as my saving grace, quickly cut Ken off at the pass before he could prod any further. "So, what, are all you dorks on a double date or something?"

"Why? You two wanna make it a triple?" our enigmatic jokester asked, smirking. It seemed like he was not going to back down.

Kim laughed and punched him in the arm.

"Same ol' Kim," he lamented with a grimace, rubbing the spot she hit.

There was a big smile on Nick's face. He was obviously happy to see his friend again... either that or he was high, but I was hoping for the former. "When did you get back into town? Or did you even leave?"

"Oh yeah, I left," she replied proudly. "I came back Thursday."

"Thursday, huh?" Ken chimed in once again, looking absolutely thrilled with himself. "So what have you been doing since then? Or should I ask _who_?" He shot glances to Kim and me as he spoke.

"So, you went on vacation?" Amy asked, giving her boyfriend a light shove and sounding somewhat doubtful in her own question.

Kim shrugged. "Kinda, I guess. It's sort of a long story."

"Scusa, kids, hot pie comin' through," Sal announced from behind us, causing Kim and I to separate so he could make his way to the table. He released a small, contented sigh and looked around at all of us. "This table- it's a little small for all of you, don't you think?"

The thought of staying hadn't even crossed my mind, but once Sal had put it out there, it would've been an asshole move to just leave. Plus, everyone probably wanted to catch up with Kim and I imagined she felt the same about them. The table was small though, as all four occupants barely fit and there was certainly no room for extras.

"I got one a them fancy picanic tables set up outside," Salvatore added for the rescue. "It's got a brella and everything. You guys wanna move out there?"

Everyone nodded and began to shift and stand up. Kim and I exchanged slightly worried looks with one another but the group was already up and moving, and I could only hope we were on the same page about what to do and not do in order to stop feeding into Ken's theory (or anyone else's, for that matter).

* * *

Things were a little more mellow and quiet outside, with the only awkward moment being when Kim gave everyone a hug except Sara. She didn't say anything, Nick didn't say anything and it just seemed like Kim didn't give a shit. Knowing the girl like I did, though, I couldn't really say I was surprised. If she didn't like someone, she wasn't very subtle about hiding it, and Sara just didn't make the cut.

"Thank God!" Kim breathed as she took a seat next to me; Nick flanking her other side and Ken, Amy and Sara sitting opposite at the table. "So much better! My legs are sore as shit and I probably woulda dropped if I had to stand around much longer."

A faint smile lined my lips and I wanted to tease her by saying, 'You're welcome' but I knew that would have been too obvious of a hint that would not have flown over any of our friends' heads.

"Okay, so where did-" Amy began to ask, but was quickly interrupted by her boyfriend.

"No, no, no," Ken said in quick succession, grabbing a slice of pizza along with everyone else. "We're finding out what's going on between these two first." There was a devilish grin on his face and you could just tell he was up to his old antics.

Kim scoffed and furrowed her brow for a moment. "In case you weren't paying attention, _Ken_ , Donovan and I were kinda not getting along towards the end of school. When I got back into town, I wanted to make things right. We met up, talked it over, moved on and he offered to take me out for pizza as a welcome home gift or something."

I had to actively fight the look of surprise that wanted to overwhelm my face. Kim was apparently far more on-point than I could have even dreamed of being. The best excuse I could quickly come up with was that we just bumped into each other.

"See? Nothing dirty, so get your mind out of the gutter. Sometimes I think you're totally hopeless, Miller. Sorry, Amy."

"No, you're right, he's totally hopeless," Amy teased, causing all of us to laugh. Ken did as well, though he tried to hide it behind a feigned look of hurt. "But I still love him."

Almost as if anticipating the next question that was sure to follow, Kim tailed on a speedy response while picking at her piece of pizza. "Any you guys know where Daniel is? I kinda need to talk to him, too."

I uncomfortably shifted in on the bench at the mention of Daniel. Aside from Blondie, Daniel was someone I was very apprehensive about meeting up with again. Somehow, I didn't envision it being as happy as my reunion with Kim turned out to be. My uneasiness must have been quite apparent, as Kim reached down and gently took hold of my hand, surrounding it with the soft warmth of hers. We only held hands for a minute, but the short embrace did wonders to calm my nerves.

I watched Ken and Nick exchange awkward glances with each other and I could only assume they were trying to decide if they should tell her about Daniel's new fling... or who would be the one to say it. I wasn't the only one to catch their less-then-subtle gawkiness.

"Oh, what? Did he move on to some new slut already?" Kim asked, sounding as if she already knew the answer and wasn't entirely surprised by it.

"Maybe?" Ken grimaced, scrunching up the left side of his face a little. It almost looked as if he was expecting to get slugged for a second time. Then again, it was better not to put anything passed Kim if her attitude shifted.

She simply scoffed and rolled her eyes.

Sara piped up suddenly, from almost out of nowhere, "Don't worry; you guys always get back together, right?"

Her words garnered nothing but silence and awkward stares all around the table. Sara was _still_ trying too hard to fit in, to be one of the gang, to seem like she knew each and every one of us like we were old friends.

Even if everyone knew that Daniel and Kim had a very high tendency to break-up and make-up, it wasn't something we openly discussed in front of them, together or individually.

Nick's face gave away the fact that he realized what an awkward, albeit nice, statement his girlfriend had just said, and he quickly changed the subject. "So, Kim, you finally decided to come back to Chippewa, huh?"

A trademark roll of the eyes and classic 'pffft!' prefaced her reply. "Like I had any other option. I would so ditch this town in a second if I could."

Salvatore came outside to check on us before any further conversation could develop. His timing was impeccable, as he asked if we wanted another pie just as the table came to the realization that eight slices of pizza, big as they were, would not feed six hungry teenagers equally. Kim and I put our little collection of cash together and ordered another one since everyone was already eyeing the last two pieces with tunnel vision.

Amy had once again inquired about Kim's out of town exploits and, with a distinctive aura of apprehension, Blondie finally admitted to the gang that she was a Deadhead for about two weeks. The roar of laughter from the four was almost deafening, and I couldn't help but snicker along with them myself (an action that gained the slight ire of Kim, who planted her elbow in my side).

"Did ya- did ya come back with a wardrobe full of tie-dyed shirts?" Nick choked out through a laugh.

"Yeah, yeah, and are you only going to listen to music in the rain now, and start using words like 'groovy' and 'far out'?" Ken added in for good measure.

Even Amy joined in the fun, showing she could keep up with the boys. "Come on, guys, you're dragging her down and making this a bad scene. Peace." She held up her hand, displaying the well-known peace sign.

"Oh ha-ha. Everyone's a comedian," Kim mumbled, continuing to pick at her food and pulling a piece of pepperoni free from its cheese encasement. "That's the last time I ever share anything with you guys again."

"You know we all love you," I whispered, throwing a glace her way.

"Do you?" she questioned, eyeing me in a playful manner.

After the laughter subsided, her frown was slowly replaced by a grin as tales from the trip were shared with everyone.

* * *

Recalling the experience really did seem to put her in a happier place, though I couldn't help but notice she was doing her damnedest to steer clear of any mention of Lindsay. Nevertheless, in an unintended demonstration of the old saying 'all good things must come to an end', she absentmindedly outed our friend while retelling a rather animated story about a show that finished just as a rainstorm began.

"…and it was like everyone just started freaking out, but in a good way. Lindsay was smiling and spinning around so much I thought she was going to puke!"

Everyone caught onto her slip immediately, even Kim.

"Oh, shit," she muttered, hunching her shoulders in disappointment.

After recovering from his temporary shock, Nick asked, "How was Lindsay there? I thought she went to that summit thing."

"She kinda... skipped out on it?" Kim responded, making a bit of a face as she did.

Ken let out a short, legitimate laugh and Nick began to reprimand and lecture.

"What!? Kim, how- how could you do that to her? That was, like, really important for her college future... and stuff." He seemed to lose focus at the tail end of his statement.

"Hey, it was all her idea, okay? She started talking with Laurie and Victor at the end of the year and totally fell in love with the idea of following the band around for a few weeks. She asked me if I wanted to come along and I was like, 'Hell yeah!'... I mean, really, what else was I gonna do this summer?"

A mini-epiphany seemed to overcome our stoner friend and he all but ignored Kim's valid excuse. "Oh man, that explains so much. Like... like why Mr. Weir was so mad and why he gets that look on his face when I ask him if Lindsay made it home safe and sound. Hey, maybe we should all go see her."

And just like that, Nick switched gears and was no longer concerned with the missed academic summit or how it may or may not have an impact on Lindsay's future. I somewhat felt sorry for Sara as I listened to Nick ramble on and on. You could practically see her shrink in her seat and look more and more dismal with just how concerned her boyfriend was with his ex. I couldn't blame her, I guess. After all, this was the second time he was all set to go and see how Linds was and try to hang out with her. I couldn't begin to imagine how I would feel in a similar situation.

"I doubt it," Kim snorted. "Not after what happened." She immediately groaned out in anger after realizing she had messed up again. "Oh my God! Someone shut me up, please."

"What- what happened?" Serious Nick made a quick comeback. Ken and Amy appeared to know better than to even try to enter into the conversation.

"She got really sick, right?" I responded quickly, trying to make some sort of save for the damsel in distress.

"Yes!" Kim confirmed, perhaps a little too enthusiastically. "She ate, um, something bad... and got... food poisoning!" Again, she finished her sentence sounding far too happy with the last words.

"Oh no," Amy gloomily remarked. "Is she okay?"

I took a turn to lower my hand below the table, covering Kim's with my caress. I could tell she was trying to tread very carefully with her words now and needed any support she could get.

"Oh yeah, no, she's fine now."

I gave her a light squeeze, hoping that would indicate that she may want to consider adding to that answer.

"I mean... she was really sick, and her folks even had to come pick her up, 'cause we took her to the hospital and everything. So, yeah, she's probably still recovering. Like, we should let her get some rest and stuff, y'know?"

Nick instantly looked dejected at the words. "Yeah- yeah, I guess that makes sense," he agreed, sounding just as disheartened as he appeared.

I had hoped that, with that save, the disaster was averted, but then I noticed Ken was wearing a telling smirk on his face. We always had to be careful with what we said and how we said it around him. His mind was always working, always picking things apart and either finding some sort of innuendo in it or the true meaning behind the words.

"Say, Linds wouldn't be pregnant now would she, Kim?"

There were a variety of disapproving 'ooohs' and 'whats' thrown around by everyone and Kim even wadded up a napkin and threw it at his head.

"What?" he defended, flinching from a smack Amy delivered to his arm. "It's a fact that there is a fifty-fifty chance a woman can be pregnant every time she gets sick."

Kim rolled her eyes and began to laugh. "Only if they've had sex, dumbass."

* * *

After another half-hour of random conversation, most of which spent with Nick looking lost in a deep thought, the lumbering giant finally spoke up.

"Hey Kim, what was it like just leaving town without knowing what you were going to do when you got wherever you were going? Like, do you think you could just leave town without any kind of plan and things would turn out alright?"

Confusion quickly spread over Kim's face as she threw glances to all of us in question of what she was just asked and how to even answer it.

Ken and I looked at each other and we both sighed.

"Nick, settle down. I thought we already talked about this just last week. Give Lindsay a chance to recover, then she can help Donovan get this fixed."

Kim shot me a (deserved) accusatory look after Ken finished.

"Well, I just hope she gets better soon," Nick said. "My dad is getting tired of waiting to have that talk."

"What talk?" Sara and Kim probed in unison.

Ken shook his head. "Jesus, Nick, you didn't even tell your girlfriend?"

Instant embarrassment flooded Andopolis' face, but he tried to scoff it off. "I wanted to wait to see if- I mean _until_ they talked my dad out of it."

Sara, looking more worried every second, interjected again. "Talk your dad out of what?"

" _If_ was the right word," Ken belittled. "You don't even think they can and that's why you just asked about leaving town."

Nick just looked pissed. "You're really not helping at all here, man."

"Hey, I'm just being realistic."

Things were escalating at an alarming pace and I could visibly see Kim start to tense up as it continued. Arguments like the one underway probably dug up some unpleasant memories for her.

"Maybe you guys should stop bitching at each other and tell us what's going on," she finally demanded.

Both men first turned their attention to Kim and then veered their gaze my way.

_Oh, of course. Of-Fucking-Course!_

"Donovan, care to share your brilliant plan?"

The cynicism Ken's tone was drenched in almost made me want to punch him. Suddenly all eyes were on me, including Kim's returning harsh glare. Andopolis had just somehow stealthily slithered his way out of having to explain his predicament to Sara (with a major assist from Miller) and it was on me.

"No. You know what, just... no. This isn't my fuck-up, okay? Nick here is going to explain what you two are arguing about and then we'll talk about my brilliant plan to fix it... 'cause it is brilliant."

This wasn't a game of hot potato, but we were all certainly treating it like it was and I damn-well wasn't going to be left holding the damn thing.

Nick let out a small huff of discontent and his face crumpled slightly. "Thanks, man. Thanks a lot."

"Nicky, what's wrong? What are you guys talking about?" Sara asked, reaching over for his hand and once again desperately seeking an answer to our cryptic back and forth.

"Seriously, you guys need to cut the bullshit and tell us what you're talking about," Kim pressed. "This is getting old fast."

"Okay," Nick sighed out after a few seconds of absolutely nothing. "Donovan's right- I fucked up. I thought my dad was bluffing again and now I'm in trouble... serious trouble."

He continued on with a certain dismal quality to his voice and I could only imagine just talking about it made him feel utterly defeated. By the same token though, this was something he had to acknowledge and not try to hide away, as it could become his reality. As I noticed him begin to falter after getting the meat of the matter out of the way, I jumped in with a little help and presented my 'brilliant' plan, pointing out reasons why we couldn't let this happen to our friend. I had to change it up slightly to not make Nick sound like a complete and utter weakling, but he actually agreed with many of the modified points I made. I also left out the speculation of self-harm as well... again to save face for my friend and because I didn't think his girlfriend needed that extra concern on her already-overflowing plate. Thankfully, Nick took the reins again and even went as far as asking for help from the three girls on his own. It was actually somewhat of a relief to get it out to three new people all at once, as we needed everyone backing and supporting our cause as much as possible. Even though I believed in the dork, I also knew how much of handful he could be with lack of focus and a practically nonexistent concern for school in general. It was simply not something I would be able to handle by myself and if I could rally everyone to help keep him in line, the possibility of pulling off a miracle was far more plausible.

After we finished and garnered the support of everyone (Ken went back to being reluctant about it, but Amy promised to straighten him out), the conversation and mood never really picked back up and we eventually all said our goodbyes. It was kind of a somber way to end an impromptu meet up, but what was done was done.

After taking Kim back to her cousin's apartment complex and getting ready to say goodbye for the day, she asked me if I wanted to hang out a little longer and shot me a glance I just couldn't say 'no' to. If I were being honest with myself though, I didn't want to head home anyway, I didn't want to be away from her with how much I was enjoying just being in her presence again.


	31. Through thick… (Part 1)

"Jeez, what a day," Kim droned as she walked in from the balcony, returning from her needed nicotine fix. She practically toppled over onto the couch next to me and released a long, tired sigh. Even though we were stuffed from earlier, we still took the last four pieces of pizza, basically allowing us to just veg out in the living room. There was another impressive sound system in the room as well as a pretty big TV. There was a cable box attached to the television, but it really just confused the shit out of both of us since our shared knowledge of how to work it was nil. Nonetheless, we were able to trial-and-error our way through it, finding that we were even allowed to access some of the fancier pay-channels like HBO and Showtime. The humble abode was actually very well furnished with new stuff everywhere and I couldn't help but think that someone in Kim's family actually had it made.

"We totally need to get Sara out of the picture. I mean, I'm not the only who thinks she's annoying, right? I don't even get what Nick sees in her anyway... it's not like she can teach him how to foxtrot out of a foxhole."

I laughed at her articulate assessment of Sara's boogie-oogie-oogie knowledge being completely useless on a battlefield.

"He is totally screwed, ya know? I don't even think brainiac Lindsay can save him from an army future. It's nice what you're trying to do, though."

I winced as my laughter quickly died out, feeling uncomfortable about the situation all over again. Was I the only one who had faith in him? Hell, I still hadn't even told her the catch in my plan, the one where I could be stuck next to Andopolis, peeling potatoes while on kitchen patrol in the army. With all of the negativity, I was beginning to have doubts myself. It was my future I was playing with as well, and I suddenly might have had more than just a potential football prospect to lose if it all went south. I decided to quickly change the subject and bring it up at a better time, preferably after Lindsay and I had talked the Colonel out of his decision.

"Your cousin must have a nice job," I noted, not being able to help but admire just how new the place looked and felt.

She rested against me and shrugged at my statement. "Yeah, but Erica's boyfriend also just so happens to be the manager of the bank she works at and I guess he likes to spoil her. He buys her new stuff all the time... and they even go on trips. Like, every weekend..."

"Wow."

"Mmm," she hummed in agreement. "But I think she's just kind of using him for his money. He's way older than her, she never talks about him and all she seems to care about is the things he gets her."

"Well that's a little unscrupulous..."

Kim scrunched up her face and looked at me. "Un-what? Don't get all smart on me."

"Um, immoral," I laughed. "Sounds like she's definitely just using him."

"Told ya. What are we even watching?" Kim asked, snorting out the question through her laughter as she began to pay attention to what was showing on television. My little outing to the library had made me slightly nostalgic of my childhood and when I switched to HBO and _Bon Voyage, Charlie Brown_ was on, I decided it was an appropriate place to stop while she was enjoying a cigarette.

My cheeks grew hot and I could only imagine they were glowing red. "It's a Charlie Brown show. It might be new, I dunno. Never saw it before."

"Oh my God, you're such a manchild!" she declared, going into an all-out cackle.

 _This must be payback for all of the hippie talk earlier._ I smirked at the thought and responded, "Okay, okay, we'll change it," before trying to stand.

Kim latched onto my arm and pulled me back down onto the couch. "No, it's okay. I kinda want to watch it now." There was an innocent bounciness in her voice that I had been hearing a lot more in the hours we had spent together.

"You're in an awfully good mood today," I said after I was forcefully plopped back onto my seat next to her.

"And why shouldn't I be? It's been a really nice day, except for that little drama about Nick."

She had a point; it had been a really nice day. I wasn't sure if Kim's actions were just a result of winding down from her time on the road or if she simply felt a little more free-spirited with her affection around me given our new friendship status. Either way, I decided to soak it and enjoy the experience as much as possible while I could. I smiled as I repositioned myself in my seat and felt her lean into me after she curled up onto the couch. Part of me badly wanted to wrap my arm around her and pull the blonde beauty to my center, but I didn't want to feel pushy with my desire.

As the animated show continued and I recalled bits and pieces from the other specials I had watched as a child, the football prank scenes kept playing in my head and made me realize something I had neglected to share with Kim.

"Hey, so, guess what."

"Hmm?" The audible acknowledgment vibrated against my arm where her head lay.

"That's not a guess, cheater." I smiled at her laughter and continued on, "It looks like football might be pretty interesting this year for me. I'm in the-"

She looked up at me, confused for a moment. "Football?" And then, as if a burst of clarity had shown through a moment later, she looked cognizant. "Oh my God, I totally forgot you rejoined your little team."

My jaw dropped and I gave her a bit of a dirty look, which only resulted in her laughing again.

"C'mon, Donovan. That happened when we weren't doing too well at all. Cut a girl some slack." She looked up at me with a mischievous smirk. "Wanna know a secret?"

I shifted my eyebrows up and tried to look debonair, nodding in return. "Do tell."

"Deep down, I've always kinda thought jocks were a little hot."

A suggestive smirk crossed my face at the reveal. "Oh yeah?"

"Oh yeah." Her grin matched my own, but it took a rather goofy twist a moment later. "At least until they open their mouth and you hear how stupid and high and mighty they are."

"Shit," I chuckled out before joining her in a full-on laugh. After we calmed ourselves and Kim turned her attention back to the screen, I added, "Well, this stupid, high and mighty jock just might have a chance at being McKinley's new quarterback... or the backup."

My divulgence quickly gained her attention again, her eyes growing wide with shock.

"Holy shit! Seriously? That's good, right?"

I nodded in confirmation, beaming. "Yes, that's very good." It was the first time I had actually felt at ease, perhaps even accepting, about what Fredricks had pushed on me. It was something to be proud of... even if parts of the idea scared the shit out of me.

"You know that kinda just bumped your sexy-level up from a nine to a solid ten, right?" She reached up and gently pulled me in for a kiss. "But..." she said when she pulled away. "You'd better not think that means you're gonna get me to wear some skimpy cheerleader outfit to live out some sorta fantasy or anything! God, I'd rather spend the rest of my life listening to my mother gossip over that."

We were on a roll, continually making each other crack up or splitting our sides together. It was like an intoxication for me though- to hear her laugh, to make her laugh, to laugh with her... and I didn't care if it never stopped.

"Hey, ya know, you never did tell me what made you want to get back into football anyway," she said, the Charlie Brown movie now all but lost to us in the background of our conversation.

I let out a little sigh before answering. My intentions were partly mature and partly immature at the time I decided to head back. "College, mainly. I'm never gonna make the kind of grades that will attract scholarships based on them and, with all the medical stuff my mom has to go through all the time, my parents had to pretty much obliterate any college funding they were saving for me. I was hoping to catch a full ride for my athletic abilities... maybe."

After a moment, she nodded. "That makes sense, I guess."

I wasn't sure how Kim viewed college and her future in it. I knew she wasn't very fond of high school (though who among us was?) and she had some plan to become a lawyer who prosecuted cops or something, but college was one thing she never really talked about. Her reaction to my first reason was rather flat and ambiguous.

"Aaannnddd... when we, as you put it, 'weren't doing too well at all', I felt out of sorts with everyone, not just you. I guess I kind of panicked and wanted to fall back into the good graces of some group."

There was absolutely no response from her that time. I figured that maybe I should spin some fun into the conversation. Back and forth teasing was kind of our thing. Of course, it was really a thing between all of us, but Kim and I always seemed to take a special interest in practicing the hobby on each other. I smiled as a little thought crossed my mind.

"So, about that 'no cheerleader' thing, there's absolutely no way I could get you to at least don the outfit for me every now and then?"

"You wish!" she grinned. "Now shut up and watch Charlie Brown with me, perv."

As both of our eyes fell back to the screen, I felt her nestle back into her spot, only taking a moment's reprieve before blaring out, 'And why the hell does Marcie always call Peppermint Patty 'Sir'?'

I snickered and planted a kiss on the top of her head, continuing to watch.

There was something very entertaining about the Charlie Brown cartoons in that, while they were aimed for kids, they had a sense of humor about them that extended to all age groups. The monotone dialogue delivery of some of the characters, the absurdity of the things Snoopy and Woodstock would do... just the peanuts gang in general had us laughing.

* * *

"It's getting a little late," she mentioned as the colorful end credits began to roll by.

I sighed. "Yeah, time to head home and face wrath for not coming back sooner... or even calling."

Truth be told, I was still biding for time and struggling to come up with an excuse not to go home. The day had been almost like a dream, and all I had to look forward to when going home was the return to a living nightmare.

"That's not what I was hinting at," Kim replied, turning to face me. "You don't- you don't have to go home, ya know? You could stay the night here. Erica won't be back until sometime tomorrow afternoon, anyway."

"My dad would probably kill me."

"Well then..." She leaned in and kissed me again. "Better make this a night to remember. We could just take a shower and then, oh, I dunno... head to bed." Her tone suggested that 'heading to bed' would just be the start of our activities.

Again Kim was a few steps ahead of me and I couldn't have been more thankful for it.

I smiled and released a little laugh as she came in for another kiss. "You're really, um, horny today, aren't you?"

That look was coming over her once again as she replied, "You don't have a problem with that, do you? Like I said earlier- I had a lot of time to think about us… and there were certain things I thought about us doing over and over again."

Needless to say, we really didn't get a whole lot of sleeping done and, by the time we did, the result was us waking up slightly after noon on Sunday. I was somewhat rushed out of the apartment when Kim realized just what time it was and that she didn't have an exact idea of when her cousin would be home. She wanted to clean up a little bit, and definitely didn't want us to get caught.

* * *

"Finally decided to come home, huh?" my father greeted as I walked into the front door. He was sitting in his favorite chair near the corner of the living room, reading the newspaper. His voice didn't sound angry, as I had expected it to. Instead he sounded calm and somewhat pleasant. Maybe that was a sign that mom was getting better.

I scratched the back of my head, feeling slightly embarrassed. "Uh, yeah. Sorry I didn't call or anything."

"It would have been nice, son. I've already got enough to worry about with your mother here. Not having to be concerned that something bad had happened to you would have made things a little easier."

"Yeah, no, I got it, dad. Sorry. How is mom, anyway? Is she doing any better?"

He momentarily lowered the paper, looked at me and shook his head before scanning over the news once again.

I sighed and made my way to my room, trying to mentally prepare myself for dealing with erratic behavior.

"Hey, did you at least have a good time with your friends?" my father called out as I turned into the hallway.

I poked my head around the corner with a goofy grin on my face. "Yeah, I had a good time."

That, at least, put a smile on his face before he buried it in the paper again. I decided to head back into the living room and tell him about my chance for a promotion in football, as Kim was the only one who I had actually told outside of the team and I was starting to feel more comfortable with the thought and (to a lesser extent) the possibility of the role. Oddly enough it was the first time my father and I had sat down and just talked about things in a long time... and it felt really good. It was like we finally connected again after the debacle that had ensured when I left sports.

There was actually very little interaction from my mother throughout the day. She was in an extreme amount of pain and spent most of her time trying to sleep.

As evening descended and the sun went down I decided to give Kim a call to see if she wanted to do anything tomorrow or maybe meet-up with some of the group after I was done with practice. I had only made it to the third number when I heard raised voices coming from my parents' bedroom. My father had just gone back there to check on my mother and see how she was feeling or if she was asleep. I hung up the phone and stood up to see what was going on, but my father was already making his way into the living room.

"Donovan, call 9-1-1 now!"

My heart started beating faster and harder almost immediately.

"Wha- why? What happened?"

"You mother took a whole bottle of aspirin. Now call 9-1-1!" He looked at me with a sense of urgency before turning around and going back down the hall.

My hands were shaking as I tried to hold the receiver in one and correctly push the three numbers with the other. I misdialed twice somehow before getting the simple combo right.

_What can a whole bottle of aspirin do? Did she take them all on purpose? How could she have accidentally done it?_

"9-1-1. What is the location of your emergency?" a female voice asked after the lines connected.

"Um, there- I- what? My address?" My thoughts were jumbled and I could think to say was that my mother needed help. My heartbeat had increased to a rate at which I was sure it was just about to burst out of my chest.

"Where are you located?"

I tried to answer again, but my words came out just as muddled and all I could mention was my mother. I felt like I had reverted to some scared, child-like state and I couldn't get a good foothold in the here and now.

"Sir, I know this is difficult, but I need you to calm down and talk to me so I can send help. Now, please, where is the location of your emergency?"

After the operator repeated her question for a third time, I took in a few deep breaths and tried to compose myself enough to properly communicate with her. It felt like forever before she actually asked me what was happening.

After I had placed the call and was told that help was being dispatched, I quickly ran to my parents' bedroom. My mother and father were arguing back and forth, but aside from that she seemed perfectly fine; irritable, but fine. She was lying in the bed and continuing to argue, even directing a sentence of wrath my way when I entered the room. Apparently she was having trouble sleeping and had recurring pain spikes. Every time she would take some aspirin and fall asleep, a bout of pain would wake her up shortly after (she swore it was hours later, but we knew that was impossible. The time-line just didn't make sense). She would repeat the process again, taking more pills, sleeping for a little while, waking up in pain and starting over.

Before long, an ambulance arrived, sirens blaring and lights flashing. I asked one of the EMTs what the consequences of taking so much medication could be and I was not very fond of his answer. There was a surplus of issues overdosing on aspirin could bring about, including gastrointestinal bleeding, the patient falling into a coma, having a cardiac arrest or suffering from liver failure.

Following a fair bit of convincing on the part of the medical technicians, my mother was finally coaxed into allowed them to take her to the hospital for possible poisoning treatment.

The management system for such an event consisted pretty much forcing her to ingest a large container of liquid charcoal. The substance would bind with the aspirin in her system and absorb most of it before her body could.

* * *

Even though it was an accidental overdose, the attending ER physician saw fit to admit my mother to the facility for observation considering her aggressive actions and personality in regards to, well, everyone. My father's insistence that this was not how she normally acted only aided in the decision. What really seemed to seal the deal for the doctor was the knowledge that my mother was having an active lupus flair and we really had no idea how to deal with it. Apparently there was a hospitalist whose expertise overlapped into the field of the disease due to dealing with a family member with the condition.

We both stayed in her room with her throughout the night, sleeping in hard, stiff and generally uncomfy chairs. In the morning, my father insisted that I go about my day normally and head off to football practice, but I simply was not in the mood. I called coach Fredricks to explain (in as little detail as possible) why I would not be able to show up, which only caused my dad to sigh out in frustration with the news. He was worried about me, I knew he was, and he wanted me to concern myself with other things that I had control over instead of things that I didn't... like my mother's health. His version of helping was by offering distractions from a problem... which only worked sometimes.

He had the right idea. I did need something to somewhat distract me, but I didn't want to leave in case something happened. I wanted to be there, I wanted to hear what the doctor had to say, but mostly I wanted to see my mother get better and be with her. The exhaustion from the night before and the combination of medication they had her on made my mother constantly sleepy, which wasn't entirely a bad thing since she needed the rest and she couldn't be volatile when not conscious. Besides, it was a waiting game for the doctor to have free time to come by and talk to us since she was not technically his patient.

As the afternoon approached, I once again made my way to the payphone in the main lobby and lodged a quarter in the coin slot. I had to pull the little slip of paper out of my wallet to dial in the number and the bubbly, neat handwriting of the digits made me smile. It was amazing I was able to pull off a smile in such a place. Hospitals had always creeped me out and that visit was no exception. Between the wails of pain from patients recovering in the post-surgery ward and raspy calls for help that flowed up and down the halls the other night to the blank stares of dementia-ridden patients as I passed by their rooms, there was little to smile about at all.

The phone rang twice before someone picked it up.

"Oh, yeah right!" I heard Kim say in a cheerful manner before bringing the phone closer to her mouth and actually answering. "Hello?"

"Hey," I replied, trying to keep the smile on my face and not sound as sullen as I felt.

"Hey, sexy."

Another female voice echoed in from further away. 'Is that him?'

"Yes, Erica, it's him, but-"

'Well tell him I want to meet him!'

"Shut up so I can talk to him," Kim laughed.

There was a moment of silence where I could only imagine Kim and Erica were exchanging some sort of non-verbal communication.

"Hey, so... we totally got caught," Kim began, giggling her way through the confession. "One of Erica's neighbors complained about how loud we were Saturday night. It was probably the same jerk that started banging on the wall. Anyway, they thought it was Erica and her boyfriend, but yeah, she knows."

"Oh no," I replied, being somewhat relieved to laugh a few words out given the current circumstances, yet embarrassed at the same time because of the fact that a private night was unexpectedly exposed.

"Yeah, 'oh no' is right. She was royally pissed at first but when I told her it wasn't Daniel she cooled her jets a little. For some reason her and Daniel never got along. Whatever. She kinda wants to meet you now."

'Kinda?!' I heard Erica's voice float into the line from farther back. 'I totally want to meet him if all that stuff you said is true. You gotta make a move on him, Kim; he's, like, per-'

The distinct muffled, scratching sound of someone covering the end of the phone overrode whatever else Erica was going to say. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what her last word was going to be though, and the opinion extended the life of the smile I was wearing.

"Hey," Kim greeted once again after a good ten seconds of muted back and forth between her and her cousin. I could almost hear her mouth curve into a smile during her next words. "So, you wanna come over? You could see her and then we could go out and do something."

"I would like to..."

_Jesus would I like to._

"...but there's-"

_Should I do this? Should I ruin her good mood with this downer shit involving my family? If I don't tell her now though, she'll be pissed. Like, righteously pissed. Besides, that's part of what our friendship has always been about, right? Taking the bad with the good. Through thick and thin... and ugly, I guess._

"It's my mom. She's in the hospital."

"Oh, oh no. What happened? No wait, I'll come by. What room is she in?"

"No Kim, you don't have to-"

"Donovan, stop. I'm not even gonna let you be all stubborn about this. What room is she in? I want to be there with you."

Pushover. I had always been a pushover for her and probably always would be. No matter what though, I was always happy to give her what she wanted... and spending time with someone who made you happy when you really needed it was never a bad thing.


	32. and thin… (Part 2)

About a half-hour after we talked, Kim appeared in front of the doorway to my mother's hospital room, knocking softly on the metal frame.

"Hi," she said, somewhat sheepishly. A pained look overcame her face as I watched her eyes quickly flicker from my mother to the floor.

I stood up and went to meet her, catching my father quickly throw a glance upward, murmuring a 'hello' before turning back to the piece of paper he had been scribbling questions on just beforehand. There was a lot going on and a lot we wanted to know. He wanted to be prepared with all the problems he could think of when the hospitalist did drop by. Even though there was little chance that the aspirin overdose could have caused liver damage or even acute failure in my mother (mainly because of how quickly it was dealt with), it still brought about a whole slew of other concerns we needed to tackle.

"Hi," I quietly returned her greeting, embracing her in a hug.

"You okay?" She squeezed me tightly.

"Been better," I sighed, actually feeling more at ease with her there and holding me.

"Stupid question, huh?"

I felt her shift against me and turn her head towards the wall. I could only assume she was trying to avert her gaze from my mother once again, and I couldn't really blame her. I didn't doubt that I would be the epitome of uncomfortable if I were in her shoes.

"Do you wanna go out to the waiting area? I don't think there is anyone else out there and I could use a break from being in here."

She nodded against me, loosening her hold just slightly.

* * *

Kim heaved a heavy sigh as we sat down. "I'm sorry. I probably seem like a huge bitch not wanting to be in there with your mom, but-"

"No, you don't seem like a bitch at all," I interrupted, knowing her reasons before she even needed to state them. "It's hard to see. Period. Believe me, I thought I had seen her at her worst times before this, but now..."

Kim wrapped her hand around mine. "Hey, it's gonna be okay, alright Donovan? I mean, she's in the hospital, so they're gonna help her."

I nodded, still feeling hopeless... and suddenly very tired.

"God, you look exhausted. Have you slept? Or even eaten?"

"Slept a little in those hard-ass chairs. I guess I forgot to eat, though."

She let out a huff of discontent and stood up, still holding my hand in hers and yanking me up alongside her. "There's a cafeteria down on the first floor. Come on, we're getting you something to eat."

I began to shake my head in protest, but Kim just pulled me behind her without giving me a proper chance to decline.

The whole thing kind of reminded me of the night Daniel turned into a punker for Jenna and left Kim all by her lonesome. It wasn't our first hookup that I was thinking about, but just being there for her when she needed someone... just as she was for me in my time of need. I loved my father dearly, but there was simply something about the situation that he couldn't make me feel at ease about, but Kim's presence did.

We made our way to the lunchroom and I was not very surprised that the food offered was only marginally better than the junk we were used to being served at school on a daily basis. The only saving grace in the selection of unappetizing slop was a Monte Cristo sandwich and French fries combo. Odd, but workable and thankfully we could have the food charged to the overall bill for my mother's stay since we somehow forgot we had spent the last little bit of our collective money on pizza not too long ago.

We ended up splitting the sandwich and fries. Once I started to eat, I realized I actually was hungry, but I could see that Kim was as well and I felt awkward eating alone. There was not a lot of conversation to be had, but we both seemed alright with that. As we readied ourselves to head back up to the room, I stopped her for a moment.

"There's something-" I bit my tongue momentarily, but forced myself to continue on. If I begrudged Nick for not coming clean over the weekend, it was time to suck it up myself. "There's something I gotta tell you."

"What? What's wrong?" Kim asked, concern entering her voice as she sat down next to me again.

With a hefty sigh, I began to come clean with the whole prospect behind Nick's potential Get Out of Jail Free card. As I admitted the full scope of the conditions, I watched her face unravel in disbelief. I had either hurt her or angered her... or both.

"What the hell, Donovan?! Are you crazy?" she yelled, not at all caring whose attention she may have just garnered.

It was definitely both.

"No, I'm just trying to-"

"What? Be some hero and save Andopolis from his own dumbass self?"

"Well, yeah. Sort of," I answered, for some reason feeling all at once stupid and not knowing why.

Kim scoffed and rolled her eyes, crossing her arms and slouching back in her chair a moment later. It wasn't a good combo.

"And did you even think about the other people in your life that would be affected by this if Nick screws it up for both of you? You mom, you dad, your other friends... me..."

"Hey..." I pulled her plastic chair right next to mine. "I didn't- I mean, things weren't... what am I supposed to do here? Say 'too bad, so sad, Nick. Have fun protecting our country'?"

"Maybe!" Kim said defiantly. "Maybe his dad's right, y'know? Maybe he needs some tough love to finally get on the right track."

"Maybe," I agreed, "but you and I both know that Nick isn't cut out for the army, Kim. If he goes there, we'll lose him in more ways than one. That's why I really need Lindsay to help me convince the Colonel to give his son one last chance... and then we gotta pull it off. "

"You know this is total bullshit for you to wait until now to tell me, when your mom is in the hospital and I'll feel like a complete bitch for getting too mad at you. Remind me not to let you have any more ideas ever. God, this is so stupid..." She kicked at the chair next to her, sending it sliding to the next table where it crashed into another seat.

I winced, both at the crash sound and her anger. "You still in?"

"Well, I don't really have a choice now do I? There's no way I'm losing two friends to the army, and I'm definitely not just gonna let you go off and turn into some jarhead."

"I think that's a Marine term."

"Whatever. You know what I mean, Donovan. This is insane. Do you know how hard it is for me _not_ to just explode on you right now?"

I put my arm around her and pulled her into an embrace. She kept her arms crossed but didn't resist. "I do actually, and I am honestly surprised." I was fully expecting her to make a bigger spectacle of the news and just walk out on me in anger. What I was getting instead of that was unpredictably tame in comparison. "And you won't lose any friends to the army. We'll make this work. All of us." I rested my chin on top of her head.

"Ow! You have a bony jaw, bonehead," she proclaimed and lightly punched my chest.

There was a moment of silence before she spoke up again. "Hey, I want you to promise me something, okay?"

"Sure," I replied, taking note of just how calm her tone had become.

"I don't want us to keep things from each other. Daniel and I did that enough times for me to realize I don't like it. All I want is honesty. Can you promise me that- honesty?"

I pulled back and looked at her, waiting for her eyes to meet mine. I felt very mutual on the matter, as I didn't want anything we had to be tainted by lies, omissions and mistrust. "I promise you honesty, Kim. I really do. I will always be open and inclusive with you from now on."

"Good," she sighed out, seeming truly relieved. "And if you do that again, I'm gonna kick your ass."

I smiled and held back a laugh. It made me glad to see that she was both growing and somehow sticking to her roots at the same time.

* * *

Upon returning upstairs, I watched a doctor (or someone who I assumed was a doctor) speedily walk out of my mother's room and disappear into yet another one.

"Did we... miss the doctor you were waiting for?" Kim put my thoughts into words.

"Well it definitely wasn't the hospitalist who saw her earlier today."

My father confirmed that that was indeed the person we had been waiting to see. Just my luck. Thankfully, the visit seemed to have calmed his nerves and brought his manners back into place.

"Hey, son. Dr. Ventian just dropped by while you two were out and we talked for a bit."

"Dr. Ventian? Is that the guy who just left?"

"Yes. I know you had some questions for him, too, but I really think we got everything covered. Bottom line is that, if Dr. Hudson is okay with it, we're going to switch a few medications around and maybe get a better grip on this whole lupus thing in the process."

"But can't that just make her flare last even longer?"

My father gave me an odd look, like I cut him off at the pass or something. "Maybe, but if it helps to get it under control in the long run then we have to try. We're also looking at gradually decreasing the dose of prednisone she's on."

"Right, because of the negative side effects?"

Again I received an odd look.

"Were you listening to us talk outside the door or something? How did you know that?"

A small smile lined my lips. I looked to Kim, who was standing next to me, and reached for her hand. "Kim, uh, took it upon herself to do a little research on what's happening to mom and wrote down a lot of good information for me."

A look of surprise quickly flashed across my father's face. "Oh, really? Well, that was very... kind of you, Kim. Thank you. Maybe I can take a look at those later this week. And I'm sorry about my shortness earlier when you got here. Things have been a little stressful, as I'm sure you can imagine."

"Oh, no, it- it's alright," Kim graciously accepted his apology.

He went on to explain that mom would likely not be in the hospital for more than a few days and we would have to once again monitor her at home while we tried to adjust her medication to a point at which the lupus went into a longer remission and the flares were (hopefully) more controlled. We had to make sure to keep the other factors in mind as well, like doing our best to make her environment as stress-free as possible and reminding her not to stay outside in the sun for too long. The liver concern was almost all but forgotten about when it was dismissed by Dr. Ventian as well. Following our lengthy discussion, my dad once again urged me to go home, get some sleep and start treating the week like I normally would by going to football practice in the morning. I tried to argue it, but when Kim joined in and sided with him, even offering to drive me home since we left my car at the house, I knew it was going to be a losing battle.

* * *

"I don't even know if I can go to sleep," I admitted as I sat down on my bed.

Kim began to laugh. "You haven't even tried! You know what? Lay down..." She kicked off her shoes. "And don't start gettin' any ideas."

I did as she asked and scooted further to the side as I realized she was getting on the bed with me.

"I actually didn't have any ideas until you told me not to have ideas. And how is this _not_ supposed to give me any ideas?" I asked, turning onto my side to face her.

"Because you're tired, obviously. Just listen to how many times you said 'ideas'! I want you to get some rest, doofus! Now..." She reached over and lightly placed her hand on the side of my face, gently rubbing the middle of my forehead with her thumb. "...when I was a little girl and had trouble taking a nap, my mom would do this little massage on me and I would always fall asleep."

I was doubtful about the effect such a simple massage could have, but I felt myself start to drift off just a few minutes later. For whatever reason, my stubborn side kicked in and I automatically started to fight it.

"Hey, Kim?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for today. Thank you for being someone I can reply on to be there for me even when I'm too bullheaded to ask for it."

I watched her face redden a little and she looked lost for words in how to reply. Another thought popped into my head, but in the simple few seconds it took for me to go from one subject to another, I found it difficult to get my words out without sleepy pauses.

"You've... been different... ever since you came back. Not bad, just more... relaxed? Yeah, relaxed or... something."

Kim laughed lightly as I fought to keep my eyes open.

"Just go to sleep. I could see you were almost there, and then you started talking. And I'm not different." She made a bit of a face before continuing. "I'm just... different around you."

"Why?"

She was continuing with the soft brushing and it was doing me in in record time. Even this lame attempt at a conversation to keep myself awake was failing.

"Because." Her reply sounded distant to me, but it must have only been because I was on the verge of sleep. She was too close to me for it to be anything other than that. Next thing I knew my lids had shut and they were simply too heavy to open again.

"Because?" My voice barely floated out and I wasn't even sure if I had said anything at all.

"Because I- I-"

* * *

I woke up to a room filled with darkness. I reached over to the other side of my bed, but it was empty.

_When did she leave? What time is it? How long have I been out? I'm absolutely starving now..._

I kicked my feet over the side of the bed and sat up, hunching over as my body tried to wake up and continue to move the way my brain wanted it to. I cleared my throat and stood up a minute later, making my way to the hallway. I was greeted by the sound of my father's snoring when I opened my door and smirked at the noise.

As I stumbled into the kitchen and flicked on the light I began to wonder if I snored and, if I did, was it as loud as a Mack truck like my father's was?

A snort of laughter spilled forth at the idea and soon grew into a full-blown laugh I was having trouble controlling. I was, without a doubt, still exhausted.

After making myself a sandwich and gulping down a glass of water I made my way back to bed. There was a note in front of my alarm clock; its message neatly formatted by Kim's handwriting.

_Meet me at your house after practice._

After I lazily crawled back into bed, a thousand scenarios for what she could want to meet for played through my head before I drifted to sleep again.

* * *

In the morning, as I was packing my duffel bag for practice, my father stopped by my room before he ventured off to work. I was a little surprised, but just as I was continuing on with my week, he needed to, too. I inquired if there was any change in mom's condition and that brought a slight smirk out of him, followed by an, 'Oh yeah.'

She woke up a few hours after I had left and she was none too pleased to still be in the hospital. It didn't take long for her angry energy to focus in on my father and she started to yell at him, blame him for her current situation and finally kick him out of her room. When my father asked if I would be dropping by the hospital, I became a little lost in thought, feeling a little bad for the nurses, aides and doctors who would have to deal with her and put up with her rabid demeanor and it made me wonder if it was even worth trying to visit her at all if all that was going to be in store for me was more of the same. I absent-mindedly admitted to having plans with Kim post-practice and my father looked at me in silence for a moment, appearing to take a special interest in my last statement. When he had that look in his eyes I could almost see the wheels turning in his head, trying to put some puzzle pieces together.

"Is there something going on between you guys? I noticed how close the two of you were yesterday and on Sunday you were that silly kind of happy you only get when there is a girl in your life."

Just like clockwork, my face lit up and a smile expanded from cheek to cheek at the mere mention of Kim and me. I shook my head, trying (no doubt in vain) to thwart his conclusion. "No, dad. Kim- we're- we're just friends."

There was a look of doubt on his face at the news. "Really now? Don't lie to me, son."

"I'm not!" I declared, smile still firm on my face. "We're just friends."

_With benefits._

"Well, maybe that's good if you two are such good friends. After all, a relationship is the quickest way to lose a friend if things go sour."

_Yeah, trust me, I know..._

"Besides, she already has a boyfriend, right?"

"They-" I stopped myself as a way to mess with my dad crossed my mind. "Mom said she had a boyfriend when you met her... and that changed."

His look of doubt was quickly replaced by what I could only define as pleasant abasement and he erupted in laughter. "Okay, point taken, point taken. Just, uh, maybe keep an open mind one way or the other, huh? She really seems to like you."

_I really like her, too. She just... isn't ready._

He smiled and shook his head. "Alright, I better head out before I'm late. Have fun at practice and..." He put his hand on my shoulder, gaining my full attention. "I'm proud of you. You know that, right Donny?"

"Yeah," I replied with a nod. I always seemed to seek out approval from him, but on the exceedingly rare occasion that I actually got it, I had absolutely no idea how to react. Awkwardness was all that ever followed.

With a smile on his face he turned around and almost instantly vanished down the hall, calling out just a second later. "Oh! You got a couple of calls last night. Um, Greg, Brett... some other kid."

Ah, the football team. Sometimes they were just as gossip-driven as any other clique. Brett's intentions may have actually been out of concern, but I sincerely doubted Greg's were. I never spoke to the guy outside of practice, games or the occasional party he threw and we had no mutual friends outside of the team either.

"Thanks, dad. Have a good day at work."

* * *

It may have been that I was focused in on the drills or maybe the heat wave that decided to reach its peak while we were outside or, hell, maybe something else entirely, but practice passed by in the blink of an eye. Time went so quickly that I didn't even have a chance to listen for whispered rumors about my absence the day before, if there even in fact were any. Before I left, I knew there was an idea I wanted to present to Coach- locker room leaders.

I had read about the idea in some sports magazine last year and, with the intensity of the rivalry for the quarterback positions heating up since Stitch was cut from the race the day before (while the four argued that it should be me who was cut considering my absence), I really wanted to bring the concept to Fredricks' attention not only because I thought it was good, but to show I had the kind of leadership skills he was looking for off the field as well.

The objective of locker room leaders was to fill a need for figures who could further shape and maintain the team's attitude, productivity and determination. Figures who could help the quarterback bring the team up when they were not doing too well or bring out that silver lining when they lost a game. Figures who could make sure the team didn't get too big of a head when things were going well and lose it all to overconfidence. While this kind of team advocate was usually just reserved for the quarterback (and backup), everyone knew that there were those teammates who disliked the person who held the title for a variety of reasons. Jealousy, envy, contempt, etc. If there were other options of higher-status people to vent to or connect with then it would further strengthen the team overall. Leaders were also supposed to cull any form of distraction that may begin to swell in the locker room as well. Ideally, things like teammate rivalries and unnecessary rumors and gossip.

After being presented with the idea, Fredricks fully embraced it and put it into use right away. He called all five of his potential picks into his office again and explained that the three who do not make the cut were going to be appointed as locker room leaders and, along with getting his spot back as a right tackle, Stitch would be the first one appointed with the title. It was hard to act confused about what a locker room leader was, but Fredricks and I had decided it would be for the best if it looked like it was his idea alone and I was just as surprised by the news as everyone else. The fear was that my other three competitors would think I was getting preferential treatment simply because I pitched an idea that was used. Even if it was fair game, it would have likely caused a rift between my teammates and I, and if I made the cut or not, that wasn't something I wanted to happen. I was genuinely pleased to see everyone welcome the idea and congratulate Stitch on his new role.

* * *

Upon my arrival home, I found Kim's Gremlin parked in our driveway with her sitting cross-legged on its hood.

"It's about time! I'm burning up out here in this sun," she complained, but a smile was slowly building up on her face.

"Practice almost always runs long, hothead," I teased back in return, making my way to her.

"Oh listen to the punny guy over here," she deadpanned before arching her head up.

I grazed my hand across her cheek and leaned down slightly, meeting her lips with mine.

It felt so good to kiss her, to be with her. All of my worries and frustrations just shrank to nothing when she was around.

She rested her forehead against mine a few moments later and I obliged her by staying in my hunched position.

"Having a better day?"

"A little. Football's not as stressful as my mom, but it is stressful."

"And how about your mom?"

"She's… improving. I think. She woke up a while after we left according to my dad… and then she promptly kicked him out of her room."

"Oh," Kim replied, quickly raising her hand over her mouth to contain the bit of laughter that laced the word. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't laugh, but it's just so hard for me to imagine your mom acting like that, even though I know it happens."

It didn't take long before my back started to complain from its wayward positioning. 'Stand the fuck up,' the aches seemed to say. Practice had worn it out enough and it was having no more of the stooping shit.

I took her hand and kissed it before accommodating my spine and straightening my posture. The movement was complemented by several 'pop' sounds as my spine realigned to its original position.

"What the hell was that?" Kim grimaced. "You're going to be in a wheelchair before your twenty from the sounds of it!"

"Naw," I disregarded while twisting the upper part of my body from side to side, resulting in several more pops from various places. "I'll be good to go until I'm at least twenty-five!"

"Whatever, you shit," she laughed.

"So tell me, beautiful, is there a special reason you wanted to meet me here or did you just know you would miss me insanely by this point in the day?" I was actively fighting the temptation to just kiss her again and again.

"I was hoping we could get this whole Nick thing out of the way."

Confusion suddenly riddled my mind and no doubt coated my face. "Whaddayamean?"

"I had a little epiphany yesterday after you fell asleep and- wait, is that the right word? Epiphany? It's gotta be. Anyway, I called Nick to see when his dad would be home and he said he would be there all day."

"Okay, but Lindsay-"

"I'm hoping her mom still plays bridge on Tuesdays and you better hope the same so we can sneak her over to the Andopolis house. C'mon, let's go. You drive."

"You are a genius," I complimented as she slide off her car, "but I have to shower first. No ifs, ands or buts about it." I had skipped out on the idea of a shower entirely after practice, wanting to make it home as soon as possible to see what Kim wanted to meet about... and perhaps there was a teeny, tiny thought of yet another shared shower between us if I did hold off on one. "You're more than welcome to join me, ya know?"

Her smile turned into a suggestive grin. "And who's the horny one between us?"

"Both, apparently."

"Well, too bad for you I already took one before I came over here, but I wouldn't mind coming in the house to cool off a little. So hurry up and get clean!" She underlined her point by smacking my butt as I walked to the front door.


	33. …and ugly (Part 3)

The Weir residence wasn't exactly close to mine; it was actually about a twenty-minute drive, but that gave us plenty of time to try to come up with plausible reasons and excuses to get Linds out of the house if Mrs. Weir was home. After the first few attempts we kind of just gave up and instead started to throw out ridiculous ideas just to make each other laugh. We were on another subject entirely by the time we pulled into the Weir's driveway.

"So, really? Amy made him go?" I asked, pulling up on my door handle to make sure I locked the car.

"Well, yeah!" Kim proclaimed, brushing her long hair behind her ears. As per usual, a rogue lock or two would always escape and fall back on either side. "I mean think about it, he totally hates Sara, right? So why would he ever be around her unless Amy asked him to?"

"Hmm," I nodded, realizing she had a very solid point. Ken was probably more whipped than he would ever like to admit to, but I had to ask myself if that was really such a bad thing. If it ever really came to light he would likely be given endless shit about it from Nick, Daniel and probably even me, but... I realized I could easily be in the same boat if anything actually came to fruition between Kim and I. Blondie came back into town and I had immediately trotted right after her. She would ask me to do this or that and I would comply. Things had been that way since we forged a friendship.

So was accommodating your partner or friend really something to be so ashamed of and ridiculed over? And this was a two way street anyway, at least for us it seemed. Kim cared enough to try to help me better understand my mother's disease, and had even been there for me when she was hospitalized. So long as it didn't go overboard into complete and utter control by either party it was fine, perhaps even a sign of true companionship... or maybe I was just trying to rationalize because I was head over heels for the girl.

"I'm a little excited," Kim expressed, wrapping her arm behind my back after she pushed the doorbell a few times in rapid succession.

"At the possibility of being scolded by Lindsay's mom?"

"No!" she giggled. "I went from spending every day with Lindsay to not seeing her at all. I wanna see how she's doing and make sure she's not regretful or resentful about seeing the Dead. Besides, Mrs. Weir is actually still really nice to me. I've tried calling to talk to Lindsay a few times since getting back and if her mom answers she politely tells me Linds is okay, but she can't talk on the phone. All her dad does is hang up. I'm gonna tell him to 'shove it' next time, I swear to God."

A roar of laughter came dangerously close to bubbling over from me. She could be such a little firecracker at times. Suddenly the door opened and I was all ready to say a nice, friendly 'Hello!' but I was shocked by who answered and the greeting came out all wrong.

"Hellllll…" I elongated with an uncomfortable pause, dazed at the sight of Daniel. I finished off with 'oh' as if it was a completely separate word. There was only a small degree of comfort in the fact that he looked just as stunned as I felt. The smile he was wearing when he first opened the door quickly dropped.

"D-Daniel?!" Kim stuttered. "What are you doing here?"

"Nice to see you too, Kim. Oh, and thanks for letting me know you made it home safe and you're okay," he finished with a scoff. Somehow, his whole reply felt cold and venomous "Ya here to get Linds in even more trouble or somethin'?" The guy was very observant and it didn't take him more than a blink of an eye to notice our touchy-feely state. "I guess I don't even have to ask what this jerk-wad is doing here with you. Congrats." At first, it looked like he was just going to slam the door in our faces, but he quickly stopped himself and made an angry-looking expression. "Ya know what- I'm outta here; you two make me sick."

_So much for the hope of letting bygones be bygones…_

He hastily stomped his way past us, making sure to give me a hefty shoulder check on his way. The aggressive nudge knocked me back a step and I normally would have taken the action as a rumble initiative... but it wasn't exactly a normal situation. There was also a strong doubt that pummeling Daniel was a good way to go about repairing our fractured friendship.

"Daniel, hold on!" Kim beckoned, turning around to face our retreating friend. "We should talk about this!"

I looked over my shoulder to see what his reaction would be.

"Ain't nothin' to talk about! Now leave me the hell alone!" he yelled out, not even bothering to look back.

Kim quickly followed after him, apparently adamant about not letting this grow out of control for a second time.

"Oh, Jesus…" I whispered, trailing behind her a moment later. There it was again, that hotfix that was every freak's go-to solution- running away from their problems.

Our efforts were to no avail, as Daniel made it to his car, slammed the door shut and started the engine, appearing to have no actual intention of talking anything out.

_How the hell did we miss his car? We drove right passed it!_

Kim let out one more angry plea of 'Come on, Desario!' before the faded Trans Am revved once and peeled out into the street, vanishing in no time.

We stood there on the side of the road, halfway between Lindsay's house and her neighbor's. The silence was actually somewhat painful. It felt like we had the worst luck in the world.

"Gimme your keys, Donovan. I gotta go straighten this out," Kim finally huffed out, rather impatiently.

My eyes widened out of pure bewilderment. "What?! You don't even know where he went!"

"I was with him for over two years, okay? I know where he likes to go when he's pissed or hurt... and it's usually just home. You need to stay here and get Lindsay to help Nick, but I really need to settle this shit with Daniel. I didn't want it to happen like this, but it is a little late now."

I was anxious and I had no idea why. As she talked, the feeling just swelled within me.

"Donovan, trust me on this. Please. I know what I'm doing." Her voice still sounded frustrated.

I put the set of keys into her outstretched hand and she latched onto them... and me.

"I'm sorry," she said, shaking her head and looking down. "It's just... he has this way of making me feel like I did something bad and it just instantly pisses me off."

"You gotta calm down if you really want this to go over well, or else you two will just get into a yelling match like you always do." I gently pulled her close and kissed her forehead.

"It's just- he's just-" She finally sighed and just nodded. "You're right. If I want this done right, I have to be cool. You handle this, I'll handle him. Meet me back here?"

I nodded and watched her run to my car. She made an odd face to someone as she unlocked the door and yelled out 'What?!' before getting in.

As I rounded the corner a second later I was met by the faces of Lindsay's brother and four of his friends. They had to be the targets of Kim's 'what?!' shout. It was a little unsettling to have five pairs of eyes just lock onto you without saying a word, like you were auditioning for something you had no idea about.

There were the two I saw him with on a regular basis and then there was a bigger kid (who was maybe a hundred pounds lighter than Seidleman, but that was about it) and another kid who I had seen around school grounds a lot, almost always reading a book.

_Oh, man, what is his name? Harry? Harold? Harr… is? Yeah, Harris something._

"Where, uh... where did Daniel go? We kinda have a game going and it's his turn," the tall one, Vicki's new beau, asked.

The discomfort was so thick you could almost grab it out of the air. I didn't know what to say and apparently all they knew how to do was stare at me.

"Sam, what's going on?" I heard Lindsay ask as she stepped out onto the porch. Her face seemed to light up when she noticed me. "Donovan? What are you doing here?" she asked with a smile.

I made my way passed the group of gawkers and gave Linds a hug as I approached. "It's good to see you. You look good."

In all honesty she looked the same as she always had, which wasn't a bad thing and was actually somewhat of a relief considering how much trouble I could only imagine she was in from her and Kim's escapades. Lindsay was still Lindsay and she didn't try to revert to some distant version of herself from days past like she had done before.

"It's good to see you too, but really, what are you doing here? I'm not allowed to have any visitors or even talk on the phone, so you can't stay for long."

"We gotta talk. Can we go inside?"

She looked uncertain at first but finally shrugged her shoulders. "Yeah, I guess. Come in."

Lindsay led the way and I looked back at Sam and his friends.

"Daniel had to, um, go home. His mom needed him for something."

They all shared momentary glances between each other and followed us back into the house. It was obvious that my answer was not flying with them, but what else were they supposed to do? Wait for Daniel to come back and explain things to them? They were smart enough to know that was not likely to happen.

* * *

For the umpteenth time I explained Nick's situation to someone, only that time I was forthcoming with everything right away… even my stupid offer. Lindsay was taken aback by the development and, to my complete and utter surprise, she agreed to help right away. She had been expecting his dad to hold true to his little threat for some time, but the reality of it actually happening was still chuck-full of shock value. A large part of me was sure she would go back and forth as hesitation had her change her mind ten times a minute. I had quite obviously over-thought her reaction. Nick was more than just her friend, he was her ex and with that came a deeper connection than she shared with the rest of us. I felt relieved that I didn't have to run a bit of a guilt trip on her by telling her she was truly his only chance (which I would have actually meant), because if she wasn't on board, there was no way the Colonel would give a rat's ass how many other kids were behind his son. She had the brains not only to help Nick, but to make for a convincing argument that his father couldn't easily counter. All I was able to do was tell the Colonel how injured or dead his son could end up... but fearmongering would only work for so long against someone who was familiar with the gambit.

As I sat on the couch and waited for Lindsay to get ready to head out, I couldn't help but overhear the group of five geeks talking as they sat around the table in the dining room. I still was trying to understand what Daniel was doing with them, but there was not a single thing I could think of that he would have in common with the group.

"Well maybe he's hooking up with that crazy Kim girl again. First he left in a hurry and then she left in a hurry right after him. I think we all have a pretty good idea of what that means."

I rolled my eyes and bit my tongue.

"Shut up, Neal," Sam pleaded, sounding truly distraught by what his friend mentioned. "Did you even listen to what was happening out there? They were arguing about stuff."

"So?" Neal sounded completely dismissive of his friend's point. "Couples get it on all the time after an argument. It's called make-up sex!"

Even I couldn't help but to agree with Lindsay's brother. _Shut the fuck up, Neal!_

Sam scoffed, "God, Neal! How do you even know that?"

His reply was slightly overlapped by one or two of the other kids sawing, 'eww'.

"Well, I don't know about you guys, but I've been taking a lot of Daniel's advice pretty seriously," Neal gloated, a sense of superiority was undeniable in his voice. "And this year the women at McKinley are going to know that this Schweiber is on the market and available."

As deserved, his statement garnered nothing but laughter from his friends and, secretly, myself.

"Laugh now, but you guys just wait and see. Soon enough I'll be on par with Harris and Bill."

"Hmm, I don't think so," Harris' voice droned. It wasn't exactly that he sounded annoying as much as it was the way he delivered such well thought-out spiel in such a monotone fashion. Somehow he always sounded condescending, but he never looked it. "There are no other women like Judith at school and, well, Bill and Vicki may go down as the eighth wonder of the world for all we know."

"Heeey!" Bill sounded slightly miffed at the jab. "Sam- Sam dated a cheerleader, too, ya know? Maybe they just have a thing for us."

"Yeah, it's called a 'restraining order'," Neal zinged.

There was a soft chuckle from Harris. "Even if that were the case, I don't think Neal would have any luck. I mean, he's not even funny."

"Screw you, I'm hilarious!"

A very melancholy-sounding Sam interjected himself into the exchange again. "Do you really- do you really think Daniel and Kim went off to have... sex?"

 _Please guys, stop... you're killin' me over here._ I was putting myself through an exercise in torture, depression and anguish that felt like it was setting in deeper by the second. For some reason I just couldn't stop listening to their conversations, and they were beginning to make me paranoid as shit, too! It wasn't exactly a far-fetched idea to assume that Kim and Daniel were hooking up again. After all, it was their normal M.O. and I couldn't exactly fault a McKinley student for guessing that would be the end result, as it seemed the whole school was quite familiar with their on again, off again routine. Still, I had myself so convinced that they were finally through, that if I just gave her the time she needed, Kim would come around and...

"Why not?" Neal replied, carrying a new, flippant tone in his voice.

_God! Does this little know-it-all ever think about anything other than girls and sex?_

"Sam, come on, you're the one who said they were practically having sex on that counter over there after they got into some argument and she slapped him around."

"No I didn't! I said _my sister_ said that while she was on the phone with Kim."

"Potato, pototo. It still proves that arguing equals sex for those two and we know they were arguing outside, so what is the next logical conclusion? We've all heard the rumors about them, and we _know_ a lot of it isn't just made-up stories..."

After a moment of silence, Neal spoke up again, "You know what else I heard? Rumor has it that Kim-"

"Rumor has it that Kim what?" I bellowed from the living room, trying to cut the little squirt off before he could complete whatever he was about to say. For all of my talk about not losing one's temper, I went and did the same damn thing myself... over a bunch of inexperienced kids for that matter.

I stood up and made my way into the dining area, where I was again met by silence and five blank faces staring up at me, Neal's looking slightly more petrified than anyone else's.

"Come on, kid, tell me a rumor about my best friend," I prompted, taking the empty seat that I could only assume Daniel had been occupying before he left. A rare, ugly side of me was coming out and for once I couldn't blame it on the cult-like mindset of sports. Someone I cared about was soon-to-be badmouthed within earshot and I wasn't going to just sit back and let it happen. Kim and I might not have been an item, but that didn't stop me from blowing a gasket over such a thing. A bad reputation preceded her almost everywhere, even among those at the bottom of the social ladder.

"You-your best friend?!" Neal gulped. "I-I didn't know you two were best friends- I mean, I didn't even think you two were that close, ya know, because her and Daniel were- 'cause they're always-"

"You know she could crush you like a doodlebug, right?" I asked, forcing myself to chill out. "I mean, I don't need to tell you she has a temper, but I really don't think you'd like her to know you are helping to spread rumors about her."

"No, no," Neal laughed nervously, quickly looking to his friends for help. They all shied their eyes away from his. "I, uh, I heard she was a really nice person, Yup, that was the rumor."

"So if that was the rumor then what did you think before? That she was crazy? That she was a bitch?" I wasn't stupid. I knew that wasn't the 'rumor' that Neal had heard, but if he wanted to play it that way then I could let him keep digging a hole.

Neal groaned and put his hand on his stomach as I he was feeling sick. "I didn't mean anything by it, okay? I was just- I was only Joshing with these guys. It's what we do."

"You know that makes you no better than the people who say shit about you guys, right?" I asked, inadvertently trying to drive a point across.

Neal's face changed and he seemed to be truly contemplating the revelation I had put out there. They all did, actually.

"Your language might be a little rough, but you have a good point," Harris said with a certain confidence in his voice. "But then again… being an aggressive bully doesn't make _you_ any better, either."

I smirked, looked down to the table and nodded in agreement. Harris had a point. It was at that moment that I took notice of what was cluttering the piece of furniture- cans of pop, a couple bags of chips, some weird dice, a bunch of... dominos? Everyone had a little notepad and pencil in front of them except Harris. There was some sort of cardboard cutout of a castle in front of him and something that kind of looked like a tri-fold menu.

"What is all this?" I asked, scrunching up my face in perplexity and holding up some sort of mini-action figure.

"Dungeons and Dragons!" the big kid exclaimed with a smile. "You know how to play? If not, we can teach ya!"

I noticed Bill, Neal and Sam give their friend a horrified look, Neal even going as far as telling the guy, Gordon, to be quiet.

_Learn to play something like this? No, that isn't happening._

"No, I have- wait a minute... Daniel plays this with you guys?"

"Oh yeah," Gordon once again enthusiastically answered. "A couple times a week since summer vacation started. He's really good at it, too!"

_A couple times a week? He's really good?_

"You don't say," I mumbled, trying very hard to believe what I was hearing.

_Daniel Desario... our Daniel Desario, hanging out with a group of geeky kids and playing an even geekier game? More than once? I must be hallucinating..._

"So you guys just sit around and play this game and... what?"

They all looked around at each other again. This was becoming a common routine for our short interaction.

Finally Sam spoke up. "Normal stuff, ya know? Like eat junk food and joke around. Daniel's a really cool guy. He's kinda helped us out with a few things. He's probably the whole reason Bill had the guts to ask Vicki out on a date."

I looked over at him to verify this and the kid was wearing a grin from ear to ear, blushing a little.

"So unfair..." Neal said from under his breath, barely loud enough for me to actually hear. He looked over to me and spoke up, "It might not be such a good idea for us to be telling you all of this."

"Why?" I glanced around the table and found his friends to be just as puzzled by his statement as I was.

"Because, if you really are Kim's best friend then..." he trailed off and I could see him look for the nerve to finish his sentence. "That means you're also the guy Daniel keeps calling 'that asshole'."

I burst into laughter. "'That asshole'? Seriously?"

"Well, he did say her best friend stole her from him, so if that's you then you really did... steal his girlfriend," Sam muttered, quickly looking down at the paper pad in front of him.

"Did he really kick your butt?" Bill asked without hesitation, a genuine look of curiosity written across his face.

"Bill!" Sam and Neal scolded, almost in unison.

"What?" he defended his question.

I shrugged and clasp my hands together. "Technically."

"R-really?" Sam probed, his voice rising to some odd octave.

"He threw two punches at me; one knocked me on my ass and one gave me a black eye."

I _theoretically_ wasn't lying. Daniel did, by definition, kick my ass and there was no reason for me to try to belittle what he did in front of his new friends... even if I was 'that asshole'.

"So Daniel kicked my ass and Bill over there is now dating my ex-girlfriend." I smirked and peered up towards the boy, watching his expression twist into a slick, beaming smile. "I sure am some kind of asshole, huh guys?"

Lindsay poked her head around the corner. "Hey, you ready to go?"

"Without a doubt." I quickly stood up.

"Go? Go where?" her brother threw out in a whiny tone. "You're grounded, remember? That means you're not supposed to go out of the house. If mom and dad find out-"

"Sam, shut up. They won't find out and I'll be right back."

The girl had put on her Sunday finest from the look of it. She wore a nice long-sleeved white shirt that was accompanied by a skirt that went to her ankles. Hell, she even had her hair nicely corralled with a headband. Linds was all kinds of dressed up and I couldn't figure out why.

"Here." She handed me a set of keys.

"Wha- oh, shit. Good catch." I had completely neglected to figure out how we would get to Nick's if Kim had my car. "But, uh, shouldn't you?"

"Oh, nuh-uh. No way. The last time I took Betty out... well, you know."

"Fair enough."

Sam's high-pitched voice of concern rang out again. "You're taking the car?! Oh man!"

"Sam! Shut up!"

Listening to the two kind of made me glad I didn't have any siblings.


	34. Out of the frying pan, into the fire

"Donovan. Donovan, you're veering a little..."

"Ohshit," I spat out, quickly correcting my course before I took out a collection of trash cans on the side of the road. That was an unneeded moment of tension.

"Maybe I should be driving after all," Lindsay nervously laughed. I could only imagine she had enough fear running through her with the prospect of getting caught. Trashing her parents' car again must have been a terrifying notion that she wanted to bury in the back of her head.

"Yeah, no. Sorry. I was just a little-" I held my breath and stopped, not being able to hold back the thought that bulldozed out of my mouth next. "What do you think they're talking about?"

I had almost plowed into the garbage because I was lost in thought, trying to figure out how the conversation was going between Kim and Daniel. More than that, I was simply worried about _if_ they were talking at all. That little brat had somehow gotten into my head, though I had no one to blame but myself for my eavesdropping.

"Who? Nick and his dad?"

"No. Kim and Daniel."

"How am I supposed to-" She stopped mid-sentence and her contrary expression fell away. "Are you and Kim- have you guys talked about what went on between you two since she got back?"

"Well..." I looked over at her somewhat nervously, cocking my head to the side for a moment and squinting. "Kinda?" Pointing my gaze back to the road, I decided to clarify my statement a little more. "We've done some talking... and a lot more than just that, honestly."

"Oh, jeez," she groaned and I wasn't exactly sure how to take the response. "So...?"

"So... we're sorta in the same spot we were before," I groaned out, feeling like I was being grilled for some reason or another. "Look, she's just not ready for another relationship yet, Linds. I'm doin' my best to not push her, to give her time to feel like she's ready to do whatever she wants to do."

"Well that's... good, I guess."

"I just... ya know... I'm a little worried. I mean her and Daniel- they have a lot of history, and, shit, I already thought somethin' was happening between us before and she went right back to him."

Lindsay released an angry sounding scoff. "Oh what? Don't you have any faith in her?! If not then why are you even interested in being with her?"

"It's not her I don't trust!"

I did trust Kim, truly, but I also knew just how much of a deep, confusing past she had with her ex, and how he worked. His ability and willingness to manipulate the emotions of those around him and use it for advancement or to get his way was scary (perhaps even bordering on a sociopathic tendency) and he had the charm to pull off the trick with ease. I didn't even know what to think of him at that point. He was understandably angry over the whole situation, but how did he ever expect any of us to move on or coexist if he refused to talk about it?

"Daniel? You're seriously worried about Daniel getting her back?"

"Yes," I nodded without hesitation. "Why is that so ridiculous?"

"Because he's with someone else! People don't just end relationships out of the blue for someone else!"

She didn't even throw a glance my way with her statement, as if she was trying to convince more than just me. Her statement was preposterous and she must have known that. She was smart enough to know that people did all kinds of scummy things, including adultery.

"How do you even know that?"

"I know because we talked a little when he dropped by on the weekend to play that game with Sam and the guys. He- okay, so maybe he still has feelings for her, but how could he not? You said yourself that they have a history. He knows it's over... he just doesn't want to know... ya know?"

I just gave her an odd look, trying to figure out what she was alluding to. At first I thought she was telling me not to worry, but after her explanation I began feeling like there were crossed signals of Daniel moving on and not moving on at the same time.

"You know, even if he wasn't with anyone, Kim wouldn't do that to you. She lo-" Lindsay suddenly gasped and clasp her hand over her mouth to cut herself off.

"She what?" I asked, trying to keep my focus on the road.

"Donovan, you need to really think about your feelings for Kim. I mean really think about them, because... do you remember when you finally came clean with me at school and I teased you about being in love with her?"

"That was _teasing_? You could have told me that sooner..."

"Good! Maybe if you believed I was serious then you actually thought about it."

I was completely lost in what she was referring to. This wasn't even her smart brain that was flying right over my head, but something else entirely.

"Are you just trying to jump in a relationship with her to be in a relationship? Because you want to have it before it's gone?"

That did it. I couldn't get any more lost if I were in the Bermuda fucking Triangle. What was all of this about? "Linds, how could you even-"

"Because I don't know, Donovan! She's my best friend and I don't want to see her get hurt by you... again."

"Again? That's a bit of a low blow. We both got hurt when that shit went down..."

"All I'm saying is that the last time you were with someone you pretty much just picked out a random girl and went for her. This is bigger than that for Kim, and it better be for you too! Do you remember when you were telling me about how she was acting when you were talking to other girls? That day at Belle Isle?"

I nodded, recalling the day she was referring to and trying to figure out how it connected with the conversation at hand.

"And how I mentioned something like 'she was serious,' when you told me about the first time she stopped your date and I wouldn't tell you what I meant?"

"Yeah," I nodded again, sounding uncertain in my answer.

"Well, I was talking about Kim!"

My eyes widened at the revelation. "What?"

"Yeah! Kim did those things on purpose, but it wasn't because she was trying to be mean to you or anything... she just didn't know what to do with how she felt about you."

_That doesn't make any sense! Her relationship with Daniel was doing just fine then..._

"She really likes you, really cares about you, Donovan. She has for a while now. Once the subject of you guys came up on our trip, it was like a floodgate opened and I couldn't get her to stop talking about it. I don't know what happened between you two to cause it, but... I think Kim's in-" Again she cut herself off, looking fairly uncertain of if she should say what she intended to. "You mean a lot to her, Donovan. You really do."

_'Kim's in-' what?! What were you gonna say? Kim's in love? With me? Am I in love with her?_

"I- I-" I was simply at a loss for words. My brain was right back to the state of confusion it was in when the subject was brought up the first time. What was it about the notion of 'love' that was so paralyzing to me? That was, after all, what I felt for Kim, right? We got along damn-near perfectly, always enjoyed each other in every way possible and... I honestly couldn't say that anyone else made me happier or that I wanted to make anyone else happier than her. That was love... right? I was scared of committing to an emotion that I didn't know how to truly define or attach a word to how I felt if I would just be doing a disservice to either.

Suddenly a boost of confidence chimed in my head, right on time.

_Who's to say you aren't in love with her, kid? You know what love is, you define it all the time. The only reason you're scared of it is because it is a concept you have to have faith in, something you have to believe in and not something you can simply hold in your hand and know is real. Those feelings you have for Kim are real, and they are love, plain and simple._

A smile began to show on my face, but just like every yang, the yin of paranoia was soon to follow.

_So you know how you feel... but what about her? Can you really go by what Lindsay assumes and hope she's right? You heard her- she couldn't even bring herself to say it out loud! Besides, saying someone loves you because someone else thinks they do is a bit of a stretch, don't you think? And what if you do tell her and she doesn't feel the same way about you? Can you handle that? Are you ready to handle that this soon? Listen, just keep your feelings under wraps, cause you'll probably lose it all if you don't._

The back and forth I was creating in my head would have undoubtedly continued if not for Lindsay's voice breaking through.

"Please, Donovan, whatever you two are thinking of doing, whatever this is to you, don't lead her on. Don't hurt her," she urged.

"I won't, Linds. I never would."

* * *

Somehow Lindsay knew that our talk had put me into a thoughtful state of mind and she didn't even bother trying to bring up any further conversation with me. Maybe that was her plan all along, to get me thinking.

A slight panic overtook me when we arrived at Nick's and I realized we had not gone over what we were going to say to the Colonel at all. My mind was so completely focused on Kim that Nick came in as a very distant second, if at all. With a sincere smile, Lindsay told me she had already worked out how she would guide the discussion when she was getting ready and how she presented herself was going to be part of the tactic, hence the fancy getup. Mr. Andopolis was one who judged things not only by their contents, but their outward appearance as well... which perfectly explained why he thought so lowly of his son's friends even though he knew next to nothing about them.

Mr. Andopolis looked as patronizing as ever as he greeted us and invited us into the house. I was expecting Nick to be stalking around the house in anticipation of seeing Lindsay for the first time in weeks but his father made it a point to let us know that his son had already left the house for drum practice. To my surprise, Lindsay looked a little dismayed at the news, but she soon found her focus again when the Colonel started talking about why we were there.

It was amazing to see Lindsay figuratively run circles around Nick's dad with her logical retorts to his open skepticism and it got to the point where I thought it may all just backfire, a point where I was almost certain Mr Andopolis would simply say 'fuck it' and send Nick off to the army anyway just to spite the girl who was probably putting a pretty good dent in his masculine mentality. Try as I may, I couldn't even get a word in edgewise or attempt to be a mediator, as neither one of them would give me the time of day to make a noteworthy comment. As I paid closer attention, though, I realize that Mr. Andopolis was listening to what Lindsay was saying and not simply shrugging it off. She presented herself as the young, highly intelligent person that she was and he eventually gave her the benefit of the doubt, even if it was in a deliberately self-righteous way. It wasn't the prettiest debate I had ever witnessed Lindsay enter into, but she was victorious and Nick got his (very) last chance to prove he could apply himself to school.

Sadly, I didn't know whether to feel relieved or terrified at what the victory meant and the possible consequences that could follow. I entered into the whole thing with the slight fear of losing a few years of my life to the army, because I knew I could always apply for West Point Military Academy if I was indeed doomed to enter the service. They had a descent football program... even if chances were slim that an exception would be granted to pursue an NFL opportunity and their acceptance rate was only between ten and twenty percent. Honestly, I didn't even want to think of such a future. I only slightly calmed myself by reasoning that I could just be a complete piece of shit and back out if Nick crumbled. Things seemed so much simpler before I entered into that conversation with Lindsay.

I asked her if she wanted to wait for a bit to see if Nick would come home from practice, but she was insistent upon returning home as soon as possible. Again the girl was sending out crossed signals because, while she wanted to look as if she showed no interest in seeing him, she couldn't stop smiling when his name came up and she would go into this little daze. Was she into Andopolis again? Did she meet some other guy named Nick? I was bad enough at analyzing my best friend's behavior... there was no way I was gonna try with Lindsay.

* * *

When we pulled into her driveway we both took notice of my Dodge Challenger parked on the side of the road with Kim leaning against it and smoking a cigarette. I parked in the garage and made my way back to where she was. A quick flip of the smoke into the storm drain and she immediately squeezed my ribs in a fierce hug. Before she buried her face in my shirt I could see that her makeup was smeared and her eyes were very red and puffy. Something or someone had gotten to her in a bad way.

"Hhheeey," my voice wavered, becoming all at once consumed with emotion that I had no idea how to control. Seeing her like that put me into an instant world of hurt and all I wanted to do was make sure she would be okay. "Hey, what's wrong? What's got you so upset?"

She didn't reply and instead just began to sob into my shirt. It was an extremely rare show of vulnerability from someone who, by all accounts, was the toughest of tough girls at our school, a girl who would throw a punch at you before she would break down.

Lindsay had followed behind me. I hadn't even noticed until she shifted uncomfortably and her long, stretched shadow crept right by us. She took a few steps back and mentioned that she was going to give us a little space and went inside the house.

Kim's crying stopped after a minute or two and she turned her head to the side but still kept it practically buried in my chest. I stood there with her in silence while she took whatever time she needed to collect herself. With one arm wrapped firmly around her I gently rubbed her back with my other.

Before long, she pulled back a little and looked up at me. "Are we bad people?" she asked in a hushed tone. The level of seriousness in her voice was so strong that it stopped me dead in my tracks as I began to wipe away the messy makeup.

The question was not one that I was expecting, not in a million years, but I knew the answer right off the bat and answered immediately. "Bad people? No, not at all. What made you think that?"

"When I was talking to Daniel, I just wanted to get it all out there, y'know?"

I nodded, giving up on my attempt to fix the makeup situation when I noticed I was only making it worse than it already was.

"Well, I told him about the first time we kissed and he just lost it right away. He went on this tirade that made me feel horrible, but maybe... maybe we're supposed to feel horrible about it."

"What?" I asked, a touch of stupefaction added to my already overflowing cup of emotions. "He already knew about that. He worked it out himself. We can't be bad people for that; you guys were broken up for crying out loud!"

A look of pain shot across her face as she grimaced and shook her head, "No, not the second time; the first time."

Her words did little to relieve my confusion. "The second time? I thought that was in the school bathroom..."

She shot me a look like I was half-crazy. "What? Look, I know we said we would forget about the first time, but since we're at this point now there really is no reason anymore."

None of this made any sense to me. How the hell could I have completely forgotten about something like that?

"I'm..." I sighed, already feeling rotten about what I was going to say. "I'm sorry, but I- I think I need a refresher here..."

There was that look again and I was really starting to feel self-conscious.

"You know what? Just... fuck it. Just forget about it, Donovan."

"No, hey, I-"

An obviously offended Kim pulled away from me and began wiping at her eyes. There was a dissatisfied 'ugh' from her when he looked at her eye shadow-stained hands. "I've gotta clean up... and say hi to Lindsay."

"Kim..." I tried again, but she ignored me and made her way inside the house. If what I just experienced was what was going to take the place of her 'exploding' on me when she became angry than I would really rather just have had the former. The passive-aggressive-disregarding-you stuff was even worse as far as I was concerned. I was left truly feeling like a bad person.


	35. That first kiss…

We didn't get to spend more than about ten minutes at the house before Mrs. Weir made it back home. The majority of that time I spent chatting idly with Lindsay and Kim (mainly gloating about our win over the Colonel), while Sam, Bill and Neal all played some video game in the living room. His other two friends had left while we were dealing with the Andopolis situation. There was a sense of tension between Kim and I that Lindsay was no doubt picking up on, but she was kind enough not to try to pry at it. While we talked, the two girls fell into bouts of hysterics as they reminisced about their cross-country trip to follow the Dead. I listened, drinking in all the information they shared and growing a little envious that I had yet to have as good of a time doing anything up to that point in my life that resulting in as much fun and good times as they had experienced.

Once Linds' mom arrived, we snuck out the back door and tried to remain out of sight as we went back to the car. The ride back to my house was silent and long... and it wasn't the kind of enjoyable silence like we had experienced at the hospital cafeteria. As I drove and tried to figure out how to fix my fumble, I realized I had screwed up not just once, but twice.

"Kim, I'm sorry," I said quickly, shutting the ignition off after parking next to her car. She was already reaching for the door handle, so I knew I had to be fast with my words. She stopped in mid-motion and looked over at me before darting her eyes downward.

"I should've let you finish before I just jumped in there and started interrupting. And I'm really sorry that I... that I can't remember our first kiss. I feel horrible about that, I really do."

She slowly nodded, but kept her eyes away from mine. "It's turned into a really stressful day, so I think I'm just going to go to Erica's and just... chill for the rest of the day."

I didn't want her to go with this staying unresolved. It was important and upsetting to both of us. "Can't we just-"

She was out of the car in a flash; long tendrils of her hair being blown around in a flurry as a gust of wind picked up. Brushing the frenzied hair out of her face, Kim made the transition from car to car in less time than it took me to untangle myself from the seat belt and open my door. I sunk into my seat and moaned out in defeat. She was hurt and not interested in talking it out (which was something else entirely that I would have to talk with her about). The only way to stop her at that point would've been by standing behind her car... and even that wasn't a guarantee. Barely three days getting comfortable with one another again and we had already hit a snag.

* * *

Nick called a few hours after I made it in, totally ecstatic about his reprieve from an army-based future. Never before had I ever heard anyone say 'thank you' so many times in a fifteen minute conversation. It almost became annoyingly redundant at one point and it was a welcomed relief when he started asking about Lindsay and exactly how the conversation went. Then the chat got a little weird when he started asking me what I knew about constellations and refused to tell me why he was inquiring after I told him that all I remembered about that stuff was that the North Star was in one of the Dippers.

A little while later my dad walked into the dining room and took a seat at the opposite end of the table. I had a playbook out in front of me, but I was only half-studying it while trying to figure out what drummer-boy was up to at the same time.

"We're a bit of a mess without your mother around, aren't we?" he asked, making the question sound rhetorical.

I looked up and propped my head on the palm of my hand, cupping my cheek. "Because we only had macaroni and cheese for dinner?"

"Yes, among other things," he laughed.

"I just want her to be better."

"I know, son, me too. I, um..." He cleared his throat before continuing. "I stopped by the hospital after work to talk with the attending doc. They said that they think she's doing mildly better, but they're not one-hundred percent sure, either. They also said she didn't have any visitors all day. Didn't feel like dropping by?"

I let my hand fall to the table and shook my head, looking over to the side of the room in a slight shame. I could have gone over there after Kim left, but I was just so... "No, I didn't exactly feel like it today."

"Is everything alright, son? You seem pretty quiet... and down."

I felt bad because I knew he was genuinely concerned, but there wasn't anything he could do to help me with my dilemma. "It just... wasn't a great day." Well, it partly was, but he didn't need to know about the whole Nick situation.

"Did you and Kim get into some sort of disagreement?"

My eyes drifted back to him and I let out a long, deep breath. "We just- I forgot about something that was really important."

"Aha," my dad sat back in his seat as if I had just told him the whole story of what went down. "You forgot her birthday, didn't you? I forgot your mother's birthday once when we were dating."

I raised an eyebrow and shook my head. "No, Kim's birthday is at the end of April. I forgot... just something else that was really important."

"Well, have you two talked about it?"

"Tried that. Why do you think I'm so down? She remembers, but I don't and she's hurt about that."

"Okay, so have you asked her to just tell you what it is that you don't remember?"

"Dad, come on." I gave him a look of ridicule. "I already tried that too, and it didn't work out so well."

"And neither is you continuing to not remember. Give it another shot... at least that would mean you're trying."

I pursed my lips together at the slight agitation of the fact that he had a good point. Perhaps I could've worded it better than the lame 'I need a refresher here' line.

"Speaking of Kim, though, can I have a look at those notes she put together about lupus? I've been interested in reading them since yesterday."

"Yeah, sure," I nodded and stood up, staring at him for a moment. "Did you really forget about mom's birthday once?"

"Just get the damn notes," he laughed with a shake of his head, confirming the tale.

* * *

It wasn't until the end of the week that Kim and I talked with one another again, though it wasn't through lack of trying by either of us. With just four players competing for the top two spots on the team and the realization that cuts were a very real thing and likely going to occur on a weekly basis, I became entranced with trying to step-up my game... as did my three competitors. If I wasn't practicing at school, I was either at Brett's or Alex's, practicing and goofing off with my closest teammates. If I wasn't practicing, I was at the hospital, trying to be by my mother's side as often as possible. When I did have time to try to contact Kim, her cousin's line was either busy or it just rang endlessly. I wasn't being ignored, though, as my father relayed, on no less than three occasions, that Kim had called while I was out and wanted me to call her back. It was just a case of bad timing on both our parts.

My mother was released from the hospital on Saturday, just less than a week after being admitted. Once she started showing signs of her lupus flair (and its personality altering affects) going into remission, the doctors thought it would be a good idea for her to come out of the ordeal in a familiar setting. While things were still touch and go throughout the day of her return, we all hoped and prayed that the 'fix' would actually work out the way it should and keep her herself once she made a full recovery.

As Saturday night rolled around and a call to Erica's apartment resulted in yet another busy signal, I decided to head out to see if I could just catch up with Blondie face to face. It had been raining on and off through the day, and we were once again receiving a downpour as I made my way through the twists and turns of Chippewa's streets. I reached the apartment building, hastily made my way to the third floor and my hand simply hovered in front of door 336D. I didn't know how Kim would react to me just showing up. I had no idea if she would still be pissed about my blunder from Tuesday, if I should bring it up right away or leave it alone completely. Releasing a hefty sigh, and still completely unsure of what I should if I was lucky enough for her to even answer, I knocked on the door.

As I impatiently waited for something... anything, I ran my hand down my face, wiping away a trickle of rainwater that had worked its way through my hair and began to tickle its way down my forehead. A moment later, I shook my zip-up hoodie and sent small droplets everywhere, nearly sprinkling Kim with water as the door opened a mere second after I finished.

"Hi," I said as she stood in the open doorway and just stared at me with no defined expression. Behind her, on the couch with the phone practically glue to the side of her face, sat Erica, who was courteous enough to throw a big smile and wave my way when she checked to see who was at the door.

With her face slowly transitioning to a look that I knew wasn't good, Kim finally questioned, "I can't even believe that I have to ask this, but do you _remember_ now?" She stepped outside, closing the door behind her and putting her hands on her hips.

"I-"

_Don't lie._

"No." I shook my head in shame and looked down. I hadn't avert my eyes enough to miss her contorting her face in annoyance, clicking her tongue slightly and bringing her arms up to cross her chest in my peripheral vision.

She shook her head and angrily brushed passed me, stopping just a foot or two away in front of the metal railing that ran across the outer edge of the third-floor walkway.

"Kim," I began, not a hint of anger in my voice at her hostile treatment as I understood that this was truly how she ticked when on guard like she was, "at the hospital, you said you wanted honesty. As agonizingly stupid as I feel admitting it, it's the honest truth- I can't remember... but I'm asking you to help me to."

After a few second of silence passed, I pushed a little more. "Could you at least talk to me? Tell me what you're thinking? Anything?"

"I'm trying to decide if I should just go back inside and slam the door in your face or not," Kim yelled, her voice echoing in the open air the height of the third floor provided. Her next words were spoken quieter, but in no less of a fierce tone. "That kiss was really important to me, you know? And it should be to you, too!"

There was some sense of instant relief in that she did not turn around and go back inside, in that she wanted to talk and it wasn't something she was going to just hold over my head in silence.

"It is Kim," I stepped closer to her, putting my hands on her shoulders even though she refused to turn around and look at me. "And I want to remember. Maybe just, I dunno, walk me through what happened, when it happened." I felt like an idiot for even suggesting such a thing, but I had no idea what else to do.

My proposal was met with another round of silence.

"Please, Kim. I'm tryin' here. Help me."

There was a huff of anger before she finally responded. "This is the one time I wish you were taking a joke too far. You really don't remember, do you? And all this time I thought you were being sweet and holding true to our promise. Then again, I guess that means you really weren't trying to be an asshole to me that night, either." Shivering ever so slightly, she turned around to face me, causing me to drop my arms to my sides. "That pain shot really did knock you for a loop, huh?"

_Pain shot? Oh shit..._

"The day of the basketball regional finals?"

"Duh!" she declared, followed by another short stint of shivering. "How could you forget, Donovan?" There was so much disappointment in her voice that it stung more than her anger at the matter.

"Maybe I haven't. Let's stop saying that I forgot, okay? Maybe there's just something in my head blocking it and I need a hand getting passed it. Maybe I just need a little jolt." I realized that she only had a t-shirt on and not an extra layer of clothing like I had. The rainy day had been rather gray as well, with the clouds obscuring the sun at almost all times. The night was much colder than we had been accustomed to since summer had started. I hastily unzipped my hoodie and peeled it off, draping it over Kim's shoulders a second later.

"You're lucky I don't electrocute your ass to give you that little jolt. At least you still know how to be a gentleman," she said, a small giggle following her last statement.

I smiled at the sound of her laugh, unable to stop myself.

"Ya know, you're lucky I'm laughing about any of this." A small grin was now shaping her lips. "After your mom brought us back to your house from the hospital, I was laying down with you, waiting until you dozed off to call Daniel and have him pick me up. Your stubborn ass was taking forever to actually fall asleep, as usual." As she talked, Kim moved to the wall next to the door and leaned against it, sliding down into a sitting position within seconds. I mimicked her almost immediately, not wanting to lose any sort of closeness we may have been rebuilding. "You kept apologizing about the split cut in my lips and then, while we lied there looking at each other, you scooted closer and kissed me."

Suddenly flashes of what Kim described began to spark in my mind. We did kiss before and her lips were just as soft and tantalizing then as they were a month later. I only remembered bits and pieces, but I clearly recalled a few key things. "I... oh wow, I remember that now."

"You should, jerk!" She was trying to sound serious, but her grin was full-on now and not helping her cause in seeming nearly as angry as she had before. She bundled up in the hoodie a little more, the material around her shoulders had slightly bunched together when she shifted down the wall. "I don't even know if I believe you, though. Prove it. What do you remember?"

I slid my arm behind her neck, wrapping my hand over her shoulder and gently pulling her closer to me to provide a little extra heat. "Um..." I closed my eyes and smiled, thinking about the distant memory as hard as I could. "I kept trying not to push on your cut, but really kiss you at the same time..." As I heard her release a soft giggle from beside me, more of the moment came to mind, somehow materializing out of the fog it was wrapped under in my mind. I suddenly remembered why I woke up with a certain slippery taste of strawberry on my lips later that night. "That damn strawberry lip balm instantly adhered to my mouth and... the way you smiled at me that night," I finished, my smile simply beaming at the last recollection. My eyes, however, popped open a second later as dots connected in my head on the subject of something else entirely. My sudden recollection, paired with Lindsay's surprise from earlier in the day, made the whole 'date' situation even clearer. "Wait, is _that_ why you kept scaring potential dates away from me a few weeks later?" I turned slightly to look at her.

More silence as she looked down, but brought her head up only a moment later as I watched her try to contain a bout of laughter.

"Maybe. I mean, that wasn't my _only_ reason, but I may have been a tiny bit jealous. Really though, I thought you were doing that to actually make me jealous. So, what you weren't trying to do at all... somehow worked."

_And here I thought I came up with complex stuff in my head..._

"Anyway, I'm sure it wasn't the most romantic thing in the world, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't make my heart begin to race when you made your move. I must have looked shocked or something, I know I felt like it. But, when you saw my face, you looked so disappointed, so I kissed you back. Not out of sympathy for your sudden puppy dog eyes or anything, but... because I really wanted to. Then we kissed again... and again and we just kept at it, smiling and giggling like the two idiots we are. After a few minutes, I realized what we had done, like really realized it, and I knew we had to stop before we went too far. I made you promise that we would just forget about what happened, and told you to close your eyes and go to sleep and for once, you actually listened to me. I was watching you sleep, still trying to figure out what the hell just happened, when your mom walked into the room and thought we were both out, so she turned off the light and shut the door slightly. I guess, in the end, I just wanted to live in that moment for a little while longer... so I stayed there next to you and eventually fell asleep, too."

I was left breathless by the story, not just by what she said, but by how she said it as well. The emotions she displayed both in her words and through her voice while recalling the full account made me realize how truly in love with her I was and it sparked a hope that maybe, just maybe, she felt the same. I wanted to tell her right then and there. "I-"

Before I could get more than the first word out, paranoia infected my brain.

_'The dumbest thing you can do- let a girl know how much that you like her. Then they just run'. Those are words of wisdom right there, and she already ran once before when you opened up._

I wanted to shake off the stupid memory of a warning, to just ignore it and continue on with those three words... but they were not stuck in my throat and were not going any further.

"Now do you see why Daniel said we were bad people and why I need reassurance that we're actually not?"

I closed my eyes and grated my teeth, inattentively rubbing the back of my neck with my free hand. There went that golden moment of opportunity.

_Fuck you, Paranoia!_

"Can I see why he would say that now? Yeah, I guess."

A distinct scoff suddenly chirped from beside me and my eyes snapped open.

"Wow, thanks a lot, Donovan. You really know how to make a girl feel better."

_Act fast to pull her away from that cliff again, dumbass._

"No, wait, hold on. I said I can see why he would say that, I mean you two were still together at that time, but I never said I agreed with it. He can feel whatever he wants to feel and no one can say he's wrong, but... Kim, we're not bad people."

"Why? You and I both know that is a really shitty thing to do to a person."

_Of course she would have to ask 'why'..._

"Because... because..." The thought of reminding her that he had done the same thing to her ran through my mind, but even a village idiot would've known that was a horrible idea.

I could almost feel her hanging on my words then, looking for that explanation that would release her of the guilt that Daniel brought to the surface. A word popped into my head and I grabbed ahold of it, blurting it out without anything to follow.

"Intent!"

"What?" Kim asked in an odd mix of amusement and confusion.

"Um... we're not bad people because..." I let out a single, nervous laugh as a sentence slowly formed. "I mean consider this- we didn't intend to hurt anyone by doing what we did. It wasn't a malicious or shameful act; we just... wanted to kiss each other."

"So... we're not bad, we're just selfish?"

"Oh god," I groaned. "You're impossible."

I heard her begin to laugh before she snuggled in closer to me as we sat side by side and looked out at the small town night life scene being painted before us. Street lights were throwing their amber hue on the wet concrete below them, creating a soft glow that spread as far as the eye could see. The lights reflected off of buildings and signs just as much, coating the whole small section of Chippewa we could see in a rather beautiful outline.

I grinned in hopes that, despite her lambasting question, my reaching answer was somewhat satisfactory to her. We sat outside and cuddled for a few more minutes, sparse words being shared, but both of us knowing we were drinking in the picture before us.

"Hey, since you're here and all, wanna go inside and see if we can get Erica off the phone so you two can finally meet?" she asked, a certain sense of innocence returning to her voice that I hadn't heard since she had talked with her ex.

I smiled and nodded. "Yeah, that would be nice. Besides, as gorgeous as the scene in front of us is, it's cold as shit out here and I wanna get you back to some warmth."

* * *

It was quite obvious that Kim had, at the very least, coached Erica on certain things that she was not allowed to speak on when we met, and the status of our relationship (or lack thereof) must have been on that list, as it did not even make a hint of an appearance.

While formally meeting Erica was nice, and resulted in more than a few embarrassing stories of Kim being shared with me, I didn't stay for more than an hour. I had practice with Alex and Brett in the morning and after that it was back home to make sure things continued to improve for my mother. Kim had early-morning plans as well, from the sounds of it. While she called it 'an exercise in agony', Erica was all for the idea of Kim at least trying to sit down with her folks and attempting to smooth things over so she could come back home. As we said our goodbyes and goodnights, there was an urge to tell Blondie to let me know if things got bad and she needed me, but I knew Kim was stronger than that when it came to the adult figures in her life. She didn't let them get to her in the same way she let her friends and peers get to her.

After I made it home I immediately flopped into my bed, but it took a little while for sleep to actually set in. Thoughts of how I owed Kim a better response to her 'bad people' concern plagued my mind, easily preventing me from drifting off. The biggest question, though, was if there was a better response than what I had managed to scrape by with.


	36. Trailblazers... (Part 1)

Three weeks had passed since we settled the Andopolis fiasco and, while a lot of things stayed the same in that time, a lot of things changed as well.

One of the biggest changes was that, a week after finding out his fate in regards to school next year, Nick slowly announced to everyone that he and Sara were 'taking a break' because he felt that they had 'grown apart and needed to look at their relationship again'. That kind of wording always spelled the indefinite end of a relationship and I never understood why couples went through the façade that there was hope of rekindling what was quite obviously gone. I think we were all shocked that it was Nick, the guy who always grew too attached to his significant others, who essentially broke up with Sara and not the other way around.

Lindsay continued her perpetual lockdown and Ken and Amy were still, well, quite content with each other.

I didn't know much as far as how things were going for Daniel. Kim had spoken to him a few more times, continuing to try her best to patch things up as well as she could so our little family of misfits could be whole again at some point, but Desario was not so interested in being around me again... ever (or so he said). According to Linds' weekly calls to Kim on Tuesdays (at least her mom's game of bridge was predictable in that regard), he even still came over to her house a day or two a week to play that weird game with her brother and his friends. She was a little concerned though, because each week he seemed to have a new girlfriend who he wouldn't really connect with and just move on from within a few days. I would say that he was looking for someone who could provide that anchor and rock companionship that he had with Kim... but just thinking about that brought up the whole 'bad people' debate again.

Ultimately I couldn't afford him the luxury of renting space in my head, just roosting there and making me wonder if we had a future friendship or not. I liked the guy, I really did. He was unique and as good of a companion as anyone could ask for, but what happened between the three of us hurt him (as it would anyone in his place) and I simply did not have the mental or emotional wherewithal to keep hoping he would come around. If he did at some point then that would be great, but I wasn't going to bank on it or pursue it when I knew I was simply scum in his eyes. Sometimes it just took time to heal, and that was all I could give him.

Things were slightly looking up for Kim. She had made amends with her mother and stepfather and moved back home. Conditions weren't perfect between them, but I don't think either side ever expected them to be. They simply found a way to coexist... for a little while at least.

* * *

On Monday I had received the best news I possibly could at the end of practice, and it wasn't just announced to me, but the locker room as a whole. Despite all of my whining, all of my self-doubt, all of my fear over the title, I kept pushing forward as Fredricks had demanded and as the weeks continued on and the cuts to our small numbers kept up as well, I found myself up against Ethan Coleson for the quarterback spot. One of us was going to get it and the other was going to get backup. While there technically wouldn't be a 'loser' between us no matter who got what, we both knew what position we had been fighting for... and it sure as hell wasn't a backup spot. After taking time to explain what was going on behind the scenes for the past couple of weeks, the role of locker room leaders and who they were going to be, Coach announced that he had come to a decision on who would be the new Norsemen football team's quarterback and backup. After taking his time to spit out a name, watching as both Ethan and I grew beads of sweat on our foreheads with all eyes on us, Fredricks announced my name for the prized spot in the proudest tone I had ever heard in his voice before. The room erupted with roars of approval, which I wasn't fully expecting, and my team suddenly surrounded me to give me personal words of congratulations and pats on the back. Even Ethan was showing nothing but support for the decision, which made me consider if I would have had that kind of sportsmanship were the tables turned.

Fredricks pulled me aside before dismissing everyone.

"Coach, I can't even say thank you enough for this opportunity," I admitted as I watched my teammates pour out of the room.

Fredricks shook his head, a smile spread ear to ear. "Don't thank me, Donovan; thank yourself. I wouldn't have picked you if I didn't think you absolutely fit the role, and ever since I told you this was what you had to do, you committed to it more than any of the others. You, my man, are a natural leader, a go-getter, a trailblazer."

I smiled at the accolades, knowing that I _had_ committed myself once I knew that it was my only option for staying on the team.

"I'm proud of you, kiddo. You went from someone who was positive that they couldn't do it, to never giving up, always improving. And I want you to keep that up, you hear? I want you to be confident in yourself, in the fact that you have what it takes to be a beast out there, but I don't want you to get too cocky, you understand? That's what happened to Joel and last year sucked."

I released a snort of a laugh at Coach using the word 'sucked' with such contempt.

"I'm serious, Donovan," Fredricks contested with a laugh. "Don't become comfortable to the point where messing up doesn't matter. This is the biggest spotlight you can get for college, and you earned it, so don't drop the ball now."

While I had no doubt that news of my new title would spread rather quickly once we all left school grounds, I was fairly confident that none of my friends would hear about it until I broke the news to them personally... and I didn't want to do that until there was one particular girl I could tell first.

* * *

Later that evening I received a call from Nick, asking if I wanted to go to the park and watch the meteor shower tomorrow night with him and Lindsay.

"Lindsay?!" I asked in shock, my eyes growing wide. "Our Lindsay? The girl who was grounded for forever, never to see the light of day again save for school?"

"Um, yeah man, Lindsay. So, you wanna come or not?" Nick asked, trying to carry a certain slyness to his voice that was not very convincing.

"Why? Aren't you just itching for some alone time with her since you broke up with Sara? I just wanna know how you plan to get her out of the house."

A frustrated sigh escaped the other end of the line.

"Look, it took a lot of convincing for me to get her dad to agree to let her come out to see this and… and he only went with it because I told him it would be a group of us seeing it and not just me and Linds. So can you come, please? Ken and Amy already have other 'plans'." He sounded slightly annoyed about being brushed off by the couple.

"Wait a minute; I'm not even your first choice? Now I'm just hurt Nick." I figured he deserved a good amount of teasing over such an interesting development.

"Oh man, come on. Daniel has been acting weird ever since Kim talked to him and, Kim man... I guess we should tell her, huh? I don't even know if Mr. Weir will let Lindsay go if he finds out she's coming. Maybe she won't even want to go, right? I mean, Kim isn't into all this stars and meteor crap."

"I gotta tell her, man. She'll kill me if I don't. Besides, she'll definitely wanna see Lindsay," I laughed. "So it'll just be you, me, Linds and Kim? Kind of like some spontaneous double date?"

"What? No!" Nick freed an awkward, nervous laugh that even put me at unease. "It's just four friends hanging out, ya know?"

"Okay, whatever loverboy."

"Shut up, man."

"Is that what you were talking about with constellations and stuff a few weeks back?"

"Yeah!" Nick confirmed and I could hear his face light up in a smile with just his reply. "I was watching that, um, Star Hustlers show and the host guy was talking about this meteor shower that happens every year around this time. It's called Perseids or something."

"You mean Jack Horkheimer? 'Some people hustle pool, some people hustle cars, then there's that man you've heard about, the one who hustles stars!'" I quoted from the show's opener and began to bellow in laughter. I knew exactly who and what Nick was talking about. It was a short little weekly show that played on our public access channel at the end of their broadcast on Sunday nights. Jack Horkheimer was absolutely crazy about stars, planets, constellations and pretty much everything else in the universe. He made extreme facial expressions and hand movements during each episode. It was a show that I had stumbled across a time or two when I was high and channel surfing.

"Yeah, that guy!" Nick laughed along with me. "I was watching him talk about that and I thought Lindsay would love to see it. I even checked out a, uh, book that kinda told me what groups to look for in the sky so I can point them out to her. Um, I mean so I can point them out to all of you guys."

Leave it to Andopolis to study up on something that has absolutely no influence on his ability to do well in school. At least it proved that he might know how to study. There was an awkward snag in our conversation after that, one where neither of us knew what to say next.

"So, you and Kim... what, uh, what's the deal there?" Nick finally threw out after a minute of nothing.

"We, um..." I trailed off, not exactly sure what to say. By and large, Kim and I had been in the same position we had been in ever since she came back to Chippewa. True, I had a little idiot moment when we first started mending our broken pieces, but the last few weeks had been great between us. We were spending more time together, being close when we were alone and doing our damnedest not to send the wrong signals when we were out with portions of the gang. It seemed to be working, too, if even our resident 'stud' was truly unsure of where we stood.

"Heeey, Donovan," Nick said, loud and slow. "Did you go off into space or something?"

I released a small chuckle. "Yeah, I guess so. Look, Nick, Kim and I... it's kinda hard to explain because, yeah, as everyone has probably noticed, we're a little closer than just friends... but we're not together, either. I don't want her to feel like I'm rushing her into anything and, hell, for all I know she may be gearing herself up for someone else entirely."

My last words hurt to even say because, no matter who among my friends would laugh at the idea, it wasn't an absurd one in the least to me. There was a constant, small, nagging voice in the back of my head that told me that at any point, she was going to introduce me to her new boyfriend or shock me to my core by announcing that her and Daniel were back together. Somehow, someway, I still wasn't over the hole that had been punctured into my heart at the sight of her and Daniel nestled together just two days after the first time we had been together.

As predicted, Nick laughed out loud at what he considered a ludicrous statement. "What are you talking about, man? You and Kim- it's, like, gonna happen, man. It just has to."

Feeling uncomfortable about my lack of confidence in getting the girl of my dreams, I hastily tried to switch subjects. "Um, are we all gonna meet up tomorrow night at Lindsay's?"

"Yeah, yeah, probably around eight. It won't even start to get dark until it gets closer to nine anyway. Did you know we're starting to lose daylight already?"

"Jesus! I might as well just start calling you Horkheimer Jr. at this rate."

Nick blew a 'pfft' of genuine laughter out. "That guy is pretty cool. Anyway, I gotta call go, but don't think this little conversation about you and Kim is over between us. We're talkin' more about it tomorrow. See ya then."

* * *

It didn't take more than a minute to convince Kim to come along when Lindsay's name came up. She was overjoyed at the idea of hanging out with her best friend again face to face. We all met at the Weir house at around the designated time.

I turned to face her as she unbuckled her seat belt. There was a grin on her face that was absolutely shining. I loved it when she smiled like that. Her cheeks would grow full and round and sometimes she would stick her tongue out like a goofball for just a moment and laugh madly.

"You may just want to, uh ya know, sit tight 'til we get Linds out of the house."

"Why?" She shot me a crooked glance.

I nervously scratched the back of my head. One thing was certain about Kim- she didn't like to be told 'no' about anything.

"Well, you and Mr. Weir aren't exactly cozy and odds are that he'll be around to-"

"I don't care!" she interrupted rather loudly, sounding irritated. "If we're doing this, we're all doing it together. Got it? Lindsay's dad is just gonna have to accept the fact that his precious little princess is growing up and making friends he may not like. We've been friends for almost a year now; he should know I'm not going anywhere."

"Okay, alright," I conceded with a smile, putting my hand atop hers and rubbing it delicately. It was quite by accident that I realized a simple, soft touch would, more often than not, quickly snub out any aggression or exasperation that was building up in Kim and she would unwind soon after. "We'll all go together."

Nick was patiently leaning on his car, hands in his pockets, waiting for me to exit mine and accompany him to the front door. He seemed slightly shocked when we both exited, as we had talked earlier in the day about trying to keep a good distance between Linds' parents and Kim, but when I flashed him a 'what the hell am I supposed to do?' look, he instantly caught on and shook his head with a grin.

Kim knew how to be sweet and cordial when she needed to be, and I could only hope she was feeling more passive than confrontational.

One of the double front-doors opened as we made it onto the front porch and we were greeted by Lindsay's smiling face as she threw on the old army jacket that we were so used to seeing her in.

"Hey," she greeted, meeting us at the halfway point of her porch.

We all returned the acknowledgment, Kim even giving her a light shove on the shoulder. My eyes were drawn to the doorway again as I caught sight of Lindsay's parents making their presence known. Mrs. Weir looked just as happy-go-lucky as usual, a genuine smile on her face and Mr. Weir... well, he was trying at least. The smile he wore looked dubious, but that seemed to be the look he donned most of the time anyway. I was half expecting him to make a cross sign with his fingers and demand Kim go away (my imagination always did have a flair for the dramatic), but he seemed to be in a civil mood as well.

"Hi Mr. Weir, sir, Mrs. Weir, ma'am," Nick said awkwardly.

"Hi, Nick. You kids have a good time tonight and enjoy the meteor shower. It sounds exciting!" Mrs. Weir exclaimed with a burst of enthusiasm.

"Bring her home no later than eleven, though," Mr. Weir added. His expression dropped a moment later. "I mean it. I know how to call 9-1-1 and report a missing person."

All four of us exchanged glances and, while Nick, Kim and I tried to hold back laughter, Lindsay looked thoroughly embarrassed.

As Mrs. Weir tried to indiscreetly elbow her husband in the side, I realized I wasn't the only person who held a knack for the farcical.

"Harold, we talked about this," she whispered, rather loudly.

"Oh, alright." He straightened up and put on his fake smile again. "I mean- you kids have fun and make sure to come back by eleven."

"Sure thing, Mr. Weir. We won't even go to any concerts tonight," Kim replied.

I couldn't tell if she was trying to be funny or just egg him on, and judging by his quick face contortion again, he couldn't either.

"Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Dad. I'll make sure to be home by eleven," Lindsay interjected, pushing all of us towards the cars. "Come on, let's go."


	37. ...and stargazers (Part 2)

The night was perfect for what we had planned, as there wasn't a cloud in sight. The good viewing conditions were actually kind of a raw deal because it also brought out quite a number of spectators for the meteor shower, most of which chose to gather at the same place we went to- Budd Park.

It took a little while, but we were finally able to find an area just on the outskirts of the park that was clear of any other people. It was still a nice, open spot and we actually ended up further away from city lights than we would have been if we stayed in the crowded areas.

"Hey, do you... do you think Lindsay would ever, ya know, want me back?" Nick asked me as we lay on the hood of his Maverick. I glanced over at him. He had this hands resting against his stomach, fingers crossed and his legs were just dangling over the front of the car. He seemed peaceful, looking up at the sky and waiting for the show to begin, but the way he asked his question sounded like he was apprehensive of the answer he may receive.

"I knew it, dude. I knew this whole thing was just a ploy for you to see if you could hook up with Linds." I couldn't help but begin to laugh.

"Shut up, man. I don't want her to hear you." Nick waved his hand back and thwacked me in the chest.

"Ugh!" I laughed out, flinching at the sting the slap left. "You're so touchy when I give you shit about still being hung up on her," I sulked, rubbing my palm on the spot he hit before locking my hands together and cradling the back of my head with them. "But, um..." I turned my head in the other direction, looking at the two girls lying on the old comforter I had salvaged from the basement for the sole purpose of stargazing... if not a little bit more with Kim later on in a less public place. They were giggling about something and pointing to the sky. I looked back up at the same direction they were. "I dunno. Maybe?"

Nick perked his head up and turned my way. "Maybe?"

"Well, shit Nick, I really don't know. You should have heard how she talked about you to your dad. She didn't sugarcoat the fact that you messed up, but she sure sounded like she believed you had it in you to fix this whole school thing. And she smiles, man. She smiles at the mention of your name."

"Really?" There was a big, toothy grin spread across his face. "Should I say something to her?"

"Yeah, but maybe not something like 'hey, do you like me?'"

"What should I say then?"

"You can start out with 'Hi' and after that it is up to you," I smirked. "Just be yourself. That's what got her attention in the first place, right?"

He didn't reply, but simply turned his attention back to the darkening cosmos above us... a smile still painted on his face.

"So how's summer school goin', man?" I asked, trying to keep the conversation moving in a way I wanted it to, which was way the hell away from any talk of Kim and myself.

"Pretty good," Nick confirmed with a strange guffaw. "It's, like, way easier than normal school, man, and I get the same credits. I wish I could just stay there instead of goin' back to McKinley. So, check it out, we just have two classes a day and..."

Nick continued on, telling me about how easy of a time he was having in summer school and how there was hardly any homework or anything. I had to admit that it did seem perfect for him, and I was glad that he was as least somewhat lessening the burden the following school year would bring for him, but he also knew the easy ride was coming closer and closer to ending and he would have to prepare to really buckle down again soon.

As it grew darker and darker out, I became more confident in the fact that my friend had likely forgotten that he wanted to torment me by bringing up the subject of my confusing love-life again. Sadly, it was as if my confidence in the matter sparked his memory of it.

"You would consider yourself a pretty confident guy, right Donovan?" Nick asked innocently.

"Yeah, sometimes," I half-agreed after a moment of consideration, shrugging my shoulders awkwardly from my position.

A sigh escaped him. "Yeah, I think so too, man, so why the hell are you so insecure about the fact that Kim's crazy about you? I mean, you should be doin' the exact same thing tonight that I'm tryin' to do with Linds- make things, ya know, official."

My eyes widened for a moment, shocked that Nick was so straightforward with me. It was a rarity from the man. "I..." Again I had nowhere to go from there. My fear, my paranoia of everything blowing up in my face yet again was very real, but the more time I spend with the blonde beauty, the harder it was to grant any credibility to my concerns. "That night... that night we spent together she got right back with Daniel and-"

"So what, man?" Nick interrupted immediately. "She's not with him now; hasn't been since before school even ended... and that's the longest they've been apart that I can remember. It's, like, over, Donovan. You don't have nothing to worry about from that."

"She isn't ready," I rebounded. "She- she needs time for herself after bouncing from relationship to relationship and being with Daniel for as long as she was."

"And you think she's just gonna say, 'okay, Donovan, I'm ready for a relationship now' someday? No way, man, definitely not with how she feels about you. If you ask me, she's been ready to move on with you for a while now; just the way she's been acting around you when we all hang out tells me that. You two probably think you've been pretty smooth, but I notice things, man... I notice things."

I was glad the growing darkness was covering the sudden, hot shade of red I felt my face become as a legitimate laugh of astonishment escaped me.

"The thing is, you gotta make the move, man. You know why? 'Cause I can guarantee you she's thinkin' the same thing you are- that it ain't gonna happen cause _you're_ not interested."

I half-scoffed and half-laughed in reply, completely thrown by just how coherently spoken my stoner-friend was being about the matter. "And how could she possibly think _I'm_ not interested with all the hints and signs I've put out there? Hell, I practically wear my heart on my sleeve for her every day."

I watched Nick shake his head and continue to gaze into the darkening sky above. "Because she's been doing the same thing and your dumb-ass is still thinkin' she's gonna run back to Daniel."

I stared into nothing for a few seconds, stunned into silence at just how perceptive and on point my friend was about his statement, and how easily it was changing my perspective.

"Ya know, there really is a whole different side to her when she's around you. I noticed it just a couple months after you started hanging out with us."

Kim's words suddenly echoed in my head, 'I'm just different around you.' It was as if I had found the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle I was putting together in my mind and everything fit; I could see the whole picture...

After a full minute of silence, I finally found my voice again. "We can do this, Nick. We can make our moves- tonight."

"Shit yeah, man." He sounded so confident, so sure with his simple reply that I started to crack up and, thankfully, he did the exact same.

Finally, when it was practically pitch black out, I heard footsteps approaching us, the distinct sound of crunching foliage giving away any stealth a person could hope to have under the cover of darkness.

"Hey guys," Lindsay said, essentially in a whisper.

"Hey," we replied. I simply shifted my gaze to try to look at her in the dark, but I could hear and feel Nick fumble around to try to quickly sit up.

"So, I don't know when this thing is going to start, but Kim wanted to switch." There was something about the way she said it that sounded off.

"Oh, uh... okay." I sat up and slid off the hood, watching as Lindsay quickly took my spot without a moment of hesitation.

Nick began to get off the Maverick as well, but Lindsay stopped him. "No, she just meant me. For me to switch with Donovan, I mean."

* * *

The dull sound of the radio seeped out of the car and greeted my ears as I neared Kim. There was a song playing that I had never heard before. The singer was talking about a tree or something being free... I couldn't really make out the lyrics because of how muted it was.

"Hey there," I casually called. "Heard you requested me."

The pair had laid the blanket out just in front of the car and I watched her tilt her head back to look at me.

"What? No, I see enough of you all the time," Kim threw back in jest. "But, since you're here and all, there's a nice, hard spot on the ground right next to me if you want it. I won't bite... unless you ask me to."

"That," I grunted, banging my knee into a rock like I fucking knew I would as soon as I kneeled down, "is something we can discuss with a little more privacy."

"You okay?" she asked with a giggle.

"All good." I gracelessly flopped down next to her. "You sure you didn't want to watch this meteor shower with me? Lindsay said you wanted her and me to switch places."

"And you believed her?" Kim continued to giggle, finding my hand and locking hers around it. "She told me she wanted to go sit with Nick for a while and she would send you back."

I began to laugh at the stark contrast of what we were told, but it wasn't exactly an outright lie... just a slight manipulation of the facts. "So, she's still into Andopolis, huh?"

"Oh yeah! I don't know if she was ever not into him, really. She's seemed fine after they broke up, but her little 'I'm over Nick' thing started to fall apart when Sara came into the picture."

"Really? I didn't notice that."

"Well, you're a guy so, yeah. If it isn't about football or if it doesn't have boobs, it is very hard to get guys to notice stuff." There wasn't a moon out to provide any pale illumination, but my eyes had adjusted to the dark enough to see a classic smirk appear on her face.

"I listen to other words aside from those... like 'sex' and, um... yeah, that's probably it."

She laughed and reached for my shirt, pulling me in for a kiss. "Now lay down so I can use you as a pillow and we can watch some stupid stars... or assssteroids, as Lindsay says."

I listened to how she elongates the 'as' part to make the word sound ridiculous and a quiet laughter rumbled in my stomach just as she rested her head on it. A playful, small scream escaped her as her head bobbed around from the laughter spasm and before I knew it, we were both cracking up.

"So, since you mentioned football, I have a little bit of news to share with you," I admitted as we settled down. "Actually, I learned it this afternoon and I've been itching to blab about it ever since, but I really wanted to share it with you first."

"Good news, I hope."

"Very," I smiled. "Remember a few weeks back when I told you I was in the running to be the new quarterback? Well..."

Kim turned her head, looking directly at me with widened eyes from her spot on my chest. "No fucking way! Are you serious?"

"Very," I said again, the smile shining on my face this time around.

A smile formed on Kim's face as well, framing her overall beauty perfectly. "That's amazing, Donovan. Seriously. I'm so proud of you right now. I know how hard you've been working to compete for that spot and you actually got it!"

 _This woman is truly awe-inspiring,_ I realized in my mind. _She might not always speak on it, but when someone or something is important to her, she rarely lets anything relating to it slip by her unnoticed._

"Maybe we celebrate together a little later," she teased with a giggle.

" _You_ are amazing," I affirmed after joining her in amusement over the innuendo. "You know that? When I first told you about the quarterback thing I thought you were just going to forget about it a day or two after that. I didn't bring it up again because the whole thing kinda had me shitting my pants, but..."

I stopped to watch a sparkle seemingly light up her eyes as she listened to me. "You made sure not to forget, didn't you? You took note of just how much I was practicing and trying to do anything and everything I could to nail the position."

Her smile wouldn't stop, and she bit her lower lip slightly before replying. "Nah, not really."

I could tell just by how her lips were curved that she was being facetious.

"I just wanted to seem like I was in your corner when it all went sideways."

"Oh, shut up... turkey."

We both burst into laughter and resumed our position after a minute, looking back into the black, twinkling abyss above us.

* * *

"So, what's with the radio?" I asked a little later, my eyes falling back to Kim for the umpteenth time since our laughter faded. I wasn't doing near as good of a job as she was at looking for asteroids. Not that I would complain, either, as I quite enjoyed having my eyes affixed on her.

"Linds wanted it on so we could talk about you guys without you hearing."

"And the plot thickens."

"Haha. Well she is all smitten with bong wonder over there."

My eyebrows shifted up in surprise. "She knows he's smoking pot again?"

"Well, yeah."

I had always been a little enamored with how Kim said 'well, yeah' as if the statement it was preceding or following was the most obvious thing in the world. It had a subtle appeal to in in that she could be being playful, spiteful or both. There were many things about her that fell into that category and knowing the difference was sometimes the key to having a good time around her or a really bad time.

"I mean, I felt like I had to tell her, y'know? She didn't like how much he smoked before and then she thought he totally quit for Sara."

"Well, he doesn't smoke nearly as much anymore," I weakly defended.

"I know, and I told her that, too. I think... I think she's more open to the whole idea of people smoking pot, really. We ran into a lot of potheads on the Dead tour and she realized that most of them were really cool. I think what really freaked her out about the whole thing is that Nick was really her first friend who smoked it and then they got together and she had to deal with someone who was high pretty much all the time. It was just too much for her, y'know?"

I quietly nodded as she shifted her attention to me and I let her continue without interruption.

"But, like you said, he's better about it now and Lindsay is, too. Besides, we also ran into a lot of people who were on some way harder drugs... and they were kinda scary. I think that helped her realize how harmless pot is in comparison to a lot of shit out there. Anyway, they like each other, I know they do... maybe they are a better match now."

"Switch a few things around and you could be talking about us."

"Oh, whatever... Othello." She stuck her tongue out at me and laughed. "All I had to say about you was bad stuff anyway, so..."

"Oh, I'm sure," I grinned, listening as a new song started on the radio; it was Bad Company's _Can't Get Enough_. The blues-rock melodic tune and obvious lyrics made me think it would be the appropriate time to say something I should have a while ago.

"Oh! Oh!" She pointed up to the sky in excitement. "Was that one?"

"I, uh, I didn't see it," I admitted, my grin still strong.

She turned her head slightly and looked at me. "Watch the meteors, goofball, not me. They're supposed to be beautiful."

"But I'm looking at something just as beautiful, if not even better."

She rolled her eyes, those stunning lips curving upward, and shifted her concentration back to the sky.

"Hey Kim," I whispered, trying to get her to look at me again.

She replied with an 'hmm?' while still scanning the stars.

"Hey," I repeated, ultimately gaining her TLC once more. "I think I have the actual answer for why we aren't 'bad people'..."

"Oh yeah? Better tell me." She sounded a little skeptical, like I may be preparing to poke fun at an issue that was undoubtedly still eating away at her.

"Love." I put the single word out there with a strong resonance of confidence and a complete lack of hesitation.

"Wha- what?" I could see a mystified look overcome Blondie's face.

We stared at each other for a few seconds, her gaze and silence speaking to me that she knew I wanted to say something important. I just hoped she was ready for it. We had only known each other for less than a year, only been on the verge of dating for less than a month, but...

"I love you." I thought for sure the words would just fall out of my mouth clumsily or sound disingenuous; especially considering how cocksure I was when I first said the word... but they actually flowed like silk and carried the truth behind them that I earnestly meant. The sense of paranoia and ensuing doubt, which I feared would rapidly flood my mind, were nowhere to be found.

Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open a little, a jut of breath accompanied by a small, indecipherable sound. I was hopeful that it was (in its own way) the same way I felt when she recalled the story of our first kiss to me. She shifted onto her side almost instantly, the look of surprise not waning in the least.

"Donovan, I swear to God, if this is some kind of joke about this dumb song-"

"I love you, Kim," I restated with just as much assurance in my voice. "I love you and- and I'm _in love_ with you."

"Are you being serious right now?"

"Y-yes. Wh-"

"Did Nick put you up to this? Is there some kind of bet going on between you guys?"

We were both sitting up now, absorbed in each other.

"No, Kim, I-"

She planted a hand on either of my cheeks, pretty much smooshing my face between them, and proceeded to smother me with a torrent of kisses. After finishing off a round of quick-fire pecks, she concluded by giving me what felt like the deepest kiss we have ever shared. I could just sense her give me her all in it. She rested her forehead against mine after our lips parted.

"I love you," she disclosed softly. "I love you so much and, God, you have no idea how much I've wanted to say it when you could actually hear me."

A rush of euphoria poured over me as I heard her words. The flood of exhilaration was better than any high I had ever experienced, stronger than any buzz I had been able to achieve... and I never wanted that feeling to end. In my heart, I knew she felt the same way, but to hear it, for her to confirm it herself... my world just came alive. The last part of her sentence made its way through my bliss and, in an almost clairvoyant manner, I recalled when I tried to fight against sleep and asked her the question that put momentum to my sudden courage.

"That Monday you took my home to get some sleep?"

"You heard me say it? I thought you were asleep. No, I _waited_ until you were asleep to say it."

"Actually, you said it before I fell asleep... in a different way."

"What?"

"We've both already said it to each other in our own weird, abstracts ways."

She pulled back and gave me an odd look. "Okay, now I'm thinking you and Nick smoked a little weed over there and you're high."

"No," I shook my head with a laugh. "What I mean is... on that Monday, just before I fell asleep, I asked you why you were acting different and you said you weren't, just that you were different around me. Why would you be different around someone unless you felt differently about them? I knew you didn't hate me, so..."

A smile formed on her face and she squeezed my hands. "I think- I think I know when you said it, then..."

"Oh? Well, please Ms. Kelly, do tell."

"Yuck! Don't ever call me that again." She pushed our held hands into my abdomen, causing me to bob back a little. "After we had sex for the first time and things got weird, you found me in the bathroom and tried to talk about it with me. You said... you said we weren't perfect, but we were perfect for each other. That's when I knew..."

I waited for her to pick up where she left off, already seeing the gears turning in her head and knowing she wasn't quite finished. I felt transfixed by her words, her passion... the fact that _we_ were in love with each other and we both knew it. I had never loved someone I was with before, and I was certain Kim and I were an bonafide item by just the release of our shared statements. I had never been in love before, period, and to feel something so deeply and have it echoed back to me from the object of my affection simply left me wordless. Personified in happiness, yet wordless.

"I knew I had you whipped."

She waited for the shocked expression to appear on my face before she let out a deep, coarse laugh that was followed by another kiss. We rested foreheads against each other again.

I laughed lightly, thinking of my words to Kim that day. "You know, even before we were together, I was afraid to lose you."

"Oh, so we're together now?" she teased through her smile.

"Well, I mean, since you say so, sure."

We laughed, knowing we didn't need to label what our relationship had grown into, but both obviously wanting to.

She bit her lower lip momentarily and then asked, "Is this what being in love feels like?"

I lightly nodded against her. "It has to be."

"I... I was afraid to lose you too, you know?"

"I know," I whispered quietly through my upturned lips.

As her hand grazed my cheek and settled on the side of my neck, I closed my eyes and silently soaked in the gravity of this huge moment in our relationship... hell, in my _life_. When I opened them again, I was met by the sight of Kim's beaming, smiling face. Her eyes were closed, too, but she was also... crying?

"Oh, hey, no. What's wrong? This is supposed to be a happy moment for us here." I moved back a little and encompassed her face with my hands, gently wiping away the tears.

"I am happy, goof," she said with a little laugh. "This is, like, the only time when it is a _good_ sign that I'm crying."

I laid a smooch on the top of her forehead and pulled her closer to me. In what had become a natural extension of how we interacted with each other, she calmly rested the side of her head on my chest.

"We've made... a lot of progress in less than a year of knowing each other, huh?" My brain was thinking back to just how we met and things began to develop.

"Yeah. Kinda weird how it all happened, but... I'm glad it all did, even the bad parts."

"What- why-" I kept stopping myself, half-worried that what I wanted to ask wasn't really relevant to anything at all considering the point we were currently at... but I was a curious person. "Why did it take us this long, Kim? Why did we have to go through the bad parts?"

"I dunno," she shrugged, sniffling a little. "I mean, when I'm with you, it doesn't feel like there are boundaries I have to watch out for or... or that I have to be on guard for when you're checking out some other girl. It's also kind of intimidating that there aren't any guidelines; like I don't know what to expect from you or how to ready myself for whatever it may be. I got... scared, I guess. I knew what to anticipate from Daniel and how to keep control of certain things, but going into a situation where I didn't have to do something that almost became second nature in two years was, well, scary. Things were just too different and I didn't want to lose what I had for something I wasn't even sure I could understand."

Her response was surprisingly articulate, well thought-out and reasonable. It shed an enormous light on what happened and I understood what was going on in her head at the time.

"What changed?"

"Um, everything," she laughed. "I couldn't go back to what I had with Daniel after that night at my house. I tried. I thought I could convince myself... but it just wasn't what I wanted anymore. I finally just broke up with him and then things got really out of control when he figured stuff out. I didn't know what to do, but going on that trip with Linds and talking things through with her helped me a lot."

Her voice was so full of sincerity as she opened up to me that I almost felt guilty for asking, as if I was accusing her of something that she wasn't at fault for.

"But, hey, like I said- I'm glad it all happened, I really am. It made me realize what was right for me. Who was right for me. You. And I do love you, Donovan."

"I love you, Kim."

She pulled herself out of my hug, straightening up and smiling again. "You kinda- you kinda stole my heart, ya know? I let you in and showed you parts about me I hid away from everyone else and you... you didn't judge me. You did your best to make me feel better about some of it and just let me know that the other parts were not as horrible as I made myself believe they were."

I smiled at her as we looked into each other's eyes, the crazy haze of ecstasy not dissolving in the least, but something had caught her attention and caused her to look passed me, to look behind us.

"Oh..." Kim said; her mouth stuck in an O shape as she stared over my shoulder at something behind us. "Oh, shit..." she giggled.

My curiosity was piqued. "Wha-" I began to ask was I turned my head back to see what she was seeing. I didn't need to finish my question when I caught an eyeful of Nick and Lindsay sitting on the edge of the Maverick, engaging in what appeared to be a pretty hot and heavy make-out session.

I mimicked Kim's 'Oh, shit' reaction and she let out a giggle before throwing a few catcall-ish whistles and whoos at the couple. They quickly separated and made awkward, uncomfortable movements as they both turned away from each other, undoubtedly in embarrassment of being caught in such an intimate moment. If red faces could actually glow, I was sure theirs would've been lit up like a stop light.

We both started to crack up, Kim actually laughing so hard that she ceased to make any noise whatsoever and just clapped her hands together. She allowed herself to topple over into me and I wrapped my arms around her.

"Oh my God, my cheeks hurt now," she wheezed, gasping in gulps of air after the bout of amusement emptied her lungs.

"So much for watching the shooting stars," I said with a grin.

"I think all four of us knew that wasn't what tonight was really about," Kim managed to say before she burst out again, only to sound very hoarse the second time around.

"Shut up! You guys are being jerks!" Nick yelled from across the way. It wasn't hard to detect a note of delight in his voice.

I wanted to say something, but I was distracted by Kim continuing her hysterics and burying her face in my chest to muffle the sounds.

"I wanna keep teasing her, I wanna call her a slut and make her blush, but if I laugh any more I'm gonna pee my pants," Kim proclaimed, starting to crack-up once again on her last word.

A snort of laughter escaped me before a full-laugh just broke loose from my system.

It took a few minutes for us to finally collect ourselves and in that time I took a peek behind me to see the two lovebirds were back at it again.

"Tonight has actually been a pretty good night. There have been a lot of those since I got back into town," Kim remarked as her last bit of chuckling subsided, righting herself into a sitting position again. "Maybe this is like fate or something, ya know?"

Now it was my turn to display an ear to ear smile. "I'll go with 'or something', 'cause I don't really believe in fate or divine intervention or anything like that. You can't really control those things. It is something that happens to you rather than something you create. But destiny? Destiny is something that can work itself out and the conclusion is based upon the actions of those involved. That has quite a nice ring to it when I think of you and me."

"You..." Kim trailed off, lacing her hands behind my neck. "You are such a geek sometimes," she finished, curling her lips into a wicked smile and pulling me back down onto the comforter with her.

* * *

Summer vacation seemed to zoom by after that night. Before any of us knew it the next school year was around the corner. That was okay though, because even with our break coming to an end, we all had made more than enough great memories to know that while time flew by, we had spent it well. Lindsay and Nick were doing far better as a couple than their first attempt, even with limited contact and keeping the relationship under wraps from her parents. They understood how the other worked better and they took that knowledge in stride and made things work. I hung out with as much of the gang as I could, whenever I could. I helped one of my friends get one last chance to prove himself to his father outside of the army. Football was going to be an absolute blast and, ever since fighting for and ultimately acquiring my new position as quarterback, I couldn't imagine myself playing anything less on the field ever again.

My mother's health seemed to improve and there had been no further fallout from the medication changes. Once she truly began feeling better and up to dealing with other people again, I invited Kim over for dinner and we formally confirmed our relationship status to both of my parents. Even though my dad had already figured it out long beforehand, he kept it under wraps from my mother because he knew I wanted to tell her myself. She was thrilled with the news and gave me one of those looks that read 'See? Didn't I tell you?'

The whole thing was more for me than anyone, as Kim wasn't really concerned with letting anybody know our business if they didn't really need to. I was quite proud of our relationship though, and wanted at least a few people outside of our friends to be in the loop. All in all, there had been far more ups than downs in the past few months... and that was an analogy that I could even apply to my relationship.

Outside of my small stint of amnesia revolving around our first kiss and a few five-minute arguments here and there, Kim and I had managed to have more solace than sorrow. While my weekdays seemed to be split between everyone and everything, my weekends were almost exclusively spent with her once we confirmed our relationship. If we weren't crashing at her cousin's apartment (where we would be smoking weed, having sex, getting drunk or some strange combo of the three) we were either hanging out with our friends or getting into some sort of mischievous trouble somewhere around town.

One thing was for sure- between helping Nick keep his grades up, maintaining my own, eventually dealing with Daniel, trying to excel in football, attempting to balance two cliques and keeping my relationship in the positive – senior year was going to be one hell of a ride!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's closing note (originally written for FFN):
> 
> And that is a wrap for this story! Wow… just freakin' wow! This is the first piece of work that I have actually finished in years, and it honestly feels great! I am truly in amazement from all of the people who have read this story so far (from those who have favorited it and followed, to those who have left great reviews and even to those silent readers who simply read from chapter one to thirty-three and stuck with it!) I want to say thank you to all of you, because I do not know if this would have made it to completion without you.
> 
> To throw a couple personalized shoutouts out there, I want to say thank you to MysticHysteria who is pretty much responsible for me turning from an accountless lurker to, well, someone with one :P Her story had many parallels to one I had been working on before coming across FFN and I was instantly drawn in to it. I had a few questions I wanted to ask, but the only way I could was via PM... and so I delved deeper into the site.
> 
> I owe my biggest thanks and praise to Lydia (bobafettsgirl). It was because of her F&G story that I decided to share yet another one that I had been working on (hint: this one) and we forged a pretty good friendship while sharing reviews on each other's stories as well as ideas and bits of encouragement through PMs.
> 
> This has been a blast. It really has, and I am happy to have seen it through to the end. As you may be able to imagine, I am throwing around the idea of a sequel in my head, but even if that does come to fruition, I have to work on a few other writing projects before anything can come of it.
> 
> I will say, being able to put your story out there on a site like this is both a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing because of what it is and what it provides: The means to put your work out there to be read, enjoyed and critiqued, but it is also a curse in that it may allow for a bit too much freedom when writing and mistakes are not taken as seriously as they should be (I am only only speaking for myself, not others with this).
> 
> I do hope all of you who made it to this point have thoroughly enjoyed it and find this a worthwhile waste of time! :P
> 
> See you guys next time!


	38. Story notes, references and useless trivia

If you've made it here than congrats, you finished the story! That is, unless, you were just trying to skip to the last chapter. In that case, head back one, junior. :P

With this chapter I want to take some time to point out and explain various references and useless trivia I have scattered throughout the entirety of this tale (and I will fully admit that I am happily borrowing this idea from trinfaneb's F&G/BtVS crossover fic _Freaks and Geeks and Vampires_. If you haven't had a chance to read that fic yet, I highly recommend you look it up. It is quite entertaining and well-written. On FFN it is posted under the 'Buffy X-overs' section).

* * *

**Chapter 2:**

\- Jesse Greenburg and Chester Zellner (both names are a combination of names from the movie _Dude, Where's my Car?_ , a guilty pleasure of mine)

-...there tended to be more salt on the roads than actual snow in Chippewa. (this idea came directly from the Freaks and Geeks bible where Paul Feig wrote, "This is the Midwest. Lots of road salt plus students with very little money divided by a blue collar/lower middle class upbringing equals lots of rusty, crappy cars." and " Almost every car is rusty. The road salt every winter makes most cars rust out all along the bottom of the doors and fenders. Most of the students cars are rusted right through, creating holes along the bottom." so I kinda wanted to make it a point to both mention that the road salt was abundant in the winter, but Donovan was adamant about not letting a bit of rust tarnish his baby)

**Chapter 3:**

-As stated in the A/N, the twist for this chapter was taken from the F&G website as the 'Alternate Dance Ending', as well as a snippet of the dialogue and action (the whole 'geek asking Kim to pour him a cup of punch' scene)

**Chapter 4:**

-Daniel's Firebird being a neglected piece was intentional, that was for certain, but I believe it was a bit of a goof on part of the show's crew to have the Trans Am be the special tenth anniversary car from '79. There is absolutely no way Daniel would ever be able to afford that car, let alone just a scant few years after it came out. Furthermore, unless someone intentionally tried to make it look that bad, there was no way it could look so washed out in such a short time-span, either. Regardless, I tried to come up with a somewhat believable backstory for how he acquired it and why it is so run down.

**Chapter 5:**

-When they are in the caddy, Lindsay suggest that they could go to the movies, as there is 'a new Friday the 13th playing'. The only problem was that this was still 1980 by that point in the series and the first one had just barely came out in theaters (May 9th), so her suggestion that a new one was already out was a bit of a blunder from the writers (as the second one didn't open until May of 1981). Again, I did my best not only to incorporate this idea, but correct the blunder as well.

**Chapter 7:**

-It (Kim's yard/house exterior) was an unclassifiable mess and yet it somehow looked nicer than Daniel's yard, which was practically hidden beneath rusted junk. (We get a quick glimpse at Daniel's house (trailer) and yard in episode 15, Noshing and Moshing. It literally is a cluttered mess of rusting metal crap and random junk. We also get a nice shot of the disastrous Kelly yard in episode 4, Kim Kelly is my Friend).

-Arlo (In the Freaks and Geeks bible, Kim's home-life is described as being fairly different. For starters, her father is still married to Cookie and there is no nameless stepfather in the picture. Secondly, Kim's father, Arlo, is described as a physically abusive parent who used Kim to take out his aggression on when she was a child. As Paul Feig wrote about the female bully character- "Kim's father, Arlo, is an alcoholic who has physically abused her in the past. Not sexually but through beatings and other forms of physical punishment." By the time we get into the show, Kim has taken matters into her own hands and shown Arlo that she is a force to be reckoned with and ends her abuse by fighting back and breaking his arm when she made him fall into the kitchen table. As twisted as it may sound, I liked the dynamic of Kim not only coming from a broken home, but an abusive one as well, because I felt it helped define exactly why she was the way she was. So I incorporated the name and background to the stepfather character)

**Chapter 8:**

-...begrudging me for portraying her as a typical bullheaded Taurus. (This little snippet of information I actually got from the official NBC character profile pages when the show was still running. Well, kinda. It was actually a direct page rip someone had pasted to their old tripod site and I managed to snoop out. Same difference :P Anyway, under 'Astrological Sign' Kim's answer is 'Taurus. I'm headstrong. The bull, y'know.')

-Jacquese (another admission- I stole the name from Jacquese Smith from Real World season fourteen. It was an extremely unique name that I had never heard before, and I instantly knew I wanted to have a character with a name at some point in my writing)

-Gracie, the British Shorthair cat (I've always loved cats but, much like Donovan, I am allergic to their dander, so I can't exactly have one in the house. While I am partial to orange tabbies, I also have had a fondness for blues (Russian, British, etc...) ever since watching _Pet Sematary_ as a kid. Until I wrote this piece, I was under the false impression that the Blue in that movie, named Church, was a Russian blue, but he was really a British (blue) shorthair. In the end, I wanted to stick with the breed)

**Chapter 9:**

-Ken's red badge of courage (Jeez, I don't even know if kids have to read _The Red Badge of Courage_ in school anymore these days, but that was where the idea came from for me. The idea of a war wound being prized and sought after by some participants as a 'red badge of courage' was always twisted and interesting to me at the same time, which is why it probably stuck in my head all these years later)

-The Matsen's 1973 Oldsmobile Delta 88 (If you're a fan of Sam Raimi films in general you might recognize the car's year, make and model as one that has appeared in most of the director's films in some capacity. I couldn't help but use the vehicle to throw a little nod to the man and all the great films he has released throughout his career)

**Chapter 10:**

-Donovan flipping people off at stop lights while high on morphine (excluding the 'high on morphine' part, this little clip was inspired by the scene in 1997's _Bean_ where Mr. Bean is taking pictures of anything and everything during his last hurrah in L.A. and he gets flipped off by the biker, misunderstanding the meaning and interpreting it as a friendly gesture, thus using it as a greeting for those he came across after seeing the salute instead of his usual thumbs-up)

**Chapter 11:**

-Ichabod's Ale House (This is a location I borrowed from my hometown. We have a dive bar called Ichabod's East and it is (or perhaps was) actually quite a hotspot for pool, holding events and competitions annually. The actual dive bar has a bit of a old-timey look to it, like it may have been a building that was around during the time the Ichabod Crane story was set it, and there was a large silhouette of the headless horseman painted on one of the walls for years. We had another Ichabod's as well, Ichabod's North, but it was burned down in an arson fire around fifteen years ago)

-Kim's disdain for Swanson TV dinners (I remember reading sionnain's _Girl Talk_ on Ao3 a few years back and Kim mentions that Mrs. Weir makes good steak, as all she is accustomed to at home is Steak-umms... and they suck. I kinda wanted to carry the feel of that over to this and found my ability to do so in for form of Swanson TV dinners)

**Chapter 12:**

-Obscure nods (okay, I have to point these two out because they are so obscure, personal and small that there is no way they could have been noticed. They both appear towards the end of the chapter and the first one is Kim embarrassing Donovan with the cup of water, stating that it wasn't as cold so it shouldn't hurt the sores in his mouth. For a while, that was a running gaga between my coworkers and I during our shifts together when we would go on water runs for everyone. While I still equate it to hospital humor (cause if you work at a hospital, you find humor in the grossest things it seems), I am fairly certain it started from a coworker sharing a joke her dad would always try to embarrass her with. The second is Kim stating the memory of calling Donovan to check on his health after getting his stitches removed 'slipped her mind'. This was a small, little nod to the sketch comedy show The Kids in the Hall and Kevin McDonald's character, Dean, from the skits Videos and Prison)

**Chapter 13:**

-Milliken Lanes Bowling Alley (interestingly enough, there are two bowling alleys in the present-day town that Chippewa was inspired by (Charter Township of Clinton), but neither are anywhere near 15 Mile Road. In an interview with A.V. Club, Paul Feig shares that the disco storyline was, like most things from the show, inspired by a part of his life. There was a teen disco at the local bowling alley and he became obsessed with it, but I could never get an exact name from anywhere)

**Chapter 14:**

-Grove Station Coffee House (name is based off of the real-life restaurant used to film the dive scene in episode 12. The actual place is called Way Station Coffee Shop and still open and running. It is located in Santa Clarita, California, which makes sense because that is where the series was shot)

**Chapter 16:**

-The Who Tour (this chapter was kinda hard to pen in hindsight. I am a person who likes to research and make sure the details of my stories are as accurate as they can be when they can be. The Who never toured in the U.S. in 1981. They did in 1980, but even then none of the actual dates lined up with the correct time it would've been by this point in the show (even if the writers goofed up the year) and even if they did barely make the cut, the first feasible date was on Saturday, April 19th (and I wouldn't even think April starts in the show until the next episode, or else that is a lot of cramming for the final four episodes in relation to the time left before the end of the school year) in Oakland, California (a 35-hour trip one-way with non-stop driving) and I just can't see our lovable freaks making a trip there and back in a weekend in a shoddy-looking bus full of teens)

-Ken Miller – Knight in shining armour (a little nod to Trivial Pursuit's fic about Ken's unrequited attraction to Lindsay, Her Knight in (Slightly Dented) Armour)

**Chapter 17:**

-Timeline shift (As I mentioned in the A/N at the start of the chapter, I purposely messed with the timeline a little here. The way the events play out in the episode itself seems a bit choppy, really. Like, Daniel is wearing the same outfit when he talks to Jenna that he was wearing when he fought with Kim at school, but he went home and listened to some punk albums in-between those events in a totally different outfit. Add to that that Lindsay and Kim are walking out of school after Linds' detention and it is being closed, and the next scene is the geeks at lunch, followed by Daniel then talking with Jenna in his previous outfit. It is a tad confusing due to the editing I imagine, so I altered the timeline a little. From what I can tell, the episode takes place the week of April 13th through the 18th of '81. I am basing this on the fact that, while manning the detention crew that Lindsay is a part of, Mr. Botwinick is reading an issue of People magazine that was published the week of April 13th, 1981)

-Donovan and Nick briefly discussing Darby Crash (this is one of those things that shows how insane I can be about researching the most minute of things. If you had no idea what you were looking at (which I didn't) it was very hard to make out that the title of the magazine Jenna Zank is reading is called "Slash" (okay, it's really a fanzine, but whatever), so I had to do a search for punk magazines to find it. I was surprised to find that the fanzine was only published from 1977-1980, which meant Jenna was reading an old issue no matter what. Doing a little more digging, it turns out she is reading issue 9 of volume 1 of the publication, which came out in April of 1978! Switching things up and looking up Darby Crash, I found the the musician committed suicide in near the end of 1980 and for some reason it really stuck with me and I wanted to incorporate that sad bit of real world-ness to my tale)

-Daniel gloating about his conquest and convincing Ken and Nick to tag along with him to The Armpit (this was from a deleted scene in the episode)

-Donovan and Ken teasing Nick about his musical talents (again, this stemmed from the deleted scene, as it happened just at the tail end of it with Daniel and Ken giving Nick shit)

**Chapter 18:**

-ABC Friday Night Movie (playing around with the time gave me a little leeway to craft this bit to my pleasing. At first, I had a really hard time trying to pin down what movie actually aired on Friday during the first two weeks of April for 1981. In the end, I simply went with a classic (The Pink Panther Strikes Again – if you haven't seen it, just look up the dentist scene on youtube and you'll want to see the whole movie) in the original, but I really wanted to get this as close to authentic as possible for the revision. After spending more time looking that I would like to admit to, I finally found out what played when. My choices were actually not too bad, as _Vampire_ played on the 3rd and _Crazy Times_ was on on the 10th. While _Crazy Times_ opened with one of the main characters watching a James Dean flick (which would have worked well with causing a stir in Kim since there is no denying that Daniel (James Franco) bears a resemblance), that alone would have been a blast to build around, but I honestly could not find too much info about the movie overall. The lack of being able to at least get a good feel for the flick ultimately made me go with _Vampire_. I liked that it was earlier in the month and that it fed into Donovan's horror movie kick and Kim used it to keep him around a little longer. Besides, if I followed the show and had the punk club and Kim/Donovan happen on Saturday the 18th, all they would've had to watch was The American Film Institute Salute To Fred Astaire... and what teen is gonna be interested in that?)

-Kim's house (s _eriously - what house did Daniel drive to at the end of episode 15? It looked completely different from the Kelly household we were introduced to in episode 4, but Kim answered the door to this new place and was seemingly in her jammies. All I felt I could do was simply run with it and act as if Arlo got his shit together for a fleeting moment and touched up the house a bit in his brief stint of dependability)_

**_Chapter 25:_ **

_-_ Bill and Vicki (Bill was always my favorite geek, and I wanted to do something a little special for him in this. Reading Byzinha Lestrange's fics with a fairly consistent Bill/Vicki pairing really made me like the idea in addition to the hint of it in the show)

-Garden (All four flowers listed in the Matsen family garden hold a certain appeal to me for various reasons. Gladiolus will likely always make me think of the movie _Drop Dead Fred_ (and I really can't help the fact that it is a childhood favorite of mine). Snap Dragons and Petunias were likely my grandmother's favorite flowers, as they were planted in front of her house come each and every summer (well, the Snap Dragons were likely perennials, but you get the idea). Lastly, the blue Orchids are a nod to Lydia and her F &G tale 'Freak'. I liked how she took the flower and made her main character associate the plant (even the fake variety) with hope)

**Chapter 28:**

-Jelly beans (Again, this little tidbit I obtained from the official NBC character profile page for Kim Kelly. Jelly beans were listed as her favorite food)

**Chapter 31:**

- _Bon Voyage, Charlie Brown (and Don't Come Back!)_ (Another example of my strange need for accuracy and research. I didn't have to dig as deep as I did for the ABC Friday Night Movie, but I wanted to know what was being shown on the fancier channels on the night of Saturday, July 18th.1981 and HBO did not disappoint. The Charlie Brown special was on at 7:30 that night, and it just felt like a perfect little thing to include and have our characters react both to and with for a part of the chapter. I was going to have the duo watch part of _Smokey and the Bandit II_ as well since it came on right after the special and Kim's favorite actor is Burt Reynolds (she even thought he was hot in the first _Smokey and the Bandit_ according to the NBC profile page), but it just felt unnecessary as I progressed in the chapter)

**Chapter 37:**

- _Jack Horkheimer: Star Hustler_ (real astronomy show on American public television that had been airing for over forty years now. The original host, Jack Foley Horkheimer, died in 2010, but the show has carried on since then)

* * *

Original start date: 05/02/2014

Original completion date: 10/31/2014

Original word count: 112,312 (not counting author notes or story notes)

Revision start date: 07/22/2016

Revision completion date: 01/27/2017

Revision word count: 153,711 (not counting author notes or story notes)


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